Originally Posted by BelovedK
Bf is a great force in my life. He treats me well, and we have a healthy relationship.
You are blessed, then.
I'm giving things with New Nerd another chance. He took me out last night, and was such a sweet, calm, uplifting presence after I had a sad goodbye with my children, and rubbed my feet and neck endlessly on his sofa after dinner out, and was great about my just leaving him and going home (no sexy action, he is so non-pressurey). He bought my grocery list of what I need to cook my best indian dish, and I am going over to his kitchen now to cook with him. We'll speak Finnish and I will hope for another foot rub. I dunno, I like him. Another weird thing is that his apartment is amazing, which I didn't know about him beforehand, which sort of makes him a bit more attractive in my eyes. That sounds so superficial when I type it out, but I'm a person who likes space, and adult surroundings, and I just imagined he'd have this tiny little studio bachelor pad full of video games or something (he's a computer science type guy, software programmer) and it would feel immature (he's just my age, 29, but that seems too young when it comes to men, these days, to me), but he had a huge, beautiful, grown up adult home. Just having his life and his financial life in such order to be able to have such a home (down the street from me, in the prettiest residential area of this city), just makes him seem more settled, established, mature, not just in the financial sense, but in the emotional maturity sense. I've just been put off by men int he past after seeing their home (some crummy little place in a depressing apartment, kitchen full of dirty dishes, just no place I'd want to spend any time in), and I felt the opposite about him when I walked into his home (with a guest room, and a piano in the living room, and a kitchen that I nearly had an orgasm over, it was so huge and wonderful and I am excitedly going over there to use it right now to cook him an elaborate meal). It sounds unimportant to some, perhaps, but pleasant indoor environment, when you're facing extreme weather/climate like in Finland, is kind of important since you end up spending lots of the year holed up indoors because of the darkness/coldness/precipitation.....
Smooth & Witty has an equally fabulous home, in my pretty neighborhood also, and I must admit it's also something about him that makes me see him in a different light (hey, ambition and success are attractive traits, if they come along with an otherwise great package deal). But before any of you guys think I'm totally materialistic or something, I was interested in both guys BEFORE I had an inkling that they didn't live in a hole in the wall and scrape by each month, so I did NOT pre-select them based on wealth, it was just a surprise bonus. New Nerd earned himself a second shot with me based on persistence and being a great person for me these last two dates, making me feel great, and being ultra considerate, and THEN when I saw his apartment last night it was just an added bonus, but it in no way influences my being interested in spending time with him or not.
Does seeing a man's home/how he lives also affect you guys in the same way or even slightly similar way? It's not just the size/extravagance of the lifestyle but also just how they take care of their space, how they plan how to make the most of their space, etc....that affects me. Your home is kind of a representation of yourself and it helps me to paint a more accurate picture of someone, in some sense.... If someone had a very modest, simple, small apartment but then really made the most of the space and it was very cleverly planned out and kept neat and attractive, even on a tight budget, i'd still feel like I enjoy being there. It's just when it's a messy, dumpy, sloppy, un-planned out one room apartment, I sort of raise my eyebrows and wonder how mature the person is who lives there, and how much they even really value themselves if they put so little effort into their personal space.
Any thoughts on long distance relationships? These two men I'm sort of casually seeing are both a 5 minute walk away from me, conveniently enough....but..... there's a few online connections I've made in the past few weeks that I have considered to be kind of irrelevant, but one of them just bought a ticket from the south of france to see me in Helsinki this weekend and I'm kind of shocked. He is staying at a hotel and expects nothing more of the weekend in Helsinki but to take me to dinner on the saturday night (and maybe have a coffee friday afternoon after he arrives), and he knows DanishMom will be in town and he wont' even have my undivided attention (asked if she and her new guy would like to double date with us on our dinner date) and he's even thrilled about that to get to try to win over the 'best friend' in my life at the same time (two birds, one airfare). I'm not at all emotionally invested in him, we've only had a couple of phone calls after a couple of emails, but he thinks i'm special enough to travel to meet so I couldn't seem to dissaude him.
Any of ya'll have experiences and thoughts on LDRs? I'm not keen on starting one with this french guy, or with the Italian who lives in London who's a single dad and planning to come see me in two weeks here in Helsinki when his son is down in Italy visiting his family, for a couple of days, but it seems that as soon as you browse around online outside your local area, there are just men willing to jump on planes and audition for LDRs.... weird, no?
I can't quite fathom. I think it's a moot point for me, and might just be a fun experience to meet someone interesting for a dinner date and that's it. I really need a Finnish boyfriend, someone local to help me practice speaking the local language, and that's it. See, I answer my own question while I'm typing out my thoughts to you guys on MDC. I'm ridiculous.