Originally Posted by readytobedone
and yet we all become mothers to babies who would like to sleep with us, and who in many cases we want to sleep with too, and IMO it's patronizing to tell us that co-sleeping is only really "safe" for the mothers who did/do things biologically "normally."
hope you don't take that to be snappy. i don't mean it that way, and i do definitely see where you're coming from; just trying to offer you another perspective!
I think it's patronizing to tell anyone that any activity is safe. Life isn't safe. Every breath we take is a risk. And yet, we keep breathing, because the risk is small, and the benefits are huge.
Where cosleeping is concerned, everything we do that interferes with the way things would occur in nature increases the risk to ourselves and our babies. The lists and guidelines that have been given to parents who put their babies to sleep in cribs only reduce the risk that their babies will die, it doesn't eliminate it. Likewise, cosleeping guidelines only reduce risk as well, and they're based on less research, IMO. Do I think that if you take pain medication before bed, have a high bmi, or sleep with a thick duvet, that you're going to kill your baby? No, I do not, that would be silly. I don't know what goes on in your bedroom, and neither do the authors of these articles. It's all just a suggestion.
My point was just that the suggestions are made with the smallest fraction of understanding about what goes on during sleep at all. We (as a culture) make judgements and recommendations for how to do things the "safe" way, when we barely have an understanding of what "safe" is. And yet, rejecting those suggestions as ludicrous because you ended up not breastfeeding or your husband takes sleeping pills once a week or whatever is equally ridiculous.
Maybe I'm not making sense, here, but basically what it boils down to is that the "experts" don't know much of anything, really, but neither do any of us, so we shouldn't dismiss something just because we don't happen to agree with it. Or, as is more usually the case, because we feel guilty about something that we are or aren't doing.