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Feb 08- Welcome to March of 09 - Page 10

post #181 of 265
Sarah Lynne -
I just wanted to say in case it wasn't clear from my previous post that it was couples therapy that helped us. For some reason individual therapy has never really worked for me.
I am sure it will help to just have it out in the open a bit.

Heather - that sounds quite scary. Hope you and your LO's are doing fine. I remember you writing that you were looking for cchildcare for 6 weeks before you give birth. Did you find a solution?

I've added some photos for those who like to look at photos
post #182 of 265
What a cutie Ema-Adama!
post #183 of 265
broke my wrist falling down steps. 1handed typing won't be on much for a while. be in cast 6-8 weeks
post #184 of 265
Megan - What a handsome guy

Teeny - : for speedy healing. I broke my right wrist when I was 13 so I couldn't even write to do my homework.... I actually kinda liked that part since it got me out of school work for a few weeks. I hope it's not too difficult on you. Do you get any time out of work for a bit?
post #185 of 265
Oi Teeny- that is horrid news. Being an OT who treated many people after wrist fractures I am having a hard time holding back on checking that you are keeping your shoulder,elbow and finger range of motion as well as looking after any swelling of the hand. From what I have read, upper limb rehab is big in the US - I hope you are getting all the treatment you need.
Some people believe Arnica drops/pills can help.
That is frustrating

I missed a whole lot of people in my last post as it took me about 4 hours to do.... Will catch up. Thanks for compliments on my boy I am just a little biased, but I think he is the bees knees
post #186 of 265
BabyBump, Oh I am so glad that no one was hurt in your fall. My heart skipped a couple beats reading it!
I remember once when I was taking Trixie for a walk and for once I had her in the stroller and while I was walking I tripped and it freaked me out 'cause what if I had been wearing her? Anyhow my friend pointed out that I would, naturally, sacrifice my body before I would let anything happen to her. So I felt better. I love how you're total proof of this.

Helen, YAY!

ema-adama, oh I love the photos! So sweet!

So i wanted to comment on the anger front...
since I've been on the fertility drugs again this month (yay no cyst!) I have been a lunatic, like from the first day of taking them. I feel like DH can't do anything right and I let him know. It's like my filter is gone and everything he does to irritate me is totally intensified and I blow my stack. Not that he's an angel when I'm not on the drugs, but I know he's not as bad as I am acting, but I can't help myself. Yesterday I actually threatened to leave. I felt like such ass, but a couple of hours later when he came downstairs (I was upset 'cause I was sick and he wouldn't get up with Trixie) I accused him of not loving me. Sigh. Granted we have to work out some rules about morning time, we're both night owls and Trixie is a morning person. Sigh. I can't wait until this is all over and I'm pregnant. Rarg.

So does anyone know who Alfie Kohn is?
post #187 of 265
Oh sure. Punished by Rewards, right? Comes up allll the time in Parenting the Gifted Child and Learning at Home and Beyond.
post #188 of 265
Teeny- I'm so sorry to hear about your wrist. I hope you have a speedy recovery!

BabyBump- So glad you guys are ok. I've done the trip and catch before except I'm never lucky enough to be near carpet. It's usually on the pavement

So I had to weather a storm last night. Emotional storm that is. Dumb as it is we watched Twilight last night (the movie isn't whats dumb, but my reaction is) and the way the two characters love is very much how Michael and I were when we first got together. I know thats supposed to fade eventually, but I feel like instead of settling into the "lasting love" so to speak we've totally overshot it and are living in the "I-can-barely-tolerate-your-presence love."

I talked to my very dearest guy friend (my actual first love) about it last night because I was so overwhelmed. He helped me see things from Michael's perspective and helped prod me along to communicate with Michael how I felt.

I realized that I have trouble expressing emotion in a face-to-face situation. I always have. But put me behind a screen and I can pull out the stops. Thats how the majority of our relationship was before we got married (95%) because he moved back to Colorado and I was here in Florida and then at college in Tennessee. So all we had was the computer and phone.

So I sent him an email. It was the only way I could organize my thoughts into some semblance of coherency. Of course part of me wants to go into his email and delete it, but I know if we don't try and work on it now I'm dooming us to fail. Which would really suck because we've really beat the odds in the short 4 years we've been married. At least its a point to start from at the very least.

Well I just want to say I love each of you ladies and I'm so glad that I have you to talk to I need to crawl back to bed for a few more minutes of sleep before the kidlets get up.
post #189 of 265
Dea -
Yep - I heard of Alfie Kohn about a week ago is relation to praise and then found a long thread looking at his response to Super Nanny. It was a good read. Is looks like his techniques evoke passionate responses....

Sarah-Lynne - You are such a smart woman and mama.
post #190 of 265
Sorry to hear about your wrist Teeny!
post #191 of 265
DH still hasn't checked his email...go figure the one day. He'll read it eventually.

Guess what he comes home today with? "I want to go into the national guard." WTH!? We've had this same freaking military talk 10 times over since we got married and everytime we've talked about it we've decided it wasn't a good idea for us. Yet he keeps bringing it up (first it was the Air Force, then the Army...now this) expecting me to feel different. Well lets see dear you looking to be gone anywhere from 9-16 weeks maybe more for basic. Unless they are paying you to be in basic then I have no way of paying 2-3 months bills. Even if I got a job, minimum wage isn't going to cut it. For arguments sake lets say they will pay you enough money for us to get by, you want to leave for 2-3 months and not see or more than likely talk to us. Yeah thats really gonna strengthen our fraying marital bonds. I actually said to him "I don't think that our relationship can weather you being gone for that long a time. Not to mention if you get deployed." He has no idea what I'm talking about. I just don't know what else I can do. I told him if I'm gonna have to go through this every six months he might as well do it and we'll just have to see what happens. It wasn't as if I said he couldn't ever do it, just that right now we aren't in the position to deal with that much more stress on our marriage.
post #192 of 265
Sarah Lynne.

Teeny, get better soon.

I'm not a huge fan of Alfie Kohn- I know a lot of people swear by him, but IMO that kind of parenting strategy works best with a naturally mellow, biddable child with an innate desire to please and a hefty quantity of common sense. Having spent most of the last decade doing some variety of unconditional parenting, I think it was a total and utter mistake and is probably the direct cause of the fact that I spent Mothers Day getting beaten up by a 10yo, amongst other Really Sucky Low Points Of My Life and The Homework Talk vol.2,938,000. The word NO has real, significant value and strategic applications of it in the formative years should ease the necessity of it in the preteen years, IMO.

Oh, and I
post #193 of 265
teeny- that sounds awful about your wrist! i can't imagine life one-handed now, though typing one-handed gets pretty fast, sometimes i find myself doing it even when i have both hands free from baby!

dea- i'm so sorry about the mood swings, it sounds really harsh.

sarah lynne- ugh! how frustrating for you! i;m not sure where the cluelessness comes from... i had a frustrating day yesterday that ended with me throwing some garlic across the kitchen and stomping out saying, i'm not cooking dinner tonight, someone else can do it! i got in the shower with linnaea, totally mellowed me out, i get out and curtis has a beautifully prepared dinner on the table. : which should be good, but come on, you didn't notice that i was getting crabby? you didn't notice that i could use a little help? no, i'm sure your computer just sucked all awareness right out of you. i basically had to throw a tantrum, AFTER i asked for help, to get him to help me. :

i really really hope he gets it together and you work through this.

alfie kohn- unconditional parenting was a great book for me to read as a new mother, i've generally used it, in that i don't like to make conditions for things, like, "i'll give you a cookie if you pick up your toys," type thing. i make a huge effort to find compromises that work for both of us. i did make a code word "baby bear" which means that lazlo has to do what i say right then because it's dangerous or important and we'll discuss why later. this sometimes works.
post #194 of 265
I have a headache, and I desperately want to leave this place and run off to a farm somewhere. Not The Farm, but my own farm. I want to grow things. Every spring, I become ill all over again because we don't get enough sun in our backyard for things to grow, and because the soil quality is so ultracrappy that things don't grow well in the front yard even with the addition of compost, and the neighborhood is so crappy, and... and... and... : Meh.

I'm going to have a house, damn it. A house with a decent backyard that gets sun. I can deal with crappy soil quality, at least initially-- we have friends who have a horse farm, so we could certainly get our hands on some high quality poop. I'm sure I could get more than enough to give our soil a huge boost for any reasonably sized garden. In my dream world, I have three gardens-- a kitchen garden, a magickal garden, and a medicinal garden... organized in three large circles like a Venn Diagram, with herbs landing two or three circles if that's where they belong. I don't know if I could manage that, but three little corner gardens would work nicely. I'd like to be able to plant pretty flowers and larger, more permanent things like fruit trees and bushes and such.

The backyard will have a FENCE, so I can toss the kids out there without fear of them running into the street. I will build bunkbeds out of my imagination (i can see them, but even technical drawing is beyond my meager skills) and parts from Home Despot, and will decorate them to match the bedrooms-- one for the girls and one for the boys. There will be no carpeting anywhere in the house, though area rugs may be permitted. Every wall will be painted, and none of them will be white-- NOT ONE. There will be no white walls, or doors, or windowframes! Not any shade of white-- no "eggshell" no "snow" no "cream" no "ivory;" nothing that could be remotely construed as white!

I will paint chairs and a table. We will sit on furniture, like human beings. We will have desks. I will sew curtains, for they are cheap and simple. And I will be able to sew, because I will have my own room in which to do it.

This is the way it's going to be. I'm *manifesting*. I've decided. It is happening.

Be so!
post #195 of 265
Rynna, when you sketch out your garden, email me the blueprint. I WANT that garden!! It sounds perfect! And I love your manifesting!

Helen, can't remember if I said it or not yet, but : on the house!

Teeny, , I am SO sorry to hear about your wrist!!

Dea, I can't wait until this journey is over for you!! I hope it will be soon

Sarah Lynne: you seem like you are doing such a good job of working FOR you marriage, not against it. This is something that I am working on all the time. I love my DH, and I know we will be just fine in the long run, but when we have bumps in the road, it is so hard to consistently choose to work FOR us instead of against us, especially when I am pissed, and when I assume (rightly or wrongly) that he is not working for us. Anyway, hang in there and keep up the good work, and hopefully he will keep up his efforts, too!

Theia, who knows about teething? You can rarely be sure, it seems. I think that as long as you are only giving the homeopathic tablets, I wouldn't worry about it. If you drank a cup of chamomile tea every day to relax, you wouldn't worry about that, so think of it like that, maybe. Hope she feels better soon!

Ema, LOVED the pics. Thanks for sharing!!

Sorry I never posted any funeral/wedding stories. Just haven't found any time free, again. But I did write a quick blog, you can check that out for cute wedding stories of both kids.

As for the funeral, it went well, but MIL took DS up to the open casket before I realized what was happening. I wasn't planning on taking him up.
In fact, one of my first memories is looking into the casket of my own Great-Grandmother, and it really freaked me out as a 3-yr-old. So I wasn't planning on taking my own 3-yr-old up, but MIL was holding him and he asked to see, so she took him up. But thankfully, he didn't seem to be bothered by it at all, because he hasn't mentioned it again. I definitely don't want to be embalmed and have an open casket myself, though, when the time comes. I just find it so unnatural.

Molly's having trouble falling asleep tonight, gotta run.
post #196 of 265
Sarah Lynne.

lovetobemama Wow.. I think that was REALLY wrong of your mil. She should have asked you first. I hope your lo is really ok. That is a lot for someone so little... Poor little guy

eilonwy I have a headache too I have also been dreaming about getting the he!! out of here... I am so homesick for somewhere other than here. My dh wants me to go home for a few weeks but I don't think that I would go back.. A farm sounds nice. I have always wanted to live on a farm like the Waltons... or like the little house on the praire. Just not here...
post #197 of 265
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovetobemama View Post
As for the funeral, it went well, but MIL took DS up to the open casket before I realized what was happening. I wasn't planning on taking him up.
In fact, one of my first memories is looking into the casket of my own Great-Grandmother, and it really freaked me out as a 3-yr-old. So I wasn't planning on taking my own 3-yr-old up, but MIL was holding him and he asked to see, so she took him up. But thankfully, he didn't seem to be bothered by it at all, because he hasn't mentioned it again. I definitely don't want to be embalmed and have an open casket myself, though, when the time comes. I just find it so unnatural.
The first time I was at a funeral with an open casket, I was about 23 years old. See, the only funerals I'd attended before that had been for family, and Jews don't do the whole embalming/viewing thing. This funeral was for one of Mike's cousins and I was deeply, deeply disturbed by it. The man looked DEAD. There was no possible way to mistake him for sleeping. It was creepy as hell and at the end of the service I told Mike there was no way in hell I was willing to tolerate that even for his sake. If he wanted an open casket and a viewing, I was not going to be at his funeral. Mike had been to many funerals, and had seen many deceased relatives, but he understood. He claimed that his cousin's body was unusually poorly prepared, and usually they looked like they were sleeping-- more like on TV. I was skeptical, and told him that it didn't matter anyway, the entire custom was barbaric and I wouldn't participate. He said it was fine, as he wanted to be cremated. They don't embalm bodies that are to be cremated; No embalming = no viewing, no open casket.

My kids have all been to funerals for relatives except for Bear. One of Mike's aunts passed away just a few hours after Bella was born. He took the older kids to that one; I didn't go, I ended up staying at my mom's with tiny Bella, for whom I had to pump milk into a fingerfeeder (she was too tired to nurse and too small & tongue tied to latch on anyway-- we didn't snip that for a week or so). Mike's uncle (same family) passed away within a few weeks of Bear's birth, I believe-- I was either hugely pregnant or he was a few weeks old. In any case, I didn't go to that funeral, either. I know that Bean and BooBah have both seen open caskets, and they've been okay with it I guess... but it's still just not for me. Gah. Didn't mean to write a novel.
post #198 of 265
Quote:
Originally Posted by eilonwy View Post
The first time I was at a funeral with an open casket, I was about 23 years old. See, the only funerals I'd attended before that had been for family, and Jews don't do the whole embalming/viewing thing. This funeral was for one of Mike's cousins and I was deeply, deeply disturbed by it. The man looked DEAD. There was no possible way to mistake him for sleeping. It was creepy as hell and at the end of the service I told Mike there was no way in hell I was willing to tolerate that even for his sake. If he wanted an open casket and a viewing, I was not going to be at his funeral. Mike had been to many funerals, and had seen many deceased relatives, but he understood. He claimed that his cousin's body was unusually poorly prepared, and usually they looked like they were sleeping-- more like on TV. I was skeptical, and told him that it didn't matter anyway, the entire custom was barbaric and I wouldn't participate. He said it was fine, as he wanted to be cremated. They don't embalm bodies that are to be cremated; No embalming = no viewing, no open casket.

My kids have all been to funerals for relatives except for Bear. One of Mike's aunts passed away just a few hours after Bella was born. He took the older kids to that one; I didn't go, I ended up staying at my mom's with tiny Bella, for whom I had to pump milk into a fingerfeeder (she was too tired to nurse and too small & tongue tied to latch on anyway-- we didn't snip that for a week or so). Mike's uncle (same family) passed away within a few weeks of Bear's birth, I believe-- I was either hugely pregnant or he was a few weeks old. In any case, I didn't go to that funeral, either. I know that Bean and BooBah have both seen open caskets, and they've been okay with it I guess... but it's still just not for me. Gah. Didn't mean to write a novel.
I know what you mean. I've never cared to go up to the open casket, however I can say one thing. I watched my mom suffer in her last weeks/days/hours and once she was finally gone she was so peaceful. She wasn't making the horrible noises she had been when she was alive. Same thing for my grandmother (she died the same way my mom did.) However my grandfather fell asleep one night and never woke up and I could hardly stand to be at the funeral. So I think theres a difference between someone who suffered long term before hand and someone who goes suddenly.

So my email caused a big fight. He even called out of work (a near impossibility) and they let him. He didn't understand anything I wrote and felt like all I was saying was he didn't love me (which is not what I said.) I told him I need to get into counseling or I'm going to lose my mind. I think he did some research after I fell asleep because I half remember him saying something about finding a christian-based counseling center about 30 minutes away. We'll see how things go when he wakes up.
post #199 of 265
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mommy2Austin View Post
Guess what he comes home today with? "I want to go into the national guard." WTH!? We've had this same freaking military talk 10 times over since we got married and everytime we've talked about it we've decided it wasn't a good idea for us. Yet he keeps bringing it up (first it was the Air Force, then the Army...now this) expecting me to feel different. Well lets see dear you looking to be gone anywhere from 9-16 weeks maybe more for basic. Unless they are paying you to be in basic then I have no way of paying 2-3 months bills. Even if I got a job, minimum wage isn't going to cut it. For arguments sake lets say they will pay you enough money for us to get by, you want to leave for 2-3 months and not see or more than likely talk to us. Yeah thats really gonna strengthen our fraying marital bonds. I actually said to him "I don't think that our relationship can weather you being gone for that long a time. Not to mention if you get deployed." He has no idea what I'm talking about. I just don't know what else I can do. I told him if I'm gonna have to go through this every six months he might as well do it and we'll just have to see what happens. It wasn't as if I said he couldn't ever do it, just that right now we aren't in the position to deal with that much more stress on our marriage.


Not to jump in and get all stalker-ish on you(because i lurk and read every week but I just don't post much), but he would get paid during basic if that helps. AND no matter what a recruiter tells you, he is ALWAYS able to wash out and leave until he actually swears in. Even during basic. No matter WHAT he signs or what he does, he can always always always get out until he actually lifts his left hand and swears in. Until that moment, he is not govt property and they don't own him. AND depending on his unit, your location, his branch of service, and his MOS(his job), that will depend on his deployment rotation. My "husband" is former Air Force, currently Air Guard and he's deployed 1 time in our almost 5 years of marriage. He went TDY(a temporary duty assignment) once voluntarily and he deployed last summer to Kuwait for 4 months and before that he cross-trained into a different MOS in Mississippi for 4 months. Once they finish their testing and pick their MOS, they schedule basic and they will be paid and covered under TriCare for medical insurance(including the family as long as you all are legally married) during his time as active duty(he is active duty while in basic and tech school even if he's just guard). Basic is 8 weeks and his tech school time will depend on his MOS. My ex has gone to tech school twice, once for 12weeks, the other for 16weeks. And then once he's back, if he's guard he is paid only for his one weekend a month and if he's active duty, you all PCS to your new base. It's a hard life, it's not something to take lightly, but it's quite rewarding. I miss it greatly being active duty. It's a certain level of security in knowing you'll always recieve a paycheck and have medical and have a roof over your head and food in your mouth.

I don't know if that helps, but I didn't want you to labor unde rthe assumption that he was leaving you high and dry with the kids while he's off training for war. It doesn't really work like that. And he may NEVER deploy depending on lots of factors. I hope you guys come to some sort of peace with this. If you have any questions, you can pm me and I might know or I could find out from my husband. The military is not a death sentence and certain branches are more family friendly than others. My husband got to live in Japan for 2 years on the govt's dime, what's better than that?:
post #200 of 265
Hey, weird stalker person, nice to see you
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