Extended Breastfeeding and Divorce

[phsargent]

So my wife and I are splitting up.

My soon-to-be-ex has extended breastfed our two boys.

I dont want breastfeeding to become an issue when we work on dividing up the boys' time between us, but I still want as much time with my boys as I can have, including overnights.

Anyone have experience dealilng with this situation?

[Smithie]

Wait until your boys have nightweaned, and then start doing overnights. There's really no other way unless you want to force them to wean in order to satisfy your desire to have overnights right now. The choice is obvious there.

That said, I see no reason why your parenting agreement should not specify that overnight visitation will start when the boys are weaned. (In your wife's shoes, I would insist that overnights wait until BOTH boys are weaned, so there isn't any issue with one staying home and one going to be with you. I can see either child strongly objecting to THAT, depending on which parent they'd rather be with on any given day.) I can understand your concern than after a year or so of you being gone and them not doing overnights, that would just become the normal situation and you'd never get your overnights. So talk with your wife and make sure she is on board with the long-term plan. Again, spelling it out in the parenting agreement is a good idea.

[rah07]

Hi,

Take care of your child. Let him sleep first.


Rah

[southwest]

While extended breastfeeding is important, it certainly does not trump a strong relationship with an involved father. I say be grateful for the bfing they've already had. Such a gift! But don't let it get in the way of your bond with your little ones.

[G8P4]

Extended breastfeeding is important. You will always be the father of these boys, but now, they need to be given their full breastfeeding opportunity. I believe you can maintain a close relationship without insisting on overnights before they are weaned.

[Moose]

I have to agree with southwest. How long is extended??

This is time now you will never get back, as I have read here many times, bonding is a big deal, having your children feel safe and secure with you is huge and it will be only harder to establish later.

How would your wife feel if the roles were reversed?

[nolonger]

Hi, and thank you so much for posting here and caring about this issue. My older children nursed longer than the societal norm and their father and I divorced before they weaned.

Exy and I made a lot of mistakes but one thing we did right was not to hasten weaning for the sake of visitation. This meant shorter but more frequent visits (every weekend instead of every other weekend or both Saturday and Sunday days instead of Saturday morning through Sunday morning) and sometimes even having Mom give up her plans and tag along to sit a few feet away at the beach or park with a novel and a walkman (I'm dating myself, but it WASN'T an ipod, lol) when I'd much rather have had "me time".

The kids let us know when they were ready for overnights, but they also knew they could change their minds and either I'd come get them or Dad would bring them home.

We never let visitation interfere with nursing or nursing interfere with visitation.

Exy and I do have other issues and I vent about him here plenty, but both children love their father and are very close to him. They are now 17 and 20 years old.

[PJJ]

Agree!!!

Originally Posted by G8P4

Extended breastfeeding is important. You will always be the father of these boys, but now, they need to be given their full breastfeeding opportunity. I believe you can maintain a close relationship without insisting on overnights before they are weaned.

Yes, you will spend time with your sons bonding, but child led weaning is extremely important to your children, irregardless of your separation with your stbx.

Hope you are able to put the child's needs first--and mostly outside of Mothering, you are going to get a way different answer, because most children in the industrialized world do not get the human milk they need.

Good luck with your decision.