Natural parenting versus working

[LegalScrapper]

I want to be more natural. But I work. I find that I just can't figure out how to do both.

I breastfeed. But I also have to pump and use bottles.
It's coming time to do food and I'd like to make my own baby food, but I'd have to find time.

I'd like to shop natural/whole foods but that requires driving to another town.

I'd like to cloth diaper but daycare doesn't work well with that.

I'd prefer to co-sleep more than I do but baby needs to learn to sleep in a crib since daycares don't co-sleep.

How do you balance? Where are your priorities?
TIA

[Evan&Anna's_Mom]

I always found the "all or nothing" approach really bad for my outlook on life. Its a continuem, and only a few people are really way out on the edge. Of course, most of those "edgy types" seem to be here on MDC, so it seems different. Also, you start with your realities and work from there.

I didn't find anything unnatural about bottles and pumps. The important part is what baby is drinking, not the vehicle.

Making babyfood really isn't that hard. Throw some extra veggies into the steamer as you are making dinner. Puree. Feed some now. Refrigerate/freeze the rest for later. Once baby is past puree stage, simply chop whatever is for dinner into really small pieces and self-feed. About all the takes is some care of what you choose for dinner until you are past allergy-alert stage and maybe doing really spicy sauces on the side.

Cloth diaper at home, use what daycare requires there.

Co-sleep at home, crib at daycare. Baby will do just fine -- or at least mine did.

For shopping, can you go on weekends? Shop online? Or simply choose the most natural options from your supermarket. OK, its not as pure as visiting the farm, but its better than processed.

You can make it work, but you have to not try to be perfect.

[2mama]

I have to second what previous poster said. We have 3 kids, I have 2 very part time jobs, I am a girl scout leader and we homeschool. I understand what it is like to feel busy.

I would also like to add that there are many things that you can do without out alot of effort. As for baby food, honestly you don't need to buy special food or make special stuff up. Some of the best foods are mashed bananas, mashed sweet potato, mashed avacodo, oat meal, mashed canned and rinsed beans ect. Try nursing/ pumping as much as you can and then baby won't need solids until he/she is truely ready for them. Once baby starts picking things up you can do ceral, crackers, small pieces of bread, cooked carrots, wrinsed canned beans in a bowl. Ds's fav. "baby food" was a bowl of plain black beans.

Also cosleeping will actually make daycare go better as your kids will be able to be with you after a long day a way and be able to snuggle the night away.

As for eating different foods. Remember that whole foods are best. Yes organic or locally grown are optimal, but not always realistic. I know very few people who eat all organic, locally grown, or a just a combo of the 2. But I DO know alot of people who utilize what they have around them at local stores to make healthy foods. Think of it this way if you avoid as much processed food as possible you are doing a wonderful thing. Saving energy, oil, and keeping chemicals out of your kids.

Where your kids when you are home, read to them often, and throw out or at least turn off the t.v. Do art projects, Bring your own bags to the store, recycle what you can, walk don't drive when possible. Try making your own window cleaner, and other all natural cleaners for around the house. All you need are a few spray bottles, baking soda, vinagar, a lemon or 2 and your could clean your whole house without fear of poisoning your kids. (There are thousands of easy recipes out there).

There are lots more things you can do, and these things can simplify your life. Keep posting here, you are among many other busy mama's who are willing to support you!

[UptownZoo]

Originally Posted by LegalScrapper

I want to be more natural. But I work. I find that I just can't figure out how to do both.

I breastfeed. But I also have to pump and use bottles.
It's coming time to do food and I'd like to make my own baby food, but I'd have to find time.

I'd like to shop natural/whole foods but that requires driving to another town.

I'd like to cloth diaper but daycare doesn't work well with that.

I'd prefer to co-sleep more than I do but baby needs to learn to sleep in a crib since daycares don't co-sleep.

How do you balance? Where are your priorities?
TIA

You're right; it's about balance. Which of those things really matters to you, and which can you let go? For me looking at that list, I'd really care about the co-sleeping. That's totally do-able. Plenty of babies sleep with their parents at night and in a crib during the day.

I've worked with lots of parents who cloth diaper at home and take sposies to the daycare. It's not that unusual. Are you sure the daycare won't do cloth? I know that many won't and IMO it's not worth pressing them, but maybe ask a few questions about why they don't want to. I'm director of a daycare and I'm planning to add diaper service as an optional extra to our parents, but I'm getting resistance from the teachers. Turns out they're afraid it will be time consuming; they think it will take twice as long as sposies (a real issue when you change several dozen diapers a day). I showed them how fast they'll get after practice and they're starting to come around.

I made my own baby food, but if you're strapped for time, there are so many good organic, additive-free jarred foods available that I'd be tempted to do that instead.

Don't hit yourself over the head with some arbitrary standard of naturalness. Just choose what's really important to you, your baby, and your family, and let go of the rest.

[staceychev]

I think you just try things and see how well you can make them work. The Mothering ideal is a model to strive for, but I'd wager that most of us don't accomplish all of it. I agree with the PPs who said it's all about balance, but I also would encourage you to try some of the things you want to do before you write them off. It really is possible to have a natural-ish-family-living approach and still work outside the home!

My daughter co-slept in our bed until age 3 and I've been off-and-on (mostly on) in her bed with her since then. She's been in daycare since 14 months and has no problem sleeping by herself there. She is still BFing at bedtime, too. So, there are two places where I've been able to make a difference even while working.

As far as baby food went, I bought some pre-made (organic) but mostly just gave her what we were eating, ground up in a little hand food mill that I bought at Babies R Us. It probably took two minutes right before we sat down to dinner, and wasn't a whole Sunday spent cooking and freezing in little ice cube trays.

And personally, I see my drive to another town to grocery shop at Whole Foods as the only "me time" I get all week!

But, I didn't cloth diaper, even though I still feel somewhat bad about that.

[lawschoolmama]

Originally Posted by Evan&Anna's_Mom

I always found the "all or nothing" approach really bad for my outlook on life. Its a continuem, and only a few people are really way out on the edge. Of course, most of those "edgy types" seem to be here on MDC, so it seems different. Also, you start with your realities and work from there.

I didn't find anything unnatural about bottles and pumps. The important part is what baby is drinking, not the vehicle.

Making babyfood really isn't that hard. Throw some extra veggies into the steamer as you are making dinner. Puree. Feed some now. Refrigerate/freeze the rest for later. Once baby is past puree stage, simply chop whatever is for dinner into really small pieces and self-feed. About all the takes is some care of what you choose for dinner until you are past allergy-alert stage and maybe doing really spicy sauces on the side.

Cloth diaper at home, use what daycare requires there.

Co-sleep at home, crib at daycare. Baby will do just fine -- or at least mine did.

For shopping, can you go on weekends? Shop online? Or simply choose the most natural options from your supermarket. OK, its not as pure as visiting the farm, but its better than processed.

You can make it work, but you have to not try to be perfect.

This. Great post. Sometimes, MDC makes me feel bad about myself--because so far I haven't had the time to plant a garden, and DD is often in sposies while I'm at work, and she likes to watch Elmo while she eats her breakfast ,: etc. But when I think about it, you really CAN do a great job of being crunchy-ish and actually very AP, even while WOH full-time. For instance, although I'm a full-time WOHM, I still pump once a day and nurse at night; co-sleep every night; use cloth when I'm taking care of DD; feed DD as many whole and healthy foods as possible (although I'm not opposed to jarred foods by Earth's Best, which she loves, or the frozen organic cube foods from Whole Foods called Happy Baby, which are great); wear DD when we're out and about or I need to get the laundry done on the weekends ; delay vax; try to avoid TOO much media exposure (sorry Elmo!). Really, it's all about doing the best YOU can do, and about letting go of the perfect "Mothering ideal"--like a PP said--while still having a goal for the NFL/AP lifestyle YOU want to accomplish. You're doing great Mama--keep up the good work, and don't give up on the things you really want to do!

[RockStarMom]

There's always a sacrifice. My priority is my daughter. The biggest sacrifice, for me, has been money. Instead of teaching high school and renting a house, I'm nannying(so I can be with my daughter) and we live in a one-room studio apartment. It's hard sometimes but I'm so happy with my parenting. We are also vegan and mostly organic, another huge monetary sacrifice.

You mentioned baby food--just giving small chunks of banana, avocado, pear, etc. was my daughter's first food. It doesn't have to be fancy or time consuming.
I wouldn't give up cosleeping just because she uses a crib at daycare--kids are incredibly adaptable to different situations. Cosleeping and nursing give an extra opportunity to reconect after being away from each other all day.
Is your daycare opposed to using cloth diapers? You can still use cloth at home.

[GuildJenn]

Ditto to what everyone has said. Here are some of my tips:

You can use frozen vegetables and even frozen fruit to make baby food. (We loved the cubed squash; just be sure there's no salt etc.) Often these are frozen close to picking time and retain their nutrients; if you want to buy organic you can stock up once a month. Just steam while dinner's cooking and pop in the blender or a food mill (or hand blender, or whatever device you have) and you're in business. I didn't do the ice cube production method much but I would make twice as much as we needed and use that the next day.

We cosleep at home and even for naps; my son sleeps fine at daycare - granted he was a different age, but I think kids are pretty flexible that way. Obviously it's an adjustment, but sleeping at daycare is an adjustment any way you slice it.

Remember that it's a lifelong thing - not just about the cloth diapers. You will work it out.

[Alyantavid]

You really have to find out whats most important and do what works for you.

I pumped, left work 3 times a day for a year so I could pump and still had to supplement. Not my ideal but I didn't have much choice.

Now food, I'm a bit ocd about. We raise almost all of our own food and I have to cook from scratch because of allergies. Now if I had to start solids again, I'd probably do less of the purees and more of actual food. But I did make my own and it wasn't all that difficult or time consuming. Just do what you can and don't worry too much if you do need to pick up a jar of ready made food.

Can you use cloth at home? I never went the cloth route but if I had, I know daycare wouldn't go for it.

We did cosleep and my youngest son reverse cycled a big part of his first year. It was so much easier for me and he didn't seem to have any trouble sleeping in a crib at daycare.

[RollerCoasterMama]

I feel like this all the time. There are so many people here that fling themselves into the all-natural lifestyle and it's HARD WORK when it's not what you're used to already! We've been trying to make one change at a time. I sometimes feel like MDC is a big game of "crunchier-than-thou"---but then I step back and realize that's probably my own reaction because there are things I wish I'd done (or am doing) differently. Then again, there are things I've done that aren't really the popular on MDC that I'm fully comfortable with. I made my decisions with knowledge and thought and have no regrets.

So I've tried to evaluate each decision as to what works best for my family and lifestyle and budget, etc etc etc...and make informed decisions from there. Sounds like your instincts are in the right direction! So you'll make the right decisions for your family.

[ShwarmaQueen]

I've had to compromise on a lot of things, but even then I find myself doing much better at making healthier choices than most. Co-sleeping is non-negotiable, it's easy and bonding- baby should adjust to sleeping in a crib at school very quickly. Food and diapers, just do what you can. Bottlefeeding EBM is a million times better than FF, so don't worry about the bottles. As far as shopping, we do a 'big' shopping trip every 2 weeks, then get the perishable stuff weekly- could you perhaps work out an arrangement like this in order to shop from the crunchy store in another town?

[LegalScrapper]

Thanks. Y'all have made me feel so much better! I think I will try co-sleeping officially (he already falls asleep nursing and winds up in my bed more often than not). I'll hope that he does well in a crib at daycare like most of your children have done.

I've not heard of Earth's best. I'll look around for it. I did make some baby food for my daughter (now 5) but needed the jars for daycare.

I checked into cloth with my oldest and the issue was that they can not rinse or dump. So you get this big hunk of mess in a bag. I wasn't willing to deal with that every day.

[lolar2]

I've always seen Earth's Best jars right there next to the Gerber and Beech-nut.

[Michelle Renee]

Originally Posted by LegalScrapper

I want to be more natural. But I work. I find that I just can't figure out how to do both.



TIA

AMEN SISTER! My goodness - I struggle with this too (as I just got home from work and my kids are parked in front of sesame street so I can unwind before job 2 starts)

I breastfeed. But I also have to pump and use bottles.
It's coming time to do food and I'd like to make my own baby food, but I'd have to find time.

We dont breastfeed because of supply issues but we use 100% donor milk. It is a HUGE effort and cost but its a priority. Cost in terms of shipping and driving all around the country collecting it.


Natural Foods:


We cant afford it. In order to afford a nanny, which to me quality childcare is up there with breathing, we shop Aldi's and the local super market. Farm markets when I have time. I freezer cook on school breaks but the food we eat is at least out of my kitchen. (speaking of which I have cheese burger quiche cooking now in my toaster oven -fresh out of my freezer)

I dont have the time or money. I can get stewed tomatos at Aldi's/Save A lot for 44 cents a can vs 1.00 + for whole foods or store brand organic.
I'd like to cloth diaper but daycare doesn't work well with that.

We also make most of our kids food but that is because one day I woke up and felt a little nutty and spent 3 days cooking and made it all. It was mostly an accident but went well. When I made it though - I made 400 + cubes - Ill never make it again cos I wont need to. I bought a food mill too -so now she is older I feed her what we eat.

Co sleeping:

We cosleep at night. Even when my oldest was in daycare. BUt we did 2 things to make it easier. We used a cosleeper so baby had her own space and was used to that and all daytime naps when a parent was home was in her crib in her room. Made the transition smooth.


DIapers:


We cloth diaper. When we used a daycare, we used fuzzibunz. I sent enough for the week and a few wet bags. I took home a wetbag everyday. I also lined my diapers with rice paper liners. The only issue I had was occasionally a diaper getting thrown out - yes I was MAAAD but it was fine.

For me - my kids are number one. AS long as they are loved and safe -it is fine. They may not eat Annies Organic Mac and Cheese or have natural wooden toys but they are loved and cherished. They have parents who truly adore them. Sometimes my house is a disaster and sometimes its not.

I have HAVE HAVE to live in the grey. It is NOT black or white.

You only have so much time, emotion, and money to go around -Fortunately/unfortunately they all build on each other -try to not spread yourself too thin in any area.

Good Luck to you

[CarrieMF]

Pick & choose what's most important to you, for the others see if you can find easier ways.

ie, making baby food. Really all you need to do is mash up the same foods you'd normally be eating. If you put spice in stuff, put it in after you've removed portions for the baby.

With my first I purchased I bought more baby food, but some of those we never eat so it was really silly to be feeding them foods that I don't cook/make/use, yk. With the other 2 it was easier to just mash & chop up what we were already eating.

[lawschoolmama]

Originally Posted by lolar2

I've always seen Earth's Best jars right there next to the Gerber and Beech-nut.

Yup, it's in the grocery store usually, or at Target, with the other baby foods. They also make whole-grain cereals (DD loves their multi-grain cereal and their oatmeal, which we mix with either EBM when it's available, or whole organic cow's milk, which I, like PPs, chose for the fat content--and the fact that DD loves it ) Here's their website, which has a store locator and a buy online feature: http://www.earthsbest.com/

We also like Happy Baby organic foods, which are flash frozen into cubes. We can buy those at Whole Foods. Here's their site, also with a store locator: http://www.happybabyfood.com/

And I just saw an advertisement for these prepared organic baby/toddler foods, which can be frozen if you want, that I'm interested in trying now--looks like you can buy them in some stores, or order online throughout the country: http://www.yummyspoonfuls.com/

Hope that helps OP!

[That Is Nice]

Originally Posted by LegalScrapper

I want to be more natural. But I work. I find that I just can't figure out how to do both.

I breastfeed. But I also have to pump and use bottles.
It's coming time to do food and I'd like to make my own baby food, but I'd have to find time.

I'd like to cloth diaper but daycare doesn't work well with that.

I'd prefer to co-sleep more than I do but baby needs to learn to sleep in a crib since daycares don't co-sleep.

How do you balance? Where are your priorities?

I was just thinking of this very topic. Recently at work, I talked to another woman (total professional, advanced degrees, great in her career) and she was telling me how she tried breastfeeding it didn't work and things were so much better with formula.

It really made me sad.

But I know the truth in what she was saying.

I struggled with breastfeeding for at least 3 months. We overcame the struggles and successfully breastfed for over 2 years. But I know that I owe at least some of that success to the fact that I had a very long maternity leave, and then was also SAHP for a while.

I know many professional women. Many. And I can count on one finger the ones I know in real life who breastfed for any length of time. Nearly all the working women I know used formula.

This has been a real source of angst for me. I have a husband who wanted me to work. And he didn't really place much value on natural parenting or attachment parenting. He didn't understand it and thought, hey, if you can do it, great, but you don't have to do it. You have to work. That was about the extent of his thinking on attachment parenting. He didn't have any emotional connection to anything, including breastfeeding.

I, on the otherhand, placed a huge importance and was emotionally investment in attachment parenting. But, like you, I saw that day cares didn't allow co-sleeping, they would deal with breastmilk, but it's not the same, and of course they don't use cloth diapers. And they certainly don't baby wear.

In the end, I put my career on hold for a while. Not long enough in a parenting sense, but too long for my husband. I also worried about the money aspect of putting a career on hold, and also what impact it would have on my career.

Truthfully, the balance I found for me was putting my career on hold for a couple of years. I'm back to work now, and I still have a young child. It's tough, but I'm glad I stayed home through the breastfeeding period. I couldn't have done it any other way with the lack of support system I have personally and the long hours associated with my career.

If you can find a way to get flexibility in your job...having your DH or others bring the baby to you, working from home some of the time, cutting back on hours, etc...all those things might work.

Good luck! It's a big challenge but can be done.

[That Is Nice]

Originally Posted by Alyantavid

You really have to find out whats most important and do what works for you.

I pumped, left work 3 times a day for a year so I could pump and still had to supplement. Not my ideal but I didn't have much choice.Can you use cloth at home? I never went the cloth route but if I had, I know daycare wouldn't go for it.

We did cosleep and my youngest son reverse cycled a big part of his first year. It was so much easier for me and he didn't seem to have any trouble sleeping in a crib at daycare.

Lots of good advice.

[readytobedone]

well, if it makes you feel any better, i find that most of the NFL stuff i DO do is out of laziness

like...we ended up with a more baby-led weaning approach to solids because i was too damn lazy to puree food, and the couple jars of earth's best i tried to feed DD, it was much messier and more time-consuming on my part than giving her chunks of regular food (my own banana or avocado or a cracker, etc.)

we ended up co-sleeping mainly because i'm way too lazy to get up multiple times a night to tend a child (also because i won't CIO, so i guess that's one principle i have! )--btw, DD does fine napping in a crib or on a mat at daycare. she is actually one of the best nappers there, despite the fact that at home we co-sleep and also nurse to sleep some, but not all, of the time.

we CD largely because DH wanted to, because he said he heard CD'd babies potty train earlier and he didn't want to deal with diapers for very long (mostly laziness there). they CD her at daycare, too--not sure why a daycare would refuse because it's not any harder on them than using sposies. it's not like they have to wash them; they just send them home with us.

about the only thing i can think we do that makes life harder rather than easier is not vaxing. and even that in some ways is easier because we didn't have to do all the WBVs

so the point is, you can approach NFL as an ideal to work your butt off for, or as something to make your life easier. keep the parts that work for you; ditch the parts that don't. and don't feel guilty if something doesn't work for your family. there are very very few things i feel strongly about in principle (except CIO! ).

[mrsfrenchy]

I second everything these mamas are saying. I won't repeat a lot of what they did--i just have two more things to add.

1. It's totally possible to pump on the way to and from work. Get (or make) a hands-free pumping bra, wear it under a nursing cover. Plug the pump up, drive, unplug it when you get there. This will help cut down on your pumping during the work day. Just don't get pulled over!!

2. Look into baby led weaning (aka--skipping purees). Making food for DD to take to daycare is so easy! I put some green beans or some shredded chicken or whatever (usually just whatever is babyfriendly from last night's dinner) into a container, send a baggie of puffed rice, and she's good to go!