okay, here's the background. my daughter is one year old. i am 30 weeks pregnant with number 2. about one month ago (maybe 2) my daughter decided that she really wasn't interested in breastfeeding anymore. we were already down to only feeding to put her to sleep, but she even started to resist that. which was i guess a good thing, because for the past few months i had started to really HATE nursing her. it was always my intention that she nurse for as long as she wanted but when it came down to it in practice, it really was starting to gross me out. every time she nursed (even though it was only at sleep times) it made me feel angry and violated and disgusting - like i was being molested by my own daughter. i know that sounds insane but that's how i felt! like she should not be touching me and sucking on me. it was really gross and perverted to me and made me feel like i was being raped! so when she didn't want to anymore, i was elated (although there are times now that i miss nursing - before it got gross - and wish i could go back). ANYWAY, that's the background. here's the problem: now that our nursing is over, i still feel like it's ruined my breasts forever. when my husband and i make love, breast play (which we use to really enjoy) grosses me out the same way as her nursing did in those last weeks. i feel like it's perverted or something. like everytime he uses his tongue on my nipple i think of her nursing and it all just seems wrong and sick! it's like i either felt like my baby was doing something sexual to me or my husband was trying to nurse from me - and both are disgusting things to think about. this must sound really crazy, but somewhere along the line this confusion has started as to what they're really there for and it's as if now that they have two functions to serve, i feel like each function has ruined them for the other function. each one has become skewed and distorted in my mind. please if anyone understands this feeling let me know im not the only one. i just want to be able to nurse my babies and not think its perverted, and have my husband be able to enjoy them too and not think that he's perverted!! 
can my breasts ever be able to separate their different roles again or am i ruined forever?
can my breasts ever be able to separate their different roles again or am i ruined forever?
Completely normal. The mamma feeling took a year or so to 'wear' off for me after DD weaned. Then, it was like back to feeling I had before DD was born. Now they're fun again now, but since I'm pg I'm sure it will feel gross again soon.
)
) but i've heard that goes away eventually after weaning.
it's late, we're tired, and we just want to be together without having to think too much about it, if that makes sense. Laziness, I guess. LOL. For him, he's okay with or without it, but for me it used to be one of the only ways I could climax was if he was giving them some kind of attention along with everything else. Sorry, TMI. so anyway, now there's this void kind of because I really miss the breast play, and yet when he tries it i freak out. so, basically it just sucks. all the way around. but.... interestingly, after talking to him about it and sort of taking the pressure off the subject i actually feel like maybe it won't bother me as much now. like, somehow getting it all out in the open took away some of its power or something. so... maybe next time we can try again and see if it helps just to have talked about it. . .
