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Tribe for pregnant and over 35? - Page 4

post #61 of 437
Quote:
Originally Posted by thewaggonerfamily View Post
Putting my pastor hat on now... I would really strongly encourage you to find a church family where you "fit" We have a few friends, and no family around.
I'm sure you mean this in love, but it's rather infuriating as we have sought out a church (and looked into ALL of them within reasonable driving distance--regardless of denomination because they are all different and you never can tell) for FIVE YEARS. I'm done looking for a church. I'm in a densely populated area, so there is no undersupply of them. Our son was almost a year old when we finally broke down and had the pastor that married us Dedicate him out of sheer desperation.

Our beliefs are eclectic and the UU church nearest us believes in the children attending Sunday school and this particular one believes in teaching things I believe should be taught by the parents (specifically homosexuality). I don't disagree with their take on it, I just don't want THEM teaching it--especially not to my 5-8yo. I had a church community and I fully "get" what you're saying which is why we have spent so long looking, but I am DONE spending Sundays in churches that I absolutely can't sit through a service in.

We have eclectic beliefs, thus we thought the UU church (and a few others) would be okay.

We follow our sermons on television now to get the reinforcement we need. We even considered moving halfway across the country to attend THAT church, but we can't.

It's not as easy as "find a church" I assure you. Please don't offer up a specific denomination to try as we have tried ALL of them except for Jehovah's Witness and Seventh Day Adventist (I know enough about those religions to know it absolutely doesn't fit with our beliefs).
post #62 of 437
Quote:
Originally Posted by heatherdeg View Post
I'm sure you mean this in love, but it's rather infuriating as we have sought out a church (and looked into ALL of them within reasonable driving distance--regardless of denomination because they are all different and you never can tell) for FIVE YEARS. I'm done looking for a church. I'm in a densely populated area, so there is no undersupply of them. Our son was almost a year old when we finally broke down and had the pastor that married us Dedicate him out of sheer desperation.

Our beliefs are eclectic and the UU church nearest us believes in the children attending Sunday school and this particular one believes in teaching things I believe should be taught by the parents (specifically homosexuality). I don't disagree with their take on it, I just don't want THEM teaching it--especially not to my 5-8yo. I had a church community and I fully "get" what you're saying which is why we have spent so long looking, but I am DONE spending Sundays in churches that I absolutely can't sit through a service in.

We have eclectic beliefs, thus we thought the UU church (and a few others) would be okay.

We follow our sermons on television now to get the reinforcement we need. We even considered moving halfway across the country to attend THAT church, but we can't.

It's not as easy as "find a church" I assure you. Please don't offer up a specific denomination to try as we have tried ALL of them except for Jehovah's Witness and Seventh Day Adventist (I know enough about those religions to know it absolutely doesn't fit with our beliefs).
I absolutely did mean it in love. I just thought that having a church community surround you and lift you up while things are so sucky would really bless you. Wow, I commend you on working so hard to find a church. And I am so sorry you tried so hard and got a big nothing. With eclectic beliefs, I probably would have steered you toward a UU church. If I didn't know you had tried everything within reasonable driving distance, I would have suggested trying different UU congregations as I have been told by some Athiest and Agnostic friends that each congregation of the UU church can be VERY different. Some seeming fairly orthodox Christian, (although non-trinitarian and more open to differing beliefs) some more welcoming and inclusive of Pagans, Athiests and Agnostics and others much more GLBT activist/Welcoming. (I hope I said all of that in a respectful and honoring way...) It wasn't the faith/spirituality support that I was hoping for you, rather it was a loving community who could care for you as whole people and lift you up and love on you and your family while you are going through a really rough patch in your life. Sometimes as people of faith we need to make sure that people's physical needs are met, whether it as simple as a hug or as complex as finding food, housing, transportation or warm clothes, before we can even begin to worry about someone's spiritual needs. KWIM? I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend. I care, and know how hard it is to feel like medical info is crushing your sense of well being.
post #63 of 437
Quote:
Originally Posted by heatherdeg View Post
It's not as easy as "find a church" I assure you. Please don't offer up a specific denomination to try as we have tried ALL of them except for Jehovah's Witness and Seventh Day Adventist (I know enough about those religions to know it absolutely doesn't fit with our beliefs).
:

My area is so dry when it comes to real good congregations. I have the same dilemma.
post #64 of 437
Quote:
Originally Posted by thewaggonerfamily View Post
It wasn't the faith/spirituality support that I was hoping for you, rather it was a loving community who could care for you as whole people and lift you up and love on you and your family while you are going through a really rough patch in your life. Sometimes as people of faith we need to make sure that people's physical needs are met, whether it as simple as a hug or as complex as finding food, housing, transportation or warm clothes, before we can even begin to worry about someone's spiritual needs. KWIM? I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend. I care, and know how hard it is to feel like medical info is crushing your sense of well being.
You did NOT offend me--I promise you. It's just a frustrating topic because long ago, I had exactly what you are talking about and we have been seeking it out with much frustration. You could've never known that--and I know that. We've even split up on Sundays scoping out churches just to break up the task quicker.

And much like Nancy's case, people in my area don't seem to be interested in "community" of any sort. We've been looking at relocation and are spending whatever vacation time dh gets going to different areas to see about relocating. It's just hard.

This doesn't make it any easier, of course.
post #65 of 437
Glad that's settled. I hope that you and Nancy can find great community somewhere, somehow. <sigh>

Soooo, when do you find out more info about your sweet baby?
post #66 of 437
Keeping us bumped up so we can find the thread...
post #67 of 437
Hi everyone,

I've tried to read all the thread and it's so good to know I'm not alone in this situation overall but I feel very alone in my personal feelings. I hope someone can help or offer advice or anything...

This wasn't planned at all. I'm 40 and have a 3.5 year old wonderful joy of my life daughter. But I also have a 19 year old son and a 17 year old son! They're awesome and I love them enormously!

I thought I couldn't get pregnant again because it was difficult getting pregnant with my daughter. So my husband and I have been going to counseling and stuff to work on our relationship and I was truly unprepared as far as BC, believe it or not.

So, here I am in disbelief. I'm exhausted, sick as a dog and overwhelmed. I cannot imagine how I'm going to handle this and still can't believe it's true.
My sons could have their own kids soon! I feel like an idiot and I feel like there is no way I can go through all of it again.

In addition to being 40, I have MS and I honestly am extremely worried about how to handle this physically as well. The last few years I've had more MS related problems and have trouble walking already.

I don't know, I hope it's ok to post this on here because I'm not really happy about it and I don't know how to deal with it and then I feel so guilty because so many would give anything to be in my place.

Thanks for reading and thanks for having this thread! geez I already feel old at preschool, lol

Deb
post #68 of 437
Hey Deb, of course you can post here.

It doesn't sound like your ideal situation what with the MS kicking up recently and all. What does your health care professional say?

So anyway, I can see how you would be worried.

Will your older kids be any help with the baby at all do you think? Even a (by then) 4 year old can be quite helpful when they are so inclined!

As far as feeling old at preschool, well no one can tell you how to feel but there are lots of us "older moms" around. WE notice that we are th eoldest but I don't think anyone else necessarily does.

I'll be 42 when this babe is born and I have 45 year old friends with infants!

Hugs to you.
post #69 of 437
Hi all,
I'm 38 and this is my first pregnancy but my second baby.
This is week 12 and I suddenly find myself feeling pretty good. Maybe it is because it is finally nice out and I've been getting some exercise. Of course there is that little paranoid voice saying "something's wrong". I keep reminding myself that I come from a long line of women who had healthy babies late in life. My mom was 40 when she had my baby sister, her mom was 37 (they think, she might have been older) when my mom was born and my father's mother was 41 when he came around.

My DD is 3 years old. I too feel like one of the oldest moms at preschool.

Hugs for Deb. It is okay to vent. Are you part of any MS support groups? Not that you can't find support here but they might have more specific and possibly more local resources for you.

Hair - I have been dyeing my hair since I was a teen. There was never a good time to let the roots grow out. Last summer I switched to a semi-permanent dye, Natual Instincts, so at least now I could let it fade away. One of the reasons I stuck with hair dye all this time, even when I was using a color similar to my natural color, is because of texture. My hair is rather thin and dyeing it gives it more body. Even the semi-permanent color has this effect.
post #70 of 437
Thanks veganmama. I'm a vegan too and Madeleine is vegetarian!

I haven't told any of my doctors yet...it's just 6 weeks this week but I took a test last week because I was late (very unusual) and so incredibly sick. The last time I had m/s this bad was with my 1st son.

I can't imagine telling them or anyone actually. My cousin and his wife have been desperately trying to get pregnant for a few years and a friend is also going through the infertility stuff for about a year. She's 40 too, but has a new husband.
I just think there will be major disapproval from everyone I know, my friends will support me but I know they will think it is nuts.

The boys will be out of the house. Nick is already in college and Chris graduates this June. Madeleine will be 4 and I know she would do whatever she could but that's another part of it. I don't want to take away from her. I have to rest as it is sometimes so she is used to kind of waiting for me to have energy. Sometimes I do great for months but then will have a flare and be slow for a while.
So if I have a baby, that will take so much away from her.

Congratulations Masel!
That's great that your family history shows such success with babies later in life, you probably got those genes!

Thanks, I do have a MS support group online but same thing...I just can't tell them! I'm still panicked.

Natural Instincts is great! I have never used perm. color because I'm afraid I won't like it and then I'm stuck.

Thanks again,
Deb
post #71 of 437
Quote:
Originally Posted by heatherdeg View Post
I'm sure you mean this in love, but it's rather infuriating as we have sought out a church (and looked into ALL of them within reasonable driving distance--regardless of denomination because they are all different and you never can tell) for FIVE YEARS. I'm done looking for a church. I'm in a densely populated area, so there is no undersupply of them. Our son was almost a year old when we finally broke down and had the pastor that married us Dedicate him out of sheer desperation.
Oh boy do I know the feeling. My DH and I left a church that we had been involved in with for 10 years and we left there about three years ago and since then have sought out churches in buildings, churches in peoples homes, you name it we've tried it. We just don't click with anything and the churches are all either too BIG to where we get lost and are unnoticed or too small where we aren't comfortable because everyone already knows one another and make us feel like outcasts. It's tough. We are sticking to a group we found online that sends us their Sunday services on CD each week. We do it as a family in the privacy of our own home.
post #72 of 437
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mom2M View Post
I've tried to read all the thread and it's so good to know I'm not alone in this situation overall but I feel very alone in my personal feelings. I hope someone can help or offer advice or anything...

This wasn't planned at all. I'm 40 and have a 3.5 year old wonderful joy of my life daughter. But I also have a 19 year old son and a 17 year old son! They're awesome and I love them enormously!

I thought I couldn't get pregnant again because it was difficult getting pregnant with my daughter. So my husband and I have been going to counseling and stuff to work on our relationship and I was truly unprepared as far as BC, believe it or not.

So, here I am in disbelief. I'm exhausted, sick as a dog and overwhelmed. I cannot imagine how I'm going to handle this and still can't believe it's true.
My sons could have their own kids soon! I feel like an idiot and I feel like there is no way I can go through all of it again.

In addition to being 40, I have MS and I honestly am extremely worried about how to handle this physically as well. The last few years I've had more MS related problems and have trouble walking already.

I don't know, I hope it's ok to post this on here because I'm not really happy about it and I don't know how to deal with it and then I feel so guilty because so many would give anything to be in my place.

Thanks for reading and thanks for having this thread! geez I already feel old at preschool, lol

Deb
oh Deb!!! I know exactly how you are feeling. I felt the same way about two months ago when I got my +++ HPT. I am also over 40, have a teenager and an elementary aged child right now and felt so set in life. I have a great life, everything is moving along perfect and I felt the same way you did when I found out I was pregnant *again* at my age. I was embarrassed, ashamed, afraid to tell anyone, hated the morning sickness (and it's been horrible!!) not to mention time that has been taken away from my current children because I lay in bed all freakin day, and I'm dreading gaining weight, having the feeling that my life is being taken away from me and controlled by someone else, etc. I don't have MS but I do suffer from depression and had PPD after the birth of my last child very bad. I don't look forward to that again nor do I look forward to raising a baby and toddler again. I finally got to where my kids are both in school, independent and I have my life back. I'm in college pursuing a degree, I work every day, homeschool. My life is so full. DH and I were done.

I've had all those feelings that I never had with the first two children. These feelings were worse for me the first month and a half. Now that the morning sickness is pretty much gone, the weather is nice and I'm getting out more I feel great. I'm still going back and forth as to how I feel but I'm mostly happy at this point. I'm really trying hard to accept it all and when I think of this baby inside me I get very happy knowing that I've been entrusted to give birth to and raise another one. So I'm hoping that you can eventually get to where I'm at but I want you to know that I completely and totally know how you are feeling. Feel free to p.m. me anytime if you want an ear. I'm a good listener.
post #73 of 437
Quote:
Originally Posted by darcytrue View Post
Oh boy do I know the feeling. My DH and I left a church that we had been involved in with for 10 years and we left there about three years ago and since then have sought out churches in buildings, churches in peoples homes, you name it we've tried it. We just don't click with anything and the churches are all either too BIG to where we get lost and are unnoticed or too small where we aren't comfortable because everyone already knows one another and make us feel like outcasts. It's tough. We are sticking to a group we found online that sends us their Sunday services on CD each week. We do it as a family in the privacy of our own home.

Yeah--you get it. What's worse is that we've found a pastor we ADORE. In fact, he brought my husband around to actually accepting faith instead of thinking "it's a crutch for people who choose not to deal with reality" I never forced any faith on him--it was a personal thing; but I never understood how we could think so in line on everything else and so out of whack on faith. He was a recovering Catholic.

But I was in the hospital (on bedrest) before our son was born and found this sermon on TV. DH FOUND THE SAME ONE--completely unbeknownst to me--and watched and was hooked enough to watch more. Neither of us knew until I was home (4-5 weeks later). We've been watching him ever since (so a little over 5 years). That's made it even harder to find a church. We never even found one that came close to feeling "at home", but we worried that if we did, maybe we'd always compare it to this.

Since we're looking at the entire country as a possibility for relocation, we considered going to where this pastor's church is; but it's enormous. I loved the community of a smaller church--like the one I had. It had maybe 1500 parishoners and we were remarkably close. The one we like is beyond ridiculous in size; and really--I like the sermons, but totally can't get into the music stuff (which I didn't love with my former church, either--just totally not my thing to worship through music).

I'm rambling, but yeah--I'm there with you. It's sad.
post #74 of 437

39

I'm 39. Just lost one at 6 weeks, worried that it might have been because I'm not 25 any more. Still planning on TTC, but time passes so fast...

Since I'm not a success story yet, is this an okay place for me to post?
post #75 of 437
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonnet View Post
I'm 39. Just lost one at 6 weeks, worried that it might have been because I'm not 25 any more. Still planning on TTC, but time passes so fast...

Since I'm not a success story yet, is this an okay place for me to post?
I'm so sorry for your loss.
I'm not in charge, but I'd say absolutely hang out here since we know that you ARE going to be a success story soon! Us old broads need to stick together!
post #76 of 437
got my nt scan/bloodwork results - 1/1241 for downs, which they said was very good. supposedly going by age only, risk would be 1/63. risk for the other trisomies was 1/584, which he also said was good. i was suprised that the "worse" trisomies risk was higher than the downs.

he did say that one of the blood chemicals they test showed a little lower than it should, so they want to scan me again at 28 weeks, and then again somewhere around 34 weeks to make sure the baby is growing well. (i will also get the 20 week u/s.) i guess it's something about the placenta *might* not be as up to task as it should be.

?? not sure about what all that means, but the doctor seemed to think that overall the test results were good news.
post #77 of 437
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonnet View Post
I'm 39. Just lost one at 6 weeks, worried that it might have been because I'm not 25 any more. Still planning on TTC, but time passes so fast...

Since I'm not a success story yet, is this an okay place for me to post?
Welcome (eventhough I am not in charge either). Iam confident your babies will find you....hang in there
post #78 of 437
Quote:
Originally Posted by ElliesMomma View Post
got my nt scan/bloodwork results - 1/1241 for downs, which they said was very good. supposedly going by age only, risk would be 1/63. risk for the other trisomies was 1/584, which he also said was good. i was suprised that the "worse" trisomies risk was higher than the downs.

he did say that one of the blood chemicals they test showed a little lower than it should, so they want to scan me again at 28 weeks, and then again somewhere around 34 weeks to make sure the baby is growing well. (i will also get the 20 week u/s.) i guess it's something about the placenta *might* not be as up to task as it should be.

?? not sure about what all that means, but the doctor seemed to think that overall the test results were good news.
sometimes I wonder if they feel compelled to give "bad" news along with the good, all in all did the testing give you peace of mind?? I did not do it for fear I would worry myself into oblivion
post #79 of 437
Oh, thank you, DARCYTRUE!!! You really give me hope that no matter what happens, there could be a peaceful acceptance possible. I very much appreciate your offer too!

Sonnet, don't lose hope! I lost one also at 6 weeks only a few months before I got pregnant with Madeleine and I was 37 at the time. It happens much more often than I knew because when I shared my loss with others I found out that each one had been through it.

Congratulations ElliesMomma!

Happy first day of spring!
Too bad it is in the 30's here today but warmer weather is almost here!

Deb
post #80 of 437
Sonnet, I lost 2 while trying to conceive this baby. One was a blighted ovum that I released at 7w and the other one stopped developing at 6w. I found out at an u/s at 10w and had to induce a m/c.

The m/c rate absolutely is higher with "older" mothers but it is certainly possible to still have healthy PGs. I am 22 w and will be 42 when this baby is born. A friend of mine who is 45 just had her babe in January after 2 m/c.

I am so very sorry for your loss.

Elliesmom, I would take the good news (those really ARE low odds. Mine was 1 in 670 for Down's and they were impressed with that at my age!) and not worry about the other stuff they mentioned which is most very likely fine! Sometimes I really dislike medical professionals!
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