How can I make DH more comfortable with NIP?

[Eimichan]

Hey Ladies

I've been BFing my babe for a little over a month now, and have NIP a few times. I was a little nervous at first, but when boo gets hungry and starts to cry, nothing else matters but filling his little tummy. I don't try to shove my nursing in anyone's face, but it's rather obvious what I'm doing since I've got rather ample, juicy bosoms! (people should just be happy they don't get sprayed in the face walking past me!) I've tried using a cover, but it's hard to manage and not very comfortable. I also want to be able to see my son drinking, and I have to make sure I'm not suffocating him! My DH has been wonderfully supportive of me breastfeeding, and even in public. However, he is rather uncomfortable with me nursing uncovered in public. His main concern are "perverts" oogling me...I'm not an exhibitionist, but I don't really care. Afterall, there were times when flashing an ankle was scandalous, right? I want breastfeeding to be normalized in society, but how can I help DH feel more comfortable without feeling like I have to hide?

[IceyTheBatmom]

I'll ask my DH when he gets in (soon) if there was anything that helped him be more comfortable about it, and relay it here.

Maybe tell him that there's a bunch of women on this forum who find that more people notice when a cover is used, and that plenty of bystanders just glance right over, and have no idea you're nursing at all.

And you're right about having different standards of modesty in different cultures, you could compare burkas (not sure if I spelled that right, the thing the Taliban made women wear) with the nearly and total nude tribes in various areas of the world.

[nettieferg]

Your DH has a point (not that it should stop you, necessarily)

It HAS happened to me, and it is a little scary (I'm kind of a small woman, though) . . . if I am by myself, I like to find a corner, a chair near a table, etc, somewhere that my back is to a wall (real/makeshift), and I have a good vantage point of the area around me. As the PP said, most people never even look at me at all! Just in case of a creepy person, though, I keep a blanket close at hand. If I notice leering, I WILL cover at THAT point (the same way I would zip my jacket up if I was just walking and noticed a weirdo staring) . . . Most of the time it is never an issue, but I keep a cover handy, just in case.

I just feel safer.

If I am with someone, then who cares? I think statistics will bear out, that one is more likely to be attacked when by oneself ---- so, if DH is with you, HE can stand guard! (Tell him how sexy you think this is -- big man, protecting you ) . . . I think THAT should clear up his anxiety. (My DH is the Stare-Back KING!!! )

[Ann-Marita]

You can't "make" your husband feel anything. He has to do that himself. But you CAN keep up with the NIP so that, with repeated experience with it, and with time, he has the opportunity to become more comfortable.

The chance that a pervert will oogle you while breastfeeding, well, there's a chance that foot fetish perverts will oogle your feet, but that doesn't stop you from wearing whatever shoes you want, does it? And the chance that a pedophile pervert might be watching wouldn't keep you from taking your child to a park, either. Now, if you NOTICE someone staring at your child in a perverted way, THAT's when to take action. But the chance that this MIGHT happen shouldn't prevent you from carrying on with your life in the way you want to live.

[Blu Razzberri]

I just figure the perv's should be worried about ME. I have no problem telling someone they need to find somewhere else to stare.

[KristyDi]

Unless the pervert is planning to hurt me or my babe in some way, I really don't care what they do.

Is it possible that some pervert somewhere has gotten his (or her) jollies by watching me nip? Sure it's possible, but how does that affect me? If someone's staring is making me uncomfortable I have no problem staring right back, usually with a confident smile.

[elanorh]

My dh was really nervous about me nursing in public with #1. He did what I used to call the "blanket dance" (I used a blanket at first when NIP) ... he'd make a big shield as we were latching on and then settle it on is. Discreet, it was NOT.

It was for dh, a gradual transition. As I became more comfortable NIP, and did it more, and switched from blankets to nursing tops and regular tops too .... and just kept on doing it .... He came to realize that it was not obvious, that there was nothing for a pervert to ogle.

At this point, he's totally relaxed and nonchalant about it. BUT he's also become a lactivist enough that if he ever saw someone giving me or any other nursing mother any sort of grief, he would indeed become the very large glowering presence telling them to BACK OFF and leave mom and babe alone. When I tell him about some of the NIP incidents mentioned here, he becomes quite angry about how nursing mothers and their children are sometimes treated. I think he'd almost like the opportunity to tell someone that narrow-minded where they could go.

[Blu Razzberri]

Originally Posted by elanorh

...he's also become a lactivist enough that if he ever saw someone giving me or any other nursing mother any sort of grief, he would indeed become the very large glowering presence telling them to BACK OFF and leave mom and babe alone....

Woohoo! Good for him!

[flower01]

My DH is very supportive of BFing and even NIP. He is however, very protective of me and very concerned about other men getting a glimpse. I don't "cover" but I am careful about what clothes I wear and try to be as discreet as possible. That might mean I go to a more secluded area or it just means I turn my back to the men in the room. I don't have a problem people seeing me BF, but out of respect for my husband I do my best to avoid showing too much.

Funny story...one day, after recently moving, I was at the mall with my baby in an Ergo. I was trying to leave, but could not find my car in the parking lot. My DH was out of town and I was freaking out - i thought for sure my car had been stolen. A security guard came over to help me and after explaining my situation, kindly said "uh, ma'am. You're uh..." and nodded to my breast which was totally exposed. I had forgotten that I was nursing DD and she had fallen asleep. I told the story later to DH and he did not laugh. I was really surprised - he was really not happy about it. But, what can you do.

[Eimichan]

Thanks for the great replies! Of course I know I can't "make" DH more comfortable with me nursing in public, I'm just looking for ways to keep everyone happy! I recently bought a Maya Wrap and we both find that helped a lot. I can still look at DS while he nurses and the wrap covers things pretty well. For the record, DH is Japanese/Brazilian a bit more conservative than I am (a pretty liberal Canadian). I can understand where he's coming from though, since I can be a little too trusting at times...(have been stalked and molested due to being a little *too* friendly to strangers...). He just wants to protect me I also think he will get more comfortable as time goes on, and he has been fantastic at adapting to my slightly more unorthodox tendencies. I'm sure he'll be a "daddy lactivist" in no time,too! haha!