Bedwetting 10yo, goodnights and yucky sneakiness

[ArtsyHeartsy]

Hello! Sort of a lame title, sorry. My stepson, who is 10, still wets the bed. We do not have a problem with that as an issue in itself, as both of his parents did so until they were older as well and we really believe he just doesn't wake up. We have always given him the option to wear "goodnights" and he had stopped for about a year or so because of his mom and stepdad making fun of his "diapers" and not wanting them to find out he was using them. After getting tired of dealing with wet sheets he decided he wanted to try using them again. We let him choose how he wants to deal with this. We have tried other methods, with no luck.

So, here is the real problem here, we have not shamed him, we just ask that he be responsible, put his wet sheets in the washer, or at least the laundry room...and if he wears a goodnight take it to the garage trash....by the laundry room. He often leaves them on the floor and I have found a them, on many occasions, hidden in the closet! It's disgusting to say the least, his room now smells and half the time we can't figure out why! I just found one today and this isn't our week so we can't talk to him about it.

If anyone has any advice I would really appreciate it, what do we do??!! Do we remove the option of goodnights? We don't want to add any type of shame or punishment to this situation but we are at a loss. He does not get in huge trouble if he leaves one on the floor, but we do talk to him about it and have him get rid of it, sometimes have him clean all the nooks and crannies in his room to make sure there aren't any hiding (when we find one hidden). We have been very careful not to make him feel bad about the wetting so we don't understand the secrecy and the ambivolence to the gross smell. He just doesn't care!

Please help! We are sick of dealing with this and very frustrated!

[MusicianDad]

Give that his mom and stepdad have shamed him over the issue, maybe you need to have a suitible trash bin in his room for the goodnights when he chooses to use them. Right now he probably still feels some amout of shame about needed and choosing to use them that he's not comfortable having to go all the way to the garage to dispose of them. Essecially having to walk through the house with the evidence.

I think mostly you need to work with his to find a way for him to be able to deal with the goodnights/wet sheets that is comfortable for him as much as it is sanitary.

[ArtsyHeartsy]

Thank you, that's a good suggestion, we didn't even think of that! Maybe a trash with a lid that he can empty every couple of days.... Honestly I don't think that he is embarrassed about it, (he wears them and leaves them laying about even when he has friends over) but he is the type of kid that does the minimum possible, I mean, he only has to do a u-turn out of his room into the laundry room, but still this might make it harder for him to be lazy about it!

I am worried about the unsanitary nature of this issue, which is part of the reason the hiding is so unfortunate.

Thanks again!

[mbbinsc]

You may want to look into his diet, and the possibility of dairy allergy (did he have eczema, sleep issues). My 10 yo DS was bedwetter. He has been dry for couple years. During that time we have limited dairy in our house due to 3yo DD with dairy allergy. I don't know if he just outgrew bedwetting or if diet change helped.

[Teensy]

IF your DS is interested in attempting to stop bedwetting, my DS had great success with the bedwetting alarm. Let me know if you think he is interested and I'll repeat my whole post about how it worked wonders for DS.

[Mylie]

Have you tried the new boxer goodnights?

Maybe he would be more comfortable in those as they look like boxer shorts?

I sympathise..My son wet the bet till he was 11 and wore them too...

I second putting a bin with a plastic bag and lid in his room for disposal..


He will grow out of it eventually...

[Annapooh]

My ds had a problem for years! He still has to be careful at 13. We did goodnights for a long time. We also found stockpiles. UGH! Even if you never shame him, even if his dad never had, there is a self-imposed shame and not wanting anyone to know, and wishing it weren't a problem. We always had a hard time to get him to go wash the sheets too. I was never mad at the problem, just the after-effects. I cant tell you how many times I told him if it happens, just toss 'em in the wash! He has slowly grown out of it.

[thenson229]

Boys Personal Hygiene tips

My 11 y/o son still has a bedwetting problem. He also seems to be a very hard sleeper and simply does not feel his bladder. If he is very focused on something, he has a similar problem when he is awake and won't feel he has to go until the last minute.

My son had been wearing Goodnites and we just recently took him to a urologist who put him on DDAVP. This has been working very well for him. However when he was wearing the Goodnites, even though he knew to put them in the wastebasket in his bathroom, he would also leave them in the middle of the floor, under furniture, and in the closet. I would tell him EVERY morning to put his Goodnite in the trash. I usually would check the wastebasket to see if he had done so. With the beginning of puberty, I had to explain that his urine and body odors are getting stronger. I started him going straight to the bathroom to remove the Goodnite and immediately take a shower. I would have to remind him EVERY day to go to the bathroom, remove his Goodnite, put it in the trash, and take a shower. I did not give him a choice to do anything else. I believe in giving children as much responsibility as they will bear. But when they do not behave responsibly (taking care of their personal hygiene), then I tell them specifically what to do, how to do it, no discussion.

Now that Jacob is staying dry at night (he might have an accident 1 or 2 times/month now) he stopped wearing the Goodnites, but is now in the habit of taking a shower every morning and does so without reminding. It is better to instill good hygiene, than to worry about respecting his privacy regarding his bedwetting. I did not badger him, but EVERY day I would tell him in a matter of fact way to go to the bathroom, throw his pull up in the trash, and take a shower. If I just told him get up and take a shower, there is a 50/50 chance the Goodnite would be left in the middle of his floor.

Being clean and responsible does not come naturally to most boys. Don't expect them to do what they know to do. Tell daily and inspect daily. I have 3 boys (ages 2, 7, & 11). Although he's older, the 11 y/o doesn't clean up behind himself any better than my 2 y/o. He is more capable, but he still needs reminding DAILY.

[digitsums]

Bedwetting

Hypnosis is an excellent way of handling this. See Milton Erickson's great strategies. Basically, if you can hold your water for one second, you can hold it for two seconds, three seconds, three hours, or whatever. It's a question of empowering the person, convincing them that they can do this, and this is associated with general confidence and with your faith that the child can do this.

[Alla&Gary]

Bedwetting

Hello,
As a child I bedwetted frequently - I think every night . I shared my bed with my older sister and remember waking up with her yelling at me. Growing up in the former Soviet Union we had no goodnight underpants, no dryer and no bedwetting alarms. So bedwetting was a bigger problem especially in the winter. My Mom gave me fennel tea during the day for a week or two and no liquids 2-3 hrs before bed and I was cured. You can get fennel tea at any health food store or you can get fennel seeds in bulk (it's cheaper ) and make it yourself. Also , "Hyland" makes homeopathic bedwetting remedy. I wouldn't suggest using fennel oil - just dry herbs. Try with a smaller dose - if using tea don't steep it for too long. Google fennel and bedwetting to get suggestions on how to do it. I was a tight sleeper and fennel helped my bladder control and I was able to wake up to use the bathroom when needed. Often in the the pinch - barely making to the bathroom but never in bed . Good luck,
Alla
http://yourtotalhealth.ivillage.com/...html?pageNum=2

[DavinaT]

Well cleary he still feels embarrassed and ashamed about the whole thing. If his mum and stepdad have shamed him then this may have affected him deeply. Generally bedwetting has two causes. Either organic, as in its something physically or medically in his system which can be corrected or it has an emotional cause - also meriting investigation. So i would say please PLEASE do not let your stepson suffer this one more day. You cna save him so much pain and heartache by having this investigated,if it hasn't already been and even if it doesn't have a physical cause, medication such as desmotab can be used to great effect to solve the physical effect while investigating any underlying emotional cause.

[Skrimpy]

Originally Posted by Teensy

IF your DS is interested in attempting to stop bedwetting, my DS had great success with the bedwetting alarm. Let me know if you think he is interested and I'll repeat my whole post about how it worked wonders for DS.

I have to second this. After dealing with three children and bedwetting every single night (read: soaked sheets, mats, and over-flowing goodnights) we decided that we *really* needed to do something. My DD is only 7 but a bedwetting alarm worked very, very well with her. She has been dry for the first time in her life, and consistently. The alarm was very easy to use, and the system for using the alarm is very compassionate and parent-assisted.

My daughter would sleep through ANYTHING (including the 80 decibel alarm at first) and now she wakes to go to the bathroom if she needs - and most importantly, she wakes dry!

I highly recommend the book "Seven Steps to Nighttime Dryness" if you want to consider an alarm. Also, he may be too old for it but "Prince Bravery and the Attack of the Wet Knights" really helped get my DD and other children excited and on board with the alarm

At 10, I would personally help him get dry.

I like the idea of a trash bin in his room for his goodnights, for the short term.

[Mana Mamma]

I have experienced this with my 9 year old daughter who still wets the bed. BTY....Spap EZ for life makes cloth "good nights" for bigger kids and adults.

While the bedwetting issue is a hard one, the "accountability" for his/her own wet pants is a no brainer. I dealt with this for about two months with relentless "punishments" until my dd got the message about the importance of cleaning up after herself. Punishments, or course, can appear as fines, extra work, grounding from books or movies, etc... but your child will take this issue only as seriously as you do. Don't EVER deal with your child's wet sheets or Good Nites.... make him do it or have him suffer a "consequence" if he doesn't. It's a matter of your child having self respect!

[ArtsyHeartsy]

Thank you so much for all the replies, I have read all of them and taken them into account. I have looked into the alarm before as we would like to avoid meds if possible. He doesn't seem to care enough to take meds, but also, I don't think we could get his mom on board since we can't agree on anything, ever. If it's our idea, it will be bad. The end. Bleh.

Anyway, we do expect accountability and I like your way of putting it thenson229, I do have to tell him step by step how to do things. We have even had to set a timer for showers because otherwise he would be a clone trooper in a rainstorm for 5 hours. (we also have an issue with him locking the bathroom door when we ask him not to, so we can tell him to get out of the shower, but he always says it's an accident-not possible...privacy is one thing, but 30 minute showers and not hearing knocking, privacy be gone!)

I am going to talk to DH about all of your suggestions, thank you so much! And I love hearing that your kids have grown out of it. I just hope my daughter grows out of it sooner!

THANKS SO MUCH!

[Novella]

Originally Posted by Teensy

IF your DS is interested in attempting to stop bedwetting, my DS had great success with the bedwetting alarm. Let me know if you think he is interested and I'll repeat my whole post about how it worked wonders for DS.

: The Malem Alarm worked great for us!

: (That's me doing the little happy dance about no more peed-bedding laundry). : That's our two daughters feeling happy and empowered by the alarm that helped them.

[Mana Mamma]

What's the best (and most inexpensive) way to get one of these alarms? I've been wary to try one because they seem expensive and I don't know if it will work. But there seems to have been a lot of success here.....

[mbbinsc]

We have a clone trooper in our house, too. Ditto on the shower timer. It may not be related, but my DS did start getting better bladder control while camping with DH. He was aware enough to not want a wet sleeping bag. It may have helped getting his bladder trained. LOL