Dumb question - DH looking down there during birth?

[preciousstone]

Ok.. so this might be a RIDICULOUS question to some. But I'm just curious.

Does anyone decide before hand that DH shouldn't look down there when the baby was coming out? Did anyone regret him looking down there?

I'm asking cuz I recall watching Oprah some weeks ago where a dh said he regretted it... because it hurt there sex life after the birth.

What are your opinions on DH acutally seeing the baby coming ou

tia

[randomacts]

My DH watched, he was FASCINATED. As was I, because lets face it, it is pretty awesome to see life emerge! He was a little traumatized by the episiotomy, but more because of the sound and not the sight. I guess it just depends on the person, but it didn't at all affect our sex life at all...as you can tell.

[ledzepplon]

Originally Posted by randomacts

My DH watched, he was FASCINATED. As was I, because lets face it, it is pretty awesome to see life emerge!

:

Watching me breastfeed our kids has also not ruined our sex life.

[Baby Makes 4]

DS1 was 3 when DH and I met so that birth was not an issue.

DS2 was born in our hotub in the middle of the night so although DH caught the baby he never got a look at him crowning or emerging.

DD was a very fast and sudden birth while I was standing in the hospital room and she emerged before DH even realized what was going on.

So DH has never seen the actual crowning or birth of one of our children and we are both pretty happy with that.

[MegBoz]

"Parents" Magazine (piece of crap by the way - I'm glad I didn't pay for it - got it free with my Boppy pillow) had a piece recently where a Dad said he felt odd about it. Like 'betrayed' by the vagina.

Personally, DH not only "looked" but CAUGHT DS! While we wanted to play it safe & wait for "clearance" from my MW to have intercourse, he said the very day after we got home from the hospital, "So, uh, when do you think we can resume BJs?" It did NO damage to how hot he is for me.

As I've said on this issue before, the penis has other purposes. Knowing DH urinates with it doesn't turn me off. My hands have MANY purposes, but seeing me change a poopy diaper doensn't make DH not want me to touch him sexually.

This whole concept kinda ticks me off - I think it's just one more example of how messed up our society is with regards to birth, sexuality, BFing, etc. I think if Americans were raised to view birth as normal & natural, this issue wouldn't even come up.

[LionTigerBear]

DH definitely watched each of our three children be born, crown, everything, and helped catch a couple of them. It has only made him respect and love me even more. This last time I didn't tear so we resumed DTD just 10 days postpartum. We both had a hard time waiting that long. He is so in awe of what my body can do.

[barefootpoetry]

This subject bothers me also. Heaven forbid that a man realize that a vagina has other uses than pleasing him.

I can get that some men just might be totally freaked out at the sight of a huge ol' head bursting through their wife's girly bits, and that it might take them a while to shake that memory whenever they look at it from then on. I can see how that might be a buzzkill - gettin' busy in the bedroom, and then WHAM! The mental image of a big bloody head cruising on out. Yikes.

But in all seriousness, if that man is REALLY a man, he can get past that and recognize his wife for who she is: an amazing woman capable not only of being a foxy sex kitten, but a giver and sustainer of life. The two are not exclusive, and in fact, I think they can complement and enhance each other!

[frontierpsych]

DH actually helped with delivery with my first and watched my second be born, it hasn't affected our sex life negatively at all.

[jecombs]

Before I had DD, DH had told me that he did not want to look "down there" while she was being born. As a matter of fact, he didn't even want to be in the room! So, our compromise was that he was just going to sit up by my head and be supportive. I even told my MW that I didn't want a mirror because of DH. Well, when the big day finally arrived DH was completely fascinated by what was going on down there. He touched our DD's head when it was crowning and everything (I was so proud!). I was a bit mad afterward that I didn't have a mirror because I would have liked to see what was going on, too :

It had absolutely no effect on our sex life. He's just as hot for me now as he ever was!

[preciousstone]

Originally Posted by MegBoz

"

This whole concept kinda ticks me off - I think it's just one more example of how messed up our society is with regards to birth, sexuality, BFing, etc. I think if Americans were raised to view birth as normal & natural, this issue wouldn't even come up.

I feel the same way. And its funny cuz, I'm not American and DH is. And he is totally squirmish about the whole thing. I've taken to watching birthing videos while he's in the room to sort of shock him into the realities and amazing-ness of it all. I dunno if it's working.

I don't want to be antagonistic about it to him bc I want to respect where he is. I think I need to find some common ground in my own mind so that I am not annoyed by his sensitivites when the time comes.

I think he's just a product of his culture bc my brothers who weren't raised in America either dont feel that way. I dunno.

[Full Heart]

Dh looked and has not ruined our sex life in the least. Obviously if we are on #8 lol

[Shelsi]

We had a surprise unassisted birth and dh caught dd. I actually pooped on his hand while I was pushing her out.

2 days later he was horny and trying to convince me to dtd LMAO

[MegBoz]

Originally Posted by preciousstone

I don't want to be antagonistic about it to him bc I want to respect where he is.

Yes, I'm a lucky lady that my DH had no hang-ups. If he did, I know I would have worked to be sensitive to it - because dismissing his feelings (i.e. "You SHOULD not have hang-ups! I don't care/get over it.") would certainly only make matters worse.

How far along are you? He may come around. My DH didn't have hang-ups to begin with. But I think he just didn't put much thought into it. As I approached the 3rd trimester & we started our Bradley class, he actually was looking at natural birth videos on youtube without me & said he got teary eyed! & he's one of the most non-emotional people I know!

So I hope that you have a similar experience. As the reality of working as a team to birth your baby comes closer, I hope he is just as excited, fascinated, and in awe of the amazing experience and realizes that it is a separate & distinct event from intercourse.

[groovynaturemama]

dh wouldn't have been looking anywhere else during dd's birth! when she was crowning he told me i was stretching perfectly and he was telling me she had a lot of hair. he also caught her (basically had to nudge the midwife out of the way to do so, but, yeah). if it were up to him we would have made love the next day after i gave birth! he expressed how much more he loved my body after he saw me give birth and nurse our dd.

every man is different, but (through observation) i'd say most of them don't have the hangups about seeing thier partner give birth. even though we tend to hear about those instances more than the men who are not affected, i think that the men who have the problems are the minority. i tend to think if that wan't the case there'd be a lot more families with only one child, or a lot more men who are reluctant to conceive b/c of how bad they hear birth is from their friends. of course i do not have any scientific fact to back this...'tis just mho

[philomom]

My dh watched and our sex life is great.

[Girlprof]

My DH watched and said it was just amazing, fascinating, incredible. I don't find those words un-sexy, you know? I think for us, it's more integrated. Sex, baby making, breastfeeding, etc., - it's all LIFE giving and life is sexy.

Now, sleep deprivation. That's a buzzkill.

[dogmom327]

I saw that Oprah and frankly I think that guy was full of ****. I was really mad that the therapist validated his excuse on top of it. Seriously, I'm pretty confident that that guy was simply lazy. Look at how well he performed his "homework". He didn't care. He doesn't want to change. He can claim childbirth freaked him out and he's good. Why go to the extra effort to give his wife what she wanted when she was giving him what he wanted and expecting nothing in return? I'd venture most of us know guys like that. Sure, childbirth may have freaked him out a little (and if he's generally selfish in bed anyway then finding out that her vagina had more than one purpose was probably tough) but any mature man would be able to get over that. I think society is way too quick to validate laziness in men.

ETA: I forgot to answer the original question . DH watched and he's still able to make me happy just as he always did.

ETA: So I just totally messed up the poll and accidentally voted that it ruined our sex life...it didn't of course! Sorry about that! Apparently I can't read today.

[MisaGoat]

My husband watched and in no way did it affect our sex life.

He did think it was pretty crazy to see our son's head looking around before the rest of his body came out. I think he was more grossed out by the placenta. Seeing everything had no affect on our sex life.

Honestly I feel a little weird about guys that aren't sexually attracted to their partner after watching a birth. I don't understand what they expect

[3pink1blue]

my husband watched the last 3 (he was not there for the first, long story) and there has been no change whatsoever, except he seems to respect more than ever.

[lindsayjean]

My DH said he would *NOT* be looking. Like, he very adamantly had decided against it before the birth. But when I was in labor he decided to look and just thought it was so amazing and cool. And it did not affect our sex life whatsoever. It was such a bonding experience though for him to be there with me in labor, so if anything it had a positive effect