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Dumb question - DH looking down there during birth? - Page 2

Poll Results: What are your opinions on DH acutally seeing the baby coming out?

 
  • 2% (4)
    Dh looked and it ruined our sex life
  • 86% (156)
    DH looked and it didn't ruin our sex life
  • 6% (11)
    DH never looked and I like it that way
  • 5% (10)
    We never discussed it.
181 Total Votes  
post #21 of 82
Quote:
Originally Posted by MegBoz View Post
"Parents" Magazine (piece of crap by the way - I'm glad I didn't pay for it - got it free with my Boppy pillow) had a piece recently where a Dad said he felt odd about it. Like 'betrayed' by the vagina.
I my suspect hearing that sentiment from dh would mess up our sex life more than dh watching a baby come out of my vagina ever could. If he's feeling betrayed by my vagina doing something I've wanted it to do since I was 18, our marriage is in big trouble.

I can't answer the poll, as a baby's never come out of my vagina. I will say that dh watching a baby being pulled out of a gory gash in my belly, and looking after said gash (infected) while we cared for a newborn didn't hurt out sex life. I think we'd have been fine, honestly. I know one couple where the husband avoided looking with their first, because he thought it might affect their sex life...but he didn't worry about it with their second or third, and their sex life has always been good.
post #22 of 82
Quote:
Originally Posted by Girlprof View Post
Now, sleep deprivation. That's a buzzkill.
:

And, again... :
post #23 of 82
I put that DH looked, but when you're squatting, there's really not a whole lot to see... He would have had to lie down on the floor to get a really good view.
post #24 of 82
My DH even watched the stitches during my 1st birth. Birth was very bonding for us. I would think there may be some kind of emotional issue if birth ruins a couple's sex life.
post #25 of 82
DH said he wasnt going to because all of his stupid buddies told him that it would ruin out sex life, BUT when it came down to the time, he sis look and he wasnt paying any attention to my vagina, all he cared about was seeing our daughter through his teas of excitement and joy.
post #26 of 82
I told DH when I was pregnant that I didn't even want to look. I have this thing with blood & such, I pass out pretty often, so I wasn't going to risk a panic or feeling lightheaded, so even me not looking had nothing to do with my vagina or anything sexual, I just didn't know how I'd react & wanted to avoid any issues. I told him he totally could but I wouldn't be responsible for anything he saw. It was kinda a running joke between us. He watched. He was horrorfied once the baby actually came out (very very very cone head, DH said he kept waiting to see ears or eyes, but he just kept seeing more & more forehead come out, which was weird to him), but it didn't do anything bad for our sex life. Honestly, we were having sex about 3 weeks later. I don't think he saw the placenta actually come out, he was looking at the baby at the baby in the warmer thing when the doctor announced it was out so I'm not 100% sure, but he did see it afterwards in a bowl & commented later he wished he'd got to touch it. Not really what I expected, though I'm not sure what I really expected from him when I think about it.

But anyway, it didn't effect anything for us in a bad way at all.
post #27 of 82
My dh watched and there was absolutely no damage to our sex life. This subject really gets me going. I hate the idea that there's this attitude that there's something gross or wrong with birth. I personally think that birth (any kind of birth) is beautiful. If my dh was saying that he couldn't look because it might gross him out or that my vagina had betrayed him... All I know is that it would be really hard for me to get over that. THAT would effect our sex life for sure.

I can understand being uncomfortable about blood. I know a couple of people who have almost a phobia (not totally but close) about seeing blood. That would be the only thing that I could be sympathetic about. As far as seeing a baby come out of a vagina, nope, can't understand how that would ruin a man. :
post #28 of 82
I voted we never really discussed it....As far as I can remember he stayed by my head with all 3 births but during pushing i kind of turn into myself and have no idea what it going on around me. But I did ask him once about it and he said it only brought him closer to me and made him love me even more.

The only thing that is killing our sex life now is sleep deprivation and 3 kids, 4 yrs. old and under!
post #29 of 82
Well I had 3 CS and hubby watched everything except them actually cutting me open. This is a man that passed out from a splinter in his finger. Now he is totally fascinated. He was like "That is so cool!"
post #30 of 82
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shelsi View Post
We had a surprise unassisted birth and dh caught dd. I actually pooped on his hand while I was pushing her out.
This was totally us, poop and all
post #31 of 82
Quote:
Originally Posted by Girlprof View Post
My DH watched and said it was just amazing, fascinating, incredible. I don't find those words un-sexy, you know? I think for us, it's more integrated. Sex, baby making, breastfeeding, etc., - it's all LIFE giving and life is sexy.

Now, sleep deprivation. That's a buzzkill.
:
post #32 of 82
DH watched, and I'd say it made our sex life BETTER.
post #33 of 82
My dh watched and it didn't do a thing to our sex life. I was a bit mortified due to the whole pooping thing, but he put me at ease saying that it made him more comfortable b/c the hospital smelled way worse than anything I was doing He comes from a ranching background and HATES hospitals, so that probably helped.
post #34 of 82
DH watched for the first two (he was supporting me under my arms as I was kneeling for #3) and it didn't affect our sex life. I tore with DS (because I pushed before my body was ready, didn't listen to my body) and that was a bit traumatic for him, watching me tear because it was very sudden and he didn't know it could happen. I think the actual tearing was worse for him than me, because I didn't even feel it. But no effects on our sex life from him watching the births.
post #35 of 82
Quote:
Originally Posted by MegBoz View Post
"Parents" Magazine (piece of crap by the way - I'm glad I didn't pay for it - got it free with my Boppy pillow) had a piece recently where a Dad said he felt odd about it. Like 'betrayed' by the vagina.

Personally, DH not only "looked" but CAUGHT DS! While we wanted to play it safe & wait for "clearance" from my MW to have intercourse, he said the very day after we got home from the hospital, "So, uh, when do you think we can resume BJs?" It did NO damage to how hot he is for me.

As I've said on this issue before, the penis has other purposes. Knowing DH urinates with it doesn't turn me off. My hands have MANY purposes, but seeing me change a poopy diaper doensn't make DH not want me to touch him sexually.

This whole concept kinda ticks me off - I think it's just one more example of how messed up our society is with regards to birth, sexuality, BFing, etc. I think if Americans were raised to view birth as normal & natural, this issue wouldn't even come up.
post #36 of 82
My DH was supporting me near my head during the first two, but my third birth was a very fast, surprise UC with him catching. He definitely saw everything. He was a little shook up for a while, but not from the visual. More just the "surprise/trauma" of our birth. It was so fast it took us both a little while to process it.

Hasn't affected our sex life negatively one iota. In fact, it was such a bonding experience that I'd say we got closer and our sex life got better.

PS: I don't mean "trauma" in a bad way, it was a fabulous experience. It was just kind of like accidently riding the biggest roller-coaster when you're just used to the carosel. sp?
post #37 of 82
It implies that the woman be on her back with her legs spread wide, people's eyes intent on her crotch, as if it's a big show she's putting on for them, and there's just something disturbing to me about that image. For me, birth is very internal and private. That said, I really don't understand what it is about the idea in itself of a vagina stretching and a baby coming out that turns the occasional man off sex. And is it then sex in general, or just sex with his wife, or sex with any woman who's given birth? The only thing that makes the remotest sense to me is if it's a traumatic birth or if the mother is cut... and then associating that trauma with her vagina, and not wanting to do anything that might mean having to experience that again. But just seeing the vagina stretch and a baby be born? I'm having a very hard time wrapping my mind around that, anyone have any insight?

It reminds me a little of this friend I had once who would never undress in front of her husband or let him see her without makeup. They'd both had previous partners in which this had been an issue -- they both felt that preserving some element of mystery or fantasy-illusion was crucial to his ability to become aroused.

I wasn't at all worried about my husband, he's not that way at all. But as it turned out there was never really occasion for him to stick his head down there. With my first the midwives were so involved with my vagina and so crowded around my crotch that I doubt he could have gotten a good view even if he'd wanted, with my second it was a waterbirth and I was squatting, with my third he didn't know the baby was coming until she was out. He had the best chance probably with my fourth, as he caught the baby, but the light was dim and my vagina was facing downward, opposite direction from his face. But he did see lots of fluid and blood and poop, and he did see me screaming my head off. No damage done to our sex life whatsoever.
post #38 of 82
Quote:
Originally Posted by fourlittlebirds View Post
That said, I really don't understand what it is about the idea of a vagina stretching and a baby coming out that turns the occasional man off sex. And is it then sex in general, or just sex with his wife, or sex with any woman who's given birth? The only thing that makes the remotest sense to me is if it's a traumatic birth or if the mother is cut... and then associating that trauma with her vagina, and not wanting to do anything that might mean having to experience that again. But just seeing the vagina stretch and a baby be born? I'm having a very hard time wrapping my mind around that, anyone have any insight?
I do know a man who will only date women (if they have children) who have had C-sections for this very reason. Pathetic huh?? In his defense, he is a complete moron.:
post #39 of 82
Thread Starter 
i totally respect everyone's opinion... and the more i think about it... i can understand why it gets so many mamas going. there is part of me that feels like.. are you kiddiing, you want a baby, but you're grossed out by the birth - what is it that you really want.

But this thread has got me thinking... I sorta empathize with my dh cuz i have had the same squirmy feeling about the blood and guts of birth - except that for me, i also have always had a strong sense of amazement that a life has come into the world. and i feel that last part is a natural reaction for me, as a woman; and realizing my body is made to perform this amazing feat.

but i remember the first birthing video i saw was in a biology class and i totally gagged when i saw the placenta delivered - simply cuz i wasn't expecting it and i didn't know that it was that much blood and stuff. So I dunno if its fair to just automatically expect a guy who is not bodily connected to the process to not be grossed out. I mean if I can be grossed out as a teenager who knew nothing about birth, well so can anyone without the proper knowledge; and especially if that person doesn't have a vagina.

I'm starting to think that it comes down to education and expectations. I'm starting to realize that there is ALOT my dh doesn't know- this will be our first. Like one time I was playing a birthing video, the baby didn't cry immediately. He was panicking for the woman bc he thought we were watching a stillbirth and i had to tell him that they don't automatically cry after wards.

So while i don't think its the healthiest view, i dont really get fired up that dh is squirmish about it. I don't know how our sex life will be affected. For goodness sake, I might be the one turned off.

It just sounds like everyone feels like it SO WRONG for a guy to feel that way. I dunno. I dont think so. AS for the sex life thereafter... we'll see. Hopefully, I'll have the same experience as the pp's.
post #40 of 82
Uhm, your sex life isn't going to be the same after birth no matter what.

Mostly, cause who the hell has the energy? LOL!

DH looked and I don't care. When baby #2 was crowning they kept trying to usher him up to my head and I said NO, I didn't want him there. There were too many people (2!) already doing stuff and touching me and I didn't need him "helping." He's a doctor, he's had to disect humans before, watching the birth isn't going to scar him for life or make him pass out or whatever else it is they fear.
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