sorry i don't have time to read all of the pages here in this thread...but i wanted to join the thread. i need help. i'm floundering more often than not the past 16 mos. since my ds was born...
its like 2 steps forward, 1 step backward for me...i'm hating myself and live w/ such remorse and sorrow. yet i love my true essence...i'm very loving and nurturing...i can be so fun and playful and patient...i was always so great w/ kids...they did not get on my nerves at all until i became a parent and had to deal w/ my dd's half sister when my dd was an infant...then this monster came out of me. now the monster has risen again since my ds was born last november. wth is happening to me!? maybe i just am overwhelmed when i have young babies??? and/or having a load on my shoulders w/ 2 young dc...just being overwhelmed w/ it, having a spirited child???
i am totally for GD...i'm all for unconditional parenting, connective parenting (GREAT books, btw)... but too often i'm horribly reactive...sometimes downright monstrous & i have such great remorse for all those times...my dd is now 6.5 & we are such a vicious cycle...i don't know how to remain calm yet firm and patient all the times she is pushing me way past my limit. i have never been a patient person myself...am working on it. so it makes this GDing all the more of a challenge for me.
i want sooo much to break this cycle but i keep slipping up. i NEVEr thought i'd even raise my voice to my dd and esp. spank her
as i completely do NOT agree with it. it only makes things worse betw. us and for her heart.
people/books say just take a time out for myself even if she won't go cool down on her bed or whatever...even if she won't go run off her energy or bike or whatever and she's driving me nuts.
: (sometimes she will refuse to go release that energy and be even more nasty/difficult). so the books say take a time out for myself...deep breathes...lock myself in the bathroom if i have to. but this is easier said than done for me. i keep on forgetting somehow in the moment of my anger/annoyance and lose it on her again.
i don't want to 'lose' my dd's trust although i know i've surely damaged it too many a time. so what to do...i'm going to take a DBT (dialectical behavior therapy) and hopefully i'll learn something beside breathe and take my own time out...(although often my dd won't let me be alone to even do this!!! she can be so rude!!!!!!!)
so how to break this vicious cycle?! its like i'm nice...she's nice...she's nasty...i'm calm/nice...she's nice...she's nasty...i'm nasty...she's nice...i'm nasty...she's nice, she's nasty... this is just horrible!!!!!!!!!!
i'm working on this but i feel like such a failure than a success. i have turned out to be a sh*t mom to her. i'm beginning to think that i am still suffering from PPD since i have a young ds and when my dd was a baby her half-sis also drove me batty. PPD again then...it could be, i suppose. i also struggle w/ a mood disorder/possible bipolar...i'm on a mood stabilizer but i still struggle w/ patience...
anyway. i am so frustrated w/ my self. i want to stop getting so flustered w/ her when she is like that... replacing the labels w/ positive ones is not easy to honor when i feel that feeling.
:any other suggestions??? (besides time out for myself or breathing or cold water poured on myself!?) guess i could go jump in a hot steamy shower and cry...punching pillows or screaming into them doesn't cut it for me. i need to throw a plate or something. i need some extreme anger management. anyway... help.
ps-i'm also a solo parenting mama. my mother isn't here often (she lives w/ us) and the kids' father's don't help/aren't involved. my dd is in school half a day and she takes art classes but still it isn't enough of a break for me. ugh. this is not easy being a parent!!! CAN PPD last this long (16 mos.) and IS it possible that the older sibling is the one who mama gets flustered by...not the babies??? cuz my babies don't get me in a huff and i don't feel overwhelmed/annoyed by them. even my little toddler boy. (you know how people say PPD symptoms are ie. thoughts of hurting your baby...etc. well i don't have that. not for the babies...)hmmm.
i want help from a therapist but i fear they'd take my kids. i know there are programs out there for parents who want to be gentler w/ their kids who have been awful w/ them at times...i know there are many more of us out there who believe in GD but resort to issues from our childhoods in reaction.
ok i'm babbling. i'm sorry. please don't flame me. i just wanted to join as i know i'm not alone and need support and any advice that may help me to remain cool and calm as lake placid when my dd tests the waters.