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Hard days with twins

post #1 of 23
Thread Starter 
I Have had hard day with my 5month old twins. I just want to cry and no one is home to talk to, and no one reads any thing I put on here so what am I suppost to???
post #2 of 23
Those early months were incredibly hard here too. I was so discouraged at five months because I had expected things to be easier by then and in some ways they were harder. It got easier around 6 to 9 months so you're really close. Kids start to cry less, can wait longer, and are just more fun.
But I remember lots of times in my kids early months that I would cry and cry. It was so hard here with two of them and one of me.
There are also lots of hormones still going on and I was depressed though I didn't realize it at the time. Do you have support? Can someone take them on a walk or even come to help for a day or so?
post #3 of 23
Yes, 5 months was a particularly hard time here. They were REALLY hard until 3 1/2 months or so, then got a bit easier. But 5 months hit and my ds was down to sleeping 90 minutes at a time. Both were fussy and hungry for a couple of weeks. Once they hit about 6 months, things got MUCH easier, and I even was home alone with them for 4 days (dh was working 18 hour days and sleeping or showering every minute he was home) and didn't feel the need to scream or cry. It was a really good weekend from that perspective.

Good luck to you. I know it's hard when you don't have anyone IRL to talk to, and when you start a thread that nobody (or only a couple of people) reads.
post #4 of 23
Oh, I remember those hard days -- and it was SOOOOOO hard. I think it was around 5 months that I broke down at a LLL meeting -- people were going around making introductions, not even talking about anything emotional or meaningful or anything, and when it got to me, I think I blurted out "I'm Lisa and this is sooooooooo hhhhhaaaaaarrrrrrddddddd and I am soooooo tired" and I just cried and cried and cried.

It does get better -- but that doesn't help in the here and now. Can you pay someone to come in for an hour or two to do whatever needs to be done (or rock babes so you can nap?). Do you have people who might have said "if you need anything, let me know" when the babes were born? If so -- now is the time to call them. I have become MUCH better at asking for help since having twins... and it saved me.

You are not alone mama. Let us know what else you need....
post #5 of 23
post #6 of 23
Yep, it's hard. The worst is almost over Well, then it's hard in different ways but no where near as hard as the first 6 months.

My mantra is: It could always be worse.... there could be 3 of them.
post #7 of 23
Quote:
Originally Posted by LoisLane View Post
Oh, I remember those hard days -- and it was SOOOOOO hard. I think it was around 5 months that I broke down at a LLL meeting -- people were going around making introductions, not even talking about anything emotional or meaningful or anything, and when it got to me, I think I blurted out "I'm Lisa and this is sooooooooo hhhhhaaaaaarrrrrrddddddd and I am soooooo tired" and I just cried and cried and cried.
Awww! What a story! I wish I had LLL close enough to attend.

****

At the moment, I can't quite remember what was going on at 5 months. We definitely had hard days though when I really felt low as you describe in the original post.

I am struggling a lot with my twins right now (they are 7 months old.) Things are very hard and I do feel alone. My husband helps a lot, but he's not here during the day and things keep happening that compromise his availability when he IS here (most recently slipping on the ice and hurting himself badly enough that he can't really bend over, or hold babies.)

I have a four-year-old who is turning 5 this week, and I feel like the worst, slack parent where she is concerned. It wouldn't be that bad if it were temporary or isolated, but this started when I was pregnant and vomiting all the time, then when I couldn't really manage much physically (and was trying to research twin pregnancy/birth in whatever time I could grab), and then when they were newly here..... I feel like she's lost a whole year of quality time and attention.

The twins are great but not sleeping/napping well, and SO crabby much of the time. I feel like I am going crazy. I only feel decent now because I've been in bed with them since around 7:30 last night...so even with all the wakings, and the problems getting one or the other to sleep initially, I did get a lot of sleep. But I literally seem to have zero time apart from the babies when that happens, so even then it's a big trade off.

I keep waiting for it to get better...I thought it was the 6 month growth spurt and teething....but it's going on and on to the point that I can't even recognize what it might be and things just seem lousy right now. I can't even say what would help, at this point.
post #8 of 23
Quote:
Originally Posted by MamaRabbit View Post

My mantra is: It could always be worse.... there could be 3 of them.
did i say in the past that having twins wouldn't stop me having more laughup

i look at them so many times a day and see three possible people staring up at me waiting to drink me dry!!!

(i feel so disloyal to you trip mums, sorry )

so, we're 5 months here too and what is hard for me is realising it isn't going to be easier to get out and about anytime soon. i guess i was thinking spring would hit and i'd be back on my feet. hahaha. am now rewriting my inner dialogue to include another year or two of this pace of life.
post #9 of 23
Lots of hugs! Those first few months were hard for me too. I, too, felt alone. I was home, by myself, with crying babies. Hang in there!
post #10 of 23
Some days can be hard and then every once in a while you have a hard day that puts all the other hard days to shame

Ask for help. This is so hard for me to do but I've started doing it more and more and not apologizing for it. Can you call a friend and ask them to drop off dinner? Even if it's macaroni and cheese. Is there anyone who can just come hold a baby? They don't have to do anything else - just hold them so you can hold the other one.

I don't really have any advice unless you're looking for specific ideas. I will tell you that I have fewer "hard" days now that my two are 8 months. They are happy now that they can sit by themselves. And I'm not sure where you live but here it is full on winter and I cannot wait until spring to get out more. I'm sure that will help.
post #11 of 23
, the first year was so difficult.
post #12 of 23
fabhare, it does get easier...really!
You are not alone - well, technically you are and that is such a shame that in our society moms of multiples aren't recognized as a person in need of help!
But, figuratively speaking, we have all been there and we are still alive! We're not even traumatized! lol
It gets easier when they start sitting up on their own and gaining a little more body control. Right now they are frustrated b/c they want to move but can't find the strength to do much. The more independent they get, the better it gets for you!
Then there's a tipping point where they are so physically indepedent you're just running around trying to keep up with them :P
Fun fun! If you ever want to chat w/ a twins mommy one-on-one, please feel free to PM me

Oh, and a HUGE help on those days was to GET OUT OF THE HOUSE!
I know it seems like the hardest thing to do, but it really does help sometimes!
post #13 of 23
yup, 5 months is hard. I'm trying to think of something constructive and helpful to say to you, but wondering if there are specific things you're having trouble with? I believe it was about 5 months when I first tried getting babies on a schedule. I know some might think that is a dirty word, but it was really more about getting their naps in sync w/ each other so that I could have an hour or so of rest myself. If you need details on how I lovingly did that, pm or ask here.

Ditto on getting out of the house. Mine were 5 months and it was warm. As I had spent the previous 5 months in the house, I required myself to get us out every single day. Some days a walk around the neighborhood, I was proactive in setting up park playdates w/ mom friends, some days we went over to my mom's or grandma's house, itsy bitsy yoga, library story time. Anything to break up the monotony of my days.

They say that after the first year it lightens up. Well, we're a week past the first year. They are mobile and entertain themselves for long (10-45 minutes) periods of time. We have our routine down pretty well. While I still don't take them out for errands, getting out of the house with them is not so overwhelming. I know what they can handle and I know when it is time to leave. But there are still moments that I wonder if I will make it through the next five minutes. At 5 months, my dh assumed I would be back to my normal self. I'm not sure he realizes that I will never be that person again. Things changed, I have two babies and every single one of my priorities is different. My whole life perspective has changed. That has been a hard adjustment for both of us.

I think I felt better when I just accepted that my hair was going to look terrible, I was going to be soooooooo tired, my house was going to be a mess, the laundry was going to pile up etc. Just accepting that as the facts of my life made it easier than holding myself up to standards that I had pre-babies. Now at a year, I can keep my house semi clean, cook dinner most nights, feed myself something besides granola bars or frozen dinners. But I still don't fix my hair.

And I feel your pain about unanswered posts. Sometimes I look for posts w/ no replies just for that reason. Every post deserves an answer, even if someone is just sympathizing or saying they don't know the answer either.
post #14 of 23
I second the advice to get out, even if just for a walk with the babes. It can be wonderful for clearing your head. And do something fun during a nap. Better yet, do nothing at all for at least a little time. It's so easy for me to forget these two things, getting out and being good to myself when I can. Nap-time seems like a rush to clean, do business, cook, etc. But you've got to keep your sanity too!

Five months was a bit of a tough time for me too, with one DD more than the other. I remember starting solids a little early thinking her crankiness was hunger. It wasn't, but the constant crying passes. She's a delightful 12 month old now!

Keep up the good work, momma!
post #15 of 23


Oh Mama, I'm so sorry it's so hard right now. Mine have gone through phases where I look at them and shout "there was only supposed to be ONE OF YOU!!!!" (yes, I even say that out loud **blush**). Hang in there, it's getting easier the closer we get to one. Mine are very mobile now and while that's hard in many ways it's nice that they keep themselves busy.
post #16 of 23
Quote:
Originally Posted by Twopeaedpod View Post
fabhare, it does get easier...really!
You are not alone - well, technically you are and that is such a shame that in our society moms of multiples aren't recognized as a person in need of help!
But, figuratively speaking, we have all been there and we are still alive! We're not even traumatized! lol
It gets easier when they start sitting up on their own and gaining a little more body control. Right now they are frustrated b/c they want to move but can't find the strength to do much. The more independent they get, the better it gets for you!


Quote:
Originally Posted by Intertwined View Post


Oh Mama, I'm so sorry it's so hard right now. Mine have gone through phases where I look at them and shout "there was only supposed to be ONE OF YOU!!!!" (yes, I even say that out loud **blush**).
:::

::: nak
post #17 of 23
Sorry to hear you have had a hard day, but I don't think your assessment that "no one reads anything (you) post on here" is correct.
  • You're a new member with a total of three posts including this thread. Not exactly a lengthy history to establish how people treat your posts!
  • Each of your posts have been read between 83 - 390 times.
  • Each of your posts have received replies (within 24 hours).

I know a crappy day can skew your perspective, but I don't think your assessment of a perceived lack of support here is accurate at all.
post #18 of 23
Im so sorry, the first year can be so hard.
post #19 of 23
Quote:
Originally Posted by esaesa View Post
yup, 5 months is hard. I'm trying to think of something constructive and helpful to say to you, but wondering if there are specific things you're having trouble with? I believe it was about 5 months when I first tried getting babies on a schedule. I know some might think that is a dirty word, but it was really more about getting their naps in sync w/ each other so that I could have an hour or so of rest myself. If you need details on how I lovingly did that, pm or ask here.
I would love to hear how you did that and how long it took. My 5 month olds don't seem "magically easier" like my very high maintenance DD1 was at this age. I was expecting it to be getting a bit easier, less crying, etc. by now. Getting them to both sleep at the same time during the day - especially if I could get them sleeping for longer than 40 minutes at a time - would be nice so I could spend some much needed one-on-one time with my first born!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Intertwined View Post
Mine have gone through phases where I look at them and shout "there was only supposed to be ONE OF YOU!!!!" (yes, I even say that out loud **blush**).
Glad I'm not the only one!
post #20 of 23
I"m sorry. It is hard! Mine are 14 months now, and it is getting easier in some ways. Big Hugs!
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