or Connect
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Pregnancy and Birth › Birth and Beyond › Unassisted Childbirth › Told I cant have home birth on air force base?!?!?
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

Told I cant have home birth on air force base?!?!? - Page 2

post #21 of 74
Thread Starter 
well, I asked my husband that same thing. He says that he is held responsible for my actions, and could still get in trouble. Like if I get pulled over and get a ticket or something, he said he is the one that gets yelled at. Apparently I am his responsibility. Although, whether or not that applies to giving birth, I guess we cant be sure. Although you would think if it was okay for me, the commander wouldnt have said no in the first place.. since he should know Im the one that is giving birth anyway. Its just so stupid. I agree though, they SHOULDNT be able to tell me to do anything. But I guess when you become a military spouse.. you take on some new responsibilities as such. I actually got scolded for having blue hair and nose ring by one military member, saying I have an image to uphold if Im a military spouse.

and did you know they actually have laws about sex? I think its things like No oral, no doggy style.. . isnt that unbelievable? as if they could control that.
post #22 of 74
Quote:
Originally Posted by Irishmommy View Post
Butting in here. The military has no jurisdiction over spouses - you are a civilian, not military, they can't tell YOU what to do. And your spouse can't make you do anything, so he shouldn't be held responsible for YOUR decisions.

It is true that she is a civilian, but she is living on a military installation with her husband as her sponser. Anything she (or any of his dependents) does that violates base regulations will have an effect on him. It sucks, but as her sponser, he is responsible for her.

Now if this regulation (not having a homebirth on base) is wrong, he can go up the chain-of-command and find someone who does know the correct regs.

Do you have a copy of your housing manual?
post #23 of 74
Quote:
Originally Posted by mariekitt24 View Post
I actually got scolded for having blue hair and nose ring by one military member, saying I have an image to uphold if Im a military spouse.
This is BS and I would have told him to kiss my a$$. As a civilian, you do have more freedom than a military member. As long as you don't violate base regs, they can't say anything to you. And I really doubt there is a reg that says you can not come on base with blue hair, KWIM?
post #24 of 74
I live in military housing and in a state where midwifery laws are cloudy at best, and I have never in the entirety of my DH's career heard of a military base not allowing a homebirth. I've known MANY women who've had homebirths in military housing as well and none had a problem in terms of the military post allowing it or not, I'm about to be one of them. Have you spoken to any other midwives about this? Hardly ever does any one person really know what they're talking about, so I would say that whoever told your DH that is full of it. He would probably get 20 different answers from 20 different people. What I would do is talk to a few different HB midwives, find some other spouses who've homebirthed and get their take on the situation.
post #25 of 74
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by KatieJD View Post
I live in military housing and in a state where midwifery laws are cloudy at best, and I have never in the entirety of my DH's career heard of a military base not allowing a homebirth. I've known MANY women who've had homebirths in military housing as well and none had a problem in terms of the military post allowing it or not, I'm about to be one of them. Have you spoken to any other midwives about this? Hardly ever does any one person really know what they're talking about, so I would say that whoever told your DH that is full of it. He would probably get 20 different answers from 20 different people.
Yeah, I was really shocked when I heard we were denied. He did what he supposed to, start at the bottom and work his way up to his commander, which he thinks is the commander of the entire base, who denied it. It was especially surprising because my midwife was SO SURE it was not going to be a problem, she wasnt worried in the slightest about us getting turned down. Maybe we DO need to look into that more.
Quote:
Originally Posted by KatieJD View Post
What I would do is talk to a few different HB midwives, find some other spouses who've homebirthed and get their take on the situation.
I dont know other HB wives in the area, and the midwife we have is the only one that is available in my area as far as I can tell too. Im not sure how to look into that.
post #26 of 74
I am sorry that this happened to you- what we have been told by clients at 2 different bases that you just don't ask, if you ask the possibilty of no is there- as you have unfortunately found out- why did your midwife tell you to ask the commander? I think that at this point it may be easiest to rent a hotel/motel room and take your own bedding in when you do. You could just go ahead and have your baby at home but if there was a transport - there would be trouble and if there is talk-- normally we get visitor passes- and follow the routine set out for visitors- ID/insurance...
take care
post #27 of 74
Unfortunately I heard of a woman who UC on a military base several years back (I knew her on a UC list) and her husband had been commanded by his superior NOT to let her give birth at home when it was overheard what their plans were. When she did give birth at home, he was punished severely. It was like she had no rights. Her husband was really treated horrible. I don't remember if he got kicked out or not but I know he was reprimanded and punished, even though it was HER body and she made the choice to do so (solo, btw... he wasnt' there). MY advice is look for someone not on base who might let you birth at their house (like find another UCer through UC websites or go to La Leche League meetings and see if anyone would let you birth with a midwife at their house).... other than that I have no idea. I am so, so sorry. I know it won't make you feel any better, but my UC plans have changed as well due to complications. I wish you better luck than I am having.
post #28 of 74
Quote:
Originally Posted by mama_b View Post
Could you get a hotel room when you go into labor?
That's what I was going to say...I know of people who didn't want anyone to know they were birthing outside the hospital, so they rented a motel room and had the baby there. That way, as soon as the baby is born, in your case, you could go right back to your apt on base, and don't need to say anything to anyone. Where you birth is still your choice, just not on base according to the current commander. I agree with your choice to homebirth, I know military hospitals aren't the best mother/baby friendly places, so I hope the motel will be a compromise, and it works out OK. It would also be affordable, I think....
post #29 of 74
Quote:
Originally Posted by mariekitt24 View Post
Yeah, I was really shocked when I heard we were denied. He did what he supposed to, start at the bottom and work his way up to his commander, which he thinks is the commander of the entire base, who denied it. It was especially surprising because my midwife was SO SURE it was not going to be a problem, she wasnt worried in the slightest about us getting turned down. Maybe we DO need to look into that more.

I dont know other HB wives in the area, and the midwife we have is the only one that is available in my area as far as I can tell too. Im not sure how to look into that.
I've never heard of asking permission to homebirth, it really doesn't make sense to me that she would advise you to do that. Check out the Finding Your Tribe area for your region and start asking on there, that would probably be the best place to start.
post #30 of 74
I am so sorry that things are stressful for you right now... esp. about your brother

When you finally hold your baby, everything will be just fine

Do the hotel room thing, IMHO.
post #31 of 74
I would think a motel (1st floor of course) would be better than a hotel - probably you could do the birth tub there since you're on the ground floor.

Or - how about a cabin somewhere on a campground or something? Just ideas. I know most campground cabins would probably not be appropriate (too crowded etc.) but maybe there's one within driving distance that has more space and privacy. I would think it wouldn't cost any more than a hotel.
post #32 of 74
Quote:
Originally Posted by southernmommie View Post
Have you looked at your state laws? It's not illegal to have a baby on a military base.
It's not illegal to homeschool, either, but we still have to get "approval" in some states.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Irishmommy View Post
The military has no jurisdiction over spouses - you are a civilian, not military, they can't tell YOU what to do. And your spouse can't make you do anything, so he shouldn't be held responsible for YOUR decisions.
As someone else stated, the military DOES have jurisdiction over people who live on military installations, and the military member is held responsible for the actions of his family members while on the installation.

Quote:
Originally Posted by oceanwinds View Post
As long as you don't violate base regs, they can't say anything to you.
I'm kind of a rabble-rouser. I would go to the commander myself and ever-so-sweetly tell him that if you could "pretty please see a copy of the regulation that states such-and-such," then you'll be happy to comply. Then you can worry about renting a room, etc.

If he cannot produce a regulation barring you from birthing in your unit, then you can ask what he based his decision on. Then at least you know what you're up against. Keep things civil, and have a witness there other than your husband in case the commander is an egomaniac who will hold a grudge.

Oh, and if you DO end up birthing in a hotel, keep the receipts for proof of your stay.
post #33 of 74
Quote:
Originally Posted by gossamerwindweb View Post
Unfortunately I heard of a woman who UC on a military base several years back (I knew her on a UC list) and her husband had been commanded by his superior NOT to let her give birth at home when it was overheard what their plans were. When she did give birth at home, he was punished severely. It was like she had no rights. Her husband was really treated horrible. I don't remember if he got kicked out or not but I know he was reprimanded and punished, even though it was HER body and she made the choice to do so (solo, btw... he wasnt' there).
That is appalling. Maybe I am just clueless about the way the service works (although I did grow up as an Air Force brat!), but it seems so disgustingly wrong for someone to be PUNISHED for choosing a method of birthing that is outside the mainstream. Why is it such a big deal where you have your baby?? Do they know ANYTHING about homebirth? Do they keep such a close eye on you throughout your baby's entire life to make sure you don't do anything ELSE "dangerous?" I am really upset by this. I am so glad we're not in the military!
post #34 of 74
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2xy View Post
I'm kind of a rabble-rouser. I would go to the commander myself and ever-so-sweetly tell him that if you could "pretty please see a copy of the regulation that states such-and-such," then you'll be happy to comply. Then you can worry about renting a room, etc.

If he cannot produce a regulation barring you from birthing in your unit, then you can ask what he based his decision on. Then at least you know what you're up against. Keep things civil, and have a witness there other than your husband in case the commander is an egomaniac who will hold a grudge.
I'm the kind of person that wouldn't push the issue any further. Since they already said no, I'd be afraid they might do some retaliation towards my DH. And since they like living on base, they probably wouldn't want to jeopardize their way of life, yk? Maybe that's just me, but the military doesn't seem to work by the same set of "show me the regulation and then I'll follow it" type protocol as the civilan world. Or, I could be wrong.
post #35 of 74
Quote:
Originally Posted by barefootpoetry View Post
That is appalling. Maybe I am just clueless about the way the service works (although I did grow up as an Air Force brat!), but it seems so disgustingly wrong for someone to be PUNISHED for choosing a method of birthing that is outside the mainstream. Why is it such a big deal where you have your baby?? Do they know ANYTHING about homebirth? Do they keep such a close eye on you throughout your baby's entire life to make sure you don't do anything ELSE "dangerous?" I am really upset by this. I am so glad we're not in the military!
I am guessing that they got in trouble, not so much for the birth itself, but because they were told no and did it anyway.

Your best bet is to find out the regs for your base. This is an excellent idea...

Quote:
I'm kind of a rabble-rouser. I would go to the commander myself and ever-so-sweetly tell him that if you could "pretty please see a copy of the regulation that states such-and-such," then you'll be happy to comply. Then you can worry about renting a room, etc.

If he cannot produce a regulation barring you from birthing in your unit, then you can ask what he based his decision on. Then at least you know what you're up against. Keep things civil, and have a witness there other than your husband in case the commander is an egomaniac who will hold a grudge.
post #36 of 74
Quote:
Originally Posted by mariekitt24 View Post
Like if I get pulled over and get a ticket or something, he said he is the one that gets yelled at. Apparently I am his responsibility.

That is SO stupid. :


I would seek advice from others who are knowledgeable in this area ... e.g. not civilians ... talk to others who have BTDT, talk to the military lawyer... it may be that you are not going to get anywhere with this commandeer guy and any more pushing is just going to make things harder for you and your DH. Have you talked to your midwife about the situation? Maybe she has some ideas.

Oh and one more thing, have you posted this in the birth professionals area? Someone over there might know something.
post #37 of 74
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2xy View Post
As someone else stated, the military DOES have jurisdiction over people who live on military installations, and the military member is held responsible for the actions of his family members while on the installation.

There have been quite a number of threads here in the vax forum saying exactly the opposite - that they can't force vaxes on anyone OTHER than the enlisted member. So if they can't force that, how can the force other things?

Seriously asking, not trying to stir it.
post #38 of 74
yes, it is not the birth itself... it is because they were specifically told NO and then did it anyhow. If you don't ask and no one knows, there are no commands not to and you wouldn't get in trouble. The biggest problem is the midwife saying there needed to be permission. If no one had asked, they wouldn't know and there would be no one saying NO.

Being in the military is like they own you (and your family if you live on base). My husband was in the Air Force and when I first got upset about this issue years ago, he explained to me that you are OWNED by them. You might think that you have rights but you are their property basically.

P.S. the hotel room sounds like a really good idea. Now I'm thinking of this for myself... hmmmmmm.
post #39 of 74
Quote:
Originally Posted by Irishmommy View Post
There have been quite a number of threads here in the vax forum saying exactly the opposite - that they can't force vaxes on anyone OTHER than the enlisted member. So if they can't force that, how can the force other things?

Seriously asking, not trying to stir it.
Because there is no regulation that says you have to be vaccinated to live on base.

And in this case, they aren't forcing anyone to do anything...they are denying permission for something.

And just in case I am misunderstood, I think hb's should be allowed in housing...in fact, I will have one in the next year or so. I am just trying to explain the military aspect of this.
post #40 of 74
Quote:
Originally Posted by Irishmommy View Post
Butting in here. The military has no jurisdiction over spouses - you are a civilian, not military, they can't tell YOU what to do. And your spouse can't make you do anything, so he shouldn't be held responsible for YOUR decisions.
AD spouse here:
The military CAN and WILL tell you what to do when it comes to living in THEIR housing. That is one of the things about living in military housing you play by their rules in their residences, however what the OP wishes to do off base is her business.
OP I am so sorry that you will not be able to do your homebirth, I know how special it is for one to have their birth plans honored. Unfortunately with the CO already knowing what s(he) knows I personally wouldnt risk it as well. lSome other posters have given you suggestions for alternatives, perhaps housing will let you out early.
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Unassisted Childbirth
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Pregnancy and Birth › Birth and Beyond › Unassisted Childbirth › Told I cant have home birth on air force base?!?!?