All of a sudden, my little girl hates school

[Stella_luna]

This child loved kindergarten all last year. She has been very happy in first grade too, until this week. Monday was a snow day, so she was home. Then Tuesday she woke up crying, saying she didn't want to go to school. She had a whole litany of excuses--the room is cold, so-and-so is bossy, she doesn't like indoor recess, math is boring, etc. She literally cried for about half an hour. I was on the verge of letting her stay home when she relented and said she would go but would call me to pick her up at lunchtime if she was still upset. She stayed all day but came off the bus miserable, crying, saying she had an awful day (because there was a substitute). Wednesday morning and this morning was the same--begging to stay home, crying, sad. Then today she told me she started crying at second recess and told the teacher she had to go home (dismissal is right after second recess, so the teacher just talked to her and read to her until the bus came). Tonight as I was tucking her in, she fell apart, crying, saying she really misses me all day while she's at school, and that's why she doesn't want to go. Is this AP gone awry?

I'm not sure how to approach this. I'm going to let her take a day off next week to just stay home. But I can't do that every week! Any ideas, Mamas? My poor baby's heart is breaking, and so is mine. I can't stand seeing her so sad.

[MattBronsil]

Just as a side note to put this a little bit in perspective. Don't worry, this will be on topic in the end, trust me.

A girl and I broke up last night, it's raining today, and I got pick pocketed this past week while I was in Hong Kong so I'm broke. The school lunch today is something I am alergic to, so I'm sitting here contemplating whether I want to walk out, in the miserable cold rain, to 7-11 to get a crappy hot dog and a coke, thus spending my last $100 or so spending money I have in my pocket until pay day next week. I have to go to Taichung (another city) and get my Visa processed today. To put it bluntly, I do NOT want to be here today at work.

Children (and even many adults) need to learn that there will be times when even something we love is not something we particularly enjoy doing or want to do. I'm not saying nothing is going on at school, but it doesn't appear that this is more than a streak of not wanting to be there.

I would talk to the teacher and see if she can keep an eye and ear out for any changes in the friend dynamic. I wonder if one of her good friends recently found a new friend and is spending more time with that person. I would also keep a closer eye on her homework and see if she's struggling with something, especially math since she said it's boring and named that specifically.

Obviously, if you start looking into this and notice something major happening, then you need to jump at it. But just keeping her home sends the message that if something is difficult, bothering us, upsetting us, or we just don't like it, then it's ok to just walk away from it and shrug off the responsibilities. It honestly sounds like her routine was thrown off with a snow day and a sub this week and she is having a hard time adjusting to that. That is totally understandable and I know that must be hard for a parent to see, especially from someone who has always loved school. But I think the best course of action is not to run from the school if there are no serious problems, but to help your daughter figure out how to get through this.

Just my 2 cents. If anyone disagrees, realize 2 cents is a lot of money since I lost a lot in Hong Kong

[tammylsmith]

Just talk to you daugher. Give her a little time off from school if you want. See if she relaxes at all. Is she having trouble with her teacher? Maybe there is a kid who is in her reading group who picks on her for the color of her lunch box. As an elementary teacher, there were times when things where happy or not with students. Maybe sit down and let her color, or whatever activity she enjoys that relaxes her, and strike up a conversation about what has had her so sad lately. If she misses you, what if you write her a secret note in the mornings to read after lunch each day, or if she carries a picture or something special from home?

[tammylsmith]

I just realized I wasn't clear about something I said (sorry!) I should have checked that over. What I meant was that sometimes, cloudy days came and sometimes they cleared up. I taught elementary school up until my daughter was born. Once, one of my students was miserable and sad and crying because his mom had ordered him these stupid heelie shoes (ugh! I hated that fad) and they hadn't arrived yet. Well, his friend, who had them, gave him some snide comment that upset him. One student spent half a morning sitting in the corner with a back pack on his head because his mom cut his hair and he was embarrassed. I didn't let him avoid work (he raised his hand and answered questions from the backpack... but you get the idea) but it gave him a chance to think and have a little space. He was fine after a bit. Give your daughter a little space if you feel she needs it. I think you want to get to the bottom of what is bothering her first, whether it means keeping her home a bit or sending her back to the routine. You know your daughter. Go with your instinct.