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What's the one issue you've had to defend the most about your parenting style? - Page 6

Poll Results: Which aspect of your parenting did/do you have to defend yourself against the most?

 
  • 16% (65)
    Vaxing/Non Vaxing
  • 11% (43)
    Breastfeeding
  • 19% (77)
    Co-sleeping
  • 9% (35)
    Food choices
  • 4% (18)
    Number of children
  • 8% (31)
    Education Choices
  • 3% (13)
    Television/lack of television
  • 1% (6)
    Choice of toys
  • 8% (34)
    General lifestyle
  • 16% (64)
    Other, please state.
386 Total Votes  
post #101 of 157
The two that are guaranteed to cause an issue is our lack of desire to curb DD's insperations and sex. The first usually comes up once someone comments on one of her outfits. How she dresses is one way she expresses herself and you can tell what kind of mood she's in by what she's wearing. A good number of people, mostly strangers :, want to know why we let her "get away with dressing silly like that". We do it because she's an incredibly creative person and we are proud that she's not ashamed to be different.
The second is usually only broached in a debate format. We are not a household that views sex as some sort of nessecary evil, nor is it something that you have to avoid at all costs until you've achieved specific goals in life (marriage, moving out etc.) Dh and I have learned that most people don't agree with us and we usually end up having to defend our position that DD can make her own choices in that matter.
post #102 of 157
Cosleeping has been our biggest issue mostly with our parents. They just don't get it and don't even attempt to listen to our point of view.
post #103 of 157
I said cosleeping but it is probably a toss up between homeschooling and our life style in general once I think about it. I really am on the fence as to whether or not to continue to associate with my extended family (my aunts, uncles cousins), related to the flack I recieve.

I just do not understand, I don't give them flack about thier lifestyle choices. Why do they have to criticize ours. I suppose that it's probably because they feel threaten by our choices, but still I don't understand why they have to be so rude.
post #104 of 157
I'd say education. My homeschooling friends don't understand why DS is in school, my parents and some community members don't understand why DD1 and DD2 aren't in school, my mom isn't happy about my approach to HSing DD2, etc.

Food choices are a close second. Besides avoiding synthetic crap in our foods (we loosely follow Feingold), we also keep kosher. There have been a lot of misunderstandings over the years about what my kids can and can't eat, what I don't want to bring into my kitchen, etc. So the food issues have been going on longer but at a much less intense level than the educational choices.

3 kids is well within the norm in my community, and I have both girls and a boy, so I'm not hearing any pressure to have more kids, nor pressure that I already have too many. We're also rather mainstream in our approach to TV, and I decided not to wage battles over toys we received as gifts.

Breastfeeding was never such a "public" issue. Few people even knew I was nursing past infancy, and many of those who noticed were already supportive (otherwise they wouldn't realize DC was nursing, not just hugging me.) And cosleeping only happened at home, so I never needed to defend that at all. Vaxxing was also something private- only my doctors (and a VERY select group of friends) ever knew we delayed vaxes.
post #105 of 157
I picked toys, but I guess that's because it's what's been rearing it's head most recently. MIL got DD1 2 Barbie dolls recently. I don't want to go so far as to ban it, especially once it's given, but she knows how I feel about that and Disney princesses, and DD never even would have known what she was missing if they didn't bring it to her attention.

We've also had issues with food, both sides, with weird ideas about what's healthy and what's not (ie, white bread in a bag is "real food", wholegrain organic crackers are "a snack") and with autonomy and manipulation (MIL: "I won't let you play with my toys if you don't eat some of that sausage") but I figured out that the best thing to do is to pre-eat, and avoid being there at mealtimes. And DD is quite strong in her knowledge that she needs to follow her body's cues, and she's learning quite a lot about nutrition lately so I'm glad something I say is sinking in. :

Then there are issues I guess would be general lifestyle... maybe discipline. The whole not always treating DD like an intelligent, autonomous person thing. "Good girl"ing her to death. Talking about disturbing things in front of her as if she can't hear (that's my mother). Expecting her to be able to sit in a car/be dragged around stores all day with no playing or ability to lead the way for a bit, expecting her to hold hands constantly in empty mall corridors (again, my mother). Just people not understanding her!
post #106 of 157
I voted other - no CIO
post #107 of 157
I really don't get much flack about my choices.

Let's see...my mom thought I should have weaned ds2 a bit sooner. (He didn't self-wean, but I weaned him, because nursing had become so painful when I was pregnant with Aaron - he was about 27-28 months.) She never made a big fuss about it, though.

No hassle about circ (nobody in my family circs). No hassle about breastfeeding, in general. No hassle about cloth diapers or cosleeping. I didn't even get hassle about planning a HBA3C (although one person made it very obvious by her behaviour that she felt I was guilty of killing Aaron, and deserved whatever misery I got). No hassle about being tv-free, although I think most of my family find it weird (we do watch a lot of DVDs - too many, probably).

I've had a few negative comments about homeschooling, but nothing serious. That's about it.
post #108 of 157
I voted non-vaxing. That's the one thing I am most defensive about.

#2 is BFing. I cannot talk to my father without him asking if I "have that baby on a bottle yet." Good grief. He knows I nursed DS until age 2 and DD until 18 months... with my first three kids, HE himself was the reason DD2 was weaned at 4 months. We lived in the same town and he harassed me mercilessly, even getting to the point of saying I couldn't nurse her if he was in the house because it made him so uncomfortable.

We live far away now and I don't see him often, but phone conversations are... interesting. Mostly I change the subject or say "we're working on it, Daddy."

(He is in frail health now, so I try not to upset him. Believe me, we used to argue it out.)

#3 is the no-circ. I had a cousin tell me she thought it was child-abuse to NOT circ your child. I was like, WTF???? You got it backwards!!! But she was adamant, so I wisely let it drop. She lives her life, I live mine, we don't get into personal details and everyone's happy.
post #109 of 157
Vaxing/Non-Vaxing - we chose to vax our DS and caught a bit of heat for doing so from some parents that did not vax their LO's.
post #110 of 157
i couldn't decide between co-sleeping and food choices. we had a lot of flak (from ppl who hadn't chosen to do the same, of course) for delaying certain foods until our first son was one or two. what's the big deal? he didn't have nuts or peanut butter til he was 2. so what? he doesn't really care for it anyway so it was no loss. i actually had a waitress get mad at me for it (she asked me if i wanted pb for my son and i said he hadn't had it yet so she went crazy on me.) a man at another table stuck up for me when she wouldn't listen to me!
this time, with DS2, we've had some "comments" about co-sleeping with our son. now, if asked how he is sleeping, instead of saying "he sleeps with me so he never cries at night" (he did sleep with me exclusively for a few months but now spends a bit of time in the play pen, then the crib, before sleeping with me), i laugh or make some sort of noise that indicates that he doesn't sleep through. it's just not worth the shock and comments ("i'd be afraid of rolling over on him") i get on the topic. i did have a health nurse (the same one who saved my BFing relationship with my son) say how good it is and that my son's breathing pattern will match mine, helping prevent SIDs...etc. etc.
post #111 of 157
Breastfeeding as long as I have. The comments about that seem to peak at around 1 year, then again at 2 years, then taper off (DS nursed till 4.75 and DD is still nursing once a day at 3.5). Probably because beyond age 2, they either assume you already have weaned (by that point my kids did not NIP much at all anymore) or they just don't want to know, which is fine by me. I know MIL especially thought I was strange to keep nursing beyond about 18 months or so, she thought it was great up to that point, but did not understand why beyond then. But then, just today on the phone, she was talking about how my kids both have colds now, and wow they must be "lucky", because DH by now would have definitely been on antibiotics due to ear infection or tonsillitis (DH was adopted at 4 days old and FF). And I am agreeing with her, but inside thinking I know I did the right thing there nursing them as long as I have, because I bet it has made a difference in their health. Kind of nice to have your beliefs affirmed like that.

Second thing I have had most flack on is keeping DD rear facing in her carseat this long. People did not understand why I did not want to turn her around at age 1, even though she did not even meet the MINIMUM weight requirements of 20 lb till past age 2! Now I am really "nuts" still keeping her RF at 3.5 and 26ish lb.

Personally, I think most people need to keep their mouths shut unless it is a real danger to the child or the parent has not put much thought into what they are doing. But a dedicated parent, who has made a well researched and thought out decision, should be respected as such.
post #112 of 157
Quote:
Originally Posted by jillmamma View Post
Second thing I have had most flack on is keeping DD rear facing in her carseat this long. People did not understand why I did not want to turn her around at age 1, even though she did not even meet the MINIMUM weight requirements of 20 lb till past age 2! Now I am really "nuts" still keeping her RF at 3.5 and 26ish lb.

Personally, I think most people need to keep their mouths shut unless it is a real danger to the child or the parent has not put much thought into what they are doing. But a dedicated parent, who has made a well researched and thought out decision, should be respected as such.
i agree!! people don't realize that you're supposed to keep them rear facing as long as you can. they say you CAN turn them at a year, not you SHOULD.
post #113 of 157
I'd say the #1 choice we've had to defend is our refusal to adjust DD's sleep schedule for anyone else's convenience. She's always been a high-needs sleeper -- she took 3 naps a day until 15 months and she still goes to bed by 6:30pm every night. Her sleep schedule is a HUGE cramp in playgroups, family events, and evening socializing... but I just feel sleep is SO important. She had a very strange naptime until preschool started in the fall and we had to push her 10am nap back to 12:30pm.... that's the only time we've ever tried to change her inner schedule and it was hell for about 2 months.

As for other parenting choices... honestly, I've never felt like I really needed to defend them. I've been pretty open about most of our choices and most people haven't questioned.
post #114 of 157
I chose co-sleeping because that has always been a biggie for us. But the biggest, however, has been our choice to homeschool. Sure, after almost 10 years of it both sides of the family seem to "tolerate" it but I know what they really think and can tell by their casual comments at times. And at this point, to tell the truth, I don't really care what anyone thinks. My children have "tried" school outta the home and it doesn't work for them. They are much happier and less stressed at home and that's all that really matters to me.
post #115 of 157
i said general lifestyle choices because I don't think my family or any of my ex-friends would have had a problem with my husband telling me i had to homeschool as long as he had a white collar job, made his mortgage payments on time, drove a nice, late-model car, and genuinely didn't want a working wife and a sailboat instead of a wife who didn't work and stayed home to clean his house and cook his meals from scratch (and homeschool his children in her spare time).

I'm not married and don't want to be so....
post #116 of 157
number of kids is first, then not circing.
post #117 of 157
[x] all of the above
post #118 of 157
Baby isn't even here yet, but I thought I would add; Gender neutral clothing. We don't know the gender and family is like, "what are we going to buy for you? When you find out we'll have to get some real clothes. If you don't find out you'll be stuck with all green and yellow clothes." (I think that's better than being stuck with all blue or pink!! )

Why does every stranger need to know the gender of my 3 month old? Is it important to how you will treat her/him? and then they tell me that babies/children are just into pink or blue (or trucks or dolls) from birth because it's 'natural'. Yeah, 'cause that's all you give them! What is it about having a penis that makes blue look better to you, exactly?

(ps. I was a gender/sexualities student at Uni, so this is near and dear to my heart. smile.)
post #119 of 157
There are so many things. We ask people to take off their shoes and wash their hands when they come in. We don't let DD watch tv and everyone acts as if we're depriving her. She's not a fan of a lot of people holding her so we don't let them. I don't let her lay there and cry so I've been scolded about raising a spoiled baby. Also been criticized because she wears what we've been told are "boy" colors. She wears a lot of light blue, her fathers favorite team color, and greens. I'm into gender neutral. I guess I didn't get the memo that everything she wears is supposed to be pink. Oh and we don't give her juice yet. I guess not introducing her to high fructose corn syrup makes us horrible people. LOL
post #120 of 157
Quote:
Originally Posted by gbailey View Post
There are so many things. We ask people to take off their shoes when they come in.
......I've been scolded about raising a spoiled baby.
I've always had the rule of no shoes in the house because I don't like cleaning up my floors after someone visits. My mom just won't follow that rule.

I can't count how many times I've been told I'm spoiling my babies.
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