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What's the one issue you've had to defend the most about your parenting style? - Page 7

Poll Results: Which aspect of your parenting did/do you have to defend yourself against the most?

 
  • 16% (65)
    Vaxing/Non Vaxing
  • 11% (43)
    Breastfeeding
  • 19% (77)
    Co-sleeping
  • 9% (35)
    Food choices
  • 4% (18)
    Number of children
  • 8% (31)
    Education Choices
  • 3% (13)
    Television/lack of television
  • 1% (6)
    Choice of toys
  • 8% (34)
    General lifestyle
  • 16% (64)
    Other, please state.
386 Total Votes  
post #121 of 157
I've gotten the most flak about the number of children we've had. I'm not sure there's a "second place" necessarily although I have one person who *always* wants to make comments that my kids are "spoiled" and that they "get what they want". But that's just one person. She drives me nuts though. First of all that's not true, and second of all we rarely see her so she's spent all of maybe a few hours with my kids in the last 3 years. Somehow that makes her an expert on how we raise our children.
Umm... let's see.... just because my daughter says that she'd rather watch the Disney channel instead of a movie for 20 minutes once she realized that the person's house we were at has the Disney channel (we do not have cable so she does not have this luxury) and so we say, "Sure!" and that means we give her whatever she wants?? HUH???

Sorry... can you tell this is a very sore spot with me??
post #122 of 157
The way we discipline for sure. Although, its never about how my kids behave, I always get great comments about that, followed by, "You just have easy kids.". Whatever that means. #2 would be number of kids.
post #123 of 157
I'm only three and a half months into being a parent, so I haven't had to defend too many parenting choices yet, but one thing that has been a rather contentious issue is our choice to delay vaccinations and possibly completely forgo them. I come from a family with a number of doctors and a definitely allopathic view towards medicine and they are strongly disapproving of this choice. I knew it was going to be challenge to make parenting decisions that were less main stream, but I was totally unprepared for being made to feel like a bad and irresponsible mother for not vaccinating my two month old (even by close friends and family).
post #124 of 157
Quote:
Originally Posted by femalephish View Post
Baby isn't even here yet, but I thought I would add; Gender neutral clothing. We don't know the gender and family is like, "what are we going to buy for you? When you find out we'll have to get some real clothes. If you don't find out you'll be stuck with all green and yellow clothes." (I think that's better than being stuck with all blue or pink!! )

Why does every stranger need to know the gender of my 3 month old? Is it important to how you will treat her/him? and then they tell me that babies/children are just into pink or blue (or trucks or dolls) from birth because it's 'natural'. Yeah, 'cause that's all you give them! What is it about having a penis that makes blue look better to you, exactly?

(ps. I was a gender/sexualities student at Uni, so this is near and dear to my heart. smile.)
:

ds happens to look HORRIBLE in powder blue (he would look just as bad in pastel pink) so I pretty much have to make his clothes. He's thirteen months old so I'm kind of sick of dealing with people who HAVE to know his gender before they can even say "hello" and I live in a small town so I can't do the fun experiment of taking the same baby to the same mall dressed in pink and then dressed in blue and filming the deifferent ways people treat him, based soley on the colour of the clothing, but I can, however, tell you my favourite answer to:

"Are you having a boy or a girl?"

"Yes."

I kept saying "Yes" to "Is that a boy or a girl?" after he was born. ds is very pretty, so I think I make more difference by saying "Isn't he?" instead of getting offended or embarassed when people compliment me on my "princess" and I always like to throw in something about his sister being very strong.
post #125 of 157
I voted other. The one issue that caused a lot of strife was the decision to leave my boy intact. (Unfortunately the only one I had to defend myself against was dp and he still disagrees with me on this )

I have been lucky to have a supportive family and open-minded friends. I have always been a black sheep hippy (lol) so most of my parenting and lifestyle choices are no biggie by now.
post #126 of 157
I picked "other" Homebirth BY FAR gets me in trouble, and yelled at and accused more than anything else.
post #127 of 157
I voted cosleeping but what I meant is my (not really our, my husband whould have) refusual to CIO. It has been a rough, rough two years as a result but I just won't do it. This would be the constant flak from our friends and MIL (but not my family).

My family is very, very pro-bf but they don't nurse much longer than 14-16m and so my decision to pump until 18m certain caused some eye-wiggling but also a fair amount of respect. We are still nursing now and have no comments at all. My sister (a woman who pumped and fed her preemie via syringe so as not to ruin her latch) thinks it is the weirdest thing every that my cousin nursed her son until 3 (the same cousin who pumped until she finally got her 6m to latch!).

Finally, we are going to CD with #2. My mom was pretty horrified but per family tradition not a word was said.
post #128 of 157
Quote:
Originally Posted by makuahine View Post
I'm only three and a half months into being a parent, so I haven't had to defend too many parenting choices yet, but one thing that has been a rather contentious issue is our choice to delay vaccinations and possibly completely forgo them. I come from a family with a number of doctors and a definitely allopathic view towards medicine and they are strongly disapproving of this choice. I knew it was going to be challenge to make parenting decisions that were less main stream, but I was totally unprepared for being made to feel like a bad and irresponsible mother for not vaccinating my two month old (even by close friends and family).
Why do they know your child's vaccination status? You are not obligated to share your child's private medical information with anyone. Next time just say something vague, like "He's had all the shots he needs." Not a lie, since he doesn't need any shots! If they push, say "I appreciate your concern, but I'd rather not discuss my child's medical history with you. Pass the salt?"

When you let people engage you in the debate, you give them the impression that their opinion matters and could ultimately sway you--that they have a say. So don't engage.

I went through similar discussions with DH's family (lots of allopaths there as well) until I decided just not to talk about it anymore.
post #129 of 157
I voted "General Lifestyle."

Being polyamorous and pregnant sucks. My family seems to think my girlfriend is going to go on a jealous, murderous rampage when they haven't even met her. I don't expect this battle to get any easier when the baby is born.
post #130 of 157
Quote:
Originally Posted by peainthepod View Post
Why do they know your child's vaccination status? You are not obligated to share your child's private medical information with anyone. Next time just say something vague, like "He's had all the shots he needs." Not a lie, since he doesn't need any shots! If they push, say "I appreciate your concern, but I'd rather not discuss my child's medical history with you. Pass the salt?"

When you let people engage you in the debate, you give them the impression that their opinion matters and could ultimately sway you--that they have a say. So don't engage.

I went through similar discussions with DH's family (lots of allopaths there as well) until I decided just not to talk about it anymore.
Sorry, I do realize this is totally OT, and I know you weren't addressing me, but I had to comment....my personal opinion is that similar to a BFing mother hiding under a blanket every time she NIP and thereby fueling the belief that nursing is something you need to hide, I feel that not discussing your feelings towards vaccinations, even admist great controversy, fuels the mainstream belief about vaccinations. When people start to meet other people who don't vaccinate, as much crap as you get, and as much as they protest, at least it puts an idea into their head....at least they now actually know an intelligent, educated person who went against the grain....and they will eventually meet more and more people like this.....I think silence is really a great disservice reagrding the vaccination controversy. I'd much rather face great strife and controversy from family, friends, & co-workers regarding my decision than remain silent about something I feel so strongly about that is affecting so many children negatively...I think it is our public duty, those of us who have spent countless hours researching our decision, to make others more aware...and that it's not just a few crazy people out there rejecting the mainstream...and I don't mean that you have to go on and on about the research you've done and how you've come to your decision....I don't....but I am quite proud to say, "I reject vaccinations for my family", when they know I am a very well-educated and intelligent person. (Except of course to record-keepers like doctors and schools, then the religion card -- but that's for safety reasons)
post #131 of 157
I chose general lifestyle because we've been on the defense about a number of these. We're generally labeled "the hippies" amongst our friends and our family just doesn't really know what to think or say so I think they avoid even bringing things up. However, I use the word "defense" lightly. They may tease us or think we're odd, but they still treat us with love and respect.

I think the vax thing will be our top issue from now on though. DS1 was vaxed on schedule because I was not aware or educated about delaying or selectively vaxing. DS2 has not had any so far, and we'll be doing a delayed/selective schedule for him. My mom is already on my a$$ about it.
post #132 of 157
Quote:
Originally Posted by knowerofnada View Post
Sorry, I do realize this is totally OT, and I know you weren't addressing me, but I had to comment....my personal opinion is that similar to a BFing mother hiding under a blanket every time she NIP and thereby fueling the belief that nursing is something you need to hide, I feel that not discussing your feelings towards vaccinations, even admist great controversy, fuels the mainstream belief about vaccinations. When people start to meet other people who don't vaccinate, as much crap as you get, and as much as they protest, at least it puts an idea into their head....at least they now actually know an intelligent, educated person who went against the grain....and they will eventually meet more and more people like this.....I think silence is really a great disservice reagrding the vaccination controversy. I'd much rather face great strife and controversy from family, friends, & co-workers regarding my decision than remain silent about something I feel so strongly about that is affecting so many children negatively...I think it is our public duty, those of us who have spent countless hours researching our decision, to make others more aware...and that it's not just a few crazy people out there rejecting the mainstream...and I don't mean that you have to go on and on about the research you've done and how you've come to your decision....I don't....but I am quite proud to say, "I reject vaccinations for my family", when they know I am a very well-educated and intelligent person. (Except of course to record-keepers like doctors and schools, then the religion card -- but that's for safety reasons)
I have heard of CPS investigations being launched because disgruntled or "concerned" relatives called them after finding out a family member didn't vax. Not vaxing is not enough for CPS to investigate, but if a couple of angry family members band together and make up a convincing story, well...I'd rather not go there.

I also don't think you can compare NIP to openly and proudly not vaccinating, because I have yet to hear anyone compare breastfeeding in public to child abuse, while I have personally seen and heard not vaccinating called exactly that. There can be legal and professional repercussions for people who choose not to vaccinate their children, as unfair and wrong as it is, and personally I'm not out to save the world. While I admire your spirit, I think it might be wise to acknowledge these risks instead of minimizing the very real chances one takes by being blunt and transparent about not vaccinating. Not everyone shares your values.

Even aside from the potential legal harassment, I personally know an unvaxed child whose mother was asked not to bring him to a play group anymore when some other mothers found out he was completely unvaccinated. This child was close friends with another DC in the group and it was, by all accounts, devastating for him and his mother.

Please don't think I am ashamed of not vaccinating--I stand firmly by my decision and I'm happy to defend it until I'm blue in the face, if I feel that I might actually give someone food for thought. But I don't advertise our status as a non-vaccinating family because I value my son's privacy and would hate for our family to suffer unnecessarily thanks to the bigotry and willful ignorance of others.
post #133 of 157
Where I'd be giving birth and who my care providers will (or will not be)has caused the most friction for me, mostly from family.
post #134 of 157
I chose "other", because whilst nursing is often a point of contention, the thing I deal with most often is spacing of my children. I had three children in less than a year, and now I am TTC. I expect that my two youngest children will be no less than two years apart. People are downright nasty about this, and I always feel the need to tell them that if I could I'd have had them spaced out over the past twenty years, but I'm kind of in a crunch to have babies before old lady menopause gets me.
post #135 of 157
cosleeping!!
post #136 of 157
Co-sleeping has been the issue for me. I have had to defend it to everyone, including my family who has supported me in everything else.
post #137 of 157
I answered Vaccinations becaue it was toughest inside and outside..

but other then that..

above 6 mo the breastfeeding became major issue with many people around me.

cosleeping - nobody cared that much here as to talk me out of it..

stay at home issue is an issue for many people
and keeping child at home as opposed to organized scholing
is issue for many around me.
post #138 of 157
I would say our educational choices seem to have put some peoples backs up - we've chosen the best fee-paying school possible for our ds's that suits them and has very high academic and physical standards and reputation.

They both love their school, they seem to thrive on the high levels the school sets, their both very assured, intelligent kids and without the school stimulation (ie. vacation time) they really get bored and frustrated. Some people we know cant see why we choose to pay for something when they could just as easily go to a state school.

And we dont have any computer games/video games at home, only the Wii Fit for me. I won't ever have them in the house, even the educational games, they get enough school work at school, are both a year ahead scholastically so dont need it, and as for things like computer games on the nintendo DS or Playstation ..... NO! I consider it brain numbing, a sad substitute for a babysitter in many cases and totally unecessary.
post #139 of 157
cosleeping and no vaxing to my dads family. ive had screaming matches :sigh:


with their dad, not circing when our oldest was a baby. id never thought about it before then found here when pregnant and decided not to. he wasnt thrilled but finally i got him to shut up. most of his issue was his little brother isnt and they used to torture each other about it :rollseyes:
rather than any real issues or thinking it needed to be done for any real reason. he shut up a long time ago though

other people-medical choices for myself pregnant then them thinking i was ucing and so of course that means im psycho
post #140 of 157
discipline/manners has been the biggest for us I would guess.

It mostly comes up when ds is shy around people. I in no way see a reason to force him to say hello or give a hug goodbye, but everyone else seems to make a big deal about it.

I actually had a co-worker grab him out of my arms and run the other way with him kicking and screaming! I of course freaked out and was livid. She said, "he never gives me hugs so I just took some." That sounded eerily familiar to what a rapist might say imo.
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