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What's the one issue you've had to defend the most about your parenting style? - Page 2

Poll Results: Which aspect of your parenting did/do you have to defend yourself against the most?

  • 16% (65)
    Vaxing/Non Vaxing
  • 11% (43)
  • 19% (77)
  • 9% (35)
    Food choices
  • 4% (18)
    Number of children
  • 8% (31)
    Education Choices
  • 3% (13)
    Television/lack of television
  • 1% (6)
    Choice of toys
  • 8% (34)
    General lifestyle
  • 16% (64)
    Other, please state.
386 Total Votes  
post #21 of 157
I chose food choices, though I'm sure that will change once DS is older (he's 6 mo). Just to our ped though. He's fine in most other areas, if not a little mainstream (though he's the only ped we know of in the area who doesn't bat an eye at no-vax, which is why we chose him. It's one less thing to become a battle, kwim?) but for whatever reason still insists solids should be introduced at 4 mo and NO LATER than 6 mo because breastmilk won't sufficiently support them at that age or whatnot and is concerned because my 6mo hasn't doubled his birth weight (he's only 15 lbs, but he's 27.5"-- tall and skinny!)
Fortunately I've got WIC and LLL to back me up on my decision not to force-feed him solids at some arbitrary point when it's obvious he's not ready (still pushes them all to the front of his mouth, doesn't sit on his own, etc).
Next check up isn't until 9 mo though, and I'm sure he'll be on solids at least somewhat at that point.
post #22 of 157
  1. food choices
  2. breastfeeding
  3. co-sleeping

In that order. I put food choices as number one because I'm still defending it (we haven't BF or CS in years).
post #23 of 157
Homebirth (baby #3) was the biggest one for me because I had to convince my husband. It was the first time we ever really angrily argued, and it took a month.

However, the most on-going issue about which I've felt most defensive is discipline, probably because I've gone pretty far out of the mainstream. We don't just unschool reading and math, but also meals, bedtimes, jumping on furniture...
post #24 of 157
It depends on who the critic is.

My parents: out-of-hospital birth, hands down. Oddly, my mom gives my sister a hard time about cosleeping, but never did so with us.

My ILs: probably the choice not to use TV, believe it or not. I think because this doesn't seem like a "major" choice to them, they feel more free to criticize it than other things. For instance, I know they definitely don't approve of our not vaxing, but they don't really fight us on it...not having TV, on the other hand, is simply "weird" and will mean that dd doesn't fit in with her peers. If dd had been a boy, though, not circing would have been the biggest issue for them, no question (we're Jewish).

Some family members were really confused about why we didn't switch to formula, at least part-time, in the face of HORRIFIC bfing issues, but they weren't aggressive about it or anything--just curious (and, in one case, slightly defensive). No one batted an eyelash about extended bfing.
post #25 of 157
Originally Posted by funkymamajoy View Post
Seriously, why to people care what my kids pee on?
post #26 of 157
The three biggies for me have been co-sleeping, no tv or videos, and toy choices. I chose toy choices, though, b/c that came up the most.

When I said that we didn't want a plastic and talking toy that my parents gave my 1 yr old, they said "Oh, it's okay, the batteries are screwed in, your daughter can't get to them" like that was the problem. I'm really uptight, but I never allowed any noisy toys (aside from being annoying, they are really dangerous for their little eardrums which are right up against the already-loud toy). Plastic toys, too, not so much b/c they are dangerous with toxins, but b/c they are really unattractive and cold imo.

No tv...that was hard...my step-mom even tried to convince me that PBS should be allowed...but I myself was brought up in Waldorf schools so I stood my ground.

Co-sleeping, whatever...people try and tell you what to do and that you're doing things all wrong, so I found it best to just not bring it up.
post #27 of 157
I haven't gotten anything too bad on most stuff, but one of DH's friend's said when he found out DS wasn't circed:
"You didn't have him circumcised?.... on purpose?!"\

nah, we were so busy with all the other baby stuff that we just plum forgot!
post #28 of 157
I don't defend my parenting choices to anyone; its a waste of energy.
How we choose to raise them is no one else's business.
And if someone has a problem with our choices... its just that: THEIR problem.

post #29 of 157
Originally Posted by frontierpsych View Post
... for whatever reason still insists solids should be introduced at 4 mo and NO LATER than 6 mo because breastmilk won't sufficiently support them at that age...
Ha ha ha! I wish I could show your doctor photos of my three children who all began eating solids gradually, living mostly on mommymilk well into their second years, while managing to stay at the top of those silly weight & height charts! This includes my severely food allergic middle child who literally was only eating breastmilk for a month around her first birthday, and not much more for months after that, as we had finally done RAST at that time and went no-food for a while to start anew with food trials.
post #30 of 157
Hands down its the cosleeping. My mom didn't understand it, my xh didn't get it and my current dh is reluctant to continue it after a year.
post #31 of 157
I voted other. I think the biggest thing for me is the choice for DH to be the SAHP. Followed closely by breastfeeding--my mom is still appalled that I breastfed my kids at all because, as we all know, the breasts belong to the husband. Ah, no. They are mine to do with as I please. Choosing non-medicated (pain relief) childbirth. People on their first kid are laughing at me, telling me I'll change my mind. I laugh back saying my induced labor (due to water breaking went to hospital got put on clock, no contractions so they started pit) wasn't nearly as bad as my "natural" birth and I survived both just fine without the epidural. Food choices--no meat before age 1, then only if they are interested (DH and I are vegetarian, but the older 2 kids are not because we started eating meat when they were 1 and 3 and only went back to being veg a year ago). Not supplementing with formula, but rather pumping. Let's see--a couple hundred flat out for a pump or a couple hundred per month for formula. Using cloth diapers (mostly DH, actually, is the critic on that. I'm trying to convert him, though.).
post #32 of 157
Our having an only child has been the thing the most people feel compelled to comment on and that people are the rudest about. We get somewhat less flak for food choices and television limits. Grandparents had some worries about co-sleeping and not circumcising, but they didn't push really hard; other people mostly don't know about those things. Cloth diapering and babywearing primarily got, "Oh, you're so dedicated! I could never do it!"

I am delighted that in 2+ years of breastfeeding, often in public, I got very few negative reactions and many positive ones.
post #33 of 157
I voted co-sleeping, but it's not so much that since we don't really talk about it -- it's the fact that we don't CIO.

It comes up when I don't want to stay out late because I know DS will wake up and want to nurse. And also, when others in our community say "can anyone come over to watch our kids? They'll be in bed and definately won't wake up." I pretty much can't imagine saying that. DD didn't STTN until age 4, and still wakes up once or twice a week.

I don't get a lot of flack about other stuff because either I don't bring it up (vax, co-sleeping, tv), or maybe b/c people are scared (bfing).
post #34 of 157
to my dh's family (who are American) I have had to defend myself a million and one times as to why we havent circumcised my son. They think i have set him up for a life of infections

My family (English) would have been horrified if i did circ, so no defending myself threre, although they are all (both sides) perplexed with my decision to co-sleep, they see it as 'giving into my son' -a sign of weakness on my part haha
post #35 of 157
Not letting babies cry would probably be #1.
And as to what the #1 thing is I've had to defend to random medical professionals, it would be choosing to keep our children intact.

But co-sleeping is probably #2
Homebirth #3
Non-vaxing #4
post #36 of 157
I chose vaccinations.

But number of children is #2
Breastfeeding #3
Co-sleeping #4

It's as if everyone around me thinks we should stop at this one kid b/c we are both going to be "professionals" in our fields. I'll have people out of the blue say, "Remember, don't have anymore kids!"

post #37 of 157
I voted for number of children...

We have have a certain amount of critisim for non-vaxing, co-sleeping and raising ds veg, but I think we have gotten the most "lectures" & questioning on our decision to only have one child.
post #38 of 157
I chose "tv" because it's something that our family just can not wrap their head around. They just can't survive without constant television.

This is followed closely by food choices (no refined sugar until at least 1 year old, no soda, mostly whole fruits and veggies, grilled ckn, no red meat, very limited amount of convience food and candy is reserved for special occassions) we are seen as "depriving" him... I always answer "Yep, I'm depriving him from obesity, diabetes, and heart problems!"

Then there is educational choice. My son goes to a Waldorf school. Which is called a "hippie school" where he won't learn how to read by people who don't know that DS is reading level 2 books on his own and has been able to read small words since he was 3.

We'd probably get flack for co-sleeping, delayed vax and cloth diapers, but since they aren't things we do in public (the CD's are generally changed in a bathroom where people are trying to avoid looking into a soiled dipe :P ) we don't have occassion to discuss them much.
post #39 of 157
Just the fact that I didn't use punishment, and that I gave her so many choices at such a young age.

My brother's kids were punished rather severely (I thought) and all of our kids turned out pretty much the same. I thought for sure my neice and nephew would be dysfuntional, and they thought mine would be... but they are all great people with no obvious problems. (except my child is a slob...actually, they are all three slobs.)
post #40 of 157
Originally Posted by Ks Mama View Post
I don't defend my parenting choices to anyone; its a waste of energy.
How we choose to raise them is no one else's business.
And if someone has a problem with our choices... its just that: THEIR problem.

this...if you don't like my choice whatev!
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