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What's the one issue you've had to defend the most about your parenting style? - Page 3

Poll Results: Which aspect of your parenting did/do you have to defend yourself against the most?

 
  • 16% (65)
    Vaxing/Non Vaxing
  • 11% (43)
    Breastfeeding
  • 19% (77)
    Co-sleeping
  • 9% (35)
    Food choices
  • 4% (18)
    Number of children
  • 8% (31)
    Education Choices
  • 3% (13)
    Television/lack of television
  • 1% (6)
    Choice of toys
  • 8% (34)
    General lifestyle
  • 16% (64)
    Other, please state.
386 Total Votes  
post #41 of 157
It's not really the fact that I breastfeed that bothers people (namely my mom, she breastfed all of us so she has no issues with the actual act itself), it's that I let my daughter nurse all day long. She's only 6 weeks old and doesn't want to do anything else, but I get pressure from others to just put her down and not to let her nurse all day because I'm not getting anything done. She's too young to want to do much else and she'll eventually grow out of it, but I still feel pressure from my mother and stepfather. I don't see what I'm doing that's so wrong besides letting laundry build up and not vacuuming, but they feel that I'm not productive enough in our household. She won't nurse in her Moby wrap because she won't have anything touching her head while she nurses. I just try to hide in our room all day because otherwise I get crap from them. My stepdad is always trying to take her out for walks so that I have a break which is nice, but he insists on using her stroller which she hates and cries in. When I tell him to carry her for walks he gets snarky with me, so I just don't let her take walks anymore unless I'm the one doing it.
post #42 of 157
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bellabaz View Post
A close second, probably a tie eve, would be me and dp not being married.
I hear ya!!! We're not married either and we take crap from every direction. It doesn't help that my younger sister and brother are both engaged at the moment so marriage is on everyone's mind.

It can be really difficult to defend something you don't feel you should have to be defending int he first place. Sometimes I actually find myself wishing we would get married just to shut everyone up. Hello wrong reasons.
post #43 of 157
For us, it was our 2nd dd, Erica. She presented to the world the front of a quiet, shy little girl. When, in reality, she was always angry, stubborn, and stressed out. And she had to have a rigid routine/schedule. If I said that we were going to run errands to B, D, C, and A stores, we couldn't go to store A first. It had to be in the order that I said them. Or heer whole world fell apart. It wasn't until she was an adult in her 20s that she got a diagnoses of what was wrong with her. She has clinical depression, social anxiety, and OCD.

My mom did mildly question our decision to homeschool. But when Joy graduated high school on the honor roll, she admitted that homeschool worked for the girls.

Chris
post #44 of 157
I choose not to defend my parenting choices because it's no ones business.

BUT the choices I do get the most grief about...

Not vaccinating, homeschooling, gentle discipline, and wanting more children...everyone seems to think that just because I have a boy and a girl I should be DONE. I suppose if I'd gotten 2 boys or 2 girls they'd be okay with my choice to have more?

After a couple bouts of the silent treatment (I know, mature, right?) my family has stopped bugging me about most of them. If they disagree they argue with me in their heads and say nothing.

Dh's family makes veiled comments about hs'ing and occasionally goes on and on about how circ is so much better as a newborn. But they never outright criticize me...DH says they are afraid of me.
post #45 of 157
I voted education choices, but a close second is discipline methods. Hardly anyone I talk to understands unschooling, and everyone who knows us thinks I am far too lenient with my kids. They figure teens are going to run wild if they aren't on a very short leash.

Lately it's also been my food choices.

Most of my defending happens on another board I frequent, and most of the rest with my parents.
post #46 of 157
Quote:
Originally Posted by JamesMama View Post
Dh's family makes veiled comments about hs'ing and occasionally goes on and on about how circ is so much better as a newborn. But they never outright criticize me...DH says they are afraid of me.
Awesome, how can I get my IL's to be afraid of me??????
post #47 of 157
Extended BFing is definitely a big one, but I think that's mostly because it's the most visible/public of the practices. The not-vaxing thing seems to cause more distress and require more defense when people find out about it. And even those who are shocked about extended BF aren't actually opposed to it...it's just something really new to them.
post #48 of 157
I said educational choices.

I sent my kids to Montessori School when they were 3, and then started homeschooling them when they were 6.

They don't need school when they're 3, they need it when they're 6.

I just can't get it right.

Oh, and strangely enough, I haven't "come to my senses" and put them in school yet. After 5 years of homeschooling, I still love it. I'm so weird
post #49 of 157
Quote:
Originally Posted by HomeBirthMommy View Post
People just don't understand why I won't go away for a weekend when I have a six month old. :
Well then they definately wouldnt understand me not leaving my 22 month old


For me it is extended breastfeeding. The only person I know that has breastfed as long as I is my sister and we no longer have any contact with each other. I am lucky because my hubby totally supports my decision to continue nursing until she is at least 2 (which is next month).

I do get a hard time from some of my co-workers when they hear we are still nursing and co-sleeping. I just don't talk about it much around them
post #50 of 157
Quote:
Originally Posted by claddaghmom View Post
It's as if everyone around me thinks we should stop at this one kid b/c we are both going to be "professionals" in our fields. I'll have people out of the blue say, "Remember, don't have anymore kids!"

UGH
Wow--I'm really surprised at this. We get lots of flak for only choosing to have one, and most moms of onlies I know (IRL and online) hear the same. And we're both professionals, with advanced degrees, in highly competitive and time-consuming fields. I guess you can't win no matter what you do!

I've never understood why people feel the need to comment on someone ELSE'S family size, whether that family is small, big, or somewhere in between. It's not your damn family--why do you care?
post #51 of 157
Co-sleeping. I've had threats of calls to CPS over it. And regular reminders that I'm taking huge risks with my children's lives.
post #52 of 157
Quote:
Originally Posted by NYCVeg View Post
Wow--I'm really surprised at this. We get lots of flak for only choosing to have one, and most moms of onlies I know (IRL and online) hear the same. And we're both professionals, with advanced degrees, in highly competitive and time-consuming fields. I guess you can't win no matter what you do!

I've never understood why people feel the need to comment on someone ELSE'S family size, whether that family is small, big, or somewhere in between. It's not your damn family--why do you care?
My MIL thinks it's "stupid" to have more than 2 kids these days. I told her that as long as they are loved and cared for, it shouldn't matter!
post #53 of 157
No punishments. My family says "they need to have consequences or they will never learn."
post #54 of 157

Voted other

I have been defending my decision to not spank. We tried it a few times, but it is just not for us.
post #55 of 157

Other - Gentle Discipline

It wasn't an option, but I've had the most trouble with my mom accepting my choice to practice gentle discipline. My husband is a problem, as well, cause he thinks spanking is ok and does it *all the time*. Just like his dad raised him. :
post #56 of 157
I voted other because at this point the one thing people advised us to do over and over again was to just let her cry it out. We've never let our DD CIO and at 20 MO she's turned out wonderfully.

I think the next issue I'll face is extended/tandem nursing. So far no one has commented on the fact that she still nurses but I'm fairly certain I'll get comments/questions/weaning advice once I get pregnant again (provided that she doesn't self-wean, of course).
post #57 of 157
Oh I have a few....here is my list:

Vaxing/Non Vaxing- (im doing delayed and selective vax)
Co-sleeping- (my mom is always telling me to get DS out of my bed)
Food choices- (once again my mom thinks DS (11 months) can have anything and I have to make sure she doesnt give him things like strawberries and such)
Number of children- (ive always wanted many children but I get all sorts of flack about it cuz Im a single mama)
General lifestyle- (Im a recently single mama, not by choice initially, but most certainly now by choice)
post #58 of 157
Other. The main criticism I've gotten (from my mother) is that my kids don't go to Waldorf school. "After all, YOU went to Waldorf school!"

(Uh, and that's exactly why they don't.)

Other than that, I've never had to defend any aspect of my parenting. It just doesn't come up.
post #59 of 157
I picked other. For us, name choices have caused the biggest flap. Our son's name is non-traditional (Rex-Goliath) and people were so concerned with him getting teased. Then, upon getting married, DH and I changed our last names to something mutually agreed upon but non-traditional. People still don't quite "get" it, but that's their issue.

I've had to defend surprisingly few of my parenting choices, probably because I don't bring it up. I don't really talk about not vaxing, not circing, BFing or anything like that with people that I think will argue with me on it. A few of our relatives breathed sighs of relief when I was risked out of homebirth due to blood pressure (ironic, isn't it, that they felt better by me having a dangerous medical condition that forced a hospital birth ), but that's about it. I just go about the business of raising the kids without talking about it to others. It has probably helped avoid conflict. And people seem to get the fact that DH and I are going to do things our way no matter what anyone thinks, so at this point people don't bother to argue with us.
post #60 of 157
yup extended bfeeding too for me considering my 6 1/2 year old is still nursing.
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