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What's the one issue you've had to defend the most about your parenting style? - Page 5

Poll Results: Which aspect of your parenting did/do you have to defend yourself against the most?

 
  • 16% (65)
    Vaxing/Non Vaxing
  • 11% (43)
    Breastfeeding
  • 19% (77)
    Co-sleeping
  • 9% (35)
    Food choices
  • 4% (18)
    Number of children
  • 8% (31)
    Education Choices
  • 3% (13)
    Television/lack of television
  • 1% (6)
    Choice of toys
  • 8% (34)
    General lifestyle
  • 16% (64)
    Other, please state.
386 Total Votes  
post #81 of 157
I voted other, for circ, dh is half jewish and he had a terrible blow out with his dad over it (supposedly the hiv thing but uh, yeah). Though ds is only 3 months, so the issues will likely change. We have a co-sleeper, which the inlaws think is weird, but I'm sure they'd have a fit if they knew he only spent 1/3-1/2 the night in it. I expect food to be an issue with everyone once he starts solids. Toys too with the ils.... MIL tends to go for quantity over quality for xmas gifts. Discipline may become an issue with my parents, we'll see.
post #82 of 157
Quote:
Originally Posted by SkyMomma View Post
This has changed over time...
I am shocked at how many people believe that I am harming my children by not providing them with access to TV & by not putting them in preschool/daycare.

The other thing I've found myself defending through the years, is my reluctance to leave my children - for a weekend, a day, (when newborns) for a walk around the block. Why do I "have to learn to leave them"???? I'll know when we are ready for a separation! Why would someone ever guilt trip a new mom about leaving their baby! Or try to convince a new mama that she's harming herself & her child by not leaving them with someone else? Wow. I guess I'm still angry about that.
I have people think I'm a bad parent for those two reasons right there. Yeah, I'm a bad mom because I parent my own child and meet their needs.
post #83 of 157
It's not really "defending" per se, but I voted "choice of toys" because this has been a tough issue to balance with issues such as trying to be gracious recipients of mutliple gifts that don't fit with our family values, while trying to prevent our house from becoming absolutely overcome by noisy electronic toys that drive us batty, and so forth. Most of my decisions I haven't had to defend. Certainly folks might not agree, but I am confident in my decisions and folks seem to not question us much in the grand scheme of things.
post #84 of 157
Definitely non-vaxing. I don't make a PEEP about that anymore!
post #85 of 157
# of children... see my sig ... no he's not getting "fixed", yes we know what cause "it"

Breastfeeding would probably be #2 but only with one person in the family who thinks babies should be on solids by three months and off the boob by 6. She doesn't know ds and dd2 were bf'ed until almost four.

Oh, wait... was homeschooling one of the choices? She is still waiting for us to come to our senses.
post #86 of 157
By far and away the most criticism I've had was from choosing to become a parent at 19, though I got a lot of flak for choosing to SAH, too.
post #87 of 157
Homeschooling and being a stay-at-home mom. I am not sure which one has been more that I have had to defend myself for. I guess staying home with the children actually. I get called a loser, unemployed, "Peg Bundy," you get the idea. I get told that my house should be spotless because what else do I do all day, (umm, my children are home too, not off at daycare, I take care of them, cook, teach, and everything else them). I have been told many times that I am on a permanent vacation and therefore, am not allowed to take a vacation. (ex. we were visiting relatives and I had gotten hurt on the trip and had to go to the ER and baby got a dirty diaper so I asked dh to change it and my aunt chewed me out telling me that this is my husband's vacation and I am on a permanent vacation so I need to change the diaper and not expect him to. Ok..so this is to wrong in many ways. If changing a diaper is not a vacation, and I have been doing it several times a day, then in what way have I been on vacation all this time? Also, it is nobody else's business what dh and I do with our lives or how we live it or so on).

So yes, it is being a SAHM that I have had to defend myself the most for.
post #88 of 157
Food is our biggest issue. When we are visiting my mom we always get "<kids name> wants an apple, can she have one? but they aren't organic" with a tone
post #89 of 157
other but if I had to pick probably the bf'ing is fast becoming nuber 1. as it stands, extended bf'ing, not vaxing, not CIO/cosleeping are allhot topics. And lately, the fact that ds is potty learning seems to really piss people off. Even the lady in walmart had a comment when i asked her if they sold underwear in size 12-18 months.
post #90 of 157
Both sides of the family make fun of mine and DH life choices. They think that we should be married. My MIL even went on to say " you have lived together for almost 10 years, you ARE married in the eyes of the law... just do it already". I don't feel that marriage is a priority in my life right now... maybe it will change in later years, but DP and I have been together for almost 10 years, no one is going anywhere

Another issue with my In-Laws is not raising our children in a Catholic household. MIL is Irish and FIL is Italian - both are Catholic, although they NEVER go to church, and are only religious when its convienient. They really think that we *should* be sending the children to Catholic school, be baptised etc. DS is baptised and my MIL organized the entire event - much to our dismay (but we went along with it because DP and I were both very young, only 20, and totally clueless : ). We actually stood up for ourselves when they asked us to have dd baptised. They never outright said anything, but they did make some snarky remarks.

My family is really supportive of our food choices, so at least I can thank them for that

They do think that co-sleeping is 'weird', especially that ds is 5 now. I figure he'll leave the bed when he is ready, he has already been talking about sleeping on his own :

All in all, they are not as critical as some families, but I have had my share of snarky comments and eye rolls... Pretty much, the general consensus (from the in-laws) is that I am 'damaging' the children b/c we don't have a minivan, dog and not raising them 'properly' in a cookie-cutter, white picket fence home in the 'burbs.
post #91 of 157
For me, the hardest thing is knowing my mother doesn't quite understand how hands on my husband and I are with our child. She doesn't understand why we want to do as much as possible and no pass on the responsibilities to others. I think it may be a psychological thing where my mother thinks it is a reflection of me being raised by my grandmother. She also doesn't understand why I sacrifice things such as going to bed at 7:30pm and following what I believe she thinks is a strict routine.

I follow my baby's cues and she has a routine she likes. She naps twice a day and breastfeeds every 2.5-3 hours. She likes quiet after 7pm. I'm not going to go against this just so I can socialize or chat on the phone with someone. She thinks I should be more 'flexible'.

Also, although my husband and I are on the same page, I sometimes feel like he wishes I'd spend more time with him and allow our baby to cry a bit if I need to do basic bodily functions. I've been known to hold my pee in until she calms down.
post #92 of 157
Quote:
Originally Posted by micah_mae_ View Post
Awesome, how can I get my IL's to be afraid of me??????
Yeah, that's what I want to know. You could start a class!
post #93 of 157
for me, no cry it out is the one that most people dont understand. with no TV for an infant (my in laws get a kick out of him watching) and bedsharing being tied for second.
post #94 of 157
I voted non-vaxing, because overall over the course of the past three years, that's the biggest source of controversy with my family, friends, of of course, medical professionals.

But a close second, and one that really hits home recently, is my choice to not treat fevers/illnesses in the traditional way. I don't ever use fever reducers in myself or my children, and I've had to defend that left and right. And then my kids just are now recovered from what I believe was rotavirus, and I didn't take them to the doctor/hospital, I just pushed the fluids hard and held on tightly for 7 days of hell. That was a blast trying to defend from family (except DH), friends, and co-workers. Especially since I work in a hospital. But I made the mistake of hospitalizing DD#1 when she was 10 months old due to a virus of some sort, when I began to doubt myself, and it won't ever happen again unless it is absolutely necessary.

Extended breasteeding would be third. That's really not accepted at all around these parts.

NFL is not easy on relations with others, that's for sure.
post #95 of 157
i got a lot of flak for various things, but the most long-standing thing was our commitment to homeschooling.

circumstances changed recently and the kids are in public school now. so few people in our circle of friends and family will even attempt to fathom my grief over this. :
post #96 of 157
everything. i keep most of it to myself.
let's see- not using an epidural, not crying it out, slinging, extended bf'ing, no solids right at 6 months, not supplementing with a bottle, discipline, limiting tv, not turning forward in carseat at 12 months, not using booster at age 3 lahblahblah.
post #97 of 157
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lisa1970 View Post
Homeschooling and being a stay-at-home mom. I am not sure which one has been more that I have had to defend myself for. I guess staying home with the children actually. I get called a loser, unemployed, "Peg Bundy," you get the idea. I get told that my house should be spotless because what else do I do all day, (umm, my children are home too, not off at daycare, I take care of them, cook, teach, and everything else them). I have been told many times that I am on a permanent vacation and therefore, am not allowed to take a vacation. (ex. we were visiting relatives and I had gotten hurt on the trip and had to go to the ER and baby got a dirty diaper so I asked dh to change it and my aunt chewed me out telling me that this is my husband's vacation and I am on a permanent vacation so I need to change the diaper and not expect him to. Ok..so this is to wrong in many ways. If changing a diaper is not a vacation, and I have been doing it several times a day, then in what way have I been on vacation all this time? Also, it is nobody else's business what dh and I do with our lives or how we live it or so on).

So yes, it is being a SAHM that I have had to defend myself the most for.
OMG, I would totally just punch her in the face! How dare she, talk about rude!
post #98 of 157
In reading this thread, it's been surprising how many keep defending their parenting choices. I don't/didn't defend. I'll discuss different ways of accomplishing parenting but my choices for my family are my choices. Defending them just opens up the choice into a debate. If you don't want the debate, then don't defend. Own your choices. "This is right for MY family." "This is what we FEEL is best for US."

Chris
post #99 of 157
I've never left any of my kids with anyone except for family members. It just never came up. And with both sets of grandparents and my sister living near us, there was no need. And with Dylan, I had live in babysisters in the form of his sisters. Coupled with that is the fact that we just don't go anywhere.

Chris
post #100 of 157
I put other.
We have 2 things I constantly have to explain or defend. The first being we don't use CC or CIO and never have. People just can't seem to understadn you don't have to use CC or CIO. I also don't co-sleep, so people who understand my not CIO or CC don't understand how I can't co-sleep. I am stuck in the middle there.

Second is that I had 2 planned c-sections. Both my DD's were breech. There was no other alturnative for me so I did what was best for THEM not me. I wanted a VBAC with #2 even got a midwife instead of a OB, but my LO wouldn't turn. I got comments on both sides again. My family thought I was nuts for wanting a VBAC, they wanted me to have the section from the start, and other mom's tell me I "didn't try hard enough" or "I'm selfish" or "you didn't give birth" or any number of insulting ways of saying I was wrong.
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