anyone used "baby whisperer?" - Page 2

[Lauren710]

I read a little of it, the EASY (Eat-Activity-Sleep-You time) thing actually has helped my LO sleep much better. She has GERD, so she has to stay upright for a while after feedings anyway. Typically, she'll wake up when she's hungry then stay awake for a while (maybe an hour, maybe 3 depending on time of day) during which time I do some sort of "activity" with her. At night, this is bath time; in the morning, we just make silly faces at each other for a while, then she either snoozes in the carseat before going to daycare or watches me make breakfast and get myself ready to go. She lets me know when she's getting tired and then I can help her get to sleep.

I don't agree with her idea that babies should be able to go to sleep on their own; DD falls asleep with me and once she's solidly out I put her in her Amby hammock. Co-sleeping didn't work out for our family but I love cuddling and rocking her to sleep, why would anyone not want that?

We don't have a strict schedule, it's just having the pattern that's worked well for us. She'll sleep soundly for a couple of hours at a time during the day and longer at night, where before she was rarely asleep for more than 20 minutes or so at a time.

[Gabe'sMummy]

Originally Posted by GracieP

We don't eat at night, why should a baby?
The baby wants you to trust him to go to sleep on his own.
The baby like to eat when she's properly hungry. (even though mama likes to snack a lot.)
If you nurse on demand, you create a demanding baby.
If you nurse on demand, your baby will never learn to eat a full meal. (ever??)
A baby must sleep in a crib because we all need our own personal sleeping space. (except for me and my husband who enjoy sleeping with someone else in the bed.)

I thought it was pretty bad. I like the idea, though, of getting those naps in, but I have no problem nursing him to sleep and keeping him in my nap for the sleep.

What a load of rubbish! I agree it is better for adults to eat snacks too as they keep your metabolism going nicely. Who HONESTLY only eats every 4 hours? Not many of us.

I have heard the pick up put down technique she advocates is quite an effective, gentler alternative to cio but I have not tried it.

[Morningcalm]

I did read one of her books. I can't remember which one. She uses a system she calls E.A.S.Y. (eating, activity, sleeping, you (I think)).

At the time it was one of the only parenting books I could find. I lived abroad and English books weren't easy to get. I bought it from another foreigner. I did know anything about attachment parenting then. I did find some of her info useful. I liked how she suggested that you talk to your newborn as though you were talking to an adult. She suggested that new parents should give their newborn a tour around the house which was something that we did. She also suggested that new parents should explain to their baby why they are doing something. For example, changing a diaper. This all may seem like common sense to many parents but to a first time parent, it really helps.

Now, I didn't bother with her scheduling stuff. I think I am of hermoms that she describe who had no schedule and needed help. LOL

I didn't agree with a lot of what she wrote but I was able to weed out some useful gems.

[Devaskyla]

Pickup, put down is just CIO in another form, imo. I tried it once when ds1 was about 9 months old & had stopped napping. We were desperate, is my only excuse. He was so freaked out by it it took over an hour to nurse him back to being calm after. And I didn't even do it that long because I couldn't handle how upset it made him.

[LaLaLaLa]

I found some of the information in her book useful. She stresses being in touch with your newborn's different cries and making sure to look at the baby's environment and to try to get into the baby's head in order to figure out what is wrong, instead of just throwing up your hands discouraged at the fact your baby is crying and you don't know why.

She recommends watching for early signals of everything, from your baby being hungry, to tired, to overstimulated. She said if you can catch these early signals, you might save yourself a meltdown when the baby needs to resort to more strenuous signals.

The bedtime routine also worked for us; she recommends doing the same things every night leading up to bedtime in order to give your child signals that it is time to wind down. We had been kind of random about evenings, but then started a soothing bedtime routine of bath, books, and songs that we do the same way every night. I like routine, and it turns out that my kids do, too.

Her book made me feel like the baby stuff wasn't insurmountable, that maybe I just needed to rethink my options and figure out what would work, and if I paid attention, I might see signals of what I should be doing. Possibly every baby book would have the same effect; I didn't read many.

[Super Glue Mommy]

Originally Posted by GracieP

We don't eat at night, why should a baby?
The baby wants you to trust him to go to sleep on his own.
The baby like to eat when she's properly hungry. (even though mama likes to snack a lot.)
If you nurse on demand, you create a demanding baby.
If you nurse on demand, your baby will never learn to eat a full meal. (ever??)
A baby must sleep in a crib because we all need our own personal sleeping space. (except for me and my husband who enjoy sleeping with someone else in the bed.)

I thought it was pretty bad. I like the idea, though, of getting those naps in, but I have no problem nursing him to sleep and keeping him in my nap for the sleep.

wow sounds like brainwashing!

[WyattsMom2008]

The book sure enough seems like it has some dangerous and misleading advice about breastfeeding in particular. But I understand its appeal to parents even if I would not cave in myself. I wish it were true that there were an acceptable middle ground between AP and a more scheduling, Ferberizing approach.

I have found AP to have no balance, although Dr. Sears says balance is one of the seven Bs of AP. Okay. It's temporary. I can take it. But it's not just affecting me. I wish I could have more joy for the sake of ds, too. I was just reading in The Baby Book last night, in the part about one year olds, that the best legacy you can give your child is to be joyful. Your baby can read your emotions and assumes that they reflect how you feel about life and how you feel about him. I'm not depressed or anything. But I'm certainly not full of joi de vivre.

I also wish that the AP advice I read when I was pregnant and when ds was a newborn was better. More detailed. For example, I always read about ring slings. I never read about mai tais or any other kind of carrier. Dr. Sears never hinted that it's common for your baby to suddenly dislike the cradle carry position at three months and to prefer facing out.

For another example, nobody ever told me that the arms reach co-sleeper does not in fact allow you to breastfeed your baby while he is lying in it. You have to lift him out of it and lay him next to you. You may as well pay less for a regular bassinette. Of course I ended up having him in bed next to me, which is fine. But if I could have planned to have him in bed next to me, I could have gotten rid of the eggshell foam mattress cover before he was born. I could have purchased the polyethylene mattress cover and put in on the mattress before I had a newborn to contend with.

And what about after your baby can roll or crawl out of bed. When it's no longer safe to sneak away leaving him in bed to nap or to sleep the first four hours of the night. I never read any AP advice about what so many mothers here actually do, which is to put their mattress on the floor. If had better AP advice to read when I was pregnant, I could have avoided several purchases and spent my money on a twin mattress and a Superyard to put around it. No crib. No arms reach co-sleeper. No bassinette.

And I actually do have a 25 lb. one year old that I have to carry around a lot sometimes. Even though he likes to be free to play on the floor most of the time, he still likes to be carried a lot, too. My right arm locks at the elbow sometimes when I move it the wrong way. Of course, I'd probably be carrying the chub-a-lub no matter what method of parenting I had used.

And he actually does require just as much assistance from me to nap at one year of age as he did as a newborn. I have to lie in bed next to him for 2-3 hours every day. Most mothers can at least do housework or make dinner while their babies nap.

When my ds was four months old, my dh had a bad day at work. He came home and got upset because friends were coming over to see the baby and the house was a mess. He said he shouldn't have to ask me to clean the house. He asked me why it was that his co-worker's white trash girlfriend was able to keep their apartment clean, go to college full time, and take care of a baby.

I didn't choose AP because it was the easiest, and I know it's the best, but I can't sit here and pretend like it's all hunky dory for me in every way. It does have its disadvantages. I do feel misled by the likes of Dr. Sears, who glosses over my issues with statements like the one where he says that AP mothers don't feel right if they are away from their babies. Well, it's true; I don't. But just because I make prolactin when my baby nurses, and just because I don't feel right unless he's with me all the time, it doesn't mean that I don't find AP very hard. He says it's not martyr momdom. I have not found that to be true at all. It totally is martyr momdom - at least, it is for me.

So although I do not support the recommendations of baby trainers I understand why they appeal to people. I don't feel smug about being too good to follow that approach. I feel a little bitter about it.

[tanyam926]

nak
wow wyattsmom, i totally get what you're saying. mothering is all encompassing and it's hard to make sure you get anything that YOU need. I have no time for myself and can't even hear myself think sometimes.

I agree w/you that the books mentioned by pp def. appeal to those who are looking for the way to make it easier. Mothering is just hard all around. I really believe that AP parenting makes MY mothering easier bc I feel secure that I am doing the best for my kiddos. As my sons have gotten older I have agonized over decisions (not AP related) and the stress that is caused by not knowing the right thing to do, or wondering what is the right thing is so much harder....

I guess what I'm tring to say is that ALL mothering is hard and sometimes it may seem that AP is harder but if you tried the other way you might be surprised. Hence all the books for mainstream parents.

I think the solution is to have other AP mom friends who totally GET IT, who are supportive, who you can laugh w/, share struggles and solutions. YKWIM right?

I hope my post conveys how much I agree w/you bc when I was reading your post I could completely feel what you feel.

Being a mom is the most difficult thing I have ever done/will ever do, the least appreciated (which is fine but is hard to deal w/sometimes), and the area of my life that i find the most joy in (though not every min., that would be nice).

Sometimes it's hard to see the good, (sleep deprivation is a form of torture ya' know).

Now for some encouragement, the sleeping thing gets way better w/time. My ds1 is 6 and goes to sleep every night on his own w/a hug from me (his bed is in our rm still but hey, I'll take it!). When he was a babe there was no way I could see that end in sight. BTW I have never done any sleep programs, always BF him to sleep, held him the whole time he napped until prob. 2 yrs old.

It gets better!

(Sorry for the rambling! Hope something made sense!)

[KimberlyD0]

I am probably the odd one out here... but..
I have read and used babywhispering for over 3 years now. Some of her advice is outdated, yes, she died before she could update it. Over all though she was a wonderful loving and caring person who's goal was to help families.

She was NOT about scheduals. She said more then once that babies don't follow a clock. What she suggests is a routine, an order of the day, not set times. I for one love structure and so do my kids. BOTH did a 1000x better with a routine then without. Kids thrive on routine. DD#1 was bottlefed so the not feeding to sleep was VERY importent to be because I didn't want the future dental problems. DD#2 is BF and she doesn't need to BF to sleep. Which is importent since I have to work. She NEEDS to be able to sleep without being held, rocked, or fed to sleep, because she is in daycare and they can't do that.

She strongly advises parents to listen to and follow their childs needs, not to compaire them to other children, and to respect them as people.

One of my favorite sayings of hers is "start as you mean to go on" which is so true. If your OK with holding your LO 24/7, co-sleeping, or feeding to sleep, she isn't saying you shouldn't. She's saying if your plan to do that, and then when YOUR tired of it you let the CIO or CC then thats maybe not the best idea.

She is an advocate of not CC or CIO and I love that.

I am an attachment parent. I hold my children a lot, I follow their lead on most things, I follow gentel disapline, but I don't co-sleep or feed to sleep.

I LOVE the balence and freedom its given me. Especially with my first who was colicy and cried ALL the times. When I started using her methods, and she started to actually nap, she stopped being colicy and was so much more content. She saved my sanity.

And for the record Baby Whisperer methods are NOT easy. They're a lot of work.

[CrunchyChristianMama]

I would have to agree that there can be some positive things to come out of the book. There is a distinct difference betweentrying to schedule a baby and helping them get into a routine. I do the eat, awake, sleep routine, but allow my daughter to nurse additional times while she's awake if she wants to. Sometimes she does, sometimes she doesn't. I also can't nurse to sleep because my DD will wake up midnap in a huge pool of spit-up if I do.

You can have an "attached" baby and do things like have a routine for your day, have your baby sleep in a crib, and allow them to fall asleep without assistance.

In fact, doing things things have allowed me to keep my sanity. Since I've done these things I am much less stressed out, I sleep better, and am a better mother because of it.

[WyattsMom2008]

Thank you tanyam926 for understanding. I think I must have been in a bad mood last night when I wrote my post. No, that's not it. The post on the baby whisperer book touched something in me, a sneaking suspicion that maybe, just maybe I have made things harder on myself than I had to. Or maybe it was the fantasy that there could be an easier way. Maybe it's the resentment about having been "sold" on AP without knowing what I was "signing up for". Out of all my feelings, the most legitimate feeling may be this: I know I've made my baby feel secure, but have I made him feel by my example that life is joyful?

[Delicateflower]

Originally Posted by KimberlyD0

One of my favorite sayings of hers is "start as you mean to go on" which is so true. If your OK with holding your LO 24/7, co-sleeping, or feeding to sleep, she isn't saying you shouldn't. She's saying if your plan to do that, and then when YOUR tired of it you let the CIO or CC then thats maybe not the best idea.

This is my second biggest beef with her. Maybe because I thought it sounded so sensible when I was pregnant! It displays such ignorance of the way that babies and their needs change constantly. It's just downright silly to say that if you hold or feed your two week old baby to sleep that you'll have to still do it at six months AND at a year AND at two years, and at sixteen years.

I feel so sorry for people who tell me how proud they are to have just managed to get their three month old to sleep independently after lots of work and self-discipline (just before the sleep regression), or when people say they're scared to hold their newborn too much because they don't want to get into a bad habit. I've held both of my babies tons as newborns and small babies, and then one day they start shoving you away to get down and explore in fact, as I was typing this post my baby woke up. I went in and cradled him for about two minutes before he started arching his back in his sleep, trying to roll over and lie flat. That's the baby who used to nap mostly in a crib or on the floor at one month and exclusively in arms at four months.

[LadyCatherine185]

Originally Posted by Delicateflower

This is my second biggest beef with her. Maybe because I thought it sounded so sensible when I was pregnant! It displays such ignorance of the way that babies and their needs change constantly. It's just downright silly to say that if you hold or feed your two week old baby to sleep that you'll have to still do it at six months AND at a year AND at two years, and at sixteen years.

I feel so sorry for people who tell me how proud they are to have just managed to get their three month old to sleep independently after lots of work and self-discipline (just before the sleep regression), or when people say they're scared to hold their newborn too much because they don't want to get into a bad habit. I've held both of my babies tons as newborns and small babies, and then one day they start shoving you away to get down and explore in fact, as I was typing this post my baby woke up. I went in and cradled him for about two minutes before he started arching his back in his sleep, trying to roll over and lie flat. That's the baby who used to nap mostly in a crib or on the floor at one month and exclusively in arms at four months.

I totally agree with this. Baby's NEED constant touch and holding when they are very little. DS is now 6 months old and no longer needs me to hold him during naps, and is content to play and explore for 30 minutes at a time some days. AP is about responding to baby's NEEDS, not training them to NOT need things.

Wyattsmama- I agree being AP can be exhausting. But it sounds to me like your LO is very high needs (as is my DS). Every babe is different, and with a more laid-back baby I don't think you would find it to be quite as difficult. Even had you chosen to go the more mainstream route, you would still have a tough time with a high-needs baby. He would just cry a whole lot more if you chose to ignore his cues. Good for you for doing what you know is right for you and your babe, even if it is the hardest thing to do sometimes.

[PassionateWriter]

Originally Posted by Delicateflower

This is my second biggest beef with her. Maybe because I thought it sounded so sensible when I was pregnant! It displays such ignorance of the way that babies and their needs change constantly. It's just downright silly to say that if you hold or feed your two week old baby to sleep that you'll have to still do it at six months AND at a year AND at two years, and at sixteen years.

I feel so sorry for people who tell me how proud they are to have just managed to get their three month old to sleep independently after lots of work and self-discipline (just before the sleep regression), or when people say they're scared to hold their newborn too much because they don't want to get into a bad habit. I've held both of my babies tons as newborns and small babies, and then one day they start shoving you away to get down and explore in fact, as I was typing this post my baby woke up. I went in and cradled him for about two minutes before he started arching his back in his sleep, trying to roll over and lie flat. That's the baby who used to nap mostly in a crib or on the floor at one month and exclusively in arms at four months.

that breaks my heart. i always buy these books ar thrift stores and throw them away...same w ezzo.

[winter singer]

I feel so sorry for people who tell me how proud they are to have just managed to get their three month old to sleep independently after lots of work and self-discipline (just before the sleep regression), or when people say they're scared to hold their newborn too much because they don't want to get into a bad habit. I've held both of my babies tons as newborns and small babies, and then one day they start shoving you away to get down and explore in fact, as I was typing this post my baby woke up. I went in and cradled him for about two minutes before he started arching his back in his sleep, trying to roll over and lie flat. That's the baby who used to nap mostly in a crib or on the floor at one month and exclusively in arms at four months.

That's so funny - while I was reading this my LO,who had been nursing to sleep, started squirming around and showing me that she was ready to be laid down on her back! This happens virtually all the time now except when she's being carried in the sling and falls asleep. And yet she's the same baby who had to be held at all times for her first three months.

Wyattsmama- I agree being AP can be exhausting. But it sounds to me like your LO is very high needs (as is my DS). Every babe is different, and with a more laid-back baby I don't think you would find it to be quite as difficult. Even had you chosen to go the more mainstream route, you would still have a tough time with a high-needs baby. He would just cry a whole lot more if you chose to ignore his cues. Good for you for doing what you know is right for you and your babe, even if it is the hardest thing to do sometimes.

I think I've been lucky in that my baby is more-or-less-average-needs rather than high-needs (so far anyway!) but I can really relate to what wyattsmama says about the importance of joy. My DH has commented that when I'm feeling down for some reason and am looking after DD, I sometimes become very joyless. These past couple of days for example I had a tummy bug and it just drained all the fun out of mothering for a while there. I told my DD that I wasn't feeling too good but that I would be better soon and it wasn't her fault in any way; of course she didn't understand the words, but I hope she at least picked up the emotion behind them. So Wyattsmama, I really hope you're able to find ways to have more joy in your life, since I agree that without joy, all the other AP stuff probably loses a lot of its meaning to the baby. (And I hope you experience more joy for your own sake too!) :

[AislinCarys]

My ex-employer loves the Baby Whisperer (she actually likes Babywise as well, but that is beside the point) and she lent me her copy when DD was born. I liked the way the BW listed all the signs for tiredness, hunger etc (not that it really worked that way with DD, but I think she is an atypical baby). I didn't like her baby-types (angel baby, textbook baby, touchy baby, spirited baby, grumpy baby), most high-need babies will turn out to be grumpy, and she teaches that they just are angry babies, nothing you can do about it, so just put them on a schedule for your own sake. DD is happy, and we always get comments about how "good" she is -despite being very high-need! But she responds well to AP.

The breastfeeding/formula info is terrible - any woman reading that and choosing to breastfeed must be mad! She lists all negatives with bf, like it gives you very saggy boobs, then she spends several pages writing about how formula is exactly the same as breastmilk. And she limits feeds, when breastfeeding, to 20 min every 3-4 hours, no feeding to sleep. She has all this technical and scientific discussion, and it is incorrect.

And I hate her sleeping ideas. She claims letting babies sleep somewhere where it isn't all dark and quiet is like you sleeping in a public square or something similar. Hum. We sleep with a night light and sleep music, because I find it difficult to sleep in darkness and quietness. And I don't sleep well on my own.

[ehunter27]

it is junk. wouldn't recomend it...

[KaliShanti]

I think much of her advice is great. I did not do any kind of sleep training or scheduled feedings with my first son and I was up all night with him until he was almost 10 months old. I had no sleep or life. With my 3-week-old daughter, I gently have guided her on a LOOSE/flexible schedule based on the Eat-Wake-Sleep cycle and it has been SO much easier. She is calmer, happier, sleeps MUCH better at night. She sleeps & naps better than my son did at 9 months. Some of the breastfeeding stuff can be a little dated maybe, but a lot of it is great. If you are at your wits end, give it a chance.

[Auraji]

My stepson's mom gave me this book. It was actually the first parenting book I tried reading and I didnt like it right away. I figure we wouldnt since we are VERY different persons. She's very strict with dss and has him on a very rigid schedule and there's always problems of how we dont follow them when he's here.

I guess I could consider myself an AP parent, but it's just what feels right and what has worked for us so far. I chose to breastfeed because I know it's the best for my baby and to me it makes no sense to buy a substitute, when I have the best for free. I ended up cosleeping, because dd would wake always hungry and I got her in bed with me to nurse and we both would fall asleep. I ended up getting lazy and just letting her sleep in the bed, now I look forward to going to bed with her there. I hold her a lot, because she wants to be held a lot, if she wants me to put her down, I'll put her down. I just feel like Im doing what my baby is asking from me (and I dont think because of this Im letting her control me) and at the end of the day I feel like that's what AP is all, responding to your baby's needs and wants adequately. All babies are different, so different things work for different babies, but I think is important to remember that all moms are different too. It's important to build a relationship that makes baby and mother happy.