Thought I would ask you guys how I can help support this little boy..
My boyfriend's nephew (he might as well be my nephew too, I've know him since he was a year old and spend a lot of time with the family) is 5. He's always expressed an interest in 'girly' things - wearing dresses and makeup, 'girl' toys and tv shows, dancing and singing like Hannah Montana, styling hair, growing his own hair long (when he can he always has something on his head to pretend he has long hair), painting his nails, etc. He has two older sisters so that's probably a big part of it. But it also is what he seems to prefer hands down. If you give him a choice between neutral, rough and tough and pink and sparkly, he wants pink and sparkly, always.
Problem is his dad is pretty homophobic (even though he has an openly gay sister - they are Catholic and conservative, and I don't think any of the kids even know what 'gay' means, or that their aunt is), and he HATES seeing his son doing any of these things. He's forbidden from doing any of it, and gets yelled at when he's not acting manly. Dad's not excessively cruel or scary about it, but he tells him to STOP acting that way in no uncertain terms. He makes a big deal about them doing 'guy stuff' together that his sisters don't do (none of which the boy seems to like much - he doesn't like rough play or getting dirty), and things that he has wants to do, like gymnastics classes (he has a lot of natural talent) are denied - he plays baseball instead. It's a lot of pressure and a it's become a very big deal in their family at this point. Since he hasn't grown out of it, now his mom and sisters have started trying to suppress his behavior too.. he's told everything he likes to do is 'for girls' and it's made as off-limits as possible.
My BF and I, and his mother, babysit the boy sometimes and when his dad's not around to squelch it he is a totally different kid, we let him do all the things he can't at home.
It's breaking my heart at this point. I just wish they would let him do what he likes and be who he is, you know? I try to be supportive - I've told him he's technically a boy no matter what he likes or does (and being male is certainly no better than being female), that stuff made 'for boys' isn't any better than stuff made 'for girls', that he can do whatever he wants when he grows up - he wants to be a hairdresser and a 'fashionista'. His grandma also indulges his preferences - she lets him put on her makeup and dress up at her house and tells him it's fine - but they have to hide it from his family and if they get 'caught' he gets a talking-to.
He's not in full-time school yet, so that's going to be even tougher (he already gets teased a little by neighborhood kids).. whether he's straight or gay or trans, whatever, it just sucks that he's going to have to deal with people judging him and that he doesn't get to express himself how he wants to, because our society is so committed to boys only acting like they 'should'..
Is there anything else I can do for him?
My boyfriend's nephew (he might as well be my nephew too, I've know him since he was a year old and spend a lot of time with the family) is 5. He's always expressed an interest in 'girly' things - wearing dresses and makeup, 'girl' toys and tv shows, dancing and singing like Hannah Montana, styling hair, growing his own hair long (when he can he always has something on his head to pretend he has long hair), painting his nails, etc. He has two older sisters so that's probably a big part of it. But it also is what he seems to prefer hands down. If you give him a choice between neutral, rough and tough and pink and sparkly, he wants pink and sparkly, always.
Problem is his dad is pretty homophobic (even though he has an openly gay sister - they are Catholic and conservative, and I don't think any of the kids even know what 'gay' means, or that their aunt is), and he HATES seeing his son doing any of these things. He's forbidden from doing any of it, and gets yelled at when he's not acting manly. Dad's not excessively cruel or scary about it, but he tells him to STOP acting that way in no uncertain terms. He makes a big deal about them doing 'guy stuff' together that his sisters don't do (none of which the boy seems to like much - he doesn't like rough play or getting dirty), and things that he has wants to do, like gymnastics classes (he has a lot of natural talent) are denied - he plays baseball instead. It's a lot of pressure and a it's become a very big deal in their family at this point. Since he hasn't grown out of it, now his mom and sisters have started trying to suppress his behavior too.. he's told everything he likes to do is 'for girls' and it's made as off-limits as possible.
My BF and I, and his mother, babysit the boy sometimes and when his dad's not around to squelch it he is a totally different kid, we let him do all the things he can't at home.
It's breaking my heart at this point. I just wish they would let him do what he likes and be who he is, you know? I try to be supportive - I've told him he's technically a boy no matter what he likes or does (and being male is certainly no better than being female), that stuff made 'for boys' isn't any better than stuff made 'for girls', that he can do whatever he wants when he grows up - he wants to be a hairdresser and a 'fashionista'. His grandma also indulges his preferences - she lets him put on her makeup and dress up at her house and tells him it's fine - but they have to hide it from his family and if they get 'caught' he gets a talking-to.
He's not in full-time school yet, so that's going to be even tougher (he already gets teased a little by neighborhood kids).. whether he's straight or gay or trans, whatever, it just sucks that he's going to have to deal with people judging him and that he doesn't get to express himself how he wants to, because our society is so committed to boys only acting like they 'should'..
Is there anything else I can do for him?
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