Worried about having a boy...:/ - Page 2

[Fyrestorm]

Originally Posted by perspective

Thats so horrible! I know this is a good tool to save some baby boys. (not so good when its the mother that wants to circ) But why would a hospital take all parental rights away from fathers during that first period? Its just horrible.

They have no proof that the man there is actually the father without a DNA test. It's a CYA for the hospital. If the male figure consents to something and turns out not to be related to the infant, the hospital could be in HUGE trouble.

Some states (like CT) have laws on the books that in a marriage, the man is legally assumed to be the father of the child until proven otherwise. In this case, they usually allow the married partner to consent. This could also be a sticky wicket since they don't ask for a marriage certificate.

[danaalex]

when i worked as an RN in peds and in the NICU part of my job was to assist with them . i didn't have kids when i worked peds, and when i worked in the NICU i had a daughter, but i swore that if i ever had a son he would NOT be circ'd.

it was horrible to watch those poor babies go through that i had to do it as part of my job but as a parent i could NEVER put one of my children through something like that.

i worked with docs that would "use" numbing agents, but they have to be in place for at least 15-20 min to take affect and NO doc ever waited that long to start.

[jennchsm]

My DH and I had the same dilemma, and when I found out we were having a boy, I was terrified of even discussing it. And we didn't -- neither of us brought it up for the rest of the pregnancy. When the time came to make the decision (the nurse at the hospital asked), I looked right at my DH and said, "I'm really against it." He said, "Then we won't do it." I burst into tears! I asked him later why he changed his mind, and he said it was because it was clearly so important to me. He knew I'd done a lot of research, and he ultimately trusted my judgment.

I'm not suggesting you do it that way, but my point is that he might surprise you when the baby is born. I will also add that many circ'd men seem to take it personally when their wives/partners don't want their sons circ'd. It's as if they think we think there is something wrong with their penis, yanno? Many men have some strong feelings about their own circumcisions that they don't deal with until they have a son. I think that it's terrible that DH was circ'd as a baby, but that doesn't mean DS should pay that price as well, just to make him feel better about being mutilated as an infant.

[smeep]

Originally Posted by danaalex

when i worked as an RN in peds and in the NICU part of my job was to assist with them . i didn't have kids when i worked peds, and when i worked in the NICU i had a daughter, but i swore that if i ever had a son he would NOT be circ'd.

it was horrible to watch those poor babies go through that i had to do it as part of my job but as a parent i could NEVER put one of my children through something like that.

i worked with docs that would "use" numbing agents, but they have to be in place for at least 15-20 min to take affect and NO doc ever waited that long to start.

Wow! You couldn't refuse to participate?

[Belle]

Originally Posted by jennchsm

I think that it's terrible that DH was circ'd as a baby, but that doesn't mean DS should pay that price as well, just to make him feel better about being mutilated as an infant.

That's a great way of putting it.

My dh agreed completely with our decision to not circ. He even suggested that he restore his own foreskin so that our son wouldn't feel strange. I smiled and told him that if he wanted to do that he should, but not for anyone else other than himself. There would be no need to have matching genitalia with his son. Our both our babies were born female, so the issue never came up other than theoretical.

[jenP]

Originally Posted by Burnindinner

Why is he so adamant that it should be done? If someone has such strong feelings about one issue, there is usually an emotionally charged reason behind it. Have you talked about that? It just seems odd to have such a forceful reaction on his part.

And that emotionally charged reason would be... his penis! The poor guy just desperately wants to cling to the idea that circumcision is really, really, REALLY important and necessary. Because if it isn't important and necessary... that means someone unnecessarily cut off part of his penis. And that maybe he's missing something important. Who wants to face that? Cutting his son is the only way he knows to stay in blissful denial and feel good about his own experience.
The secret is, though, there is another, better way for a cut guy to feel good about his experience: work through it, deal with it, and heal yourself and empower yourself by protecting your son. It's a much more secure and lasting happiness than what you get by cutting your son and remaining in denial. With the added benefit that you become a big, strong, courageous HERO to your wife!:
Best of luck to you and your guy. He's not a jerk, and he doesn't want to hurt your son, he's just hurting, himself.

Jen

[PuppyFluffer]

Jen, what an insightful and acurate post. Thank you.

[calngavinsmom]

Originally Posted by Belle

That's a great way of putting it.

My dh agreed completely with our decision to not circ. He even suggested that he restore his own foreskin so that our son wouldn't feel strange. I smiled and told him that if he wanted to do that he should, but not for anyone else other than himself. There would be no need to have matching genitalia with his son. Our both our babies were born female, so the issue never came up other than theoretical.

I wish somehow the universe would make it so that fathers like this one would end up with boys and those who are so adamant that their boys be cut would have girls. I always hope it to be that way when I know someone who is expecting, but it doesn't always work out like that

Good luck to you OP and stay strong, your dp will come around, or at the very least get over it.

Take care!
Tara