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WWYD? Question about adult pulling child out of class. **UPDATED Post #49**

post #1 of 67
Thread Starter 
DS is going to a pre-school a few hours a week. I accompanied him today and during the class, the school director (large man) came to the door of the classroom and asked one of the little girls to come out with him for a few minutes. The teacher saw him and didn't say anything.

I know there may be nothing wrong with this. But it's been bothering me all day. Why would a grown man pull a little girl out of a classroom? There are so many cases of abuse in the news, I'm a little paranoid.

Anyway, I know I need to find out more about the situation in order to feel comfortable leaving DS there, but I'm not sure who to talk to: the teacher? The man who took her out of the room? Someone else? And what to say exactly? I don't want to make a big deal out of nothing or seem like a paranoid mom. Still, it has been bugging me.
post #2 of 67
I would start with the teacher.

"I noticed yesterday that the director came and took so-and-so out for a few minutes. I didn't think the children ever left the classroom. Why would he take just one child out? It makes me a little uncomfortable."

Even if it's completely innocuous (maybe she has meds she needed to take, maybe something happened earlier that you didn't see, maybe she gets therapy at school and the therapist was there...), it should make the teacher realize that the impression is bad.
post #3 of 67
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mommyintraining2 View Post
Why would a grown man pull a little girl out of a classroom?
I think this is really odd phrasing given the situation -- it should read something more like, "Why would a preschool director pull a student out of a classroom?" I'm sure there are lots of plausible explanations.
post #4 of 67
If you're really, truly uncomfortable and have genuine bad vibes about the incident, you should ask someone about it.

That being said, there could be any number of valid reasons for a preschool director to pull a child from class. It could have been anything from a therapy session to a parent dropping by (but not wanting to disturb the class). As the director, I would assume that the man has many responsibilities to his students, regardless of their gender.

If a male high school principal pulled a young lady from class, you probably wouldn't think much of it. This is probably not much different.
post #5 of 67
Quote:
Originally Posted by limabean View Post
I think this is really odd phrasing given the situation -- it should read something more like, "Why would a preschool director pull a student out of a classroom?" I'm sure there are lots of plausible explanations.
This. Off the top of my head: medication, follow-up to a discussion they had earlier, change of plans, wanting to show her something they had talked about, specials, therapy, phone call from parent, small group learning with kids from other rooms; "buddy activity" with older or younger kid, etc.
post #6 of 67
She may have been related to him. You said only a few minutes so it was probably to pass along some sort of information. Did they just stay outside the door or did they go somewhere else?

Definatly ask the teacher.
post #7 of 67
This is what I love about MDC. Any other message board and the OP would have been made to feel bad for even suggesting that there could be a problem with the scenario. But here are MDC the answer is - there could be a million legit reasons why it happen, but if your gut is telling you to ask - ASK!! I love it!! This is why I come here.

I agree - it's probably a completely legit reason and all is well in the world, but for it to have stood out to you, that means you need to ask the teacher what thats about
post #8 of 67
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mama2Bug View Post
If a male high school principal pulled a young lady from class, you probably wouldn't think much of it. This is probably not much different.
Actually that would raise a red flag to me--I'm a high school principal and I never pull students out of class.
post #9 of 67
Quote:
Originally Posted by GranoLLLy-girl View Post
Actually that would raise a red flag to me--I'm a high school principal and I never pull students out of class.
Thank you! I was thinking the same thing! That's been in the news a lot, too and my high school actually had problems with this. One incident happened when I was there, and it was completely false and made up. (It late came out she was angry with him over tutoring ... or that her friend was angry at her and wanted to get back at her .. either way, it was completely unfounded) And a few happened after I graduated, like the band leader having sex in his car. With a student. In the parking lot. Of the the high school.

Anyhow, as PP have said, it was probably nothing. At all. I used to pulled out like that too, and it was always something stupid like, 'your mom called for this' or 'its time for this medicine' (asthma and lots of bladder infections as a child, not to mention allergies). But, also like PP have said, if it really stuck out to you and bothered you, definitely ask the teacher. I like what the first response said. That's a great way to handle the situation. Or even something like "does the director always pull them out to give them medication or something? because I don't want my son singled out and made to feel embarrassed".

Hope it all works out for you!
post #10 of 67
Quote:
Originally Posted by limabean View Post
I think this is really odd phrasing given the situation -- it should read something more like, "Why would a preschool director pull a student out of a classroom?" I'm sure there are lots of plausible explanations.
Yes. The "grown man" wasn't a stranger off the street - he runs the preschool. I think there are so many legitimate reasons for him to pull her out of school. If you need clarification then ask the teacher.
post #11 of 67
It seems normal to me, but then I spent my school career being pulled out of class. I was a bit of a problem child, so I was removed for disciplinary action often (even in preschool), tutoring for my math disability, gifted classes, and for a while had to take my ADD medication at school...

I don't think it hurts to ask, though.
post #12 of 67
Quote:
Originally Posted by rhubarbarin View Post
It seems normal to me, but then I spent my school career being pulled out of class. I was a bit of a problem child, so I was removed for disciplinary action often (even in preschool), tutoring for my math disability, gifted classes, and for a while had to take my ADD medication at school...

I don't think it hurts to ask, though.
It may not hurt to ask, but she simply may not get an answer, due to privacy concerns.

I'd suspect that if the reason for the pull-out was disciplinary or medical, they're going to refuse to answer the question anyhow.
post #13 of 67
Quote:
Originally Posted by caro113 View Post
Or even something like "does the director always pull them out to give them medication or something? because I don't want my son singled out and made to feel embarrassed".
I do know that in many places there is only one person who can handle medication of any type for children. It's normally the school nurse, but with it being a pre-school they may not have a nurse on staff full-time, so it would then fall to the director or whomever. Teachers cannot give out meds anymore. My aunt complains about it b/c she teaches 2nd grade and it seems like the kids are always sick, but they have to go to the office for it. Her point is that it disrupts her class with kids always leaving and coming back.

Ask the teacher for clarification, and ask about who administers the medication to the students.
post #14 of 67
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mommyintraining2 View Post
DS is going to a pre-school a few hours a week. I accompanied him today and during the class, the school director (large man) came to the door of the classroom and asked one of the little girls to come out with him for a few minutes. The teacher saw him and didn't say anything.
If he were a small man, would it bother you? I don't know why that stuck out to me, but the inclusion of "large" as though that makes him more likely to be a predator bugs me.

Anyway, there are many reasons why the director would need to see a student. But I think it's reasonable to ask about it if it's a concern.
post #15 of 67
Thread Starter 
Sorry some of you were offended with my choice of descriptive words ("large man", "grown man"). That wasn't my intention. I was describing the situation as I saw it and felt it. My purpose in posting this question was for ideas on how to handle it. And I really appreciate those who gave suggestions. Thank you.
post #16 of 67
I just mentioned this to my DH. He is a teacher at a small private school that is pre-8. Diring the afternoons he works as the assistant to the principal, and the principal is a man. According to him, if a student is needed somewhere for any reason he or the principal go and get them. It could be that they did something wrong earlier in the day, they need medication, or a parent is there to get them. Their intercom system is an older style one that when used announces to the whole school, so to cut down on interruptions they work as a messenger at times.

If the teacher didn't even didn't even blink at it, I personally wouldn't be too concerned. Also, like a previous poster said... for privacy reasons they probably won't be able to answer you.
post #17 of 67
Were you there when she returned to class?
post #18 of 67
My immediate thought was a medication, or that she forgot something and Mom was dropping it off or something like that.
post #19 of 67
I am not quite sure why this bothered you. Is is just the fact that a man asked a girl to come out of the classroom? From your OP, it sounds like the only problem is that he was a man and she was a young girl, but maybe you just got a weird vibe or something? Honestly, I can think of several reasons that a director may need to pull a child from the classroom for a while, most of those already mentioned. And I may get slammed for this, but it really isn't your business why he pulled her. I mean, if she was going to therapy or something, that's just not for you to know. Now if you witnessed something a little more unusual, say the child acted like she was scared or uncomfortable, then by all means you should say something. But the man is the school director. You are entrusting him with you child, whether he is your child's actual teacher or not. If there's something about him that bothers you on an instinctual level, then maybe you should pull your child from the center.
post #20 of 67
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mommyintraining2 View Post
And what to say exactly? I don't want to make a big deal out of nothing or seem like a paranoid mom. Still, it has been bugging me.
It sounds like it's bugging you so I would ask. I would just say what you said. "I know I'm probably making a big deal out of nothing and seem like a paranoid mom to you but something has been bothering me." Say how you saw the director pull the child out and you were wondering what the reason was for. I would also mention that you understand if the teacher can't tell you the exact reason but perhaps she could give you several examples of situations where the director would pull out YOUR child (to make it clear that you aren't just "nosy" about this girl). Early parent pick up, medicine, therapy, etc.
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Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › WWYD? Question about adult pulling child out of class. **UPDATED Post #49**