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WWYD? Question about adult pulling child out of class. **UPDATED Post #49** - Page 3

post #41 of 67
Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post
Unless there's more to it than the OP has said, there's nothing that would worry me. However, I don't get your point here at all. Criminal record checks provide nothing but a false sense of security, imo. A clean criminal record just means someone hasn't been caught - it doesn't mean they haven't done anything. I don't care what someone's record says, or whether or not they have a penis - I care what my personal gut feeling about that person is.
True enough. However I personally would never place my child in the care of a childcare, preschool, or school that didn't enforce a criminal record check.

To assume that the record is clean only because a person hasn't been caught is to put undo guilt onto that person.

I don't know the gritty details and regulation in the US, but where I am they're very stricked.

My point was that there is a pro-active means of preventing abuse whenever possible. Yes it still can happen, and thats tragic, but at least there is a hard core attempt.

I just don't think that the world should live in fear and people who would never harm a child, like "Large men" who have never and likly never will do anything. People who are innocent are being lumped in with those who would do harm. kwim?
post #42 of 67
Quote:
Originally Posted by phathui5 View Post
I would trust a woman alone with my child over a man. It may be discrimination, but it's based in fact.
which can also be faulty. After all female techers and care providers can harm a child just as much as any man.
post #43 of 67
Quote:
Originally Posted by KimberlyD0 View Post
True enough. However I personally would never place my child in the care of a childcare, preschool, or school that didn't enforce a criminal record check.
I would, depending on the other rules they have in place. I feel far, far more secure about the "always two people with the child" type of rule than I do with record checks.

Quote:
To assume that the record is clean only because a person hasn't been caught is to put undo guilt onto that person.
I agree, but I'm not doing that. I'm not assuming anything...including that a person is safe just because they don't have a record.

Quote:
I don't know the gritty details and regulation in the US, but where I am they're very stricked.
I'm not in the US. I'm in BC. I have no idea what the rules are here, either, because none of my kids have ever been in preschool or daycare. DS2 will be doing preschool next year, but I've been watching the teachers interact with the students for weeks/months (they operate out of the same facility where my children take swimming lessons).

Quote:
My point was that there is a pro-active means of preventing abuse whenever possible. Yes it still can happen, and thats tragic, but at least there is a hard core attempt.
I don't mind that people are pro-active. It's just that the "it's not a problem here, because we have record checks" mindset worries me. It's great to know that convicted pedophiles won't be allowed near my children (I believe we do have the same requirement - just not 100% sure)...but that doesn't mean they're necessarily safe. (Neither of the men who molested me had a record, to the best of my knowledge. I know one of them didn't.)

Quote:
I just don't think that the world should live in fear and people who would never harm a child, like "Large men" who have never and likly never will do anything. People who are innocent are being lumped in with those who would do harm. kwim?
That's because there's no way to tell, and we've become paranoid about men. My stepbrother stopped working as a Cub Scout leader, even though he loves the program, because he started getting weird looks from other parents when they found out that he didn't have a son in Cubs (my step-nephew? had moved up to Scouts) but was still involved. That kind of mindset really freaks me out. Honestly, the OP has no idea if the preschool director is a pervert or not. Neither do I. I don't, however, see anything in her post to suggest anything out of line is going on. In the absence of any gut feeling about the guy (and I wasn't there, so have no idea if there would or wouldn't be one), I wouldn't even have thought twice about it.
post #44 of 67
I work full time so my girls are in full time daycare so yes I do know the system here VERY well.

The criminal record check is only the first step, but it is importent to me. I want to know if there is someone who DOES have a record working near my children. Of course there are other regulations that are importent. Like the sudent teacher ratio, routines, what types of food are served, what disapline is used.

I was mulested as a child by a close family member. I am not blind to what can happen. I know first hand it can.

I choose not to assume every man out there is out to hurt my daughters. I choose to trust people. I choose to put the past in the past. Not an easy task.

Its trully sad the state that we have now found ourselves in, when a grown man who is doing HIS JOB is assumed to be doing something dispicable and wrong. It makes me sick to see all the unnessisary fear and anxiaty people put themselves through. Statistically girls are more likly to me mulested by family then they are by strangers. So should we never leave them alone with their father? Uncle? Grandfathers? any other male family member?

I'm not saying we should let our children run off with just anyone, not by a long shot. But we also need to trust that most men are good people. They will not and have not hurt our children.

Having had my children in the daycare system for 3 years, and having worked with it for 10 years, its set up to keep our children safe. I mean in my daughter daycare they even have a security door, they have a pick up list, and they make you show ID. Because of how parents are so parinoid now adays, no worker is EVER alone with the children.

Most daycares allow for random parental check-ups. Ours has a room you can go to with a double sided mirror so the kids can't see you but you can watch them. It is a safe place for my girls and they love it there.
post #45 of 67
I think if it made you uncomfortable you should ask about it in a non-confrontational way!
post #46 of 67
i agree lots of good reasons but ask if you feel like you should. And if you feel uncomfortable with your child being pulled at any time i would make it clear to the teacher and the director that you need to be there if your dc is going to be isolated from other students at any point. When it comes to your childs education and safety you can never be too observant.
post #47 of 67
Quote:
Originally Posted by phathui5 View Post
I would trust a woman alone with my child over a man. It may be discrimination, but it's based in fact.
What fact is it based in? There have been several news stories of female teachers that have taken advantage of their male students, it does happen.
post #48 of 67
Men are more likely to sexually abuse pre-pubescent children. Men and women are equally likely to sexually abuse pubescent and post-pubescent children. Men and women are equally likely to abuse children in non-sexual ways. Actually, women are more likely to, but just because they have more access. I've studied this - it was 10 years ago but I bet the info is roughly the same. Anyway, that child would be less likely to be *sexually* abused by a woman, but there are lots of different kinds of abuse and she certainly could still be abused.
post #49 of 67
Thread Starter 
So I checked. It was her father.
post #50 of 67
Glad that everything turned out okay.
post #51 of 67
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mommyintraining2 View Post
So I checked. It was her father.
Anyone else reading this thread, get to this point, and then think, Wow! We are a bunch of paranoid and suspicious mommas?
post #52 of 67
Quote:
Originally Posted by AbbieB View Post
Anyone else reading this thread, get to this point, and then think, Wow! We are a bunch of paranoid and suspicious mommas?


Perhaps this should be remembered in the future.

Perhaps it should also be considered why we jump to such outlandish ideas over something as innocent as a Daddy talking to a daughter.

-Angela
post #53 of 67
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by AbbieB View Post
Anyone else reading this thread, get to this point, and then think, Wow! We are a bunch of paranoid and suspicious mommas?
No, I don't. When it comes to the safety of my children, I will always check into it.
post #54 of 67
Quote:
Originally Posted by AbbieB View Post
Anyone else reading this thread, get to this point, and then think, Wow! We are a bunch of paranoid and suspicious mommas?
No.

I think that perhaps most people are too willing to immediately label any man as a predator without actually listening to their instinct vs. prejudice, but it's not without some good reason behind it. And most of the men I know (including DH) who have/work with kids have told me that they're used to it, it's frankly just part of life.

I would never tell someone to ignore their instincts, only perhaps to broaden them if they only focused on men vs. anyone.
post #55 of 67
I wouldn't tell someone to ignore their instincts either, but it's a pretty good pointer that our "instincts" are pretty messed up when the mere sight of a father with his daughter sets off alarm bells.
post #56 of 67
Quote:
Originally Posted by AbbieB View Post
Anyone else reading this thread, get to this point, and then think, Wow! We are a bunch of paranoid and suspicious mommas?
Yes, and I was kind of offended by the implication that men should not be unsupervised around young children, especially girls. What does that teach our sons and daughters about themselves, and each other?
post #57 of 67
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mommyintraining2 View Post
So I checked. It was her father.
I'm glad everything is fine, but also a little confused. Are you saying the man that pulled her out of the classroom was her father? Did I read your post wrong about him being the director or did I miss a post or something? Just trying to get clarification b/c maybe I got really confused somewhere along the way.
post #58 of 67
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by earthgirl View Post
I'm glad everything is fine, but also a little confused. Are you saying the man that pulled her out of the classroom was her father? Did I read your post wrong about him being the director or did I miss a post or something? Just trying to get clarification b/c maybe I got really confused somewhere along the way.
He's the director and her father.
post #59 of 67
Quote:
Originally Posted by peainthepod View Post
Yes, and I was kind of offended by the implication that men should not be unsupervised around young children, especially girls. What does that teach our sons and daughters about themselves, and each other?
Well, it teaches men that they aren't good enough to look after our children, sometimes even their own, and disempowers them. It teaches our sons that sexual violence is anticipated, that sexual violence has power. It teaches our girls that sexual violence is to be anticipated, powerful, something to fear. And so the circle goes on.
post #60 of 67
Thread Starter 
Unsubscribing from this thread.
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Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › WWYD? Question about adult pulling child out of class. **UPDATED Post #49**