Montessori child interviews?

[kavitha]

We applied to 3 Montessori schools for our daughter who will be a little less than 3.5 when she starts...

We have gone to 3 child interviews. I was told that the schools were interested in seeing how well the child "separates" from her parents and if she would be a good fit for Montessori.

In the first one, the teacher introduced herself, tried to take dd's hand and walk her in. dd didn't budge. (She has never been at school, been at home with both her parents for the last 3 years). I asked if I could walk her to the classroom door, teacher agreed, dd was more interested when she saw the classroom, but still wanted me to walk in with her. I walked her to a table where she sat down with teacher, and then slowly backed off till I was at the edge of the classroom, and someone brought me a chair. DD did the activities and she periodically turned around a few times and said softly, "mama".

In the second, she went with the teacher, who asked that I not walk her to the classroom, and not wait in the hallway. Within 5 minutes, I heard dd crying. The teacher walked her out, but dd refused to go back with her.

In the 3rd, she went with the teacher (REALLY reluctantly, she wanted to see the fish, but wanted parents to go with her), again teacher asked that I not walk to the classroom with her. Soon, I hear loud screaming and clamor from the classroom. The Director continues to interview us as if she doesn't hear. I am really distracted as dd is screaming crying at the top of her lungs, and request that I go get her. The Director agrees, but wants to give her some time to calm down. I hear her crying and screaming against the door (can't see her), when the Director opens the door, she is crying and children (who are probably trying to make her feel better) are surrounding her. DD nursed and cried for the next hour, even though she no longer nurses during the day....

I don't really understand the need to see if the child will "separate". Is it just that they are unwilling to help with a gentle transition. I don't get why dd is expected to go off with a stranger and be fine, if that is not her personality and not in her previous experience.

I know the last school is not for us, because the Director strongly "blamed" us for what happened because we have kept dd home with us until now.

But I like the other 2 schools, and I know I need to talk more with them, but I am afraid this expectation that the child be "independent" may mean that teachers will not be loving and sensitive with a child who needs help with transition to school.

any insight or experience or thoughts about this child interview process and thinking would be helpful to me. While I really liked Montessori, now I am thinking the play-based preschool I chose as a back-up might be better, just because they allow parents to help the child make a gentle transition to school....

[daekini]

I think it is strange that none of the schools let you go with her. When we did my son's interviews, he would not go in. They let me go and sit in a rocking chair in the corner; I was asked to pretty much not interact - but my presence eventually helped him relax and integrate. Maybe you could suggest this? Tell the place ahead of time that you're working on this. Tell your dd what will happen in advance to help her prepare for it... and if you can't work out this kind of arrangement with the school, talk to her about it ahead of time anyway - describe the scenario on many (random) occasions, in a way that won't make her afraid of what's going to happen.

[snowmom5]

I also think it was strange - to expect no problems with separating the first time meeting a stranger for a three year old - sounds kind of absurd. Our school is a public charter, and so it takes all students for whom there's room, so there were no interviews. My kids took a couple of *weeks* to adjust. At a minimum, I'd first expect an open-house type of thing where you can bring the child to meet the teacher; many of the little ones just hide behind their parent's legs at that. And then when school starts, the teachers deal with the separation. I don't know how I'd feel about a school where they weren't willing to deal with the crying those first few days - it's simply part of the package when it comes to kids that age.

And all three schools cared about separation? Interesting. Sometimes it just doesn't work out, but I think a few weeks' opportunity to adjust isn't much to ask.

[freistms]

We've been through several interviews now, too, and never been asked for either DD to be separated from us during the interview, even with my ODD who had already been in Montessori for a year at the time of our second round of interviews (we moved). My experience with Montessori classrooms is that, after a short introductory period (maybe a week or two), the teachers will ask you to help the child transition by making a clean break at drop off, but that is only because children are hyper-sensitive to your own reluctance, so your confidence actually helps them make the transition more easily. But this always comes after a period of time when the children are given the opportunity to get accustomed to the classroom and comfortable with the teacher. I agree that expecting the child to wander off happily with a stranger is absurd.

[InDaPhunk]

Originally Posted by freistms

I agree that expecting the child to wander off happily with a stranger is absurd.

ITA. Borderline bizarre. I'm about to put in apps for at least 2 Montessori schools. I know DS will have playdates, but if some veritable stranger tries to walk off with my independant, spirited, enthusiastic, social DS...well, the poo will most likely hit the fan. He wouldn't like it, and since they'll be "getting to know" DS, I'll be "getting to know" them, too (which means that I don't actually know them), so I wouldn't like it either, which means DS doesn't leave my sight. Sorry. We'll do play based or HS before that nonsense.

IMO, their expectations aren't developmentally appropriate, especially for attached children with no prior experience at school.

[KBecks]

Our school does an interview like that and expects children to go with the admissions director to see a classroom and do puzzles. My kids stay at home with me but also have spent time with relatives and at gym child care. I prepped the kids by telling them that we were going to school and meeting Mrs. X and that they would go to a classroom and do puzzles with Mrs. X so they would know what to expect. My younger son did not want to go right away, so Mrs. X gave us some puzzles and books to play with for a few minutes, and then she came back and they went together alone after he had a chance to get settled and more comfortable.

I think it is because in an M school the kids are expected to work independently. We are not continuing at our school because of the costs. I was not uncomfortable with the admissions process but I do not totally understand the reasoning.

[kavitha]

thanks--it is helpful to hear that others also think this is asking a little too much...

i was starting to feel defensive after the 3rd Director acted so incredulous that we had not put her in daycare thus far, and then even my husband started worrying, "What's wrong with dd? Why is she so clingy? Maybe the AP parenting is not working....." after we saw all the other kids go off with the teachers....

She does stay with friends, go to a spanish playgroup, etc---but it's all with caregivers she has built a relationship with--and i did tell her what was going to happen, but i think it still felt overwhelming...

i am going to keep considering the first 2 schools, and if we get in, ask about transition process and support and expectations. I did get a nice call from the admissions person at one school saying dd did fine, they did not expect anything else from her, and she is sure that if dd went to the school she would do fine with time...so that was reassuring....

we will see....

[tatermom]

DS1's current school did not require any sort of interview, but one of the schools we were looking at last year did-- they wanted DS (who had just turned 3) to go off with one of their teachers for half an hour. When I asked if I could accompany him, they told me doubtfully that I could probably walk down the hall with him.... I definitely thought that was an unreasonable expectation for such a little kid. However, next week we are going to interview at a new school (cross-country move, or else we would stay at our current school which we love) and they expect DS1 to spend 3 hours in one of the primary classrooms without a parent. I'm a little shocked that they would expect a 4 year old to be comfortable doing this, but I presume it's because we're trying to transfer into the middle of the primary cycle and they want to be sure that DS will be able to integrate into the class without too much trouble. I think DS will be fine because his confidence has grown tremendously over the past year and he LOVES the montessori materials (which I assume will be mostly the same)-- but I know many 4 year olds who certainly would not be able to do that.

I, too, think that it is unreasonable to expect a young child to be comfortable with an adult that he or she has just met, and I do not believe it is a reasonable measure of the child's independence or ability to separate, since the child might do just fine with a slower, more gentle introduction to the teacher and classroom. Hopefully the teachers and administration realize this (at least at the two schools that did not criticize your parenting!) and will take that into account-- it's possible that they do allow for a gentler transition in the fall when school starts... did you ask about that? Good luck!

[freistms]

The school my DDs were in this year did do an "in-class" interview with all of its propsective students if it could be arranged. The day I visited, there was a two year old doing an in-class interview in the Toddler room, but her mom was in the room, too, and the interview did not last the whole school day. I'm not sure if they would have allowed a parent to sit in on an interview in the primary room, though, since the work period is more structured and the parent lingering around was definitely disruptive. (We weren't able to arrange an in-class interview because we didn't live near to the school at the time, so we never experienced that.) I guess it seems more reasonable to expect a child with prior Montessori experience to be able to manage an interview without a parent than it does a new primary candidate.

[Lillianna]

Kavitha, I agree that this is unreasonable and I think that your 3rd visit was horrifying. We (the school where I work) have always done interviews with the parents coming into the room with the child, on a day that we don't have class. Ideally, the parents have already come in for an observation. We introduce ourselves, show the family a tour around the room, then the Guide invites the child to a presentation. It is enough to see if the child is confident to walk away from the parents in the same room but if not, the lesson is presented with the parent close by (they are offered a seat). Then, we ask the child to sit with some work while the Directress has a conversation with the parents. As a matter of fact, we are not calling it interview anymore, but have changed it to simply, visitation day and having a visit. It is always great if the parents have already observed. We also have a transition period at the beginning of the school year. This really helps.
You know what, I just can't imagine that these schools are very successful at finding and keeping families with this sort of procedure. I don't know many 3 year olds who would just walk away with a stranger like that - hopefully they wouldn't!

[Delta]

Hmm. This is how it worked for us.

We had 2-3 pre-visits where I went with DS into his classroom to have one-on-one time with the teacher. Actually, during the last pre-visit I wasn't in the classroom. Then he started class - the first day for an hour, the 2nd day for 2 hours, and then the 3rd day for all 3 hours.

There was never any forced separation, and especially none during the interview process. Ick.

[MattBronsil]

We'd try to separate. If it looked like it wouldn't work or it would be a big problem, we'd allow the parents to come in. Sometimes the child got so interested in stuff that the parent was able to just walk right out. Other times, they stayed with them.

They can keep coming back for more until they're ready to separate. We never did interviews during the school day, but after school.

[eepster]

That is odd. We considered several schools for DS and not a single one tried to convince DS to leave my side while we visited. The one we finally chose let me sit in the hall for the first 3 weeks while DS became comfortable with everyone.

Are you sure these places were really schools and not daycare facilities calling themselves schools?

[wrzos]

Our interview was in the director's office during the school day. DS was 2.5 at the time. I had prepped him that we were going to visit a school. The directress & co-director were both there, as well as a small area w/ puzzles, some M work, etc. One dir. engaged me, & ds was invited to explore the materials while we spoke. As he worked, the other director engaged w/ him. This all happened literally at my feet (on a working mat) so there was no separation anxiety. I would NOT have consented to any scenario that you've described and would have serious concerns about enrolling my son in a school that started out the relationship with the student in that manner.