When do I announce at work?

[Juliacat]

I just found out today, 13 dpo, that I am pregnant. TOTALLY UNPLANNED. I really really really love my job. I work part-time (20 hours per week, but they let me have extra hours when I can get someone else to watch dd). I want to negotiate a three-month maternity leave and then have my mom come and stay for three months when I go back to work so the baby can be 6 months before being left in daycare.

My direct supervisor doesn't have kids but likes them, and my Big Boss has a recently grown daughter and vividly remembers the whole work-parenting balance act. Should I tell them right away? Or should I wait a few months?

[ShwarmaQueen]

Originally Posted by Juliacat

Should I tell them right away? Or should I wait a few months?

I'd wait. After my spotting incident last week I realized if I had told everybody and their mom, then miscarried, it would be all the more painful. You won't start showing obviously for a few months, I'd wait until the first trimester is completed (that's what I'm doing).

[chi_mama]

I agree w/ pp. Unless your having serious ms or need special exceptions made early in pregancy I'd wait until 12 weeks.

[~pi]

Originally Posted by chi_mama

I agree w/ pp. Unless your having serious ms or need special exceptions made early in pregancy I'd wait until 12 weeks.

: Telling after the first trimester gives plenty of notice.

[Juliacat]

Will I have to lie to them? They will TOTALLY notice that I'm driving to work instead of riding my bike and that I'm wearing dresses instead of pants.

[~pi]

It depends whether or not you can come up with a graceful excuse. (Nosy question: If you don't mind my asking, why does pregnancy = dresses and driving?)

[Juliacat]

Dresses = because already, waistbands are horrible. I was almost through the first trimester before I got to this point with dd.

Driving = because with dd I once had an episode of bleeding from riding my bike, and there was also the risk that I would get too tired and not be able to make it home. And my current job is twice as far and involves towing a trailer full of heavy preschool paraphernalia, including the preschooler herself.

[~pi]

Thank you for satisfying my curiosity. (I cycled through my pregnancy until 35 weeks and got some negative reactions to it, so the topic piques my interest.)

Anyway, if you want to keep it to yourself, you could mention something vague with one and use that as the reason for the other, e.g., "It was time to cycle some dresses into my wardrobe, so I'm driving," or, "I'm feeling a little tired, so I'm driving and I thought I'd take advantage of the opportunity to wear dresses." You could be even more vague, too, e.g., "Mmm, I just felt like it today."

Best of luck!

[Rosehip]

Tell them when you're pushing.

Just kidding. But wait, at least until after the first tri, and a bit into the 2nd if possible.

As for the diff behavior - often you can gloss over questions - "I've been feeling like dresses," "spring has sprung!" "hard to bike in a dress" "I've been tired" etc., that aren't really lies.

The giveaway at my job was not drinking, as there was a good bit of socializing, both with the team & w/clients. I ordered fake drinks on the sly(I'd get a seltzer w/lime and call it a vodka/tonic, get OJ & call it a Stoli O & orange, get a white wine & fake sip). My boss did catch on and straight up asked me - I couldn't lie, I told him. But, he then kept it hush from my supervisor and the company president & actually helped w/my fake drinking!

[Juliacat]

Originally Posted by ~pi

Thank you for satisfying my curiosity. (I cycled through my pregnancy until 35 weeks and got some negative reactions to it, so the topic piques my interest.)

I think I can, and will, ride my bike around the neighborhood at moderate speeds for fun and exercise, throughout this pregnancy. But I'm not going to depend on the bike for transportation until the new little one is a year old and can ride in the trailer. And as I am well-known around town as "that lady who rides her bike everywhere," this will arouse curiosity, at least.

Anyway, thanks for the suggestions, everyone. And I do have one pair of pants with a loose waistband that I think I can get away with wearing in between so as not to arouse too much suspicion.

[readytobedone]

congrats! ::: hope it's a good kind of surprise. were you planning on your DD being an only? not to be nosy...

i don't ride a bike, but i have some experience on covering up a pregnancy till the end of the first tri. i had to go to several parties with alcohol, and i'm not one normally to turn down a drink, so i had to come up with a cover. mine was pretending to drink mixed drinks but really it was just the juice/seltzer

so since i'm a semi-decent liar...i would advocate telling them your bike isn't rideable right now and needs fixing. or you can even say it got stolen. it all depends how comfortable you are lying, though. once they find out it was for a good cause, i'm sure they won't mind.

in my case i told at 10 weeks after we heard the heartbeat on doppler.

so it was just 6 weeks of fake drinking

[Juliacat]

Originally Posted by readytobedone

congrats! ::: hope it's a good kind of surprise. were you planning on your DD being an only? not to be nosy...

The truth is that I always wanted to have two children, and I even always wanted them at this exact age spacing! But I am totally freaked out about the financial aspect of it. Even with breastfeeding and using cloth diapers and hand-me-downs and borrowed equipment, childrearing is EXPENSIVE.

Dh, on the other hand, WAS planning for dd to be an only. I was going to let him win that one since I was on the fence and I didn't want to push him into a decision he wasn't comfortable with. Guess I won by default.

[soccermama]

When I was pg with DS, I think I told my boss at the time about 6 weeks in to my pregnancy. DS was unplanned as well and a COMPLETE surprise.

[kirstenb]

When I was pregnant with DS I didn't say anything until about 18 weeks. I didn't even need maternity clothes until after 20 weeks. This time I know I will have to announce much sooner as I have a feeling I'll be starting to show by 12 weeks.

[rcr]

I waited until the last possible moment. He totally knew because I was totally showing (I was like 6 MO pregnant, I think). I was so afraid to tell people (I work with 30 men and 3 women). For me, there was no good time to tell, but I had to get it over with sometime.

[Alyantavid]

I'd wait until you're in the second trimester. With my first, I was pregnant when I got hired so they knew beforehand and with my second, I waited until I was out of the first trimester.