A "normal" one

[becca_howell]

My (completely uncrunchy) cousin had a boy two months before we had our son. She had her son circumcised the day after they came home from the hospital with the Plastibel (sp?). When she told my mom, my mom came up to me and said, "They've got a cool new way to do it, Becca..." then goes into describing how the Plastibel works. I'll spare you the details. It made me want to vomit.

The other day, my cousin was changing her son's diaper in front of my mom. My mom said, "Oh, that's how a normal one looks."

This comment is what I believe to be the common mindset of the majority of Americans. Circumcised penises are "normal". Intact penises are "weird", "abnormal", "disgusting". Think of how they refer to intact boys. UNcircumcised. Like circumcised is what a penis "should" be.

How can we change this? CAN it be changed?

[Fellow Traveler]

Originally Posted by becca_howell

My (completely uncrunchy) cousin had a boy two months before we had our son. She had her son circumcised the day after they came home from the hospital with the Plastibel (sp?). When she told my mom, my mom came up to me and said, "They've got a cool new way to do it, Becca..." then goes into describing how the Plastibel works. I'll spare you the details. It made me want to vomit.

The other day, my cousin was changing her son's diaper in front of my mom. My mom said, "Oh, that's how a normal one looks."

This comment is what I believe to be the common mindset of the majority of Americans. Circumcised penises are "normal". Intact penises are "weird", "abnormal", "disgusting". Think of how they refer to intact boys. UNcircumcised. Like circumcised is what a penis "should" be.

How can we change this? CAN it be changed?

Well, one good way is to just continue to use positive language. So you always refer to your son (or other boys who aren't circumcised) as intact. Do this in discussions whether on webboards or with real life friends. You might also point out that circumcision in the US may be common but it's not normal.

[Dabble]

That is an awful thing for your mother to say. I would be tempted to get in her face and question exactly why she is so interested in the appearance of baby penises. That's disgusting. What if it was your father making comments comparing the vulvas of his granddaughters, saying he preferred the look of one over the other?

WRONG!

I agree that the term "uncircumcised" is ridiculous and counter-intuitive. A person can never be uncircumcised - when it's done it's done and the only hope at returning to anything near the natural state is through the long process of foreskin restoration. I'm sure the thousands of men who are actively working on restoring their foreskins wish there was such a thing as "uncircumcising".

My boys are intact, and I hope that when they are old enough to know the difference that they will be proud to have whole penises, and feel fortunate that I didn't allow someone to cut away part of their genitals to please their grandmother. Yuck, yuck, yuck.

[MommytoB]

it's just a shame how they have a mind set that an altered penis is a normal penis when a kid is born with his au natural part is abnormal.

We have to continue to educate circ is wrong , circ is not normal to do because here many people assume tha babies not even barely over 24 hrs old seem to have to have their penis changed just because it was done- a baby only gets to live with his foreskin for a one whole day then boom unless a parent says no.

We need to fix the assumptions that foreskin is bad, diseased etc.

I would say my son is intact , he's born with a whole penis, and he's doesn't have a cut penis because he's not cut.

Plus, i do say with use of word for cut to be circ description means it seems so simple we need to have it more seem it's more use of with many surgical tools and you can always respond at least i didn't need my son to be surgically altered to be normal because he's already normal .

[Treece]

Only in America.

[fruitful womb]

I'm part of a homeschool co-op where this mother who is also a member has three daughters and expecting her first son in June.

Of all reasons, she said she wanted to circ because it will look better, to her. You can imagine all the things I really wanted to say to her.

Shortly after that statement:

As I was changing my intact ds's diaper I asked her to come over and she did. I said, "When your son is born he will look like this. This is normal and healthy."


Without missing a beat, I said there is nothing normal and healthy about a raw open wound. I gave her instructions on how to care for her ds's intact penis. We talked that day for hours. There were others in the room who joined the disscussion. I must say, I think I did really well that day. I kept their attention and they were so intent on the subject and had so many questions for me and were suprised at every answer I provided. The Moms who already had circ'd sons had the widest eyes and did well handling the discussion without reacting defensivly. In fact, they were the most intrigued and hungry to know more. There was only one mother other than myself who had an intact son. She came in, I had to leave, and she took over.

[georgia]

Without missing a beat, I said there is nothing normal and healthy about a raw open wound. I gave her instructions on how to care for her ds's intact penis. We talked that day for hours. There were others in the room who joined the disscussion. I must say, I think I did really well that day. I kept their attention and they were so intent on the subject and had so many questions for me and were suprised at every answer I provided. The Moms who already had circ'd sons had the widest eyes and did well handling the discussion without reacting defensivly.

I've had similar reactions IRL when discussing the topic with mothers. Intact is normal; it's just not typical in my culture IME, most parents do not have the information about circumcision we have at our disposal. It's also been my experience that the less "radical" I seem, the more people listen. When I meet parents "where they're at" and don't belittle them, name call or use hostile language, I find that people are much more open to hearing what I have to contribute about any NFL topic.

[K703]

Here's something that I recall reading on an older post when I was doing some searching on here one time that is a sad comment on how Americans view circ: In some places on an autopsy report an intact penis will be noted as "uncircumcised" while a circumcised one will be labeled as "normal genitalia" or have no note at all.

[frontierpsych]

Originally Posted by K703

Here's something that I recall reading on an older post when I was doing some searching on here one time that is a sad comment on how Americans view circ: In some places on an autopsy report an intact penis will be noted as "uncircumcised" while a circumcised one will be labeled as "normal genitalia" or have no note at all.

That is so sad.

I am hoping that will change by the time our children are adults. I see circ rates falling every year. We are definitely nearing the tipping point. Once we get past 50% intact for a generation, I think the perceptions will definitely change.

[Yulia_R]

Originally Posted by Treece

Only in America.

I couldn't agree more!

I’m originally from Russia. My SIL's friend's son had to be circ'd for medical reasons. So he went to a summer camp last summer and after that he was SO insecure about his cut penis that he had to have some serious therapy.

[kriket]

I agree positive language and education is the only way to change this view.

ALSO!!! You mamas with girls need to get involved too! My ex was intact and was embarrassed to talk about it. A lot of women and girls think that they prefer a circed partner. Personally, I don't think they have actually compared.

Even my DH said that 'turtlenecks' looked funny. I don't know how normal is funny. Its like saying that you should give your baby girl breast implants to make her look normal!

A circed penis has a sexualized look. (IMO) You shouldn't be able to see the head of the penis without arousal! It makes no sence why people would want to have their little boys glans hang out all the time!

Oh... I'm in a mood today!

I have promised myself that I will not use my son as a 'poster penis' it will be hard not to strut him around naked to help educate about intact penises. I don't think thats its fair to him that I show everyone his parts. (I may still show pregnant women tho! )

[robertandenith]

Originally Posted by fruitful womb

Without missing a beat, I said there is nothing normal and healthy about a raw open wound. I gave her instructions on how to care for her ds's intact penis. We talked that day for hours. There were others in the room who joined the disscussion. I must say, I think I did really well that day. I kept their attention and they were so intent on the subject and had so many questions for me and were suprised at every answer I provided. The Moms who already had circ'd sons had the widest eyes and did well handling the discussion without reacting defensivly. In fact, they were the most intrigued and hungry to know more. There was only one mother other than myself who had an intact son. She came in, I had to leave, and she took over.

wow that was beautiful!!! :

[writteninkursive]

Ugh, that's so annoying when people call circumsized penises normal! A circumsized penis is SCARRED! And more disappointing is that it's your own mother with such an attitude about her own grandson. I know my mom will react similarly if we have a boy in August, so we're just... not telling her. We're also not telling her about our planned VBA2C with a midwife and a doula, since she thinks surgeons are the end-all, be-all and we should just go with the mainstream. Blah! Lack of education kills me.

[caro113]

A friend of mine just had a baby boy last week and I was really upset when I heard "she's coming home from the hospital in a little bit; she's just waiting for him to be circumcised" ... seriously, I had to be alone because I just wanted to cry. Her baby's father is Indian so I really didn't think it would be a problem. Apparently I was wrong. My mother kept trying to justify it by saying "well it's either that or when he's five. That's what they do there" ... first off, I don't even believe that's true. My mother doesn't like his family because they don't like my friend .. supposedly over religion but whatever .. she doesn't even know them. Anyhow, I told her "or she could just say no" Ugh. I was so angry.
When I said "well at least I don't abuse my child and I don't mutilate her" she then went on to say "well I wouldn't have circumcised my boys" which is a complete lie because she always said how her father (don't ask, I don't know and I don't want to know) wasn't circumcised and he really hated it. But after that she went on to say how it's cleaner and "that's what a normal penis looks like. have you ever seen an uncircumcised penis? it's gross" To which I said "a normal penis is an intact penis. do you want to see a video of a baby being tortured? because I can show it to you" of course she said no.
I really hate that people here just assume a normal penis is a surgically altered one. It's really sad What else is sad is that the only intact penis I have ever seen is from pictures I found when I googled it. And I've seen a lot of penises (through lots of baby sitting and going to a very liberal college with lots of 'skimpy jammie' parties) In fact, I only know one person with an intact penis and he's ten months old and I met his mom through here.

A normal penis is an intact penis. Babies are created a certain way for a reason. They are born perfectly. Why would I want to change that?

[*Erin*]

:

Originally Posted by fruitful womb

I'm part of a homeschool co-op where this mother who is also a member has three daughters and expecting her first son in June.

Of all reasons, she said she wanted to circ because it will look better, to her. You can imagine all the things I really wanted to say to her.

Shortly after that statement:

As I was changing my intact ds's diaper I asked her to come over and she did. I said, "When your son is born he will look like this. This is normal and healthy."


Without missing a beat, I said there is nothing normal and healthy about a raw open wound. I gave her instructions on how to care for her ds's intact penis. We talked that day for hours. There were others in the room who joined the disscussion. I must say, I think I did really well that day. I kept their attention and they were so intent on the subject and had so many questions for me and were suprised at every answer I provided. The Moms who already had circ'd sons had the widest eyes and did well handling the discussion without reacting defensivly. In fact, they were the most intrigued and hungry to know more. There was only one mother other than myself who had an intact son. She came in, I had to leave, and she took over.

how awesome of you to do that, wow!!! i'm in awe

[Fellow Traveler]

Originally Posted by fruitful womb

I'm part of a homeschool co-op where this mother who is also a member has three daughters and expecting her first son in June.
There was only one mother other than myself who had an intact son. She came in, I had to leave, and she took over.

Hey, can't believe I missed this I hope you changed a mind! Good Job!

[Fellow Traveler]

Originally Posted by writteninkursive

Ugh, that's so annoying when people call circumsized penises normal! A circumsized penis is SCARRED! And more disappointing is that it's your own mother with such an attitude about her own grandson. I know my mom will react similarly if we have a boy in August, so we're just... not telling her. We're also not telling her about our planned VBA2C with a midwife and a doula, since she thinks surgeons are the end-all, be-all and we should just go with the mainstream. Blah! Lack of education kills me.

Hey there, Welcome to the forum. Congratulations on your expected son and keeping him intact. : Don't be a stranger, the more posters the better.