A girl who wants a penis

[verde]

A neighborhood mama who is fairly crunchy asked me to ask you so here I am.
Her DD, almost 4 y/o, has started saying she wants a penis. She has tried standing over the toilet to pee.

Yes they cosleep. No she doesn't see daddy naked because HE feels uncomfortable with that but she has seen her 6 y/o brother naked.

I think mama needs to relax and not stress about it. Her DD has seen her brother and is intrigued with the novelty of his penis.

What do you all think? Anyone else have this experience?

[Raene]

She could be transgendered. It's a little early though to jump onto this theory, but the parents could read up on it just in case. Knowledge is power. There was recently a story about 2 children, born with penises, who felt like girls on NPR. If you look at their website I think you can do a search and find it. They are 7 and know exactly who they are inside.

Body parts don't necessarily make you a boy or a girl...that's just what our society likes to believe.

[pbjmama]

I'm going with normal phase on this one. She is interested in bodies and how hers is different than her brothers. Normal and age appropriate.

[Jenne]

I 2nd the sounds normal...around that age I didn't want a penis but I wanted to be a "daddy". I was a daddy's girl and would "shave" with him in the mornings and refuse to wear a shirt outside doing yard work. I think it is perfectly developmentally normal.

Jenne

[naismama]

Originally Posted by pbjmama

I'm going with normal phase on this one. She is interested in bodies and how hers is different than her brothers. Normal and age appropriate.

Another one here for "sounds normal and age appropriate." Our 3.5 dd clearly is still figuring out gender, bodies, relationships, sexuality, etc. She confuses her vagina and her "butt," asks about her dad and baby brother's penises all the time, wants to touch their penises, says her baby brother is her son, and calls herself my husband's "little wife" (ok, that one may be true ). But really, sounds fine to me.

[SuzyLee]

So my sister and I used to put chapstick in our panties (at about age 2 and 6) to have a "penis" like our brother.

I can only imagine what was going through my poor parents heads at that one.

We also liked to eat cereal out of bowls on the floor and pretend we were dogs.

[tankgirl73]

LOL!!!

Anyway, yeah, if she persists and doesn't 'grow out' of it and seems to have a boy's personality, then I'd consider transgendered, but that is really rare and this kind of "penis envy" is really common lol... I think that most transgendered kids don't just say "cool, I want a penis because I want to pee standing up" or whatever, and they don't say "I want to be a boy." They say "I AM a boy!" even when their 'hardware' says otherwise. Not 100% sure on that one but it's been my impression.

I think it's more common for girls to want penises than for boys to want girl parts... mainly because the boy parts are so OBVIOUS, they're on the outside, the girl parts are totally hidden and most young girls aren't even really aware of all the fascinating stuff on their insides (even if they've been told about it, that's not the same as true awareness). So for a girl, it can feel like boys and girls are exactly the same on the inside and the outer shell EXCEPT that boys have an additional part that girls don't. "How come he gets to have an extra piece that I don't? How come he can pee like that and I can't?" The concept that girls can have babies and boys can't is too far off in the future, too abstract. It's not at all surprising for a girl to feel short-changed.

[Theoretica]

I'm voting age appropriate curiosity and totally normal

[momasana]

Just chiming in with another vote for "sounds normal"

[thixle]

'Nother vote for "normal and age appropriate."

FWIW, my big bro taught me to pee standing up- good times, made going in the woods so much easier

[TCMoulton]

Originally Posted by Raene

She could be transgendered. It's a little early though to jump onto this theory, but the parents could read up on it just in case. Knowledge is power. There was recently a story about 2 children, born with penises, who felt like girls on NPR. If you look at their website I think you can do a search and find it. They are 7 and know exactly who they are inside.

Body parts don't necessarily make you a boy or a girl...that's just what our society likes to believe.

I seriously would not even consider bringing this up, especially since the mom is already stressed about it. The chances of this being true are slim to none - why worry an already stressed mom.

Sounds completely normal to me, she wants to be like her big brother and that is the difference she sees between the two of them.

[LiLStar]

I had 4 older brothers to follow into the bathroom. I used to pretend to be a boy and pee standing up at that age!

[AutumnAir]

Yet another who thinks it's just normal developmental curiosity.

FWIW my BFF told me that when she was younger (maybe 5-6?) she was convinced that she would grow a penis when she 'grew up' - she was sure she didn't have one just 'cos she was little, but it would grow!

[verde]

Thanks for all your responses. Just as I suspected -- totally normal.

SuzyLee, re: chapstick -- : I wonder if chapstick would be interested in using that story as a marketing strategy.

thixie, as a camper, I'd love for you to pass on any advice about peeing while standing up.

[prettypixels]

My daughter is 2, and she tries to stand up and pee too. They are just experimenting with the universe and figuring things out. I wouldn't worry about it.. if she is transgendered I'm sure there will be more definitive signs of such down the road.

[wild_reilly]

My friend's nephew (when he was about 4) asked her if she had a penis. She said no. He said "that's too bad" and she asked him why? Did he like having a penis? His response? "Yeah. You should buy one, auntie."

Not the same issue, I know - but shows you where the average 4 year old thought process can take you!

[LiLStar]

Originally Posted by verde

thixie, as a camper, I'd love for you to pass on any advice about peeing while standing up.

http://www.rei.com/product/407267

[Meg_s]

I really wanted one when I was young, and I was also a total tomboy.. very boyish personality. I remember my parents being a little uncomfortable with it. I think I seemed a little obsessed. But it was a novelty and curiosity thing for me, nothing more. I grew out of it eventually and am very much a hetero female (not that that is better than anything else I could have been) and I'd say I like them just as much, but am very happy that one isn't attached to me. :

[Jess_n'_the_bean]

when I was little - about 4 probably, I really wanted a penis and got pretty creative about it. apparently my mom caught me using one of those plastic bubble pipes - I was trying to pee into the bowl part of the pipe so it would hopefully come out the tube part of the pipe...full marks for creativity, but I think the only outcome was me covered in pee!
my vote is for normal!

[earthmama369]

I remember desperately wanting to be a boy when I was 4. (What was I thinking? Girls rock!) I was a total tomboy and saw a lot of freedom in the "boy" persona and wanted that for myself. I found my own power and my own identity as I went on.

And now my youngest, a boy, is a princess. And I have to say, for all my philosophical grooviness with gender and indentity being flexible, I had a couple solid panic attacks the first time ds said he wanted to get rid of his penis and have a vulva instead. Theoretically, I know this is most likely a phase and I know even if it isn't, dh and I are both fine with ds becoming whoever he's going to become. But the idea, even nebulous, of my baby walking what can be such a lonely and difficult path scares me. It just does.

I'd cut this mama some slack, PPs, on her feelings. She can be the most open-minded parent in the world and still have qualms about her child's future simply because we know people can be cruel and unaccepting and no one wants their child to run into that -- however nebulous and far away that future might be. But logically, I'd also reassure her that this is *very* normal and quite common at this age.