How to quit-Nanny Job UPDATE #6

[cak1207]

(Please no flaming already sad)
I've been doing childcare for over 11 years and I'm totally burnt out. I don't think I can do this anymore. After 4 miscarriages everytime my little charge hugs, kisses or does something absolutely adorable I burst into tears (I know pitiful). We just got over a rough patch (wasn't getting paid enough and now its fixed) and I feel bad for doing it. The stress I carry home I've started taking out on my DH which is totally unfair. It's become alot to bare. He really thinks it will be good for me to get out of this. I've only been with this family for 8 months but the longer I hold on the worse it becomes. How do I do this right? I want to give notice today and have my last day be the 26th. My boss is going out of town next week for a week. I would be giving almost 3 weeks notice. Is this enough time even with her going away on business. It still gives the dad 3 weeks. I don't know if I can wait 2 weeks and then give another 2 weeks? YKWIM? Also how do I explain to them that I'm not just quitting it's for my own well being and their child. He deserves someone who really wants to do this. I want to say I do still make sure he gets all the attention he deserves and I take him out and play and love him but it's getting hard. Thank you Mama's in advance.

[katheek77]

I don't know if this will be helpful or not....is there anyway you could give "absolute notice" of, say, through mid-May (when most college students will be home, and many many are looking to do childcare), but let your boss know that you are really looking to leave sooner? I don't think you have to get into really personal details, but, I think saying something like, "My miscarriages have been really emotionally hard, and I just can't give your child the care he deserves, so, I really need to take some time away to work on dealing with this." I know it took my boss well over a month to find someone she liked when I was leaving at the end of my pregnancy (and, actually, I ended up leaving a week sooner when I was put on bedrest, but, that's a total other story). Then again, I don't know how many people are looking for a nanny position around you, so, it might not take as long....

[Evan&Anna's_Mom]

I think that 3 weeks worth of notice is fine in this case. And as an employer-of-nannies, I don't necessarily expect a reason. If you want to give a reason, that's fine and it is nice to know why someone is quitting, but not essential. Your employer should certainly understand emotion toll of miscarriages. If you can be extra generous you can indicate some flexibility to train replacement or give an extra day or two if they need it for transition purposes.

My condolances on the miscarriages. BTDT and certainly understand the pain -- I sobbed through a church service once because the kids were doing a play and it was so cute (especially noticable since I"m in the choir and everyone in the whole place watched me disolve). Anyway, your employer may as well -- at least one is, as you know, very common.

[nabigus]

From the perspective of a family who previously had a nanny: if you were having a tough time being with my kid, I'd want to know sooner rather than later. I think 3 weeks notice is totally fair. It's going to be stressful for the family no matter what, and they may not be happy, but I think you need to sit them down soon and tell them as much as you'd like to stay, you don't think it's in the best interests of either you or their child. (You can emphasize that you're taking good care of their child--it's not like you've stopped doing your job.) If at that point they ask you to stay on for longer than 3 weeks, you can say yes or no. If you say yes, you may want a "final final" date that you make clear is really really your last day.

One thing to be prepared for is the possibility that they'll want you to stop working right away.

[pranamama]

I hope you already have gone in for help from your doctor or a counselor, I am only mentioning it because you haven't mentioned it in your post, not that they can take away your pain, but they could be helpful. Sorry for your loss....

In terms of notice, I would follow your instincts. You've gotta do what you need to do.

[cak1207]

Originally Posted by nabigus

From the perspective of a family who previously had a nanny: if you were having a tough time being with my kid, I'd want to know sooner rather than later. I think 3 weeks notice is totally fair. It's going to be stressful for the family no matter what, and they may not be happy, but I think you need to sit them down soon and tell them as much as you'd like to stay, you don't think it's in the best interests of either you or their child. (You can emphasize that you're taking good care of their child--it's not like you've stopped doing your job.) If at that point they ask you to stay on for longer than 3 weeks, you can say yes or no. If you say yes, you may want a "final final" date that you make clear is really really your last day.

One thing to be prepared for is the possibility that they'll want you to stop working right away.

It's not having a tough time with him it's more of I think of what I don't have and start crying. He is an amazing little boy. And I love him but emotionally hard. We still have the best time together and I take good care of him. And they would never fire me right off.

Originally Posted by Evan&Anna's_Mom

My condolances on the miscarriages. BTDT and certainly understand the pain -- I sobbed through a church service once because the kids were doing a play and it was so cute (especially noticable since I"m in the choir and everyone in the whole place watched me disolve). Anyway, your employer may as well -- at least one is, as you know, very common.

Thank you!

Originally Posted by katheek77

I don't know if this will be helpful or not....is there anyway you could give "absolute notice" of, say, through mid-May (when most college students will be home, and many many are looking to do childcare), but let your boss know that you are really looking to leave sooner? I don't think you have to get into really personal details, but, I think saying something like, "My miscarriages have been really emotionally hard, and I just can't give your child the care he deserves, so, I really need to take some time away to work on dealing with this." I know it took my boss well over a month to find someone she liked when I was leaving at the end of my pregnancy (and, actually, I ended up leaving a week sooner when I was put on bedrest, but, that's a total other story). Then again, I don't know how many people are looking for a nanny position around you, so, it might not take as long....

Well they live right by a college but I can't hold on till May. But it's a good idea!

Originally Posted by pranamama

I hope you already have gone in for help from your doctor or a counselor, I am only mentioning it because you haven't mentioned it in your post, not that they can take away your pain, but they could be helpful. Sorry for your loss....

In terms of notice, I would follow your instincts. You've gotta do what you need to do.

This is not my first m/c and no I haven't gone it to talk to someone. I just need time and distractions. But watching a baby that I don't have is not a good distraction.


UPDATE:
I talked to her last night and she knew something was wrong. She asked if I was happy and I said no and sobbed. We are going to transition me out and her step-mom in. He's already on a waiting list for a daycare. So we're all covered. She wasn't upset. Very sad for me. She's never had a m/c so she said she can't relate but wants me happy. And we still live in the same town so I can always come visit. Thanks for the advice.

[nabigus]

I'm glad the conversation went well, and that everything's covered. Hang in there...