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What some women went through... - Page 3

post #41 of 57
My grandmother had all 8 of her children under twilight sleep. When she woke up from the meds after my mother's birth the doctor announced, "surprise, you have twin girls!" and she didn't believe him because nobody had expected she had twins. She actually asked him to take the babies away because they weren't hers. I think my grandfather basically raised the twins, she was so disoriented after their birth and so disappointed to produce two "useless" daughters for the family.

The last baby almost killed her: she flatlined (I'm guessing from the meds) and the baby died in utero. It was the late 50's then, and it was not socially acceptable to talk about birth loss, so she never spoke about the baby that died to anyone, even her other children. She never talked about him, in fact, until another of her sons died twenty years ago. Now, when people ask, instead of saying "I have seven children," she says "I had eight children, and six are still living." I can't even imagine how freeing it is for her to finally speak about that loss, after forty years of grieving in silence.

My mother had a failed induction followed by a C-section after her water broke with me way too early, and every time I start to talk about my home birth she loses control and starts to cry. She says that if it weren't for medical science, I wouldn't be alive right now - and I respond that if it weren't for so much medical intervention, she might have been able to wait until I was ready to be born instead of having to go through such a traumatic birth with me.

I second Kriket: this abuse stops with me.
post #42 of 57
Quote:
Originally Posted by LiLStar View Post
I don't get that "prevents tearing" thing at all. Thats like seeing someone about to run head first into a metal pole, then intercepting them by wacking them over the head with a cast iron pan.
:

On the other stories, gah! I'm pretty sure my mom's births were medicated (this was in the 60s). I remember her saying I was breech, but she still delivered vaginally. I'm not sure about the bfing -- I need to check family pix. My dad doesn't remember and my mom is dead so ...
post #43 of 57
my grandmother had her first baby on an air force base in texas in the 50's. she was completely 100% ALONE for the whole thing, in a tiny little storage area. she got up to go to the bathroom (pushing) and then the nurse came and got her and screamed in her face that she was going to have her baby on the toilet. then they conked her out and took my aunt out. I don't know the birth stories of my other aunt and my mom.

Grandma also told me that during the 60's, she had four D&C's. I asked why, and she said she didn't get her period for a few months and thought she was pregnant but the doctor said she wasn't. that's all she knows.

then, when my mom was 16 she had a baby. it died in the 7th month. they put her on the maternity ward and she had the baby but never got to hold it or see it, she doesn't know if it was a boy or a girl. this was in 1976.
post #44 of 57
my grandmother-in-law (age 92) who had her first baby at age 17 told me that she didn't even know at the time how she got pregnant or HOW THE BABY WAS GOING TO COME OUT... she assumed it would come out of her mouth.

I am not joking. This is the truth.

She also said that she always thought something was wrong with her when she got her periods. She would tie a coat around her waist to hide it. She had no idea what it was and she couldn't talk to her mother about it. She said she was very embarassed and nobody talked about those kind of things.
post #45 of 57
Quote:
Originally Posted by ellesmama View Post
my grandmother-in-law (age 92) who had her first baby at age 17 told me that she didn't even know at the time how she got pregnant or HOW THE BABY WAS GOING TO COME OUT... she assumed it would come out of her mouth.

I am not joking. This is the truth.

She also said that she always thought something was wrong with her when she got her periods. She would tie a coat around her waist to hide it. She had no idea what it was and she couldn't talk to her mother about it. She said she was very embarassed and nobody talked about those kind of things.
Yea my dad's mom had no idea how a baby was going to come out either. She finally asked the dr about it and he actually explained it to her really well.
This was back in 1948 you'd think there was more knowledge about this stuff back then.
post #46 of 57
My grandmother birthed my mom under twilight sleep. The scopalamine pushed her over the edge into a full blown psychotic state. She wound up in a psych ward and my mom went to an orphanage. They were both de-institutionalized a few months later, but never had a close or loving relationship. It was hard for my mom to learn to be a mom when she had us.

Oh, and my mom tried to breastfeed my sisters and me, but developed a "rash" and was told she was allergic to our saliva and needed to stop. Wanna bet it was thrush?
post #47 of 57
I'm feeling so lucky for my grandma that her labors went so quickly that they didn't have time to administer medication to her. She told me that my mom was born in a guerney in the hall at the hospital! Lucky lady. I think all her labors were too quick for medication. She had 8 children in all.
post #48 of 57
Quote:
Originally Posted by LiLStar View Post
I don't get that "prevents tearing" thing at all. Thats like seeing someone about to run head first into a metal pole, then intercepting them by wacking them over the head with a cast iron pan. Sure.. you prevented them from running into the pole, but they STILL have a concussion and one hell of a headache, so what good did that do? And you never know, maybe they knew that pole was there and would have moved to the side at the last second and wouldn't have hit it at all.
I love that analogy.
post #49 of 57
Quote:
Originally Posted by kriket View Post
Women have been abused for generations. It stops with me.
That's beautiful. I hate that it's so true, though.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Full Heart View Post
I'm the same way. Dh gets more mad than I do. Its 2009 and we STILL have to fight for basic rights.
I think you're very lucky that your DH is beside you in this fight. I love my DH like mad, but this is one thing that he just doesn't get. He's supportive of what I want for myself, but doesn't understand why I get so upset at the across the board problems. Anytime I feel the need to vent, he winds up making me feel about this tall = for it. I'm learning to take those vents elsewhere. He'll even argue with me that women aren't discriminated against.

As to the topic at hand... In 75, my mom really wanted a natural Lamaze birth with my sister. The only details I've been able to get is that baby was "in distress", with decels and she had an "emergency c/s". And of course, once a c/s, always a c/s - so my birth was scheduled. I feel so sorry for her, because we know now what usually causes the decels... the interference of the doctors.

I know when I had my son 2 years ago, I had at least 3 doctors try to brow-beat me into getting an epidural. I was an emotional mess to begin with, add induction drugs to that, and I was in a LOT of pain. I told my doctor from the start I wouldn't okay an epidural - there was no way anyone was getting near my spinal column with a needle. Plus I knew that at most I would have a few minutes with my son, and I had no intention of spending that time unable to move. They didn't like that answer, and every couple hours a different doctor would come in and forcefully try to convince me that I "needed" an epidural (I was on morphine already). The contractions were at 2 minutes, and I was completely unable to speak, and they tried again. Finally my DH had to threaten physical violence on the doctor to get her to leave me alone. We didn't see another doctor between then and 7 hours after our son was born when I told them I was ready to go home.
post #50 of 57
My grandma had twilight sleep with my mom and my aunt, but she's very supportive of my mom's, mine and my sister's decisions to birth naturally. My grandma has this friend though, a very bossy mean old lady, who used to be an L&D nurse back in the twilight sleep days. When my grandma told her about mine and my sister's fantastic natural births with mws, she replied that "those evil mws should not be allowed to torture women like that!"

My DH's grandma's 2nd pregnancy (about 65 years ago) was surprise twins. It was natural (maybe at home, I don't know). Her doctor had never delivered twins so didn't suspect them. She told me the first one was born and then the doctor said "I think there's another one coming!" She said she just started laughing because "what else could I do?" And each twin was over 8lbs!

My mom did Lamaze with all 3 of us, but had a spinal with me and my brother (the 1st 2). With my brother, she got all the way to pushing without anything, but the doctor wouldn't let her push without a spinal! He made her wait! She finally had a natural birth with my sister, her 3rd.
post #51 of 57
My mom's tells the story of my birth a lot. Apparently all her labors were pretty fast and easy. I know she did get the epidural/epesiotemy -- I don't think she realized there was an alternative.
But after my birth, the hospital was very very empty that night, way quieter than normal, so as an extra special treat the staff *allowed her* to keep me with her overnight. I was born at 8:46 p.m. and she got to start nursing me *that very night*.
It is sweet to hear her tell it, and the story always makes her smile, and I know it was really special to her that she got to keep me with her overnight that first night and nurse. She said it was really nice bonding and she thinks that's why I got such a good start.
It's so incredibly sad, though, to think that it was considered some kind of special treat to be near your baby after the birth in the late 1970s.
My sister and I both had homebirths, and I think she sort of wishes she had one. She watched my birth video and was really moved by how peaceful and gentle it was.
post #52 of 57
My mother either UC'd or was attended by a lay midwife (I can't be sure, she never talked about it and we aren't on speaking terms anymore). But her religion strictly forbid any western medical intervention, so it must've been one or the other.

My real MIL (not the crazy woman I've posted about in a few other threads) died as a result of delivering in a hospital in 1977. My partners nearly died too. I *think* her death was the result of a botched c-section, but no-one's entirely sure. All I or my partners really need to know is that she went into the hospital to deliver twins and came out dead. I felt her spirit watching over me when I UC'd my own children, though.

I've had a few people tell me I must be incredibly 'brave' to UC. That really made me laugh. I UC because doctors and hospitals scare me like nothing else in the entire world.
post #53 of 57
Quote:
Originally Posted by TwinsTwicePlusTwo View Post
I've had a few people tell me I must be incredibly 'brave' to UC. That really made me laugh. I UC because doctors and hospitals scare me like nothing else in the entire world.
:

Right before I got pregnant, my grandmother and her best friend were reminiscing about their 1960's births. They thought it was wonderful how the nurses shaved them and gave them enemas before the twilight sleep kicked in

My mother's first birth with me in the late 1980's was an induction at 42 weeks. I think her dates were wrong though, she says that she didn't realize she was pregnant until I started moving because she kept getting her period. In the newborn pictures of me in the hospital, I definitely don't look like a post-date baby which might be part of why her induction was so rough. She was given a poorly placed epidural that only numbed one side of her body and the doctor didn't believe her when she insisted that she could feel everything on one side. After forceps and an episiotomy, it's no wonder she had post partum depression. My brother's birth was completely different though, she did a Lamaze class, labored at home as long as possible (almost too long, which I'm starting to wonder if it was an attempted UC ) and had a drug free birth with just a large tear. Of course because her tear was so much worse than her episiotomy, she's insisting that I ask to be cut She did breast feed both of us though, me for 5 months (until she found out she was pregnant again) and my brother for 7.

I'm really curious about my MIL's births though in the early-mid 1980's. I know she went 44 weeks with SIL and 43 with DH which blows me away because she's the textbook (or should I say "MDC"?) definition of mainstream.
post #54 of 57
In the early 60s my mom had what she says was a beautiful, easy natural birth of my 10+ lb sister in Denver Co with Dr. Bradley of Bradley method fame. She'd nearly died with my 11+ lb brother a year and a half earlier (another hospital, another city, I don't know the details). But everything went great with my sister until my mom went back to Michigan to vist her family and thought she was developing mastitis, so went to the doctor her my grandma worked for as a nurse. Well the doc didn't tell her anything, just gave her a shot and said that ought to fix you right up, and sent her on her way to discover shortly that the shot completely dried up her milk! Then followed the nightmare of my sister refusing a bottle, she was dehydrated and didn't eat for I forget, at least a day or two before finally one of my aunts was successful getting her to take formula. I feel terrible for my mom who had been so pleased with this beautiful labor and delivery and how well everything was going to have just had it shut down completely with not even a warning of what to expect. What these women have gone through is disgusting in my opinion.
post #55 of 57
My mom didn't prepare for my birth at all. I was early, so they put her in a tub of ice water to stop labor. It didn't work, and I was born shortly after, no IV, no drugs, no episiotomy. She had no idea until I told her when planning my DS's birth how it could have turned out for her. As it was, she said the ice water was by far the most painful part. This was 1981.
post #56 of 57
Quote:
Originally Posted by TwinsTwicePlusTwo View Post
I've had a few people tell me I must be incredibly 'brave' to UC. That really made me laugh. I UC because doctors and hospitals scare me like nothing else in the entire world.
I don't think I'd ever be comfortable with a UC, and I don't feel brave going into the hospital (I actually feel like a total coward for ending up in this spot). But...I'm much, much more afraid of going into the hospital again than I ever was about going for a HBA3C...
post #57 of 57
With my homebirthed baby my mom asked me if it was okay for me to eat after my water had broken and I didn't go into labor. This angered my husband that she was questioning what we were doing, but I think mom was really worried about it. When we explained that eating during labor was okay she asked "How come they wouldn't let me have anything but ice chips the whole 40 hours I was in labor with you? I got really dehydrated too" Oh and they strapped her down for the whole thing too. Back labor, Pitocin, episiotomy, four hours of pushing on her back, and forceps. One thing was a blessing though. Mom begged for a cesarean and they wouldn't give her one. This was 1976.

For my brother's birth in 1981 she stayed at home for most of her labor when she started pushing on the toilet she figured it was time to go in. She said it was a breeze compared to my birth.
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