35 weeks and a little worried

[Kilter]

Hi,

I'm 35 weeks and 2 days with my first, and have had a pretty stressful pregnancy. (DH's difficult custody situation with his ex; loss of jobs; financial strains; etc., etc.) Now that I'm nearing the end, I'm getting a little nervous about the effects this might have had on the baby.

In particular, I've been sick on and off for like the last month; first an Exorcist-like stomach virus, then a full-body flu with fever of 102 that morphed into serious sinus and chest congestion problems.

By about 28 weeks, I had gained roughly 19 lbs (bringing me up to 149 on a 5'6" frame). Then the vomiting struck, and I lost 6 lbs in a day, and now I'm only weighing in at 146, and I'm having a really hard time eating; don't know if it's the baby taking up space, the mild but unpleasant heartburn, or just the appetite-suppressing effects of a whole lot of phlegm. (Sorry.) Is 16 pounds of weight gain alright at this point? Should I be trying to battle through the bites of food with whatever I can get down? It's tough; even ice cream sounds kind of moderately eh.

I'm doing a natural homebirth with a midwife, so I haven't had any ultrasounds, but uterus measurement has been pretty normal (a little small last time; 31.5 cm instead of 33), and the baby's heartbeat sounds fine. Should I be worried? (And if so, what about?) What about trying to eat more--does anyone have any tips for getting enough food at this point in a pregnancy?

Thank you!

[simplykate]

:

I don't really have much advice but just want to offer my sympathy. I too have had a stressful pregnancy, complete with pneumonia and migraines and morning sickness, and I know it is so SO hard not to worry!
I'm sure everything will be fine though, and that you're under good care.

[heatherdeg]

Well, if I'm not mistaken, your little fetus will rob you blind to get what it needs at your expense--not the other way around. I know that's the case with breastmilk/breastfeeding.

The measurement would bother me, but I'm HYPERsensitive to that because I had an extremely complicated pregnancy where those measurements were indicators of complications of existing problems (notsomuch the creation of a new problem).

I'm not sure what would set your mind at ease. I guess a glass of OJ and feeling that little one kick you till you hurt? Go have a glass!

Hopefully, all the other stressful stuff will resolve itself in time and you can just enjoy being a family.

[mama24-7]

W/o a stressful pregnancy, I only gained 19 pounds w/ my first. She was 8lbs. 8oz., although I think she would have weighed less had I not been hooked up to an IV for hours.

I'd suggest you talk w/ your midwife if you are very concerned. She may be able to help you put your mind at ease.

Best wishes,
Sus

[Kilter]

Simplykate, I'm another Kate, and right now that strikes me as very cool. Thanks for the sympathy. (And sorry you've had a rough time, too.)

To everyone, thanks for the reassurance--and just listening. I'm not *super* worried, just feeling a little concerned, and wanting to hear that I'm not necessarily irresponsibly depriving my baby of brain power and building blocks by not force-feeding myself... I am sitting here drinking a yogurt and blackberry smoothie (cool, sweet things seem a bit more enticing), and the baby is a kicker in any event, so I'll try to let that comfort me. My next midwife appointment is Friday, and I'll talk to her about it then.

I guess, too, maybe it just runs in families. My mom gained 20-25 lbs with me and I was nearly an 8-lber. It was just that I seemed on track to gain a little bit more until this flu season... But anyway, thanks again.

[aricha]

Originally Posted by heatherdeg

Well, if I'm not mistaken, your little fetus will rob you blind to get what it needs at your expense--not the other way around.

That's what I heard, as well... helped me stop freaking out when my prenatal vitamins made me vomit every time I took one. And when I had horrid morning sickness and almost the only think I could eat was sour gummy candy, the OB said "eat what you can... your body knows what it is doing..."

I usually lose weight at the beginning of pregnancy from the constant puking, and everything has been fine with my babes. I was also really sick the week before my oldest was born, and he was fine, too... again, the midwife said my body knew what it was doing, and I wouldn't go into labor until I had the energy to do so.... I went into labor two days after I was better.

Sorry for the stress. I've gone through pretty awful custody-battle-type stress during each pregnancy up until this one (fingers crossed for this one!) and my kids aren't extra anxious, no failure to thrive or difficulty with nursing/eating, no colic or extra fussiness, etc, etc, etc...

I tried to take some time each day to relax and concentrate on the baby, and my husband helped to sheild me from as much of the custody nonsense as possible... and I used some "Birthing from Within" work to help me deal with my own issues and fears about my husband's ex ruining my birth or newborn experience.

Good luck!!!!

[HappyHappyMommy]

Hang in there!

I had lots of difficulty keeping food down throughout my entire pregnancy due to severe nausea and vomiting and did lose weight at some points. At its worst, I was advised to focus on trying to eat or drink at lesat 100 calories each hour that I was awake and while not of all it stayed down, some of it did; on days when I was better able to keep food down, I'd increase the amount each hour so I could get more. It wasn't easy to break down food into many small servings at first, but it became second nature after a few days and I was just thrilled to be keeping some food down!

As others have said, your baby will take what he or she needs. *Despite* my nausea and vomiting, my daughter was over 8 lbs at birth and very healthy; she's almost a year old and continues to be very healthy!

Good luck!

[Talula Fairie]

Your baby is blissfully unaware of your sickness. The fever might have been an issue if you were in your first trimester and were 102 for a long time, but your baby is already developed so likely he/she was just a little warm for a bit.

Stress can cause problems in pregnancy, but it sounds like yours is actually pretty healthy. The biggest issue with stress is pre term labor, and you're only two weeks from "term" so I wouldn't bet too concerned at this point, especially if you haven't had any runs of contractions and you have no other risk factors.

19 lbs isn't bad. And, fwiw, I always gain quite a bit in that last month. I only gained 20 lbs with #1 and 25 with #2. I have a friend who is really petite and she gained only 15 lbs. Her baby was a 7 pounder too.

[Kilter]

You guys sure know how to make a girl feel better. Without all the emotional stresses during this pregnancy, I don't know how much I would have really started worrying about the sort of paltry weight gain, but on top of everything else (*so* much crying and freaking out) it just seemed like the last straw.

aricha, it sounds like you've been there. Do you have any advice for how I might handle similar concerns about the ex and my labor? We have the kids (3 and 1) half the time, and I'm concerned (in both directions) about the possibility that they might be here when I start having contractions. On the one hand, and especially with the three-year old, I really want them to know that a new baby for their dad and me doesn't mean that they get booted from the house--that it's more family, not a new one. And on the other hand, particularly with the one-year old, I am *freaked out* that the sheer distraction will prove too much for DH, and he'll be completely (and possibly rightly) incapable of doing much to help me if he's occupied with a little one himself.

I think we have a friend who will take the smallest when it's time (we live far from family), but I'm really kind of concerned about how to handle their mother with all of this. DH hoped to sort of include her in the plans by discussing what to do with the kids, but I'm afraid it'll come off as "come take your kids," which is not what we intend. I also wouldn't put it past her to agree to something and then back out at the last minute, leaving us worse off overall... How did you and your guy handle this stuff? Any words of wisdom?

[helpubirth]

Kilter, despite your illness and just feeling plain yucky, it sounds as though you and your baby are doing fine. Your midwife would have mentioned if she was concerned with measurements etc.
Stress can play a huge roll in all of this too. Easier said than done, try to relax as mush as possible. It will be the best thing for both you and baby, I'm certain your worrying isn't helping much with the proper sleep. Keep the faith! I am a bonus Mom to 3 children and have 2 biological and without being pregnant, I am stressed at times due to an uncooperative ex. I thank my lucky stars each day that my co-parent and I get along so well and I feel that my children are well adjusted because of that.
On another note, where in NH are you and who are you seeing for a midwife? I live in NH too: