OMG I am freaking out, shaking, scared- what would you do in this situation??? *UPDATE in OP* - Page 3

[Yooper]

Instincts are important and I agree you should always be safe rather sorry.

However, if the guy has "appropriateness" problems either due to just being a bit odd or having mental/developmental issues then he could have just been walking up and down the road looking for someone who is home to walk on his back. I have been around people who have uncomfortable boundary issues and most really cannot help it and are constantly confused as to why they are not accepted into society. Unfortunately many fall into alcoholism and isolation because they cannot find a place to fit in society. It is heartbreaking and I always feel torn between my own comfort/safety level and finding ways to reach out to people who seem to have no one. This was someone's baby at some time. Many do not understand that they come off as scary or that their actions can be perceived as hostile or menacing.

While I would take precautions that you probably should have anyway (chain on the door, not opening to people you are not comfortable with, family safety plan, etc....) I would also try not to lose too much sleep over this.....or buy a gun. You set a boundary and made it clear that you would not do anything beyond your comfort level. If he had ill intentions, it sounds as though he could have acted on them if he wanted to. It sounds like he has lived there for a while and other than being strange, he has not really done anything. The threatening of the neighbor would be worrying to me and I guess I would want to know more about it. Was it really threats (as in danger) or is the woman into telling a good story about a guy who does not handle social interactions well?

Of course, take this advice cautiously. My dd let the Schwann's man in while I was on the potty! Despite many a discussion on not opening the door to strangers and the dangers of processed food.....

[2lilsweetfoxes]

Originally Posted by mamarootoo

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i would have been seriously freaked too.

one thought, though... if you already had a gun when this situation occurred, what would you have done differently?
guns in the home can create a false sense of security. think you'd be much safer keeping your doors locked, and getting chains like PP's have suggested, rather than brining a gun into your home.

Indeed. I got home from work a couple hours early the other day and when I went in, DH was in the shower. I was puttering around, picking up and changing my clothes, getting a snack--that kind of stuff, completely normal. He had no idea that I was home because he did not hear me come in. He heard someone in the front room when he got out of the shower and was about to grab a heavy object to give that intruder a splitting headache. Luckily he saw it was just me. Imagine if we'd had a gun in the house...(something tells me we probably would not have been at Starbucks 30 minutes later sipping lattes)

[mamabearsoblessed]

Trust your instincts. They are *never* wrong. We have them for a reason, it seems obvious from your post they weren't 'whispering' during this interaction but all out 'yelling' that something is/was off.
It is so upsetting when its happening and afterward too, I know others have said this too but , just keep your gaurd up at all times. Make yourself concious of locking doors, hanging more private window treatments, etc

Some may say I'm too paranoid, but nothing else even comes close to my need and desire to keep my family safe.
Listen to your inner voice, Mama.

[Dabble]

oops duplicate post

[Dabble]

Originally Posted by Yooper

Of course, take this advice cautiously. My dd let the Schwann's man in while I was on the potty! Despite many a discussion on not opening the door to strangers and the dangers of processed food.....

:

[mamadebug]

I would totally trust your instincts. Clearly, asking a neighbor you don't really know to walk on your back shows he is lacking boundaries. I think people who lack boundaries in this way can easily escalate, still not recognizing that they are crossing a line, but doing weirder and weirder things. Getting a home alarm may make you feel safer. We got one when we moved into a neighborhood where I didn't feel as safe and my husband was traveling a lot for work. It gave me peace of mind a bit. Also, if he is looking in people's windows, I think that person should file a police report. And, you may want to check with the police department about this guy. Sex offender registries are often out of date, misdemeanor records can be expunged, etc, but if he does cause trouble, they may know who he is - at least that was our experience. Sorry you are dealing with this. It is awful to have that creepy feeling in your own home.

[KatWrangler]

Originally Posted by jeliphish

call the police and log this information. They will be appreciative. Don't get a gun unless you would feel comfortable and confident using it. A taser could be a better option.

This! Exactly what I was thinking last night when I read the original post. Let the Police know you are very concerned about this person. Have it on record!

[KatWrangler]

Originally Posted by Yooper

Of course, take this advice cautiously. My dd let the Schwann's man in while I was on the potty! Despite many a discussion on not opening the door to strangers and the dangers of processed food.....

[KatWrangler]

Originally Posted by bigeyes

I'm of 2 minds on this.

1) he could just be a little off and not have boundaries, yet perfectly harmless.

2) he could be really scary and your instincts are dead-on.

When in doubt, go with 2.

I once had a neighbor who was a little off but he gave me Manson vibes. He was a little guy and I had just moved over 1000 miles to avoid a stalker, having taken a year's worth of karate lessons. I figured I could probably take him in a fight if I had to, and I had a huge boyfriend I asked to come over and just let him get a look at to discourage him from talking to me. He scoffed at me and said I was overreacting.

This guy would pop up as I was coming out of my apartment door, out of the laundry room, getting out of my car coming home, show up at the grocery store across the street from the apartment complex...you get the idea. One day I come home from work and his face is on the front page of my newspaper, he's killed one of my neighbors who went inside his apartment for a beer, something he was always asking me to do.

Overreacting my @$$

Trust your instincts. Always.

Make a report with the police just in case, and communicate with a trusted neighbor, maybe make arrangements to keep an eye out for each other. I don't think there is such a thing as being too careful.

OMG! Our mailman in Southern Cal looked exactly like Charles Manson! I kid you not. The day he rang the bell (we were in an apartment) and showed up at the door to deliver a package.

[bigeyes]

Originally Posted by KatWrangler

OMG! Our mailman in Southern Cal looked exactly like Charles Manson! I kid you not. The day he rang the bell (we were in an apartment) and showed up at the door to deliver a package.

Total threadjack, but I have a knack for the near miss. On 2 other occasions I have gotten a weird vibe, and found out later the situation I avoided turned out to be very dangerous/deadly for someone else later.

Gift/curse? I have no idea, but it's darned creepy.

[~PurityLake~]

Originally Posted by jjawm

How unnerving!
My guess is that he's just a weird guy who doesn't understand what's appropriate and what's not. Your daughter could have sensed your fear and reacted to that.

That being said, go with your instincts and keep your distance. I wouldn't have your dh talk to the guy, though - he didn't do anything wrong. If he keeps doing things like that, then talk to him. But I'm guessing this guy's back was killing him, his brother wasn't home, and he knew you had been kind to him in the past.

Originally Posted by thyra

I would've been scared out of my mind too. Keep your distance, he didn't do anything wrong but don't give him the chance to either. I'm sorry you and your daughter got so scared, but I'm sure everything will be fine.

:

I have an elderly disabled neighbor and he's a bit creepy at times, and at other times quite generous, mostly toward my dog, giving her doggie cookies. He seriously believes his dog Isabelle talks to him and tells him to do things, such as, "Isabelle told me the grand dam (my dog, cause she's older) was in need of cookies and she sent me over here to give her a few." but still a bit creepy. He thought his previous dog talked to him, too.

[KatWrangler]

Originally Posted by bigeyes

Total threadjack, but I have a knack for the near miss. On 2 other occasions I have gotten a weird vibe, and found out later the situation I avoided turned out to be very dangerous/deadly for someone else later.

Gift/curse? I have no idea, but it's darned creepy.

Wow! That is scary!

[bigeyes]

Originally Posted by KatWrangler

Wow! That is scary!

Which is exactly why I don't think the OP is overreacting to someone asking for contact, pushing the issue, and then rattling her doorknob, especially if he's already known to peek inside windows.

A long time ago there was a thread about some of us who seem to have a high incidence of being accosted. I don't know why some of us are 'lucky' that way, but I never scoff at anyone or doubt, since it happens to me, too. I just try to be very aware and teach my dcs to do the same.

[choli]

Originally Posted by bigeyes

Which is exactly why I don't think the OP is overreacting to someone asking for contact, pushing the issue, and then rattling her doorknob, especially if he's already known to peek inside windows.

It was OP's DH that rattled the doorknob, not the neighbor.

I probably would have let him in and walked on his back. I had a friend who used to need me to do that for him, it was the only thing that helped the pain for him.

I guess I can't imagine getting that freaked out about a neighbor - not a stranger - knocking on the door, making a polite request, taking the refusal politely and shaking my hand and leaving.

Apparently I have a higher risk tolerance than most people on MDC. I used to take the subway alone at 4am in New York, too. Nothing has ever happened to me and I am in my late 40s now. Either I'm very lucky or my instincts are pretty reliable.

[marybethorama]

Originally Posted by TwinsTwicePlusTwo

I wouldn't have been very freaked out, honestly. He just sounds like someone who has no idea what's appropriate and poor social skills. I don't think talking to him or having your DH talk to him would be appropriate or necessary.

If you really are worried, maybe you should think about taking some self-defense courses or learning martial arts. Having a gun in the house with small children isn't really safe, and if someone did mean to hurt you it's highly unlikely you would be able to get to the gun fast enough. Actual defense skills are completely safe for your family, and something you never have to worry about being caught without.

Great post.

[Mamafreya]

Originally Posted by choli

It was OP's DH that rattled the doorknob, not the neighbor.

I probably would have let him in and walked on his back. I had a friend who used to need me to do that for him, it was the only thing that helped the pain for him.

I guess I can't imagine getting that freaked out about a neighbor - not a stranger - knocking on the door, making a polite request, taking the refusal politely and shaking my hand and leaving.

Apparently I have a higher risk tolerance than most people on MDC. I used to take the subway alone at 4am in New York, too. Nothing has ever happened to me and I am in my late 40s now. Either I'm very lucky or my instincts are pretty reliable.

But, that is within your comfort zone so for you that would be okay.

Just because something is within your comfort zone doesn't mean that someone else's experience or feeling isn't valid. I think it's great that you've never had anything bad happen to you, that's awesome. I sincerely hope you are never put in a situation where you feel scared for your physical safety because it truly sucks.

OP, something I was thinking about is that a lot of times if someone is going to hurt someone they are going to look for someone who seems to be scared or insecure. The more confident and strong that you come off the better. That has been proven to be a deterrent to rapists and violent offenders. Even if you feel scared or nervous around him don't show it. Try to present a confident and strong front to him whenever you are around him. Also, it is always a good idea if you were physically assaulted to go for the person's throat and eyes first.

[Whistler]

The thing that came to mind when I read the OP was that he sounds a little bit like the mentally disabled guys I worked with. They seemed really creepy until I got to know them. But I would still never let one of them into my house even though I DO know them. It's completely inappropriate. I don't let salesmen into my house... heck, I don't even let a guy that goes to my church who came by the pick up a CD in if Hubby isn't here. It is just not something I do. Call me paranoid, but why ask for trouble?

[Amila]

So we got a report on file. He won't know about it, but it is documented. I also got better curtains I talked to my elderly neighbor a bit more, and she really gave me the impression that if nothing else this man is a racist harassing UAV who drinks too much and has a bad temper. Even if that is all it is, I still am glad I didn't let him into my house. Ever since reading "Protecting the Gift" I remember that your instincts are so very important.

Thanks for all of the tips- I will definitely look into a home alarm system and a taser, and at the very least I am going to get some police-strength mace. I mean, I could have that in my kitchen cabinet and not worry about the kids getting ahold of it, plus its there and ready if I need it versus a gun (which I would never keep loaded in a home with children, so whats the point of it anyway?) I just come from a family who hunts and is all about self defense, so they are pressuring me, but I feel like unless it is loaded under your pillow its no use, kwim? UGH I wish I didn't have to deal with this!

[Ironica]

Originally Posted by choli

Apparently I have a higher risk tolerance than most people on MDC. I used to take the subway alone at 4am in New York, too. Nothing has ever happened to me and I am in my late 40s now. Either I'm very lucky or my instincts are pretty reliable.

Your instincts are pretty reliable. Mine are too. But I think there's also another dimension, because things that happen to other people just *don't happen* to me. There's other signs, too, that there's another level to this... my best friend, for example, loves to go shopping with me. Week before Christmas? No problem... the crowds just part for me. It's like I have a different electrical field or something. People don't invade my body buffer zone.

I don't get burgled, robbed, mugged, pickpocketed, or accosted. My car has never even been broken into... my car stereo was stolen one time, but I *did* leave the top off the car and the faceplate on the stereo.... they didn't actually *break* anything (though they did pop out a fuse to disable the alarm, and I had to take the car in to the shop to find out what slot that fuse had come from). My home has never been broken into (since it's been my own; we had some neighborhood teenagers break in a few times when I was a kid). Whatever makes me useful at the mall seems to extend to my property, too.

And I'm terrible about locking my doors. I leave my purse in shopping carts or at the restaurant table while I go to the bathroom.

But that's *me*. My experience is unusual, and if I knew for certain what was different that causes this, I'd sure as heck teach others... because I know that this is not the reality a lot of people experience.

[choli]

Originally Posted by Ironica

And I'm terrible about locking my doors. I leave my purse in shopping carts or at the restaurant table while I go to the bathroom.

That's regional for me - I'd leave the purse when in Boston, but wouldn't dream of it in Dublin. That's because I KNOW that in Boston it would not be touched, but in Dublin it would be gone as soon as I turned my head

Actually, the one time anything did happen to me, I had my handbag snatched on the street in broad daylight many years ago in Dublin. That probably influences my handbag behaviour. Never stopped me from walking home in the early hours of the morning though.

I think there is definitely such a thing as a victim mentality that can be picked up on by those with bad intentions.