How not to let your teenager hurt you

[G8P4]

Well, what do you do Mamas? When they say things that really wound you to the core, things that you would never forgive anyone else for? You know it's just the hormones talking, and that you are the adult, but it still hurts so much?

[Oriole]

* Allow yourself to hurt.
* I write a journal to dsd. I'll give it to her when she's 18. I write many sweet things for her in there, but sometimes I let her know that her words, or actions hurt me or her dad. It's been very therapeutic.
* Ask your partner for comfort.
* Come to MDC for understanding and internet hugs

[PassionateWriter]

the answer to your question is: impossible.

our children will hurt us. they are just better at it as teenagers. all will come full circle though. all will be well in the end.

i find the teenage years SOOOO much more difficult than the little kid years.

[TwinsTwicePlusTwo]

I remember all the horrible things I thought about my parents when I was a teenager, but was too afraid to say, and try to be glad that my kids feel safe enough to say them.

(my older three aren't teenagers yet, but they already know how to cut to the core with words when we fight)

[Jennyfur]

Honestly, I remember that they are emotionally vulnerable and not entirely in control of those emotions, much as when they were toddlers. And I also have learned to take deep breaths and NOT engage when they are upset. Knowing how to take some time before returning to deal with an issue has been extremely helpful. Also, I constantly remember/realize how quickly time flies & how quiet and empty the house will be when they are all grown up. I will miss even the fiery times.

[PassionateWriter]

oh so true Jenney. my oldest has been on his own since last summer...the times that i look around and think "why is he not here"? are innumerable.

he's doing great though. but i miss him soo....

[Teenytoona]

With my DSD, the best thing we could do was turn whatever she said into a joke, before it got worse. Sometimes evasive laughter is really helpful. But that's before the hurtful things get said.

[nolonger]

Well, I came home to a nastygram from my 20yodd today and it still hurts even after surviving the 17 year old who ran away from home because he wanted to go to public school even after I'd figured out how to dumpster dive for textbooks and worked out (in theory, anyway) how to homeless-school.

I guess the only suggestion I have is to know that the only reason they can hurt us so deeply is because they know us so well and to find the truth in the painful words and try to change things about ourself that need changing.

Another thing that helps me is that I have friends that are close to dd's age (not dd's friends who think i'm "cool", but friends who share my interests and just happen to be younger than me) who I am comfortable talking to and I trust them to tell me tactfully when dd is making a valid point and when it's just mother/daughter issues that they are going through with their own mothers.

I also have a difficult relationship with my mother so I try to learn from dd how NOT to treat her and from her how NOT to treat dd.

But right now I feel like a fraud and a failure so I just want to bump this thread to see if someone else will post their suggestions while I clean the bathroom just in case she did call cps because i have an ugly voice and had to do a bit of self-talk to keep from getting upset at ds2 when he was crying last night and I couldn't make things better for him right away.

[Cherie2]

Originally Posted by noordinaryspider

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[G8P4]

I hear you, Noordinaryspider. It hurts, yeah.

[Cherie2]

what do i do? i cry. i remind myself that i raised her in such a way that she could speak her mind. i ask advice from the wise mamas here and on consensual living. i think of how little life she has lived and know that she will learn. i try to understand her pain. i let her know she has a right to her feelings, that she has hurt me, and that i forgive her.

[Labbemama]

I think that my dd will one day have her own snarky little offspring.

Today she was balking at something her father said and said "I would never reproduce and bring a child into the world who has 1/4 of 'that man's' DNA."

It got me thinking, if it's got half HER DNA that one-day grandbaby will be more than a handful.

[crunchymomofmany]

I just know that I've done my time, now, for anything bad I did when I was teen! My record is clear, baby!