Yep. They're Montessori Kids...

[Zadee]

My babysitter, who works in a daycare to put herself through school, keeps telling me how amazingly independent my kids are. If they are thirsty they go to the kitchen and get something to drink. If they are hungry they go get a banana or another snack. All by themselves. *gasp*.

:

[BCFD]

Isn't it awesome? It blows a lot of minds in my circle of friends and family, too. Last week, dd3's speech therapist said, "I have never had a 2 year old put away her own materials before!" and was amazed! The funny thing is that I haven't even enrolled her into M school yet (we will in the fall) and she has picked up on everything because of her two older sisters who do go to M school.

[Zadee]

It really is awesome but it's also kind of sad to realize that this is a perfectly normal level of independence that most kids don't get to experience because even though we (as a culture) push independence in things like sleeping alone we don't actually seem to be set up to encourage more useful independence, like getting your own snack or putting your trains away.

[BCFD]

That is so true!! Our culture wants to push kids out of the family bed at 2 months old, but I've seen those same parents still putting coats and shoes on their 5 year olds. ACK! We always leave it up to our kids where they want to sleep and they (thankfully!) always want to stay in our family bed. The day they decide they want to sleep in their own room I'm going to secretly cry behind a closed door. It almost kills me now when my oldest (who is 4) wants to have a sleepover at her Aunt's house. I am weepy all night without her next to me. But I also love that she feels independent (and safe) enough to do that.

[swampangel]

I'm so glad to see you mamas talking about this. I have some questions about independence in the Montessori way of thinking about it. We cosleep, too, and at times I've had the feeling that maybe that was considered fostering dependence in M. Can you explain a little to me about how independence is seen and strived for in the Montessori environment? This has been something I've wondered about.

My ds is in kindergarten at our neighborhood school and it is a terrible fit. There is a new charter Montessori school opening in the fall and I'm hoping to get him into it. But I've wondered about the issue of independence and nurturing. I really want my son in an environment that is gentle and nurtures him, allowing him to remain a child and all of that.

Thanks so much!

[MattBronsil]

As a side note, I don't cosleep with any of my students.

[swampangel]

What a relief!

But seriously I'm really curious about this idea of independence. I really want my children to be in an environment that fosters their love of learning, creates a feeling of safety and sense of belonging and treats children as children and doesn't rush to grow them up too soon. I feel like my kindergartener is treated as though he's older than he is and I've seen him have grow up a lot this year.

I don't expect perfection in a school environment, just one that allows my child to grow and learn in a way that is healthy and age appropriate.

[rumsmyname]

My children are older than yours I believe

but I believe the Montessori schools we have been in have been/are nurturing, warm and create/maintain an environment where questions are fun to investigate...lifelong learners. Nurturing in the sense that each child is being provided with the tools, awareness to be socially responsible people within their community. These tools and awareness are in a developmentally appropriate way for each child as opposed to their chronological age. The independence is in my mind the child becoming more aware of the world around them and their responsibilities.

The warmth is ever present with all three of my children's teachers. It is very different for each of the relationship pairs but that is to be expected given the different personalities and individual needs and quirks. But the warmth is most definitely present. It is gentle, unassuming, well-defined with a great deal of joy tossed in, a mutual respect.

The very hard part of the three year cycle is moving on to your next 3 year cycle. We have been so fortunate with my older two as they finish this third year but transitions are exciting too!

[swampangel]

Thank you! That was really helpful. This has been such a hard year for us and I'm struggling with living in limbo right now while we wait for the lotteries to take place and results to be sent out. We are going to have a M charter school and it will be brand new this year. So it feels a bit risky but my hope is that they are structuring themselves after other successful schools and that the folks on staff will be very familiar with the method.

Thanks again.

[bluebunny]

I love Montessori and my DS loves it, too, but I don't think Montessori is the sole reason my DS is independent. I think Montessori encourages independence and self-reliance. That is not to say that children wouldn't try to do that without M school. Both of my children love to "help" wash dishes, dust, mop, swish the toilet, wipe the table, etc. I have allowed them to do those things. I have a cabinet that I put unbreakable plates, cups, and bowls so that they can help themselves to water and a snack without assistance. I think many parents don't want to deal with the mess of teaching their kids how to do things independently (preschoolers can certainly make a mess "washing" dishes!!).

Also, when my DS was in daycare (from 15 months to about 39 months), he was encouraged to wash his hands, clean up after himself, put his snack and lunch things in the bin when he was done, etc. The daycare served lunch "family style" and kids could pour and serve themselves. The daycare was definitely not M program.

Anyway, long post to say that M is certainly wonderful but it encourages what children are naturally inclined to do, IMO.

[swampangel]

Good points! I like self-discipline and self-reliance, for sure. I also want connection and nurturing between teacher/guide and student. I get the impression the guides are observing but I often wonder how much connection is created. I should really go observe at a few schools to see things in action.

[MattBronsil]

Hey...what happened to my reply? I wonder if I posted it in the wrong thread.

[swampangel]

I never saw it, but I'd really love to hear your thoughts!

[GuildJenn]

Originally Posted by swampangel

What a relief!

But seriously I'm really curious about this idea of independence. I really want my children to be in an environment that fosters their love of learning, creates a feeling of safety and sense of belonging and treats children as children and doesn't rush to grow them up too soon. I feel like my kindergartener is treated as though he's older than he is and I've seen him have grow up a lot this year.

I don't expect perfection in a school environment, just one that allows my child to grow and learn in a way that is healthy and age appropriate.

We cosleep, and the school couldn't care less.

For my son I've never felt his school was pushing or rushing him. What the school does do however is provide the opportunity for him to take on whatever he wants to take on, and he definitely has. He helps set and clear the table even though we've never asked him to. I think it genuinely comes from him.

My cute story of the month is: we went to an inn this month. My son took a towel from the bathroom and spread it out on the floor to do his "work." Afterwards he rolled it up and put it back. :-)

[MattBronsil]

Originally Posted by swampangel

I never saw it, but I'd really love to hear your thoughts!

I'll repost soon. It's a long one and I don't have time right now, but worry not...

[Lisa85]

I read in a Montessori book (I believe it was Raising Your Child the Montessori Way, ages birth to three, or something like that). It had a whole section on the infant years and how to set up the babies room. They recommended what they called a child-bed, essientally a crib mattress on the floor pushed into a corner of the room. No rails or anything of the sort, but maybe a thick quilt or two next to the mattress in case baby should happen to roll or squirm off. For 'sleep training' they recommended encouraging your baby to fall asleep on their own, in their own bed as soon as possible, but they did not give any advice on how to achieve that or a timeline on when a baby "should" be able to do that. No mentioning of STTN, IIRC. I They also recommended closing the door from day 1 so that as the child gets to the age where they begin to rebel bedtime (2 I think they said it was) you are to tell them that it's bedtime, and they may not come out until morning and proceed to close the door and lock them in if necessary.

Whether this is the 'official' Montessori approach or just this one author's opinion on the matter, I don't know.

[swampangel]

Yikes. This is the stuff that sort of freaks me out. I think where I get worried about Montessori and Waldorf is it feels dogmatic to me. I fear that theories/concepts are followed to stay true to the methods and I wonder how much critical thinking goes into deciding what makes sense to keep and what is best left out. I'm sort of an eclectic type - I tend to draw from different things depending on what makes sense and seems to fit my kid and particular situation. Maybe that isn't possible in education...right now I'm just trying to get clear on M because a charter is opening up and it might be my only option other than our seriously problematic neighborhood school.

[GuildJenn]

I think this is where the individual school matters. Books only go so far.

Our school is small and certified, but the directress is very much into making it a warm place (in, I will say, a very calm, low-key way... something that appeals to me 'cause I sort of hate the cheerleading aspects of some early childhood programmes where it's all! rainbows! and! unicorns!). The way I learned this when I was touring/interviewing was just asking questions like what they would do for naps (rock my son until he was comfortable) or to comfort an upset child (carry and hold until he was feeling better, if he wanted, or help him to a cosy corner).

Now is the school like our house? No, not really. My son's teacher this year is the kind of teacher the kids are a little bit worried about in September, but totally in love with by December, because she is firm (not in a mean or un-childcentred way) and they come to trust her. That is so not my style, but I recognize the value of it. Sure enough she was off yesterday and my son was "lonely for her."

I also think it's good to remember that you don't have to change your lifestyle to fit a school (this is one reason we eliminated our particular Waldorf). We extended breast fed, co-sleep still, and although we have adapted our home to put things at our son's level, etc., we've never really tried to become a "montessori home" - we just are our home. We are very happy with Montessori, for sure, but for us it's not the guiding light - we are, and Montessori fits in with that ok.

[swampangel]

Great clarification. I like your suggestions for what to ask for. Is you son in grade school now? Or is this preschool? I'm so hopeful that this will be something I can see for my kids. I'm just going to keep an open mind, do more reading on Montessori and see how the school feels if we get accepted.

Thanks so much for sharing your experiences.

[GuildJenn]

Originally Posted by swampangel

Great clarification. I like your suggestions for what to ask for. Is you son in grade school now? Or is this preschool? I'm so hopeful that this will be something I can see for my kids. I'm just going to keep an open mind, do more reading on Montessori and see how the school feels if we get accepted.

Thanks so much for sharing your experiences.

He's in casa - he's 3.5. He was in the toddler programme to start and then moved up to casa. I'm not sure what we'll be doing later on; our lovely little place only goes up to age 6.