Buddhist Mamma Sangha - March- June Second Quarter '09 - Page 2

[EvansMomma]

Just subbing at the moment. Sleeping babe in my arms, I'll post a bit more later on when I get a few moments to myself. :

[kangamitroo]

checking in to see how everyone is doing. had a lovely sunday outdoors, literally watching clouds float by with dd. it was very refreshing. the phrase "big sky mind" is always a helpful one for me, when i start to get stuck on the gerbil wheel of habitual thoughts.

[indigolilybear]

Hey all! I wanted to jump back in here. Have been interested in Buddhism for a long time, and just now (over the past year) have a sangha since we moved to a larger area. It's been more difficutl than I anticipated.

Curious for feedback on this. Primarily I have read what I realize now is Western Buddhism (Pema, Jack Kornfield, Sylvia Boorstein are the major ones I love). We know attend a Kadampa Center. I reallyl like it but also am having some hesitancy/resistance to what feels "religious" to me....I do understand intellectually that they are not threatening "hell and damnation" but sometimes it feels that way. My DH is very very into it after hearing about Buddhist stuff for years from me and my reading. I am thrilled that he is.

Have any of you had this experience? I wonder if it's simply the lineage that I am put off by at times? I love the teacher and a lot of the people....but it is my first "formal" experience with it all....

I am working on increasing my discpline with daily practice. Most days I get there but would like to study more avidly.

anyway hope to be here more and thank you for all the inspiration posts and community here!

[avaylee]

I attended a Kadampa center for about six months and had a very similar experience. That said, I'm also new to all of this and have/had never tried any other lineage in a formal way. "Bookstore Buddhist" is what my friend refers to in regards to herself, and I feel very similar at this point. I really liked the center and the few people (there were only about five attendees each week), but I couldn't get past some of the history of this particular lineage. When I tried to talk to our regular teacher (?) about it, she simply informed me that neither she or the assistant she had had ever studied any other traditions, this just felt like home to them. There was never any discussion with me (or my friend who also attended with me) about how it compared or some of the more intellectual hurdles I was facing... which is why I ultimately stopped going.
That said, I really miss having a community, however briefly I had it. I just need to go out there and try other traditions and see... well, see what feels like home to me.

[indigolilybear]

Thanks Avaylee. That's nice to hear.

We went to a parenting class yesterday and were kind of disappointed. I wish it felt a bit more practical, KWIM? That's why I love the western teachers I think.

Well, anyway, it's nice to be here and look forward to this online sangha.

Does anyone else here go to a Buddhist center?

[kangamitroo]

Originally Posted by rootzdawta

I don't know, I often think maybe I should be reading the teaching of Buddha directly.

i encourage you definitely, to pick up the dhammapada. commentaries and other written teachings are lovely and helpful, but it sounds like you are being drawn to sit and reflect on something more essential.

indigolilybear: i'm not sure which aspects are feeling "too religious" for you...but i'll share some of my experience. years ago i avoided my urge to learn about buddhism because of the "guru" idea. i feel very much that the historic Buddha demonstrated that each of us can be enlightened, with following the eightfold path. that said, i have since come to feel very grateful for the dharma teachings (even if in book form). i feel that an outside listener can help us to stay on our path. so the rituals for gratitude and veneration now speak to me. that said, i have not fully embraced the Tibetan view of the afterlife--for me it 's "well, that's possible!"

i go occasionally to a shambhala center for trainings. recently i feel very drawn to take a zen retreat, but it will be a year or more before that is feasible.

[indigolilybear]

kangamitroo--

well, a lot of is things that remind me of really dogmatic spirituality. For example, that life here is very very bad in it's state. That we must hurry for enlightenment or else (!) be born again as a gnat, lower realms...(reminds me of the hell idea). That the more empowerment ceremonies etc. you attend, the closer you are to enlightenment. It sometimes feels, maybe, superstitious? I'm not being terribly clear but I often feel also that the Buddhists at the center are a bit standoffish and judgemental (vs. the Unity church we also attend--working out the details of that now...) I don't really know how to condense what I'm saying, it's just that from reading Pema et al, I LOVE how they apply it to very real, mundane situations....and really get to the heart of it. Sometimes the center feels, so, well....religious as I said. I love the technology of it all, the different types of meditation, mantras....but maybe I just have a problem with dogma of any type. Still sorting through it and DH is pretty devoted so I'll continue to investigate my thoughts/feelings. Like I said, usually my teachers are in a book or CD.

I perphaps am also sensing what is the community there, I sense a lot of pride and superiority, based on how much of the rules and how "advanced" you are. What I've always loved about Buddhism is the heart of it....the letting go of judgements, etc.

It might be I just need to really supplement with my beloved book teachers.....

I wonder if I would like Zen better?

thanks for the help wading through this though....

[kangamitroo]

Originally Posted by indigolilybear

kangamitroo--

well, a lot of is things that remind me of really dogmatic spirituality. For example, that life here is very very bad in it's state. That we must hurry for enlightenment or else (!) be born again as a gnat, lower realms...(reminds me of the hell idea). That the more empowerment ceremonies etc. you attend, the closer you are to enlightenment. It sometimes feels, maybe, superstitious? I'm not being terribly clear but I often feel also that the Buddhists at the center are a bit standoffish and judgemental (vs. the Unity church we also attend--working out the details of that now...) I don't really know how to condense what I'm saying, it's just that from reading Pema et al, I LOVE how they apply it to very real, mundane situations....and really get to the heart of it. Sometimes the center feels, so, well....religious as I said. I love the technology of it all, the different types of meditation, mantras....but maybe I just have a problem with dogma of any type. Still sorting through it and DH is pretty devoted so I'll continue to investigate my thoughts/feelings. Like I said, usually my teachers are in a book or CD.

I perphaps am also sensing what is the community there, I sense a lot of pride and superiority, based on how much of the rules and how "advanced" you are. What I've always loved about Buddhism is the heart of it....the letting go of judgements, etc.

It might be I just need to really supplement with my beloved book teachers.....

I wonder if I would like Zen better?

thanks for the help wading through this though....

a lot of what you describe in the attitudes at the center--or the priorities, the focus on "rush" to enlightenment instead of daily practice--that would make me uncomfortable, too. maybe you will find that there is a teacher there who has their feet on the ground, and that you can benefit from. you will know whether this sangha is a place where you can grow, or whether you should have minimal participation or none. trust your heart.

the hunger for community can be pretty intense, i think. hence my gratitude for MDC where at least i can discuss these things, if not practice in person.

i'd be interested to hear about the parenting workshop.

[rootzdawta]

Originally Posted by kangamitroo

i encourage you definitely, to pick up the dhammapada. commentaries and other written teachings are lovely and helpful, but it sounds like you are being drawn to sit and reflect on something more essential.

I think you have a point there. Thank you for the recommendation . . . I'm looking at it now.

[kangamitroo]

from the gampo abbey blog:
"the enlightened warrior possesses an unconditional confidence in the buddha nature or basic goodness of every sentient being."

can i be that brave, that confident? it must be an ongoing, conscious commitment to see that basic goodness and to let my own shine through.

i like this too, though i read the quote out of context:
"never neglect even the slightest positive deed. just do it. strive with a good heart to do everything that benefits others." Kyabje Dudjom Rinpoche (from his book Counsels from my Heart)

[kangamitroo]

how is everyone doing?

reflected
in the dragonfly's eye
mountains
—Issa

[Kothi]

I've been out of touch from here too long...

many life changes. Moved, with kids, not with husband to another state. Trying to return to the workforce...slowly. All the more reason to SIT and be still, I know... but time/energy demands have been quite challenging

I loved my very tiny sangha irl, though there were no small children families... hopefully going to check out another here, though with the same deficit. Also Thich Nhat Hanh/ order of interbeing based.

In the last months kids and I have finally gotten around to getting/reading Zen Ties and Zen Shorts... I second, triple etc these recommendations!!! I esp loved the short about carry the extra load beyond the actual struggle. I have much to learn from that, and often remember Stillwater's words in moments I feel old anger festering.

How are all of you???

[MamabearTo4]

subbing, learning...

[kangamitroo]

kothi, good luck with all your recent changes. you are in my thoughts.

[rootzdawta]

Read Zen Shorts at bedtime last night. Wow . . . I only borrowed it from the library but I definitely am going to purchase it. We're going to read Zen Ties tonight and I'm really looking forward to it. Thank you for the recommendation.

[Keeta]

Is there a Third Quarter '09 Buddhist Mama Sangha thread? If not, I can start one (or if you get to it first, feel free!)

Wanted to check in with my fellow mamas on the buddhist path.

I'm part of a small buddhist parenting group, and we had a great meeting yesterday. I hadn't been in several months, and I was a little nervous about going again, but it was really amazing. The main theme of the meeting was the parami sila, or virtue. Kind of a heavy topic! But, in preparation for the meeting I watched this talk given by our sangha's guiding teacher, and it really blew my mind - such a different way of approaching the concept of "virtue" (which can have sort of a Victorian connotation to me in usual conversation). But the way he was describing it was allowing all safe passage - when we can break out of our "I"-ness and embrace our interconnectedness through awareness, it's almost just like living metta. I was especially inspired by the idea of not striving for virtue - that by doing so, we get caught in our singular personal perspective. But that the path to virtue lies in living the precepts and just remaining in the now, non-judging; taking a pause to listen to inner wisdom before responding to things.

Here is the talk, if anyone is interested (there is a second one that I haven't listened to yet, but planning to soon! )

The not-striving thing hit home for me. I'm pregnant, and had a really exhausted and under-the-weather feeling first trimester where, even though I did the best I could, I feel like I really kind of dropped the ball with caring for DS. Lately I've been inspired to try to incorporate some more rich experiences in his environment and have been reading about games and activities to play with 3 year olds, homeschooling 3 year olds (not that I want to "teach" him, just have fun activities for us to do). But the same thing kept coming up on all the homeschooling preschoolers threads, and I don't know why it took me so long to get it: Just Be Present With Your Child. Follow their lead. Be there in their world, play with them. It's amazingly simple. But like so many concepts on the buddhist path, it's simple, not always easy.

I've been reading Playful Parenting lately by Lawrence Cohen, and it's really great.

Another book I wanted to recommend to fellow mamas that I just checked out is Mindful Motherhood: Practical Tools for Staying Sane During Pregnancy and Your Child's First Year. Being pregnant has inspired me to try to get back to regular sitting, and this book is really wonderful. Easy to read and understand, it has sample meditations, some yoga sequences and is very down-to-earth.

[kangamitroo]

thanks for the prompt, keeta, and the good ideas.
3rd quarter thread now here (i hope).
i included keeta's last post so folks can reply in detail.

may all beings everywhere be free of suffering and the root of suffering.