Interview with Homebirth Midwife

[rrs]

We had our interview today. My husband and I both REALLY liked her. I wasn't as concerned about safety stuff as he was, but she put his fears to rest.

That said, I'm even more torn than I was.

I really had a GREAT hospital birth. I did what I wanted, when I wanted, how I wanted. I ate when I wanted, I pushed how I wanted. I had no interventions. Our wishes were regarded, with respect to the birth, breastfeeding, everything. I saw a lactation consultant within two hours. I said I didn't want to stay long, and was released less than 24 hours after the birth. I came home with a happy, healthy son. I really couldn't ask for much more.

My mom is completely against the idea of homebirth. She had a severe, complete placental abruption with my brother. She was given 4 units of blood, and he had to be resuscitated. I can understand why a homebirth seems so scary to her.

So now, I really don't know what to choose. Do I go with a homebirth? Will I truly be improving upon my last experience? Is it worth really upsetting my mother, if I really may not be gaining that much? I'd be much more willing to try to convince her and make her comfortable, if I felt the only way I could have a good experience was in a homebirth.

Please give me your opinion! I wish there was an easy way to know!

[jaclyn7]

You've got to follow your gut and do what works for you (maybe making Mom happy is the best thing, maybe not), my only thing with hospitals is that there are so many variables in play each time you enter. Is your doctor for sure going to be there, what nurse will be assigned to your care, what's the atmosphere on that particular day (internal pressure, issue with another patient), what time of day is it, etc.

During my miscarriage I received great care on my first admittance, but the subsequent ones have really shaken my confidence in hospitals, but I think there are definitely ways to make things easier in that setting - doula, midwife, getting their as last a possible, etc.

We're leaning towards a homebirth because I don't want external things to become factors in our birth and want to have the freedom to do what my body tells me to.

[Shanti_Mom]

Can I ditto what Jaclyn said?

I guess I'm just the opposite of you. While I also had "good" experiences in the hospital, nothing truly bad ever happened, I also feel like I wasn't allowed to just do what I would have liked in my heart of hearts and natural instinct. Because the drugs were there and so readily available (even encouraged), I never just allowed myself to truly experience the birth process. I was drugged each time. My first one I had forceps and episiotomy. She was taken from me for the first 20 minutes of her life, although I had no problems bonding with her after that. I was so numb from that epidural, it lasted several hours beyond delivery.

And honestly, part of that may be my fault too. I definitely wasn't as proactive and assertive as I am now. With my first especially (I wasn't even 21), I really felt like everyone else was the expert either by degree or experience, even though I thought I'd educated myself on the subject. All my other births were in my 20's. I'm now in my mid-30's (I'll be barely 35 when this one arrives). Even since my last one, I feel like I'm a totally different person. I have more confidence in myself now. I've learned alot and have opened my life and mind to "alternative" things such as herbs, natural health, home school and now home birth.

I think only you can be the one to make the ultimate decision, along with your DH. No matter what your mother says, she has to understand that this is YOUR birth, not hers. If my mother were still here (she died almost 7 months ago due to a hospital malpractice/over dose), I know she'd probably be a tad nervous at my decision too. However, after having watched the hospital literally kill my mother last August, I'm a little leary of being in their care. She was there to get help and ended up dying instead. But, that's my experience and I know your mother is only relating her own hard birth experience.

I hope you come to a decision you feel good about. You could always just use a doula in the hospital.

[rrs]

Jaclyn and Amanda, thank you so much for your opinions. I really appreciate them, and you guys sharing your situations.

I guess it is important to add that my great experience is mostly due to my mother. Sure, I was educated on my options and decisive and assertive in expressing my desires, but that can only carry you so far.

My mom is the charge nurse in an ER, after 24 years in the Air Force. She comes in, and people expect her to run things. And she did. She can be very intimidating. So when I told her I wanted this, that, and the other, she made sure it was done. This reduces some, but certainly not all, of the external influences.

She also had 2 natural childbirths before the placental abruption. While she is not trained as a doula, she was a wonderful support and advocate.

I have a lot of respect for my mom. I truly believed she is a big part of why I was so successful with Carter's birth. I don't think a homebirth would cause a lot of tension between us, but it would make her uncomfortable. I love her, and want her to enjoy this experience also. I want her to be able to lend me her support and confidence again.

Furthermore, the OB that delivered Carter is a family friend. I used to spend nights at her house. She is in a large practice, that my typical care provide is also a part of. She wasn't my normal care provider, until I encountered pre-term labor. She took me on, from the CNM, once I became high risk. She and my mom have worked together. However, she did not know which nurses my mom knew, and this worked out to our advantage. My mom didn't actually know any of the nurses, but because the OB didn't know this, she assumed they were working together.

She wasn't on call the night I went into labor. I simply called her cellphone, told her that I was in labor, and she showed up. Generally in that practice, if your care provider is not on call, the on call provider attends, and your provider does everything in his or her power to show up, also. She didn't bother to call the on call provider after I called her. She took her personal time, and came to be with me and Carter.

This OB has a reputation for being pretty intervention-happy, but showed great restraint with me. There were instances when I told her no, and she respected that. There were instances when I told her I wanted something, and she respected that.

This time, I intend to stick with the CNM, if I go the hospital route. The OB will likely be present at his birth, but just as support.

[Juliacat]

I had a really great hospital birth last time, too, and I would be torn about what to do except that the insurance we have right now isn't going to cover either one and a homebirth will be cheaper to pay out of pocket. ! I think they will both be equally safe unless something really bad happens, but we also live across the street from a hospital (not the one I gave birth in).

I can't tell you which decision to make, but good luck.

[mommato5]

I would go for the hospital birth hands down!

I like your mom!

[ShwarmaQueen]

Hard one.

Personally, I'd probably still lean towards a HB just because it's your baby's birth and it is safe. Homebirth is appropriate for low-risk pregnancy. However, inevitably, women do die giving birth in hospitals and at home. You still have time to consider your options.

[Shell_Ell]

I couldnt' help but wonder... what made you consider homebirth?

I am a big believer in homebirth for low risk mothers. But, only if that's where THEY want to be. If your needs and desires are different, I think that changes things. I don't know that it makes it unsafe, persay, but I do think that the experience won't be the same as if you felt in your heart that homebirth was the right choice for you. I know plenty of women who see the benefits of homebirth but still, for whatever reason, do not feel comfortable with it. I think that's okay.

I have a close relationship for the most part with my mom, and she was really nervous about it at first, too. Not in the same way your mom is, obviously. I started talking to her months before we even conceived our second baby. Now that I've gone through it and had such a wonderful experience, she is all for it. I think you have to seperate YOUR fears from your moms fears, although it would be really challenging having her at the birth if she's not on board. Any kind of nervous energy really does rock the boat, IMO.

I'm sorry for the ramble. Tough call. I think you need to go with your gut. Either way, I'm sure you will have a lovely birth.

[sahmama_12]

I can't tell you what decision to make... its too personal.

I've had good experiences in hospital in the sense that no one died and the baby and I left together but that aside I feel safer at home. If you feel safer in hospital and have safe guards like your mom against unnecessary interventions go for it. Not every woman has a good strong advocate like that and for some of them home is much much safer for just that reason. You don't have that reason so your choices are more or less equal.

[rrs]

Thank you all for responding!

Originally Posted by Shell_Ell

I couldnt' help but wonder... what made you consider homebirth?

Good question! I considered it with Carter, too. I researched all of my options, and I really do believe that homebirth can be a safe option. I decided to go with a hospital birth with him, with the idea that it was my first birth, and I would reconsider homebirth next time. I felt that I could have the hospital birth that I wanted, and I did.

Part of why I'm still considering a homebirth, is because I feel like I'm going to be ostracized if I don't. The LLL I belong to and all of the playgroups are made up of moms that strongly believe that homebirth is the only way to a happy birth. It's really not a good thing to base a decision of this magnitude on, is it?

I also don't know how I can continue to say that I think homebirth is a wonderful, safe option, if I'm not willing to do it? Can I justify my choices by having a care provider that is a family friend, by wanting to make my comfortable, by my last great hospital birth? Why do I need to justify my choice? Is it for me, or is it for other people?

I don't necessarily believe that homebirth is the only way to have a happy birth. I'm well researched in my options, I don't have problem asserting my wishes to the CNM, OB, or nurses and being an advocate for myself, and I have a great advocate in my mom.

I do feel a little pressured to make a decision now. We don't carry maternity insurance. My husband is self-employed and I am a grad student, so we buy our own private insurance. To add the monthly coverage for maternity and pay all of the deductibles, it is cheaper to pay out of pocket. Additionally, in the hospital, you get a 25% discount for paying within 30 days. However, my doctor requires that you pay monthly, by 28 weeks. My doctor's appointment today, and I'll begin payments now, so I'd like to make a decision. And yes, homebirth is the cheaper option, but that's not really a factor.

Suddenly, I am strongly leaning towards a hospital birth, but I'm still unsure. My husband and I have discussed it time and again. We both go back and forth. I guess I'll see how today's appointment goes.

Again, thank you all for all of your insight (and for listening to me ramble).

[Juliacat]

Originally Posted by rrs

Part of why I'm still considering a homebirth, is because I feel like I'm going to be ostracized if I don't. The LLL I belong to and all of the playgroups are made up of moms that strongly believe that homebirth is the only way to a happy birth. It's really not a good thing to base a decision of this magnitude on, is it?

I also don't know how I can continue to say that I think homebirth is a wonderful, safe option, if I'm not willing to do it? Can I justify my choices by having a care provider that is a family friend, by wanting to make my comfortable, by my last great hospital birth? Why do I need to justify my choice? Is it for me, or is it for other people?

Okay, excuse me, but WTF do these ladies think they're doing if they really are pressuring you into a homebirth?! What are they going to do next, ask you to steal car stereos and smoke crack with them? They're not real friends if they don't respect your opinions.

And, of course you can say homebirth is a wonderful, safe option, and not do it. It's called having an open mind and not being judgmental of other people's choices.

Sorry if I sound harsh--I don't mean to. But it sounds like a hospital birth might be the better choice for you and I hope you can get some clarification about that.

We don't have maternity coverage on our insurance, either. Kind of a bummer to let money influence this decision....

[ShwarmaQueen]

Originally Posted by Juliacat

What are they going to do next, ask you to steal car stereos and smoke crack with them?