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I need Help!!!

post #1 of 42
Thread Starter 
Well around 5 pm yesterday; my front door and screen door was opened by my 2 year old. I was on the phone with my mom; going back forth to the living room, to kitchen; because, of doing dishes and on the phone.

2 year old, all of a sudden is missing. I told my 7 year old to call 911; get some shoes on and I ran outside no shoes, in the rain; yelling, "riley over and over" turns out, he had climbed down the dead end street, where we live and walked/ran onto the busiest streets in the world; pine lake avenue. I saw the cars stopped on the road, and all I could do was think of the worst so I broke down was on my knees and this lady comes out of no where; grabs me and walks my son and me across the street; she was telling me he is alright. I'm still on the phone with 911 at this point but I ended up hanging up/disconnecting with them because of the range. All I wanted was my son back. I never cried so much.

My problem is I know he is safe; I know he cares and loves me but I have all this guilt inside of me right now. The what ifs will not go away. The man who had stopped his car; would not look at me, which made me feel even more terrible; because somewhat I knew he had a point; and I would have been cold as well but I told him thank you anyway while I was crying. I was scared because of the cops had questioned me and all I could say, was it was my fault; because it was and I thought I was going to be arrested and my children takened away from me; but I know deep down it was an awful accident but the 2 cops walked to the side and discussed it and I was blessed and they said, you may go home. I have never been in trouble in my life. I try so hard to keep my kids so safe but not last night.

I don't know when the guilt is going to go away but I yelled at my 2 year old while I was crying and I told him you can't open these doors, you can't walk out this house. He started saying sorry and crying and than he started saying crying and wiping away my tears. He is just so precious to me and I just don't know what i'm going to do; because, I feel like I'm cracking. I fell asleep for 2 hours now it's past midnight and I woke up crying. All these thoughts of how people must think i'm a bad mother now, even though, I was for 2 minutes and it was 2 minutes too long without him; not knowing if he was safe. I feel like my mind will not be right for awhile and I don't know how to get it back to how it was, if that makes sense. I think I need to go seek some professional help.

I know god made everything all right last night but it's just not good enough for me. Out of 7 years of being a mother; I never messed up so badly ever. I guess I just need to forgive myself but I'm finding that very hard to do right now.

Thanks for taking the time out and reading.
post #2 of 42


Look at it this way: you can't change the things in the past. You can only change things coming your way in the future.

You are the best mother for your kids, the perfect mother, genetically. They are your kids, of your flesh. You brought them up onto their feet.

Sometimes things happen that serve to draw our attention to a potentially problematic situation. Maybe this is one of those things? Maybe this child needs a different sort of attention or childproofing than your other ones? I can't answer these questions for you, but you can.

It's ok mama.
post #3 of 42
That is so scary! I've had something similar happen, too.

My suggestion would be to put a latch inside at the very top of the door. If you have a determined creative climber they can still get out but it buys you a minute.

You can also get door alarms, or if you have an alarm system check to see if it has a door chime feature.

It sounds like you did everything right. Good job, Mama!
post #4 of 42
It can happen to ANYONE- tell me one mother who wasn't at some point distracted for two minutes of their child's life. My neighbor across the street was pulling her sweater over her head and her toddler unlatched the front gate and ran into the street- seriously 5 seconds, latched gate, anyone would feel completely safe doing that, but it just happens. I certainly have been more distracted than that and was only lucky that my little one didn't decide to make a break for it then. I can tell by your post that you aren't a bad mother. As far as people judging you by that snippet of your life- if they do, then they're wrong- they have no clue what it really means to have bad things happen to caring loving attentive moms, and feel the need to judge in order to make themselves certain that it couldn't happen to you. I am so so glad your little one is safe. Be gentle with yourself and know that you aren't a bad mom.
post #5 of 42
Quote:
Originally Posted by elisent View Post
That is so scary! I've had something similar happen, too.

My suggestion would be to put a latch inside at the very top of the door. If you have a determined creative climber they can still get out but it buys you a minute.

You can also get door alarms, or if you have an alarm system check to see if it has a door chime feature.

It sounds like you did everything right. Good job, Mama!
I agree completely.

If you have an escape artist get latches at the top of your doors or an alarm. No messing around some kids are just like that.




I am sorry. I am sure you are a bit of a wreck. That sounds terrifying.
post #6 of 42
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by quietserena View Post


Look at it this way: you can't change the things in the past. You can only change things coming your way in the future.

You are the best mother for your kids, the perfect mother, genetically. They are your kids, of your flesh. You brought them up onto their feet.

Sometimes things happen that serve to draw our attention to a potentially problematic situation. Maybe this is one of those things? Maybe this child needs a different sort of attention or childproofing than your other ones? I can't answer these questions for you, but you can.

It's ok mama.

I agree with you; I was asking god, what I needed to do now, because this situation is totally different like you said; we just bought this house and always lived in apartments, where I guess you can say it's "safer." where it comes to the doors. I have gates but now I need latches as well for storm doors.

Thanks for writing back.
post #7 of 42
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by elisent View Post
That is so scary! I've had something similar happen, too.

My suggestion would be to put a latch inside at the very top of the door. If you have a determined creative climber they can still get out but it buys you a minute.

You can also get door alarms, or if you have an alarm system check to see if it has a door chime feature.

It sounds like you did everything right. Good job, Mama!
Definately, will be getting door alarms, while I finished my post up last night, I researched how to make a door safer, and the door alarm came up; there is one that GE makes where if the door is opened it makes a sound and when it closes it turns off. But i'm also going to put some sort of latch. I know children well, my son is a climber and a speed walker. My mind is much better; since, the dad "my fiance" came home from work this morning; he told me to not beat myself up over this and that we'll fix the situations/problems today. Thanks for responding!
post #8 of 42
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by maygee View Post
It can happen to ANYONE- tell me one mother who wasn't at some point distracted for two minutes of their child's life. My neighbor across the street was pulling her sweater over her head and her toddler unlatched the front gate and ran into the street- seriously 5 seconds, latched gate, anyone would feel completely safe doing that, but it just happens. I certainly have been more distracted than that and was only lucky that my little one didn't decide to make a break for it then. I can tell by your post that you aren't a bad mother. As far as people judging you by that snippet of your life- if they do, then they're wrong- they have no clue what it really means to have bad things happen to caring loving attentive moms, and feel the need to judge in order to make themselves certain that it couldn't happen to you. I am so so glad your little one is safe. Be gentle with yourself and know that you aren't a bad mom.

That is what my fiance was telling me when he got home from work this morning. He told me if you want to see a terrible mom; look at my mom and the stories that I have told you growing up; if I could have chose my mom; she would have been like you. Funny, how people can say something and make your mind much better than what it was before. I'm glad there are mothers out there that aren't judging me but supporting me, which is a great thing! I am glad he is safe, because, I wouldn't know what to do with myself if the worst happened. My kids are my life and seriously, I can not live without them.

Thanks for taking the time out and reading; I really do appreciate it!
post #9 of 42
Most people who've ever had kids understand that toddlers are at a very dangerous age- big enough to physically do things, but too young to have common sense. I don't think anybody thought badly of you- running out barefoot in the rain to look for your missing toddler seconds after he ran off?

Now, had the police knocked on your door half an hour later with your found toddler in arms, with you responding "Huh? I didn't know he was missing?" people would have thought badly of you (and then CPS most likely would have been called.)

Your 2yo now has SOME inkling of what happens when he goes outside alone without permission- I doubt he understands the "I could have died" part, but he certianly understands how upset it made you, how other adults reacted, etc. I wouldn't count on that alone being enough to deter him from doing it again (he is, after all, only two) but it's starting to sink in.

IMO, you need to get much better locks on your doors- maybe a deadbolt high up, out of the child's reach? Maybe those plastic doorknob covers- or can she open those? I'd hesitate to put in anything that can't be opened from the outside, so adults don't get locked out.
post #10 of 42
By the time I was 2 1/2 I had escaped twice (once after mom had put two latches on the doors) and overdosed on an entire bottle of children's vitamins.

I remember the vitamins really well, how I used the chair to climb up on the counter and reach them on the very top shelf of the cabinet above the fridge! I puked forever in the ER!

it happens...now you know he can do it and that you have to be extra vigilant.
post #11 of 42
How scary. I'm so glad your son is safe. I agree that it could have happened to anyone.

We have an alarm system in our house, and it has a setting where a chime sounds when any of the doors are opened. The alarm salesman said it was a great feature for anyone with kids, because it will alert you when the door is opened.
post #12 of 42
i read somewhere (can't remember where now! but a mama wrote it...) that every mama gets a freebie... a situation that could have been devastating turns out ok.

you are not a bad mom. your son is safe. you're taking the steps that you can to keep him safe.


s
post #13 of 42
I'm glad it all turned out ok.

I learned to LOVE simple hook and eye latches installed WAY high up on our doors when my daughter was small. I even went so far as to check with the fire department about it as I was afraid it would hinder their getting in in an emergency, they assured me that it was the best option I had, and reminded me that they can get through things far more substantial than that without much hassle.

The alarms didn't work for my child, they just encouraged her to run faster towards the road. The doorknob covers defeated me, but she had them down in no time flat.

You do what you need to to keep your kids safe, and sometimes it takes a harsh wake up call to make us see that we need to go above and beyond the norm.
post #14 of 42
My little nephew did that very thing several times around the same age. He could defeat anything put up to block him from escaping, except for one thing.
My brother installed a tiny hook latch at the very top of the doors. High enough so that he could not get a chair and undo it.
They just kept them engaged when they were inside.
They did not need them very long. Just until he fully understood that he had to have permission first and that mommy or daddy had to be with him when he went outside.
Using this idea will help put your mind at ease. It may be a bit of a pain, but it is only for a short season.
Little ones do things like this. They are just exploring and trying to figure out boundries.
post #15 of 42
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by confustication View Post
I'm glad it all turned out ok.



You do what you need to to keep your kids safe, and sometimes it takes a harsh wake up call to make us see that we need to go above and beyond the norm.
Amen! I totally agree with you. I have the kitchen on lock down and everything else but except for the obvious! Thanks again!
post #16 of 42
Thread Starter 
[QUOTE=Ruthla;13343878

IMO, you need to get much better locks on your doors- maybe a deadbolt high up, out of the child's reach? Maybe those plastic doorknob covers- or can she open those? I'd hesitate to put in anything that can't be opened from the outside, so adults don't get locked out.[/QUOTE]


I am way ahead of ya! With all the advice I got earlier on here; I got myself an alarm and thinking of some good locks to put on, something my fiance can open by himself because I really don't want to get up every night just to unlock it for him, ya know?


I appreciate everyone's advice and thoughtfulness, that was the most craziest time for me and I hope to never experience anything like that never again!
post #17 of 42
: BTDT mama there is nothing so terrifying as a missing child even for a few seconds it makes your heart stop.
post #18 of 42
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamarootoo View Post
i read somewhere (can't remember where now! but a mama wrote it...) that every mama gets a freebie... a situation that could have been devastating turns out ok.

you are not a bad mom. your son is safe. you're taking the steps that you can to keep him safe.


s
I am very greatful for this freebie! As you put it! Made me appreciate my life even more, there is no life without my children!
post #19 of 42
OMG!

Be thankful for what you have, be thankful everything is OK. So many people don't have second chances.
We have to move on in life no matter what, live the present, learn from the past.

Life is beautiful!!!
post #20 of 42
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by MCatLvrMom2A&X View Post
: BTDT mama there is nothing so terrifying as a missing child even for a few seconds it makes your heart stop.
Agreed! Now, I know what it feels like when a child gets kidnapped; not that he was but it felt like it! I felt like I died. It's truly a miracle to know/feel like someone elses life means more to you than your own.
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