My 2.5 year old DD and bottles

[Flower of Bliss]

My DD was breastfeed exclusively (no bottles, no pacifiers). She weaned at just shy of 27 months on her own. She nurses her babies, talks about nursing, and even plays with latching on pretty frequently. I've worked to make sure that babies getting milk from the breast is a norm for her. Her baby dolls don't have bottles. Her children's books show nursing, and almost NEVER bottles. Our circle of friends with little ones pretty much all breastfeed into the toddler years, so she's used to seeing her friends nursing.

I'm pregnant with baby #2, and DD is absolutely thrilled and excited about the baby, and babies in general. I got some children's books about new siblings. I got all very AP/NFL books - Welcome with Love, We Have a Baby, Wind Rose, and What Baby Needs.

We read these books all the time. My very verbal little one recites passages of them often. What Baby Needs has a picture of the dad giving the baby a bottle. The description essentially says that when baby is older and mom has to be gone he might get mommy's milk in a bottle. I have no issue with the verbage and no issue with babies getting pumped milk in a bottle. When I've read this page I've told her that our baby probably won't get a bottle. Our baby will get milk straight from my breasts, just like she did. (I've had a similar discussion with her about the picture of the baby in a co-sleeper 2 feet from mom, instead of lying on top of mom like DD does to this day. Telling her that our baby will sleep in the bed RIGHT by mommy. I've stressed this difference more because I want DD to be very prepared to share our family bed.) I've struggled with my feelings on both of these pictures in the book.

Well, DD keeps talking about the baby getting a bottle now. She does say it will have mommy's milk, but I really don't want her to think that feeding our baby with a bottle is an option. Yesterday (while already grumpy) she was in tears insisting that our baby would get a bottle and that she did drink from a bottle. I dropped it pretty quickly, but I don't know what to do with this. It's upsetting me, and I can't decide how much of it is just my own lactivist baggage (and pride that I NEVER used artificial nipples with DD) and how much of it is genuinely trying to keep BF as the norm and keep her expectations in line with what will really occur.

Any advice? stories? similar experiences?

[adlib77]

Maybe try saying something like "You seem to really want the baby to have a bottle." and see what she says. She may tell you she doesn't want the baby to have "her" breasts - sometimes the case with freshly weaned little ones. Or she may want to feed the baby herself, in which case, maybe a little cup with some EBM in it would suffice?. There's probably a reason she's so intent on the baby getting a bottle that she's having a hard time expressing (pardon the pun!). Or it may simply be that she thinks it's neat and perhaps her having a bottle for her toy babies, along with an explanation of "it's ok for you to choose to feed your toy babies with a toy bottle of breastmilk, but mommy chooses to feed her babies with her breasts only."

Congratulations on the bean!

[jeliphish]

I think toddler's like accessories....Most toddlers I know who were exclusively BF go on to like to pretend to feed their babies with bottles some times.
She's 2.5 mama, don't feel like this is the end all be all. I was exclusively formula fed....that didn't make a bit of difference to me obviously as I exclusively breast fed for over two years. Again, she's 2.5, chances are, like all toddlers, she's going to have accidents in her pants, throw temper tantrums, eat her boogers, or swipe something from the store.... despite your best parenting efforts. Does that mean she is going to be an incredibly dysfunctional adult?...not at all.

[Bluegoat]

It strikes me that she is still quite small, and that the things which go on in her imagination are very real to her. So if she is thinking about the bottle, it may be that for her, it exists.

I don't think for me, this would be a worry, and I don't think I would always worry about other images and ways of doing things come to her attention. I'd just say, Sometimes babies have a bottle instead, or some families have different sleeping arrangements. After all it is true, and really, who knows what will happen with the new baby. Of course it is good to prepare her for the changes you expect, but I doubt she will take much notice of the baby not using a bottle if you hadn't mentioned it, and she won't actually be feeding the baby.

It also seems to me you don't want her to think bottles are bad, kids can blurt out things like that at the worst times. At her age, especially if she sees nursing most of the time, I'd just say bottles are different, and not make any comment about them at all.

[adlib77]

Yes to jeliphish! Same here - exclusively formula fed and I tandem nursed my girls until they weaned at 4 and 3. I understand the concern, though, and wanting your daughter to feel like she has a firm understanding of what's going on.

[pazerific]

maybe she just wants to help out with feeding? our dd2 is 7.5mos and just starting to get into eating, and dd1 is always trying to help her eat. it's sweet that she wants to be a helper, but it results in dd1 shoving food into dd2's mouth and nearly choking her! maybe your dd is just excited to have something she can help with?

[KimberlyD0]

Its not something I would personally make into a big deal. DD also uses bottles of EBM for her babies, She even pumps.. maybe they should make a toy breastpump LOL, and BF them most of the time. I think its healthy to express both. She's seen boys in her class bottle feed and always tells the teacher when asked, that he's feeding boobie milk in a bottle.

When we're in public it can be embaressing sometimes though. She once went up to a mom here who was bottlefeeding her son (I don't know if it was EBM or F I felt it was rude to ask) but its not something you see here much (predominent BF city DD ran up to her and said "do your bobbies not work?? How come your not using them?"

Talk about embarressing.

I later explained to DD that not everyone can BF even if they really wanted too. She knows from pictures that she was FF not BF, and I feel because of that experience with her that its importent she understand that while BF is better and prefered, bottlefeeding is sometimes needed. And most importently that FF babies are just as loved. She actually asked me that once

She's since learned not to say things to mom's with bottles should she see them.

She is still keen on telling random stangers that I am BF whenever we NIP Can't hide it I guess

[mommy2naomi]

My DD is 3 and she's only seen me feed the baby from the breast. In fact, most times she'll grab her baby and "nurse" her. But then we went to a birthday party and the little girl had bottles and other accessories. Ever since then, she's obsessed with bottles and all that other stuff. I wouldn't take it as anything more than she wants stuff.

[ramama]

Originally Posted by jeliphish

I think toddler's like accessories....Most toddlers I know who were exclusively BF go on to like to pretend to feed their babies with bottles some times.
She's 2.5 mama, don't feel like this is the end all be all. I was exclusively formula fed....that didn't make a bit of difference to me obviously as I exclusively breast fed for over two years. Again, she's 2.5, chances are, like all toddlers, she's going to have accidents in her pants, throw temper tantrums, eat her boogers, or swipe something from the store.... despite your best parenting efforts. Does that mean she is going to be an incredibly dysfunctional adult?...not at all.

I could have written this post! My girls love their baby doll bottles. Heck, I was also formula fed, and here I am with my 3+ year old still nursing. I also used to freak out about the doll bottles. Don't stress out over it!

[2mama]

Even though we think that we are keeping our kids free of bottle related images, the fact of the matter is they have seen them. In the grocery store, church, the zoo, the playground. Also by reading the book you recently gave a name to the object she has seen in use on the proifery. It's a novielty and it will wear off, just try to keep your responses low key and she will move on. No need to argue with a 2 year old, you know the facts! When the baby comes just nurse him, or her as planned and if the bottle comes up, you could say something like, yes some people have to use bottles when thier mommy is away, but you and our new baby are very lucky because you got it right from mommy all the time!


Good Luck!