My mother was diagnosed with PTSD a year ago. A doctor also suggested she might have DID. The trauma would have been from her childhood, but triggered by events such as my daughter's birth and my grandmother's death (among other things).
I'm trying to come to terms with my mother, who is a very loving and supportive mom (she raised me AP). But we have not been able to get along at all for a couple of years - it's absolutely painful. We both want to get along but there is some major tension I can't really define. So I'm trying to see if I can come from the perspective of her trauma and accept my mother for who she is, including the parts that are difficult for me to take.
So, I looked up DID (as just one of many things maybe going on) but everything is just really clinical and I don't know if I can identify what the doctor saw in my mother that suggested that. The one thing that stands out to me is that my mother, who is fundamentally a very loving and supportive person, can suddenly lash out and say something mean. And then she will absolutely deny ever having said such a thing. The denial can come even seconds after she said the thing. My DH has witnessed this more than once, and in fact was the one to recognize it as kind of pathological (I never really thought about it before, other than to be just hurt and confused when it happens).
The "episodes" don't last longer than for her to say the mean thing. After that, she will deny saying it and be extremely defensive. There is never any real resolution to the episodes (i.e. her apologizing or at least saying she didn't know what came over her or anything) but then again, my mother can't apologize anyway.
As an example, my mother, who loves me and was always trying to support my self-esteem growing up, and telling me I was pretty and looked terrific in this or that outfit, and so on - would sometimes just blurt out (when I was a child and teen) that my stomach was so fat I looked pregnant, and even though she struggled with her weight all her life (versus me who was thin up until now) she NEVER had such a fat stomach. But the few times I brought up what she said, she would vehemently deny saying it, and I would always feel so many conflicting feelings about it (including doubt and guilt for ever having accused her of such a thing). That example is the only recurring one I can think of but she's said other things, always either mean or agressive, that just felt totally counter to her usual self, and she would always deny it.
Last time she did it to me, about 4 months ago, she suddenly accused me of single-handedly ruining the whole day. There was indeed some tension already when she said it, but I think the accusation was still kind of out of left field. I lost my temper (yelling something like "I can't believe you'd blame this all on me") and her response was to say she never did any such thing (this is seconds later). I then repeated verbatim what she said, and DH also jumped in to confirm he heard those exact words. This was the first time I ever had corraboration. She was kind of unable to cope. Perhaps because she truly didn't remember, but she had two people telling her very strongly that she did say it. I don't think she said much more, but her face was just angry and miserable. I then regained control of my temper (I had previously resolved to let things go, because I love my mother and I know she's going through a hard time) and told her it was ok and hugged her, but she did not return the hug (was totally stone). That was a new response for me, and I hoped it would change how things were resolved, but it didn't. It was resolved the usual way: tension for a while, and then as it faded, pretending the whole thing never happened.
I have not witnessed her doing this to any other person other than me, but that doesn't mean she doesn't. Also, I'm thinking it's possible she only does it to me - the trauma came from her own parents (and foster-parents as well, later) and if the DID was a defense for her a child, maybe it makes sense it comes out toward me as her own child.
Anyway, does that sound like DID to you?
I'm trying to come to terms with my mother, who is a very loving and supportive mom (she raised me AP). But we have not been able to get along at all for a couple of years - it's absolutely painful. We both want to get along but there is some major tension I can't really define. So I'm trying to see if I can come from the perspective of her trauma and accept my mother for who she is, including the parts that are difficult for me to take.
So, I looked up DID (as just one of many things maybe going on) but everything is just really clinical and I don't know if I can identify what the doctor saw in my mother that suggested that. The one thing that stands out to me is that my mother, who is fundamentally a very loving and supportive person, can suddenly lash out and say something mean. And then she will absolutely deny ever having said such a thing. The denial can come even seconds after she said the thing. My DH has witnessed this more than once, and in fact was the one to recognize it as kind of pathological (I never really thought about it before, other than to be just hurt and confused when it happens).
The "episodes" don't last longer than for her to say the mean thing. After that, she will deny saying it and be extremely defensive. There is never any real resolution to the episodes (i.e. her apologizing or at least saying she didn't know what came over her or anything) but then again, my mother can't apologize anyway.
As an example, my mother, who loves me and was always trying to support my self-esteem growing up, and telling me I was pretty and looked terrific in this or that outfit, and so on - would sometimes just blurt out (when I was a child and teen) that my stomach was so fat I looked pregnant, and even though she struggled with her weight all her life (versus me who was thin up until now) she NEVER had such a fat stomach. But the few times I brought up what she said, she would vehemently deny saying it, and I would always feel so many conflicting feelings about it (including doubt and guilt for ever having accused her of such a thing). That example is the only recurring one I can think of but she's said other things, always either mean or agressive, that just felt totally counter to her usual self, and she would always deny it.
Last time she did it to me, about 4 months ago, she suddenly accused me of single-handedly ruining the whole day. There was indeed some tension already when she said it, but I think the accusation was still kind of out of left field. I lost my temper (yelling something like "I can't believe you'd blame this all on me") and her response was to say she never did any such thing (this is seconds later). I then repeated verbatim what she said, and DH also jumped in to confirm he heard those exact words. This was the first time I ever had corraboration. She was kind of unable to cope. Perhaps because she truly didn't remember, but she had two people telling her very strongly that she did say it. I don't think she said much more, but her face was just angry and miserable. I then regained control of my temper (I had previously resolved to let things go, because I love my mother and I know she's going through a hard time) and told her it was ok and hugged her, but she did not return the hug (was totally stone). That was a new response for me, and I hoped it would change how things were resolved, but it didn't. It was resolved the usual way: tension for a while, and then as it faded, pretending the whole thing never happened.
I have not witnessed her doing this to any other person other than me, but that doesn't mean she doesn't. Also, I'm thinking it's possible she only does it to me - the trauma came from her own parents (and foster-parents as well, later) and if the DID was a defense for her a child, maybe it makes sense it comes out toward me as her own child.
Anyway, does that sound like DID to you?
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