Is this a dumb idea? (Focus object)

[AFWife]

Okay, I've heard (haven't been to classes) that they recommend women in labor have a "focus object" for pain management or something. This isn't in my personality... Yes, I can focus on my breathing but the BEST thing to do when I'm in extreme pain is to make me focus on remembering things.

Example: I broke my finger last year. Right after it happened the pain was REALLY intense. DH (the man that knows me better than I know myself) came up with the idea of getting my mind working on something other than the pain. So, he said, "Shouldn't you splint it?" and my mind clicked into gear and the pain was WAY less intense.

I thought maybe I'd get a "book" of different facts together. (I LOVE learning medical info and storing facts away...as well as random trivia...I was one of "those kids" ) I thought that maybe I'd have someone quiz me on information during labor (at least the first part when I don't need to focus on pushing or anything) to keep my mind distracted. When I brought it up to my MIL she said, "That may work for a few mins and then you'll be pissed that they keep talking to you" or something to that effect...

I've never been in labor so I don't know how I'd react...but I know how I react to pain and this seems like a good idea..

Thoughts from experienced birthers?

[paintedbison]

Hmmm... it definitely wouldn't have worked for me, but it might work for you! It's funny because I thought massage would work really well for me (any excuse for a back rub) and in labor I don't typically want people to touch me other than someone holding my hand. So, even what you think might work for you, might not work!

To me, that sounds like too much to have to focus on. My brain is pretty far gone while I am in labor. I think less "thinking" distractions work better... music, breathing, thinking of a place, etc. If you think it might work for you, it wouldn't hurt to put something together and just toss if if it doesn't work...

[AFWife]

Originally Posted by paintedbison

To me, that sounds like too much to have to focus on. My brain is pretty far gone while I am in labor. I think less "thinking" distractions work better... music, breathing, thinking of a place, etc. If you think it might work for you, it wouldn't hurt to put something together and just toss if if it doesn't work...

See, when I'm in pain and I try to focus on my breathing I end up focusing on how much pain I'm in as well...

[wombatclay]

Hmmmm... I had a very long first labor (32+ hours) so I had a lot of time to try different techniques! Nothing really stood out as "better" than anything else, and what was effective for one contraction wasn't necessarily effective for the next one.

With my second birth I used hypnobabies (loved it... the 6cd home study course rocked and I'm using it again for this birth). However, at a certain point someone (a nurse? my doula?) suggested focusing on something specific during contractions. There was a picture of a flower on the wall and sort of "studying" the details of the picture during a contraction really did help me remain centered and present. Not in an analytical/active brain manner though. I think a lot of women find that at a certain point the analytical mind turns off...

I'm a very analytical person (a research/reference librarian, a programmer, a game designer, an academic, etc) and used to being very much "in my head". Not to the exclusion of all else (I'm also a belly dancer ) but still, my happy spot is a library. But with each birth I found that at a certain point things got a bit fuzzy... time played tricks (a "moment" to me might have been an hour to everyone else), I wasn't interested in talking or being touched, my brain was just kind of shut down or refocused or out to lunch. So while facts and figures may work for a certain portion of the birth, it may not work for the whole thing.

I guess I'm saying, go ahead and start learning those factoids. But stay flexible in terms of learning a bunch of different techniques.

[kltroy]

In my experience, you will find something that works for you when the time comes. It may be breathing. It may be rocking. It may be staring at the button on your husband's shirt. And you may end up using one thing for part of your labor and a different thing for the rest of your labor. Dont' worry too much about it in advance... *something* will be there for you. For me, I counted breaths. When things got a little more intense, I sighed audibly and counted the sighs. Later on, my mom was talking to me and I squeezed her hand and stared at her mouth. I have no idea what she said, but focusing on her mouth helped.

[Yuba_River]

Like others have said, you won't know until you're in it. That said, I found myself trying to remember poems I had memorized, and that did help me through part of active labor. I also wanted my DH and mom to tell me jokes. Neither of those were things I had expected to be interested in during labor. Once I hit transition/pushing, I was beyond those things, but they were helpful for a while.

[dogmom327]

Personally it wouldn't have worked for me and always struck me as a silly idea (for me). It must work for some people though and it can't hurt I suppose to have something picked out in case you decide you want it.

[laohaire]

I think there's a difference between the broken finger and labor. You could click into clincal mode with the finger because you needed to DO something about it, you could take action. But labor isn't a broken finger, it's a process.

But - I wonder if a variation could work for you? Perhaps you can go into clinical mode by picturing exactly what is going on with your body as you labor, thus calling on all the research you've done. Picturing your uterus contracting. Picture your cervix opening. Picture in detail your baby's position and movements as he/she descends.

But like everyone else says, you probably won't know what works till you get there. Personally, I found slipping into laborland (a barely conscious state) pretty intuitive. Focusing on my breathing etc. would have just brought me back to that (likewise I did not want music on or anything else that would take me out of my mental haze - though people talking in the background was very easy for me to ignore).

I guess the best thing you can do is basically what you're doing - research different coping mechanisms so that if you don't instinctively embrace one, you can try different ones out. But otherwise just trust that you'll figure it out when you get there.

[kltroy]

Originally Posted by laohaire

But - I wonder if a variation could work for you? Perhaps you can go into clinical mode by picturing exactly what is going on with your body as you labor, thus calling on all the research you've done. Picturing your uterus contracting. Picture your cervix opening. Picture in detail your baby's position and movements as he/she descends.

Actually, this was visually very helpful for me during labor. I could tell that it was true labor b/c it felt almost like my cervix was the lid of a tupperware container and the baby's head pushed down against the lid, causing it to bow out. (It sounds silly to say this now, but it's the analogy that popped into my mind). So I just had to let it bow out more and more and allow the hole in the lid to become wider and wider until the baby's head could come through. (I'm also a biomechanics researcher, so thinking about the process in terms of what I knew was going on with my body was unavoidable).

[Baby Makes 4]

Originally Posted by kltroy

In my experience, you will find something that works for you when the time comes. It may be breathing. It may be rocking. It may be staring at the button on your husband's shirt. And you may end up using one thing for part of your labor and a different thing for the rest of your labor. Dont' worry too much about it in advance...

YES!

With my first I started fixating on this cow-shaped alarm clock I had. It was a clock with a second hand that went around and at the start of every contraction I would just stare at that second hand knowing that by the time the hand went all the way around the pain would be gone. It was great! I stared at that clock for 6 hours at home and then we took it to the hospital and I stared at it for another 14 hours there.

[Llyra]

I'm a very analytical person, and generally I deal with pain by getting intellectual about it-- trying to understand causes, trying to figure out solutions, focusing on the details. When I was in labor, though, it was different. Something like you describe would have driven me NUTS and I would have lost patience if DH or whoever kept trying to do it. What I really wanted was for everybody in the whole world to go away so that I could concentrate on what I was doing. It was like really hard, focused work, for me. Even my poor sweet DH BREATHING just about drove me nuts. He kept saying he wanted to help, and I kept telling him to go away. He wound up as far away as he could get from me while still being in the room, not allowed to move or say anything. I don't remember focusing on anything in particular, but I do remember feeling focused, and that literally everything outside my own body was too much of a distraction.

In early labor, though, when the feelings aren't so intense and it's all about waiting, though, something like that would have been fun. DH and I played board games, through that part.

But you'll never know until you get there, how it'll be for you. Why not make it, and then you can always decide not to use it once you get into the moment. It won't be wasted energy, either-- you can use it to entertain yourself when you've been stuck on the couch nursing for hours and you're bored.

[Vaske]

For me, labor pain and injury pain are totally different. Coping with labor pain was serious mental work, but the work was mostly to relax and not resist the contractions, rather than to endure the pain itself. I did have a focus object, a circle of paper 10 cm in diameter. In labor, I could look at it and think, "All I have to do is dilate to 10 cm, and then I can push the baby out." Having that visual reminder that 10 cm isn't all that big or far away really helped me to relax and let the contractions do their work. I plan on using it again for the next one.

[Krystal323]

For me, labor pain and injury pain are totally different.

ITA. With my first i had candles lit to focus on, and ended up staring at the pattern of the wallpaper instead.

there is no way that i would have been able to read or do anything resembling logical thought thru any of my labors. your focus turns inward and you may even resent being pulled out of your meditations and back into the real world

this time, my plan is to print out and hang mandalas around the room, so i will have plenty of interesting stuff to focus on just in case

[koalove]

What i realized is that during the hard part of labor~ the part where you need help managing the pain, NOTHING works to ease the pain. all the scented candles, massage, nice music etc. is super in the beginning, and seems to just give you something to do while you are waiting, but when it gets intense, you probably wont even notice those things. (or they will annoy the crap out of you!) my advice is to just pracice welcoming the discomfort because you cant make it go away. if you need to keep your mind busy, try visualizing your yoni opening, your baby spiraling out, and if facts help you, try thinking about what actually going on, technically. reach in and check your progress if you want to. feel your softening cervix, think of how and why its happening. feel how much further down your baby has moved. trivia? try it, but for me, it would drive me nuts. its a really unique kind of pain. its so intense its hard to get your thought together and truly frusterating if anyone asks anything of you (you want me to move my leg so you can see better?!?!!) but its worth a try, and might help you in the early stages but when it gets hard, you kind of ....leave your body. its hard to describe, truly, you just have to experience it. you are really in the moment with your body and feelings, as in, the house might be on fire and you wouldnt know it. its pretty magical...good luck!

[amandaleigh37]

I did have a focal point and it was helpful to me. If you think the book/facts thing might help you, then definitely plan to have it ready! Even if it only helps you for a short time, then you can always just move on to something else if it stops working. It's always a great idea to have your partner/support person have as many tools as possible to pull out that might help.