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what are the reasons some people have midwives? - Page 3

post #41 of 59
Thread Starter 
I definitely am just going to play it by ear when the time comes. I definitely think it would be smart to have her on call in case I want her during the birth, and will definitely have her present after the birth, at the very least. To answer your question, flapjack, There are no birthing centers near me, and the hospital has a really high c-section rate and I want to do all I can to avoid it.
post #42 of 59
I am very UC-minded and have had a mw at both my births.

First- I need to say that I am not a privacy in birth kind of person. Just not where my head is- so that doesn't bother me.

That said, I have had a midwife for two main reasons:

1. to run interference with others I want there (read- my mother...) who would try to take over if there was no midwife. I am fine with them being there, but I don't want to have a pissing contest while in labor

and

2. Paperwork. Having a midwife means I fill out a simple form and birth cert and ss are just done. Without a mw I'd have to gather random meaningless papers and documentation and haul myself, my baby and my husband to an assortment of government offices.

-Angela
post #43 of 59
I have dreamed of a UC but have had 2 very serious hemorrhages (sp? sorry), 2 direct posterior babies, and 1 with a very very sticky shoulder. Yes this happened despite no interventions or interference before/after delivery. That being said, I *have* birthed in a hotel for dd #3 with the support of my mw. She is amazing and leaves me be until I need her. For #4, d espite most mw would have risked me out after the 1100ml+ bleed with #3, she rigged up a coat hanger to give me IV fluid & oxytocin with birth #4 so I could be home, and we were successful in preventing bleeding with my last. I am so thankful to her because she helped make being at home possible for me when a UC really would have been dangerous (for me, but this is not usually the case for most).

For me personally, I prayed that God would help me to know what was right and accept help in some way if that was what was best. Mamas instincts are so important here IMO.
post #44 of 59
One might consider it if they are EXHAUSTED and think they might need the support.
post #45 of 59
Quote:
Originally Posted by mariekitt24 View Post
I definitely am just going to play it by ear when the time comes. I definitely think it would be smart to have her on call in case I want her during the birth, and will definitely have her present after the birth, at the very least. To answer your question, flapjack, There are no birthing centers near me, and the hospital has a really high c-section rate and I want to do all I can to avoid it.
If you have already paid her, that is definitely what I would do as well.
post #46 of 59
Quote:
Originally Posted by mariekitt24 View Post
My midwife would know it wasnt an oops because she says no first timers HAVE those.
Wow then she's not very with it is she? My 6th grade teacher had a 15 min labor with her first and her husband who was an EMT caught the baby in the front yard on the way to the car! It's not common but it happens!

I don't blame you for not wanting to have her there, she doesn't sound very professional and the fact she talks about other clients is beyond the pale. If she were a DR she'd loose her license for violating Hipaa ( i had a dr do the same thing and fired her at 34 weeks for telling another patient I had PCOS). If I were in the same situation I would find another midwife or do something else (ok I'd personally UC but not without my dh's support).

Have your DH read emergency childbirth and see if he's still against UC .
post #47 of 59
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by fyrebloom View Post

Have your DH read emergency childbirth and see if he's still against UC .
hmm.. what is that? a book?
post #48 of 59
Yes, it is downloadable on the web and gives solutions to possible complications. I will see if I can find the link for you. Isn't this also the book that says "don't worry - any intelligent 10 yo can deliver a baby"?
post #49 of 59
Wow, so sorry for your situation. But, she is very wrong about first time moms not having an oops. My first daughter came very fast. My water broke at midnight and within 30 minutes I was ready to push. Not a single sign of labor prior to my water breaking. I really think your problem is your mw-best of luck to you.
post #50 of 59
Mariekitt,
you ask about why people do or don't have a MW present at a birth. I would give you the analogy that they are like lifeguards at a pool. If everything is normal, they just hang out on their little towers, but if somebody is drowning, they have the knowledge and skill to act fast in an emergency.

Birth is generally safe and uncomplicated, but sometimes things do go wrong, and when they do, the stakes are high. I had a great, unmedicated birth at a hospital with a midwife in attendance and am considering a homebirth for my next child, but I want somebody present who isn't loopy on birth hormones, freaked out that his wife or baby might DIE, and who has training and experience to handle hemmorhaging and floppy babies.

When you have a midwife, you have somebody who has significant education and experience in birth. She knows what is NORMAL, and what is a problem, and what is a life-threatening emergency. Do you and DH know what 250 cc of blood looks like? 500 cc? Can you do self-assessment confidently enough that you will know when to call 911 if you are bleeding too much? Do you feel totally confident in your ability to assess the baby and know if it is breathing well? Do you feel confident in handling an emergency like a cord prolapse? Can you do neonatal resuscitation if you have just had the baby and it isn't breathing at all? What would you do if your baby has really thick meconium in the waters? Babies can go FOUR MINUTES without oxygen before they start suffering brain damage. Unlikely that the baby would be oxygen deprived, but would you want to risk your child's health in the event that something untoward happens?

I agree with some other posters that your biggest problem seems to be that you don't get along well with your midwife. It sounds like you don't have the kind of trusting relationship with her that a woman needs to feel safe with her care provider. Even if she's not in the room with you, you still don't want her energy around. Look for somebody else. I bet that there ARE other midwives in your area, but they might be hard to find. Do more poking around - ask other moms who have had homebirths, call local doulas and tell them you're looking for a HB provider, find out if there's an Amish or Mennonite community nearby. If you are in one of the 25 states that hasn't legalized CPMs, I can assure you that they ARE out there, just not in plain sight.
post #51 of 59
Quote:
Originally Posted by mariekitt24 View Post
I guess Im surprised that so many people have the impression my MW is horrible. Granted I complain about her but she is incredibly experienced and really popular with other moms as far as I can tell. She'll talk about how ugly this persons baby was, or how this person is gaining too much weight, or this person is living too unhealthy of a lifestyle and she is considering "dropping" them, but generally I think she is as good a midwife as any, as far as I can tell??
Actually, discussing the ugliness of a client's baby, a client's weight gain, their lifestyle or her decision to drop them... all of that is EXTREMELY unprofessional. She may be the most skilled midwife in the world, but that doesn't make one whit of difference if she can't connect with her clients and keep her mouth shut. And consider this... if she is talking to you about other clients, she's talking about you to the others, too.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Delicateflower View Post
You need to have someone with you who knows what to do if you start to bleed uncontrollably after the birth. What will your husband do if you pass out and the baby's not breathing? You need to have his support to do this, and if you don't have his and he hasn't done his research too, then I'm sorry, but you're going to need the midwife there.
No, actually, you don't need a midwife there, unless you feel like you do. What you do need is to educate yourself. On warning signs, possible complications. What requires interference and what should be left alone. What you can do yourself and what you should call an ambulance for. Supplies to have on hand (like herbs to help with PPH), and the like. There are any number of people who birth solo without any help whatsoever, from midwife, doula or partner.

Ultimately though, if your DH is not the slightest bit supportive, how are you going to handle that? My suggestion would be to consider a hotel room if it's in the budget. That way you are not going into your midwife's space, but you're respecting your DH's need to obey his CO. You and your DH can check into the hotel while you labor and if at any point you feel like you want your midwife there he can call her. But I would have a discussion with him about calling her before you are ready... and if you're not ready until baby has already arrived, then so be it.

And I know this all probably sounds a little strange coming from me, but just because I'm studying to be a midwife doesn't mean that I think midwives are necessary for every woman. I'm fully intending to UC with this little bean, because like you, OP, for me labor and birth is an incredibly personal thing... I wouldn't pay someone to watch me and my DH have sex, why do it for labor and birth?
post #52 of 59
Why do people have midwives?

So when they're 30 hours into -this-hurts labor they have someone who helped them try other things 25 hours earlier. To have someone who has seen hundreds of births and can say that things are okay so that they don't have to ask themselves that over and over.

At least for me, I've learned my retention of knowledge goes out the window when I'm stressed, so I'll be hiring someone to be my knowledge next time. For me, having a homebirth is more important than having an alone birth. Wish I'd realized that earlier, but that's life.

But a midwife I didn't care for wouldn't have been helpful.

And I knew what 250cc verses 500cc of blood looks like, that's what measuring cups are for. I soaked several towels with juice just to get a feel for what it was like in case.
post #53 of 59
Quote:
Originally Posted by mariekitt24 View Post
My midwife would know it wasnt an oops because she says no first timers HAVE those.
My SIL didn't even know she was in labor until baby's head was out. She barely made it in the door to the hospital. Her mom made her go because she was tired and had a back ache.

If I have another child (I hope), I think I would try to find a midwife. I have had a couple pph now and my dh would be more comfortable with someone else here to give me a hand. So I am torn between the two. I love UCs but I love many midwives, too. I want to actually be one, myself. I think it's all a matter of choice and situation. Follow your instincts when the moment comes.
post #54 of 59
Quote:
Originally Posted by mariekitt24 View Post
Basically I live on a military base and the commander told my husband I cant have a home birth on base because its not safe enough. (my midwife made us ask permission in the first place for legality purposes) On a previous thread I was informed that it is most likely ILLEGAL for him to say that, and that there would be nothing he could do if I did in fact go through with it. (Although I dont see how they could find out about it if even if I did).
I haven't read the rest of the thread, but being former military myself (I was an Officer) I can guarantee you that your DH's commander has absolutely NO say whatsoever in where you choose to give birth. Only the post housing authority can say, no you can't give birth in base housing. Commanders often overstep their bounds and try to push their "command" on their soldier's spouse when they just cannot. If you are not in the military, then s/he has absolutely no authority over you and your actions.

I had a MW with DD because I didn't know about UC and I thought I needed her there. She was very hands off and I love having her there, but in the end she really wasn't "needed." To me, it sounds like you will be much better of without your MW. From your first post it does not sound like she will be helpful to you during labor. You sound like you have confidence in yourself and your ability to UC. Going into birth with the reservations you have about your MW, she will only be a hindrance to labor, not helpful.
post #55 of 59
Quote:
Originally Posted by mariekitt24 View Post
Alright I know I've posted a lot in here already, and my situation is complicated. But, I have another question. As time goes on, Im growing more and more against the idea of having a midwife present for my birth. I was originally comfortable with having the baby at her house, but I just dont feel comfortable with it anymore. She said she is perfectly willing to give us privacy by sitting in another room. To me, another room is not privacy. Im sorry, it just isnt. I want to be completely alone, with my husband. In my own home. She says I can and should wait till labor has progressed before I come over. I just cant imagine wanting to go for a half an hour car ride while in labor. I dont feel I can be open with my midwife, she seems so set in her ways. I feel that she has a lack of respect for the laboring woman, and she talks bad about her other clients behind their backs. She cant seem to tell me apart from her other clients, I have to remind her of things every visit and I think she forgets to tell me things because I usually feel pretty in the dark.

Basically I live on a military base and the commander told my husband I cant have a home birth on base because its not safe enough. (my midwife made us ask permission in the first place for legality purposes) On a previous thread I was informed that it is most likely ILLEGAL for him to say that, and that there would be nothing he could do if I did in fact go through with it. (Although I dont see how they could find out about it if even if I did). Also, my husband doesn't support me having the baby without the midwife, because we paid for her and he claims we wouldn't know what to do without her. I told him we knew how to MAKE the baby, Im pretty sure I instinctively know how to birth it. My family, his family, our friends, none of them support me having the baby without the midwife.

So, in my situation, it would be better for me to "go along quietly" and just have the baby at my midwifes home. So, what I want to ask is, Why SHOULD I want to have the midwife around?

I know this is the uncontrolled thread, but can anyone tell me why they appreciated having a midwife for those that did or had friends that did? Can anyone try to convince me that I really will end up wanting her support throughout the labor?

Because right now Im considering going against everyone and staying home, having the baby alone without telling anyone, and just having the midwife come over for the aftercare. People would be angry at me, and I would be angry with myself if the dreaded "something went wrong" (whatever that is) were to happen, and it was my fault that I was too stubborn to have the midwife around. As you can see Im a pretty hard headed person, and judging by what forum I posted in you can guess what I would rather hear (even though I probably shouldnt have posted it here..sorry.. ) Your input on what I should do either way would be appreciated.
Thank you for answering yet another one of my questions.

am I allowed to post this in two seperate places? I kinda want input from both sides. I will try posting in homebirth too then.

Some immediate thoughts (I didn't read the whole thread):

1. From a perspective of wanting U/C, ending up w/ a mw hb and trying again for an U/C next time, I would say that a MW is helpful for those things that might need additional assistance, but not necessarily are emergencies. For example, DD's head was tilted and progression of labor stalled several times. It wasn't an emergency and we stuck w/ it, but we would never have thought that was the problem, it took a MW doing a cervical check to find out why things weren't moving around.

2. Being on base is a very sticky situation, IMO. My parents did an U/C birth (actually, it was their first of 8) on base and my dad was under threat of dishonorable discharge. I suspect the only reason that didn't happen is perhaps b/c they didn't think it was "strong" enough to hold up if he complained. Even though direct action wasn't taken, it still negatively impacted him.

3. Maybe keep an open mind to birthing in the MW's home? I know I wanted a lot of privacy and was very determined to do things on my own, and I am still am, but I also discovered that other people present did not bother me at all. I was very uninhibited.
post #56 of 59
For me personally, I decided to have a midwife attended homebirth this time, after having had a UC last time, for exactly one reason. Hemorrhage. That's it for me. I adored my UC & would love to do it again, but after much thought I decided my last 2 hemorrhages after giving birth make me too nervous. So, we decided to "use" a midwife for her hemostatic drugs. Otherwise, I hope she stays in the other room.
post #57 of 59
saph: you'll probably have a spontaneous birth next time. one minute buying yogurt, n ext minute, baby.
post #58 of 59
Quote:
Originally Posted by sapphire_chan View Post
But a midwife I didn't care for wouldn't have been helpful.

And I knew what 250cc verses 500cc of blood looks like, that's what measuring cups are for. I soaked several towels with juice just to get a feel for what it was like in case.
My smilies aren't working for some reason, but "Yeah, That!"
post #59 of 59
That midwife sounds dreadful! Wow! My midwife is an increadable, gentle, caring, respectful woman and that is why i choose to have her there for the birth. I seriously didnt even know she was there, except when i was in trasition and she held my hand and rubbed my back (my request) and gently told me i was doing great when i had my melt down Oh and she also stoped my DH from continually offering me orange slices before i hit him

Seriously though if my only options were uc, the midwife you have, and hospital i would uc. The only time i recal my midwife ever talking about another client was when one of her clients gave her birth photos, and permision to share and discuss them (they were lovely) I choose to have a midwife because she makes me feel comfortable and she is a great support, however not all midwives are created equal and i think it is important to remember that, please dont judge all midwives by this ones deeds and actions.
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