I have been thinking about this article, and my response to it, since about the day it came out. I think in some ways it is acting as a mirror, showing us whatever we bring to it.
The posts on here are certainly interesting. I particularly agree with Ursimama's post. My own biggest critique of the article is along the lines of American society and the support it gives/ fails to give.
But I also saw in the article some affirmation of my own opinions. First about the life of a WOH mom and why I BF anyway. Second, getting comfortable with doing what our family had to do in order to stay sane and keep our LO healthy.
I did not have the SAHM option, at least not to maintain a lifestyle similar to what we are accustomed. What made sense to us financially was to have a SAHD. There are times I think that a SAHD and BF Mom has given DS the best of both of us.
I wanted to EBF, wanted it very badly. I intended him to only get formula over my dead body… until that nearly happened. I ended up hospitalized in the ICU during DS’s second week. I had to pump-and-dump for two days. I think those four rough days were the start of DS’s nighmares/night terrors and a big reason for his high-needs personality.
I pumped from the day I returned to work at 8 weeks until he was 8 months, and I still BF my 19-mo-old. But no matter whether I took two, 30-minute or three, 20-minute pumping breaks in my ~8 hour days, I always ended up with 6-10 oz of BM, usually 8. DS almost always drank it ALL the very next workday, often finishing it in the morning. Plus 2-4 oz of formula, sometimes more in a growth spurt. If we met to BF over lunch, I would barely get anything at the mid-afternoon pumping session (assuming that my work schedule had room left for pumping after taking the time out to eat/BF)… which meant there was even less BM for DS the next day.
I almost never could pump at home. If I was home, DS needed me. All my sick leave and most of my vacation time went into bringing my pay up to full during my maternity leave. I had precious few days of paid leave to take a “nursing day” at home, and I used them as judiciously as I could.
On top of this, my mother was diagnosed with a rare and deadly cancer during my pregnancy. A few short weeks after my hospitalization, she was hospitalized with pneumonia, and the three of us ended up flying up to visit her.
Oh, and a few months before we got pregnant, my FIL fell off a roof, major head and spinal cord injuries, he’s confined to a wheelchair. FIL and MIL did make the two-day drive for DS’s birth (their first grandchild), but I got the distinct impression he was not going to do that again. Flying is even less accessible.
My job was stressful, the extended family situation was stressful, adjusting to the new baby and our life at home was stressful. The new expenses, the loss of DH’s small income, and the threat of having to fly at a moments notice to address another extended family emergency all were putting pressure on our finances.
We could not afford to lose pay from me working part-time or shorter hours. If I came home early one day to help with a growth spurt, I needed to try and make up that time later in the pay period. I even tried bringing work home to work a few hours over the weekends, but that was as bad as pumping for taking my attention from DS.
I was the only one doing the work I was doing. If I didn’t do it, it didn’t get done. And frequently the program I worked on depended on me getting that work done. (This lack of support/backup was among the reasons I transferred to a different job closer to family.)
When we did not supplement with formula, DH was often stuck with a fussy, hungry, crying baby. ALL AFTERNOON. BM gone before noon. No relatives around to help out, and most of our friends worked days. I would come home from a stressful, busy, run-run-run, “all break time spent pumping” day on the job, to relieve DH from his stressful, busy, day at home alone with infant.
DS' growth was happening, but slowly. When he was born at 95th percentile height and 50th percentile weight, there’s room to change curves. It just felt like he wasn’t on a “normal” growth curve.
All of which goes to say that being a mom is stressful no matter what. To us, supplementing was not about “relaxing that DH can ff while Mom goes shopping.” FF was about keeping LO happy and fed after the expressed BM was all drunk up and Mom couldn’t get home for another 3+ hours. It was about keeping DH sane at home 24/7/365 so that he might actually ENJOY his son. And it stopped me from using “ounces pumped” as a measure of my success or failure as a mom.
Once I realized that it was all about doing my best and not worrying about being perfect, life got easier. That realization came about 3-4 weeks into my return to work, when DS was about 3 months old. That realization is what allowed me to NOT give up on BF completely, but to continue to BF AND PUMP as much as I could. I would even say that THAT is what took the pressure off so that I could enjoy breastfeeding. I did EBF on weekends and holidays, and I am still BFing my toddler.
The posts on here are certainly interesting. I particularly agree with Ursimama's post. My own biggest critique of the article is along the lines of American society and the support it gives/ fails to give.
But I also saw in the article some affirmation of my own opinions. First about the life of a WOH mom and why I BF anyway. Second, getting comfortable with doing what our family had to do in order to stay sane and keep our LO healthy.
I did not have the SAHM option, at least not to maintain a lifestyle similar to what we are accustomed. What made sense to us financially was to have a SAHD. There are times I think that a SAHD and BF Mom has given DS the best of both of us.
I wanted to EBF, wanted it very badly. I intended him to only get formula over my dead body… until that nearly happened. I ended up hospitalized in the ICU during DS’s second week. I had to pump-and-dump for two days. I think those four rough days were the start of DS’s nighmares/night terrors and a big reason for his high-needs personality.
I pumped from the day I returned to work at 8 weeks until he was 8 months, and I still BF my 19-mo-old. But no matter whether I took two, 30-minute or three, 20-minute pumping breaks in my ~8 hour days, I always ended up with 6-10 oz of BM, usually 8. DS almost always drank it ALL the very next workday, often finishing it in the morning. Plus 2-4 oz of formula, sometimes more in a growth spurt. If we met to BF over lunch, I would barely get anything at the mid-afternoon pumping session (assuming that my work schedule had room left for pumping after taking the time out to eat/BF)… which meant there was even less BM for DS the next day.
I almost never could pump at home. If I was home, DS needed me. All my sick leave and most of my vacation time went into bringing my pay up to full during my maternity leave. I had precious few days of paid leave to take a “nursing day” at home, and I used them as judiciously as I could.
On top of this, my mother was diagnosed with a rare and deadly cancer during my pregnancy. A few short weeks after my hospitalization, she was hospitalized with pneumonia, and the three of us ended up flying up to visit her.
Oh, and a few months before we got pregnant, my FIL fell off a roof, major head and spinal cord injuries, he’s confined to a wheelchair. FIL and MIL did make the two-day drive for DS’s birth (their first grandchild), but I got the distinct impression he was not going to do that again. Flying is even less accessible.
My job was stressful, the extended family situation was stressful, adjusting to the new baby and our life at home was stressful. The new expenses, the loss of DH’s small income, and the threat of having to fly at a moments notice to address another extended family emergency all were putting pressure on our finances.
We could not afford to lose pay from me working part-time or shorter hours. If I came home early one day to help with a growth spurt, I needed to try and make up that time later in the pay period. I even tried bringing work home to work a few hours over the weekends, but that was as bad as pumping for taking my attention from DS.
I was the only one doing the work I was doing. If I didn’t do it, it didn’t get done. And frequently the program I worked on depended on me getting that work done. (This lack of support/backup was among the reasons I transferred to a different job closer to family.)
When we did not supplement with formula, DH was often stuck with a fussy, hungry, crying baby. ALL AFTERNOON. BM gone before noon. No relatives around to help out, and most of our friends worked days. I would come home from a stressful, busy, run-run-run, “all break time spent pumping” day on the job, to relieve DH from his stressful, busy, day at home alone with infant.
DS' growth was happening, but slowly. When he was born at 95th percentile height and 50th percentile weight, there’s room to change curves. It just felt like he wasn’t on a “normal” growth curve.
All of which goes to say that being a mom is stressful no matter what. To us, supplementing was not about “relaxing that DH can ff while Mom goes shopping.” FF was about keeping LO happy and fed after the expressed BM was all drunk up and Mom couldn’t get home for another 3+ hours. It was about keeping DH sane at home 24/7/365 so that he might actually ENJOY his son. And it stopped me from using “ounces pumped” as a measure of my success or failure as a mom.
Once I realized that it was all about doing my best and not worrying about being perfect, life got easier. That realization came about 3-4 weeks into my return to work, when DS was about 3 months old. That realization is what allowed me to NOT give up on BF completely, but to continue to BF AND PUMP as much as I could. I would even say that THAT is what took the pressure off so that I could enjoy breastfeeding. I did EBF on weekends and holidays, and I am still BFing my toddler.
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