Reasons for finding out the sex -- or not? - Page 2

[mags]

First of all, I'm just a planner. Most importantly, after having two boys, I REALLY, REALLY wanted a girl this time. Well, I had my u/s earlier this wk and found out it's another boy and well, this is our last baby, so no girls EVER for me. This is it, I am just going to be a mom of boys and be denied anything pink or girly. I can't deny that I cried a bit and have been feeling kind of down. However, I know that after mourning a bit, I will get excited and get past those feelings. So, I know that if I give myself time to let it sink in, I'll get past it (I went through this with baby #2 as well, but not to this extreme, b/c seriously, how many ppl do you know with THREE boys???). If I found out at birth that I was having another boy, I don't think that my reaction would be a very nice one to witness, I'd probably bawl my eyes out and have PPD... I've already been kind of moody this wk since finding out it's another boy, I just need to get it out of my system and then work on preparing for a boy and I think I will be ok by re-adjusting my mind-set and just accepting that this the way it will be.

[preemiemamarach]

Originally Posted by zinemama

I didn't want to find out. Because if it stays a mystery, those nine months are the only time in a person's life when people will think of him or her as a person first. Without putting any gender associations on him/her. The baby is simply a human.

Plus, I honestly don't see any valid reason for finding out the gender of a baby. I really don't. To decorate a nursery in "appropriate colors"? To buy "the right" clothing? These reasons strike me as entirely frivolous. Even dealing with disappointment over a gender...I don't know, it just seems to me like something we are not meant to know. Something that should be a mystery right up to the end. Finding out the sex feels to me like peeking behind a curtain that's there for a reason, like cheating.

I realize that others disagree, but that's the way I feel about it.

There are medical issues that could make knowing the gender pretty important as far as preparation goes. Is that a 'valid' reason to you?

[Talula Fairie]

Curiosity, impatience, and I like to know what kind of clothes to buy in advance. There's only so much yellow I can stand.

[samikashi]

I genuinely enjoy knowing what's in store and having a name ready to go.
Now that we're on #2, being able to talk to Joseph about his sibling in detail (a brother, in our case) was also something we really wanted to do.

[zinemama]

Originally Posted by preemiemamarach

There are medical issues that could make knowing the gender pretty important as far as preparation goes. Is that a 'valid' reason to you?

Oh, sure. If it's a medical reason, of course. But that's not why most people find out. (Just out of curiosity, what is a medical issue that would require knowing the gender?)

[sunflwrmoonbeam]

Originally Posted by preemiemamarach

There are medical issues that could make knowing the gender pretty important as far as preparation goes. Is that a 'valid' reason to you?

Thank you.

As someone with a history of miscarriage I had a very hard time thinking of this pregnancy as something with a baby at the end of it until I could give the baby a name and a pronoun. I think that is a PERFECTLY 'valid' reason, thank you very much.

As for the gendered clothing, because we've known it's a girl for 2 months now I've had time to prepare people and say things like "I really don't like pink," and I'm STILL keeping most things gender neutral.

Though I won't deny I went out and bought this totally adorable (but not frilly!) purple dress the week we found out.

[greenmom17]

Originally Posted by mags

First of all, I'm just a planner. Most importantly, after having two boys, I REALLY, REALLY wanted a girl this time. Well, I had my u/s earlier this wk and found out it's another boy and well, this is our last baby, so no girls EVER for me. This is it, I am just going to be a mom of boys and be denied anything pink or girly. I can't deny that I cried a bit and have been feeling kind of down. However, I know that after mourning a bit, I will get excited and get past those feelings. So, I know that if I give myself time to let it sink in, I'll get past it (I went through this with baby #2 as well, but not to this extreme, b/c seriously, how many ppl do you know with THREE boys???). If I found out at birth that I was having another boy, I don't think that my reaction would be a very nice one to witness, I'd probably bawl my eyes out and have PPD... I've already been kind of moody this wk since finding out it's another boy, I just need to get it out of my system and then work on preparing for a boy and I think I will be ok by re-adjusting my mind-set and just accepting that this the way it will be.

:

[mags]

Originally Posted by greenmom17

:

Thanks. As you can tell, I'm still kind of going through the ranting phase...

[Coconut Chronicles]

We're finding out... I'm not big on surprises and I like the idea of being able to call him or her by their name throughout part of the pregnancy.

[bemommy]

Originally Posted by mags

(I went through this with baby #2 as well, but not to this extreme, b/c seriously, how many ppl do you know with THREE boys???).

First *hugs*. Second, well I know a fair # of people with 3 (or more) boys. . my aunt, the woman who we bought our house from had 5 boys. . I usually feel more sorry for the people who end up with 3 or more girls. I could handle a house full of boys, all girls though. Now that to me is scary.

[Dazedstella]

Originally Posted by 1stBabyAt39

I wanted to know the gender for several reasons. We were having such a hard time coming up with names, it seemed easier to only have to deal with names for one gender. Also, I was really curious because I was sure I was having a boy (it's a girl!). This baby was a surprise in itself, I didn't need to be surprised about what the sex was going to be!

Originally Posted by soccermama

We found out the sex when I was pg with DS because a) there's no way we could've waited 9 months! and on a more serious note b) we wanted to feel more connected to the baby - pick out a name and start calling him that instead of "it".

: especially the part about the pregnancy being a surprise in and of itself

I like being able to connect more- I think it especially helped my DF connect more (and prepare himself for a daughter ) we haven't picked out a name and won't likely until she is born because I won't know who she "is" until then but I liked being able to imagine all the things we would do together and to move past it not being a boy- not that I wanted a boy particuarily I would have had to move past whatever it wasn't either way, if that makes sense. It did help us to narrow down the gigantic name list to only have to focus on one gender.

I really didn't want a bunch of gendered clothing, at least not color wise, I do love dresses though! I contemplated not telling people when we found out so we wouldn't end up with a bunch of pink but we couldn't keep quiet about it and so oh well we ended up with a TON of pink as we got mostly handmedowns. All of the gear we got is gender-neutral as we will likely have more kids in the future. I don't want her to feel confined by her gender at all, but, at the same time, I want her to feel comfortable celebrating her femaleness in whatever way she wants to- if she likes the dresses, awesome, if she doesn't then at the age when she starts to have an opinion she will make that clear to me and I will respect it, and if she doesn't feel that she IS female I will respect that too.

Anyway, that was a ramble and a half!

[justice'smom]

We found out with our first two because I wanted a girl so bad and knew I would need time to adjust if they ended up being boys. Of course they were boys and of course I was fine. This time around, I don't want to know. I went through a phase were I thought I just had to know and a lady on here made me realize how much better the suprise would be. I can't put it as beautifully as she did, but she said, " Once you push the head out there is the anticipation of getting the rest of the baby out to know what it is." That convinced me not to find out. Of course, my midwife alsmost told me what it was or may have told me I'm not sure and I was so devistated. Long story. I really don't want to know this time around and I have been able to bond so much better than I thought I could not knowing. I can't wait to find out though! I have to say not knowing is actually so much more fun for me and I don't like suprises.

[Chamomile Girl]

I am a little baffled at some of the hostility here towards people's reasons for not finding out. One mama's no reason to know is no relflection on another's need to find out. I think that was the very nature of asking the question. Its a fascinating look into how people view their future children.

So I'm not finding out. Why? Because I have real issues with gendering, and I can put the inevitable battles with my family off for another few months and just enjoy being pregnant. Plus it drives my Mom crazy not to know and I kind of get a kick out of that

[Full Heart]

Originally Posted by zinemama

Oh, sure. If it's a medical reason, of course. But that's not why most people find out. (Just out of curiosity, what is a medical issue that would require knowing the gender?)

There a certain genetic issues which are worse with one gender. If you are going to have a pt birth girls usually do better than boys. Like my mw will attend a hb at 35 weeks if she knows its a girl (among other things). I think if you were having higher order multiples you would want to know.

bemommy - I have 5 boys and I get the same feeling about having a bunch of girls. Its so wierd. I have 2 girls and love them to death and they are bunches calmer than my boys but having 5 of them? That scares me. Like somehow I would be required to be more feminine or more "motherly" I don't know. I think there was a reason I have so many boys lol.

[liliaceae]

I found out because it enables me to feel more connected to the baby. It's just hard for me to think of them as a real person if I don't know the sex. Also, I would have been a little disappointed if this one had turned out to be a boy, and I wanted to have a chance to get used to it before the baby was born.

[justice'smom]

Originally Posted by Chamomile Girl

Plus it drives my Mom crazy not to know and I kind of get a kick out of that

I love it! If only my mom cared.

[coldandsleepy]

Originally Posted by mags

(I went through this with baby #2 as well, but not to this extreme, b/c seriously, how many ppl do you know with THREE boys???).

My grandmother kept having babies in hopes of finally having a daughter-- instead she ended up with FIVE boys. (My other grandmother wanted a son and ended up with three girls. Go figure, right? : )

As for me... my sister's pregnant too. She's due ten days after me, but since this is her second child and my first, chances are she could have her baby before I do.

So, um, I want to know the gender so that I can call dibs on names. That way, there's no last minute "but wait it's a boy I need to name it [FOO]!" "nooo, I'm naming mine [FOO]!" sorta business-- we'll have months and months to argue about it ahead of time if we have to.

Honestly, before I found out my sister was pregnant too, I couldn't decide one way or another. I love surprises and I'm not into gendered clothing or décor, but I'd also just like to know. Waiting until May already seems like a lot of waiting!

[serenekitten]

Because not knowing is driving me crazy!

[BeanSprout Mama]

Because I'm impatient and want to be able to buy things in "girl" or "boy" colors and patterns.

And because honestly, I will be a little disappointed if we have one sex instead of the other (not willing to say which one because I'm a bit ashamed of this) and I don't want to potentially feel that disappointment when I'm actually holding my baby for the first time. I want to get it out of the way ahead of time if it happens.

[mrs*kewpie*pie]

with my first i didn't find out b/c i would've been happy either way and i didn't want to get deluged with gender specific stuff

with #2 we did have a preference and dh just wanted to know

this time around we have a preference again and want to know so if its not what we're hoping for we have a chance to adjust to the idea

not that we won't be happy either way but we tried to time the deed to achieve a certain result and it may take some time to wrap our mnds around not achieving it....this may well be the last time so its possible we'll not have another chance, dh espeially may need some time to morn the idea of not having a baby girl b/c my daughter was already 4 when he and i got together so he has never experience those tiny little pink dresses and such