Will constant accidents help 4yo ds night-potty learn?

[Mere]

By "constant" I mean that he has accidents at least every other night. He is actually almost 5, and a little self-conscious about wearing pull-ups; many nights, he refuses to wear them.

Then there's dh, who is convinced that the only way he's going to learn is just by 'figuring it out.'

Then there's me, who is tired of washing sheets/comforters/mattress pads every day and having my sleep even more disrupted than usual every night by either having to do actual 2AM sheet changing, or hearing dh do it (but I always wake up). I'm also not entirely convinced that letting ds1 pee in his bed every night is the best way to night train.

Any thoughts???

[LynnS6]

IMO, no. And I bet he's self conscious about the pull-ups because of Dad.

Ds is 7 1/2 and still wets every.single.night. Doctors don't even consider bedwetting something to worry about until 8 or so. (Ds just had his 7 year old check up and they asked about being dry at night, but didn't blink when I said "no").

Dd is 4 1/2 and hasn't wet at night since she was 2. Different kids, different bodies.

The best way to train is to make him go to the bathroom before bed and right away when he gets up. When he wakes up dry more often than not, THEN try to ditch the pull-ups.

Some kids also wet less when dairy is removed from their diets (ds doesn't eat dairy naturally, so that's not helpful for us).

For us, it's merely a matter of genetics. We've got bedwetting on both sides of the family.

[ChetMC]

Night Learning

Night learning is mostly physiological, so I'd say no, accidents won't help a child to learn.

Now, one issue we've had with our kids is that they wake up needing to pee and forget that they have to get out of bed and go to the bathroom. Accidents can help in this case. They illustrate why you need to get out of up right away when you wake up needing to pee.

One thing that helped us when our oldest was on the cusp of being night trained was two pees at bedtime. One pee doesn't completely empty a bladder. And of course, some parents get their kids up to pee after they've been in bed a couple of hours.

I've also known moms with kids who won't wear pulls ups to just prepare for nighttime bedding changes. They put two sheets on the bed with something water proof in between, and keep the extra pajamas and blanket next to the bed.

[JesiLynne]

mine are 4 and 5 and they still aren't "getting it" KWIM. So it's dipes every night. My 5 year old is a heavy sleeper, he's also very hard of hearing, so trying to wake him up is very hard. Some just need to grow out of it. it can take years. we are trying to cut off drinks after 6, and they have to go to the bathroom right before bed. I also believe boys are more difficult to potty learn than girls. My dd1 potty learned in a days and had no nighttime accidents.

[Mere]

This is very helpful, thanks! And what a great idea to put 2 sets of sheets on the bed .

Part of me thinks he's not ready, but part of me also wonders if he is simply ignoring the urge to pee at night. During the day, ds is notorious for holding his pee for *as long as possible*...he's literally dancing and hopping around, but he won't go until he's 1 second away from an accident (amazingly, he always makes it).

[honeybunmom]

We just went through this with dd. She began refusing her night time diaper (probably due to my prodding ). But was wetting pretty much every night. Sometimes twice. I dug out some of the piddle pads I had for the crib when she was an infant and stuck them between a tri-folded beach towel. Her mattress has unusual measurements (thanks, Ikea!) so a plastic sheet was out . . . although, now that I think about it, I could have used a shower curtain liner like I will for my homebirth! Anyhoo, all I had to do was replace the towel after she wet. She won't sleep in anything but underwear, so, no pee-pee pj's to change.

In the end, it lasted about 2 weeks. I did begin getting her up about 1-2 hours into her sleep to pee, since that is when many accidents were happening. We're not able to cut her fluids off earlier due to my getting home late from work and having dinner late. Now, she gets up on her own and either wakes up dh or me . . . since she won't go back to bed with "pee-pee hands" and can't turn on the spigot by herself.

All that to say I agree that each child is different. I definitely wanted to encourage her decision to forgo the diaper - no matter how painful it was for me! And with pregnancy induced insomnia, it definitely was no fun.

[sweetlovinmama]

My youngest DD is 4 and a half and I just wake her up about 2 to 3 hours after she goes to bed. She will not wake herself up otherwise. We haven't been using diapers at all and I just take her before I go to bed myself. She just barely wakes up when I take her in to pee. She never wets the bed when I do this, it saves the sheets and it saves her having to wake up and get cleaned up. It took me a little while to get the timing of my bathroom run down right, before she wets her bed, but we're all happier this way until it clicks with her.

[columbusmomma]

yep, it's heritaryand physiological. DH and I both wet the bed for a LONG time! It is frustrating! I always keep a waterproof pad under the fitted sheet of DS' bed. He wears a goodnight. Somtimes he's wet, but usually dry. He's almost 7. He pottylearned at almost 3 in about 2 weeks, but we've never had consistent dry nights more then a few days in a row! In good time his bladder will "mature" and he will be dry!

[Red Pajama]

I'm in the same boat as OP. One of my twins gave up his night diaper before thanksgiving. The other, still wets at night. He's nearly outgrown the cloth diapers we have, and I'm not convinced that cloth "bed wetter" pants are the answer.

So I've got his matress double wrapped with sheets & waterproof pads. The pallet on the floor of my room has a waterproof crib pad on it. I wash lots of sheets, and change his pj bottoms almost once a night.

I don't think he pees in his sleep, because he doesn't sleep for long streaches. He starts the night in my room, I wake him and have him pee, and send him to his own room. At some point in the night, he comes back to my room. I'm going to work on having him go to the RR before he comes back to my room, but we're not there yet. I think what's going on is he wakes up, needs to pee, but doesn't want to get up.

By not having him in diapers, he is better about getting up to pee, and he isn't very wet, but enough to want dry PJs.

So to answer your question, I hope accidents will help him learn. With everything about potty learning, don't make a big deal of it. Accidents need cleaned up, but no lecture or scolding.

[greeny]

My dd will be 6 at the end of this month (March).

Until very recently she was still wetting almost every night. She'd go through periods during which she'd give up the pull-ups at night, then get tired of changing her clothes/sheets at night and go back to them.

We left it completely up to her, knowing that when she was ready, she'd be ready, and there was probably little we could do to help.

About two months ago she decided to give up the pull-ups at night for good. She wet about every other night at first. To make things easier, we set up a "floor bed" for her, with a blanket, sleeping bag, extra pillow, so she could throw her wet undies/pjs on her wet bed and sleep on her floor for the rest of the night. (This, of course, wouldn't work if she ended up wetting a second time, but she never did.) This also allowed her to take care of things without needing to wake us up.

Gradually, she was wetting less and less often, and now very rarely does.

But from our experience with her, it seemed like she needed to be physically ready before she could do it.

Our 4-year-old is nowhere near ready, so he still wears pull-ups to bed. No big deal.

[meemee]

you'd be surprised how many children wet their bed till their early teens 12-13.

its because of a hormonal issue. their body stars producing it late and that's when they no longer wet the bed.

if you went to teh doctor all they would do was give your child the synthetic hormone to help regulate his wetting the bed.

i am sure if you both as parents acted like it was no big deal he wont feel that much shame around it.

i would sit adn discuss this with ds and tell him how normal this is and how there is a sizeable number in teh population who does what he does. and that there is no shame in it. so its better to just wear pullups.

[jillmamma]

I myself still wet the bed at nights a few times a week at age 6 or 7. DS JUST gave up the pullups at night right before turning 6 as he was having lot of dry nights. He has had a few accidents since then, but is doing pretty well. I could probably ditch them at night for DD soon too as she is doing pretty well, but have not yet due to my own laziness, and the fact that she is still stubborn about not always wanting to go during the day (she is 3.5).

[mbbinsc]

My DS wet the bed until 8. Letting him have accidents did not help (nor did waking him or limiting fluid). It only made us tired from having to deal with the accidents at night. I felt that the investment in pull-ups worth it for us to all get sleep. His ped was great as his DD had similar problems.

[tanyalynn]

For us, removing subtle food allergens (gluten for us, I've read dairy is a trigger for many) stopped the night-wetting. For my daughter, this was a physical issue, not behavioral. We've seen a lot of subtle improvements from removing gluten, that added up are pretty important.

[Jenelle]

Haven't read the other responses. Just wanted to say that my son is almost 8 and still wears Goodnites. I do not limit or monitor his intake of water, and that is all he drinks in the afternoon/evening. I will not. When his body has fully matured to the point where he does not wet the bed, then we will stop using the Goodnites. As it is, he wets them maybe... 2-3 nights per week? It is not a big deal here, we have never made him feel odd about it, and I do not believe for a second that he can be "trained" otherwise. Having to constantly change the sheets creates stress for me, which in turn creates stress for him. So, we have just made it a non-issue.

FWIW, my son who just turned 4 is dry every single night. He just wears underwear to bed.

It is really a very individual thing.

[Mere]

OP here...thank you for all the replies. It's very helpful to hear about everyone's different experiences!