Almost 4 year old behavior - is this really unusual?

[furrowed]

Hey Mommies - (I am crossposting this, because I am not sure which age group to go in)

I am starting to wonder how unusual this is....is my little son ok? Can you guys please, please help me???


He will be 4 this April and he has a few behaviors which I just don't know how unusual this behavior is for his age:


*He uses certain phrases over a lot - ex: are you going to bed - Not Yet, but Almost... he almost always responds like that.

*He whispers to himself sometimes

* He doesn't really ask very many questions - the occasional "what's that?" or rarely "why is that ______?"

*Can play by himself forever. He likes people, but if they aren't around he would be happy to play by himself all day. He doesnt usually come get us to tell us what he's doing

* He has troubled retelling us what he did during the day - gets really annoyed with us when we ask him. We have to really, really break our questioning down.

*will sometimes tell us a memory without any context: "

*becoming more and more of a picky eater


He is really sweet and loving, loves to play with other kids, etc. but these things concern me. I feel like maybe he should be speaking a little better too.

Can any parents of little boys chime in about this stuff? I know all kids are different and sometimes do weird things, but I am just SO SO worried...

please help me out mommies

[LianneM]

it's hard not to worry about our kids!

I don't have a lot of info, but I can tell you that my 4 yo (Feb) son:

repeats phrases a lot (not 100% sure what you meant, but my son will latch onto a phrase and just use it wherever he can fit it in )

whispers to himself sometimes

recalls a memory without any context that I can tell - just seems out of the blue sometimes.

has become EXTREMELY picky about food, omg it makes me crazy sometimes. I just try to remember it's a phase and that he won't eat PB&J every day for the rest of his life...

HTH a little

[Mere]

I think some of those things are completely normal. I know I can personally speak to a few of them!

Ds1 (almost 5) has always been an extremely picky eater, but has become even more picky as he's gotten older.

During solitary play, Ds1 talks softly to himself as he's enacting battles between his dinosaurs, Star Wars figures, or whatever. I don't know if that's what you meant by whispering though?

Ds1 sometimes brings things up out of context, but he is getting better about providing context as he gets older.

Ds1 does not like to or can't tell us what he did during the day if he's been at preschool. At the most, he'll tell us about one thing if it was particularly noteworthy (like someone had a birthday so they all got cookies).

Ds1 has definitely been known to latch onto a phrase; he either likes to say it himself or wants us to say it!

[arniflora]

We sometimes call our son "non sequitur boy" because he says things that seem to come out of nowhere, but clearly it makes sense to him!

[Red Sonja]

My 4.5 year old DS does a lot of those things too.

*He uses certain phrases over a lot - Yes, in particular a couple of nonsense phrases that are (mangled) renditions of something he heard in one of his favorite movies. Now both he and 2.5 year old DD1 will run around the house saying them.

*He whispers to himself sometimes - He talks to himself a lot during imaginative play. Not usually at a whisper, though.

* He doesn't really ask very many questions - Nope, DS asks questions from the time he wakes up until the time he goes to sleep.

*Can play by himself forever. I'm not sure, he's almost always around his 2.5 year old sister so he has a constant playmate.

* He has troubled retelling us what he did during the day. Each night before bed we talk about the saddest & happiest parts of the day for each of us. When we first started this he couldn't remember much of what we did, but now he does.

*will sometimes tell us a memory without any context. - Yes! And just starts talking about completely random things to his friends without any context or background. Like we ran into some friends at the store and he randomly told them that "our new blinds work different than the old ones". They had no idea what he was talking about, that we had new blinds put in the living room a few weeks before. I'm hoping he gets better about this before it starts to cause much social awkwardness.

*becoming more and more of a picky eater Eh, maybe a little bit but not too much.

[TwinsTwicePlusTwo]

Originally Posted by furrowed

*He uses certain phrases over a lot - ex: are you going to bed - Not Yet, but Almost... he almost always responds like that.
I vote for totally normal. Almost all my kids have done this at one time or another. You don't want to know what movie phrase my 9yos have taken to shouting lately . . .

*He whispers to himself sometimes
Normal. My kids talk to themselves a lot, and my 5yos are always whispering.

* He doesn't really ask very many questions - the occasional "what's that?" or rarely "why is that ______?"
My 5yos have never been much for asking questions. I think they prefer coming up with their own explanations for things.

*Can play by himself forever. He likes people, but if they aren't around he would be happy to play by himself all day. He doesnt usually come get us to tell us what he's doing
Normal, and, IMO, much better than having a kid who constantly needs you to entertain them. I can't remember the last time Jesse or Davin went out of their way to tell me what they were doing. Sometimes they won't even tell me when I ask.

* He has troubled retelling us what he did during the day - gets really annoyed with us when we ask him. We have to really, really break our questioning down.
If you ask my 5yos what they did during the day, they'll tell you about a flower they saw or an imaginary game they played, completely forgetting about all the things we actually did. I vote normal again.

*will sometimes tell us a memory without any context: "
Most of mine did that at your son's age. Sometimes it's pretty funny the things they come up with out of the blue. "Mommy burned her marriage certificate" was a recent gem from Jesse.

*becoming more and more of a picky eater
Your son is at a pretty prime age for that. Luckily they usually become less picky . . . eventually.

He is really sweet and loving, loves to play with other kids, etc. but these things concern me. I feel like maybe he should be speaking a little better too.

Can any parents of little boys chime in about this stuff? I know all kids are different and sometimes do weird things, but I am just SO SO worried...

please help me out mommies

Your son sounds completely normal to me.

[Global Mama]

As a preschool teacher, I can tell you that all of the behaviors you mentioned are totally normal for a 4yo boy - repeating favorite phrases, whispering to self, not asking questions, happy to play alone, not being able to report on his day at school, saying things out of context, picky eating habits - I see it all the time. None of these strike me as unusual at all.

However, I would also add - go with your gut on this one. If there are some qualitative things that just bother you and don't feel right, consider seeing a play therapist to get an outside opinion anyway. No one knows your son better than you, so if you feel something is off, it's never a bad idea to look into it.
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[Alyantavid]

Sounds pretty normal to me.

*He uses certain phrases over a lot - ex: are you going to bed - Not Yet, but Almost... he almost always responds like that. My almost 3 year old repeats himself constantly. My favorite though is "after later" meaning not right now.

*He whispers to himself sometimes My kids both talk, scream, whisper or sing to themselves.

* He doesn't really ask very many questions - the occasional "what's that?" or rarely "why is that ______?" I always thought it was strange my oldest never went through the "why" stage. Then I realized how glad I was that he phrased his questions differently!

*Can play by himself forever. He likes people, but if they aren't around he would be happy to play by himself all day. He doesnt usually come get us to tell us what he's doing My oldest is like that as well. He loves having people play with him but he's just as happy to play by himself.

* He has troubled retelling us what he did during the day - gets really annoyed with us when we ask him. We have to really, really break our questioning down. I don't think my oldest did that until after he was in school. Even now sometimes he tells me about his day but not in order so I end up confused.

*will sometimes tell us a memory without any context: " Totally typical kid thing.

*becoming more and more of a picky eater Again, pretty typical. Kids go through stages where they'll eat or not.

[mamadebug]

I have a 4.5 year old little boy, and all of those things seem normal to me. I have to laugh - I just picked my son up at preschool a couple of hours ago, and asked him what he did today. Like almost every other day, he shrugged his shoulders, gave me a confused look and said, "I don't know". But, I agree with the person who said to go with your gut - if you feel like something isn't quite right, talk to his teachers, pediatrician, etc and see if they have noticed anything.

[almama]

It sounds just fine. If there is something specific that nags at you, it may be good to keep an eye on it though. One thing that helps is finding moms of other 4 year olds and comparing notes (if they are good friends it won't be a competition thing). I know I think my oldest is odd sometimes, and then I see his friends and feel he is really doing OK.

All of the things you wrote about though are normal. He sounds like a nice, balanced boy who is loved a lot.

[mama_mojo]

DD2 will be 4 in April and she does everything you mentioned all the time except whispering. She never whispers.

However- here's another vote for, if your gut says something isn't quite right, go with it.

[cheeseRjedi]

*He uses certain phrases over a lot - ex: are you going to bed - Not Yet, but Almost... he almost always responds like that.

DD does that a lot too

*He whispers to himself sometimes

Mostly only at bedtime, but yes to this too

* He doesn't really ask very many questions - the occasional "what's that?" or rarely "why is that ______?"

Consider yourself lucky

*Can play by himself forever. He likes people, but if they aren't around he would be happy to play by himself all day. He doesnt usually come get us to tell us what he's doing

See answer to previous example

* He has troubled retelling us what he did during the day - gets really annoyed with us when we ask him. We have to really, really break our questioning down.

Yes

*will sometimes tell us a memory without any context: "

Yep

*becoming more and more of a picky eater

sigh. yes here too

[Polliwog]

I was an Early Childhood Specialist (and mom to a four-year-old) and all of those things are completely typical of a preschooler. And although it's hard, try to avoid comparing your child with other children. It will drive you crazy and there is such a wide range of "typical" behaviors. But if you really think something is off, talk with your pediatrician. You can also do an informal developmental screening such as the Ages and Stages Questionnaire (which you can find online.)

My son does much of what you described above and he's completely typical. He especially hates me asking about his day at school. He usually answers "I can't say that." Which is his way of saying that he either doesn't remember or doesn't feel like talking about it at that time.

Don't we all get memories out of context? There's usually something triggering it, but may not be something that you can identify but is there for him.

[4evermom]

Although nothing you listed is outside of the realm of normal, the fact that you are SO worried makes me think you should do some reading/consulting. My neurotypical ds did many of those things. I'm sure many typical kids do all of them. But our friends' kids who are on the autistic spectrum were like that, too. They do the repeating thing more so and for longer (same phrase for many days/weeks) than my ds who was also a "quoter". They would answer direct questions or tell people about something that interested them but not do a back and forth conversation. And they sought less interaction from their parents (my guy was on the high end of seeking interaction so I can hardly imagine a 4 yo being in a room alone). Sometimes the diagnosis isn't whether a child does something or not, sometimes it's dependent on the extent that he does something. But regardless, your child will still be himself, the boy you love.

[JustVanessa]

I have a boy the same age. Byron will be 4 on April 25th.

*He uses certain phrases over a lot - ex: are you going to bed - Not Yet, but Almost... he almost always responds like that.
This is constant at our house.
*He whispers to himself sometimes
Byron does this too, quite a bit
* He doesn't really ask very many questions - the occasional "what's that?" or rarely "why is that ______?"
Byron has never been a why kid
*Can play by himself forever. He likes people, but if they aren't around he would be happy to play by himself all day. He doesnt usually come get us to tell us what he's doing
Not my kid...its like pulling teeth to get him to play by himself for 10 minutes
* He has troubled retelling us what he did during the day - gets really annoyed with us when we ask him. We have to really, really break our questioning down.
Yep. If you ask him what he did at preschool, he "played". We never get a more detailed answer
*will sometimes tell us a memory without any context: "
yep. comes out with stuff that happened a year ago out of the blue.
*becoming more and more of a picky eater
no, thank goodness.


Sounds pretty normal to me!

[eepster]

You could be describing my 3 yo DS. I would think it more unusual (not necessarilly bad, but unusual) if a 3-4 yo wasn't like that.

[sbgrace]

Originally Posted by 4evermom

Although nothing you listed is outside of the realm of normal, the fact that you are SO worried makes me think you should do some reading/consulting.

This is what I feel too. While nothing you mention seems out of the ordinary in my experience I sort of gut instinct knew that something was "up" with my kiddo. Moms are usually right about that. And for me the fear of that was so much worse than when we knew (we got an autism dx...he's doing great).

[carfreemama]

I would say completely normal, too.

I would also say go with your gut, UNLESS you are a major worrier! I know I am and I have to take that into consideration with any concerns about dd. And because I'm such a worrier, I HAVE found it especially helpful to have other moms with kids dd's age. Even though there's some (seemingly unavoidable) comparing, that's helped me keep perspective whenever I've been worried about something. For example, dd hit most major milestones early, but shows zero interest in reading. None. She just turned 5. I'd be worried about that, because apparently I was reading independently at 3 and I'd think that was the norm if I wasn't around other kids her age. Some of them ARE reading and some of them aren't. Also, dd was very shy and couldn't tolerate other kids in her space (and sometimes 'her space' was the entire playground). She was quite extreme in this regard in comparison to these same (and other) kids and knowing this meant I did keep a closer watch on this particular behaviour. It passed; but if it hadn't, I would have sought some outside feedback.

In dd's case, I have the preschool's input, too. Does anyone else observe anything unusual in your son?