Cesarean support circle V (December 12) - Page 8

[Peppermint]

Thanks OTF- I know the women on this thread are all so supportive, and I am at peace finally with all my c-births. I just wish more people could see that natural isn't always best, and stop thinking that they know more than every medical professional out there. It's like most of the people know that there are exceptions, they just refuse to ever believe in one when they hear about it: : :

So sad that people don't think there are any caring Doctors out there, we have a great OB and a great pediatrician, I believe in them, and they did go to med school, which is something more than all the internet searching I can do- I chose them carefully- and I believe in them- and get this- they beleive in me and my kids

[Monkey]

OK I found it

so blind

[Peppermint]

Hi Monkey! Glad you found us

Question for everyone- I thought we were getting a sub-forum, is that still happening?

[pamamidwife]

Originally posted by OnTheFence
Jess,

I think I read from someone today saying something to a woman who had a csection for a nearly 11lb baby that she probably could have done it. : What ticks me off is that, I know people who have big babies (my mother had me and I was 9 and a half lbs).

Jess, with all respect, if a woman isn't even given a choice or an opportunity to attempt a vaginal birth, then how can this be a positive thing all the time?

I will step out of your support thread, but I wanted to point out that YES, I am GRATEFUL for cesarean births. However, when women are told that there is no other way without any other options, then that's a hard thing to swallow. Someone can be at peace with their cesarean, but still, education is important. I cringe at the thought of women believing that they are somehow broken or damaged when it comes to birthing babies vaginally.

And, yes, I have clients who have cesareans. It's always amazing that we have this option - surely it is great for those that need it.

I urge you to look into why this sort of discussion makes you so angry at all of us who point anything like this out. It's like we're supposed to just let women walk around with this badge of how they failed to do something - you can offer support and gentle information without it being an attack on someone's birth experience. That is what I was hoping to do with that post. I hope that you can see that my intention was purely from an empathetic place and not judgemental.

[Peppermint]

Um, not sure what your question is as the quote you started with was not from me, it was in conversation to me. I had previously vented about people with no knowledge of *MY* insides feeling that they know more than my OB, is that what bothered you?

[Peppermint]

FTR- I think the vent of the day here is mainly about strangers assuming they know more about our bodies than our OBs (and we as women)do.

I am not walking around thinking of myself as a failure- I am quite proud that I listened to my own body(which believe it or not- God did not make to birth babies vaginally- just as He makes people with all manner of "imperfections"- is there no one born without limbs? Is there no one born blind?), and chose an OB that I know I can trust My c-births brought me 3 healthy babies, and I am here to raise them, which wouldn't be the case had I tried to birth vaginally.

But alas, I won't go on about this in our support thread

[OnTheFence]

Originally posted by pamamidwife
I will step out of your support thread, but I wanted to point out that YES, I am GRATEFUL for cesarean births. However, when women are told that there is no other way without any other options, then that's a hard thing to swallow. Someone can be at peace with their cesarean, but still, education is important. I cringe at the thought of women believing that they are somehow broken or damaged when it comes to birthing babies vaginally.

Some us are broken and damaged. You seem to think this doesnt occur by this statement above. Last I checked there was only two ways to have a child biologically (minus gestational surrogacy) and that is vaginal or csection.

[KKmama]

Maybe I'm being an overly sensitive pg woman, but it seems like there has been more traffic recently on the Cesarean Support Circle thread from others wanting to be "helpful" who clearly have not had cesareans who are trying to "educate" those of us on the thread about the negative aspects of cesarean births.

I think those of us participating in the thread are here because we're looking for a safe place to discuss our births--a place where we won't be judged or admonished. (Ahem--isn't this why we asked for our own subforum?) I think it's fair to say that posts which aim to "educate" are not especially welcome or helpful, despite the intentions of the posters. We have had first-hand experience with cesareans, and most of us are pretty well-versed in all the ins and outs of cesarean birth.

I'm hoping that "uncut" posters will keep this in mind if and when they choose to post. It may also be better for them to just post elsewhere in "Birth and Beyond."

Thank you!

FYI, I'm also e-mailing this to the moderator.

[pamamidwife]

Yes, you are all right. Jess, I was responding to OnTheFence, which was erroneous to mention your name. I apologize.

Perhaps we can start a whole 'nother discussion on how we might educate women in birth without seeming to offend nearly everyone who has had a surgical birth. I think that would be highly enlightening for me - and for many others who have had cesaerans.

I understand about needing a safe space to vent - and I am sorry that I created a risk by posting here for those that are angry with people like myself in general on these boards.

I'm interested to hear what a moderator might add to this issue, but I am aware and respectful enough to just hear what you're saying without the threat of moderator action. I hope that the women here are able to open their hearts and their minds and hear this.

[Missgrl]

Well, here I am the moderator! First, it is important to know the role of the moderator. Foremost, it is my job/duty to make sure all are keeping in line with the rules and regulations that are agreed upon in the user agreement. It is my job to step in when these rules are violated. I see no rules violated here thusfar. Now on the other hand, it is difficult for a moderator that has personal feelings about an issue to intervene. That is when a moderator chooses to stay out of the discussion and just stay back and make sure all rules are followeed. But when something is called to my attention, I must make a decision (as a mod and a member) what is best. Since this is a support thread, it should remain as such.....for members that have been through a c/s and want to "hold your hand". Or for those that have not had a c/s, but wish to offer support. I don't think anyone involved in this thread had any malicious intentions and it's important to know that. I appreciate the fact that some of you are wishing to be helpful and offer other alternatives. But since this a support thread, we need to leave it as that. The Birth and Beyond forum is the place to discuss such issues (i.e. reason for c/s, growing rates of c/s, alternatives to c/s etc.) so lets's start new threads instead of interjecting them into this thread. (thx for those of you who have done that aleady). Let's remember we are all "in this together" and that there is no wrong way to birth a baby.......

[Cynthia Mosher]

If I may add just a bit to this...

In general we do try to uphold an atmosphere of respect for support threads in that posts which have the potential to turn tone to defensive posting are discouraged. I think the exception to this would be in the case that misinformation is being conveyed. Of course, no matter what the topic, members of the community will speak up when they see misinformation posted which has the potential to mislead readers. That's not to say that that has taken place in this thread. I'm just explaining expectations for a support thread.

Another thing - we are opening a cesarean delivery subforum soon. MamaOui, the mod for that new forum, has just delivered and as soon as she feels read to get started we'll set it up. However, the board will not be a support only forum nor will we restrict posting to only those who have had cesareans. I think we can continue to have support threads like this one but the new board will host posts of education and information about the negative aspects of cesarean delivery just as it will host the support threads. If you have any questions or concerns about this you can email me [e-mail]

Now, let's allow this support thread to continue along its supportive path.

[OnTheFence]

Originally posted by Cynthia Mosher
If I may add just a bit to this...

In general we do try to uphold an atmosphere of respect for support threads in that posts which have the potential to turn tone to defensive posting are discouraged. I think the exception to this would be in the case that misinformation is being conveyed. Of course, no matter what the topic, members of the community will speak up when they see misinformation posted which has the potential to mislead readers. That's not to say that that has taken place in this thread. I'm just explaining expectations for a support thread.

Another thing - we are opening a cesarean delivery subforum soon. MamaOui, the mod for that new forum, has just delivered and as soon as she feels read to get started we'll set it up. However, the board will not be a support only forum nor will we restrict posting to only those who have had cesareans. I think we can continue to have support threads like this one but the new board will host posts of education and information about the negative aspects of cesarean delivery just as it will host the support threads. If you have any questions or concerns about this you can email me [e-mail]

Now, let's allow this support thread to continue along its supportive path.

Oy, I was looking really forward to the subforum but now wondering if I will or not. IT looks like it will be a forum to be filled with all the anti- judgemental csection over dramatized information that is often already put out there bothers me. :::sigh:::

[KKmama]

Kim, we can still have our Cesarean Support Circle thread on the Cesarean subforum. The bonus will be that people will actually be able to find us, because "cesarean" will be listed in the forum divisions. And I'm being optimistic... because there will be a whole subforum called "cesarean" to post under, there will be no need for anyone to post unnecessarily to our thread (which seems to be the only thing around named "cesarean"). We asked for it--let's see how it works.

Cynthia, can we call it cesarean birth? After all, it's still birth. I don't think the vaginal folks would like theirs called delivery, either.

[Cynthia Mosher]

I think that's a fine name for it. Can't think of any reason why not!!

Kim let's be optimistic that the forum will be a valuable one from all aspects.

[Peppermint]

I did see it coming that the new forum would not be about support. (no smilie to get me in trouble)

I would also like to request that anyone who wants to educate the "uneducated" (Ie- us, evidently) take it to their won threads, where we can respond if we want to, and not try to take over our support thread with their knowledge, that they feel we are laking

I would like to just reiterate what this thread has been for me. It has been a place to come and talk with well educated women who happen to be AP, who have had c-births. We can discuss our feelings, esp. being a part of a "natural" community, and having the most "unnatural" of births, and how we feel judged for that on a daily basis. We can discuss alternatives to c-birth, we can talk about VBAC and it's benefits and risks. Some of us are thankful for our c-births and KNOW that they were necessary and life saving for us and/or our babes(and do not feel the need to be educated about how we could've had a vaginal birth safely). Some feel that theie c-births were unnecessary, and need to talk about it without being labeled "uneducated", they can get support for the sadness over their birth, without judgement on their intelligence. We support any decision a mama makes, as we know that MDC mamas take their time and educate themselves on their options, and in the end, know how to listen to their bodies, and do what is best for their own babies.

This is a support thread, frequented by mamas who know a lot about c-birth, and VBAC, and all related issues. I think we are doing quite well helping each other out, and if at some point we feel that people online know more about our bodies than we and our Dr.s do, well... then, we'll start a new thread and ask for the wisdom of others

OK, crying babe- off I go. Hopefully we can just get back to support now

PS- how long did everyone's bleeding last PP? Mine just picked up again (after being completely gone) at 2 weeks out.

[Monkey]

still healing!

how long did it take for everone's incision to heal COMPLETELY??
mine is just now at its very last point of being almost completly closed!
yuck!
each side closed up real well but the middle just takes for ever!
i put hydro on it and its not infevted or anything, but did any of you have this to?

thanks much all

[Peppermint]

I never had any problems with my incisions healing like that I would call my OB if I were you.

[Monkey]

well he knows about it and said the same thing
i would go back every week for a month after the 6 weeks of having the c section but after going back 1 a week for 4 weeks i coulndt deal with sitting in the waiting room for a nhour and sitting in his room for an hour WAITING for him to just look at it and say, well looks clean see ya in a week!
meanwhile i have two children and a husband all in the room with me trying therer hardest to deal with it all!! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh

LOL

so my girl freind who had one 9 mos b4 me said her's took a while to heal. it isnt GAPEING open just having a hard time closeing in the middle, anyone eles?

[Megs Mom]

Originally posted by jess7396
PS- how long did everyone's bleeding last PP? Mine just picked up again (after being completely gone) at 2 weeks out.

Barely a week except for the occasional tiny trickle for another several.

[Megs Mom]

Re: still healing!

Originally posted by Monkey
how long did it take for everone's incision to heal COMPLETELY??

Three-ish weeks. My OB is AWESOME!