Cesarean support circle V (December 12) - Page 4

[sarahmae1]

Originally posted by OnTheFence
Your birth plan sounds perfect and very familiar to my own!

Kim

Thanks Kim, I'm glad to hear that! What does anyone else think?

[Hikaru]

Having a birth plan is a good idea and I hope it helps to create a positive birth experience for you.
Just (as you surely know) birth is one of those things that is ultimately not under your control so expect the unexpected.

Happy happy birth vibes to you....soon you'll be holding your little one!

[quiltinglance]

c/b and vbac

A breath of fresh air for a mom looking for support......I labored 22 hrs, mostly in a huge warm tub and "failed to progress". I would learn later it was a good thing as my 5ft 3 body didn't want to (vag) birth a 10lb 6oz chunk of love.

I planned this birth, very educated as an RN. Elected to deliver outside a hospital setting, (my coworkers thought I was crazy) in water, surrounded by participants and support people. After an ambulance ride to the hospital and and epidural....pit....uterine monitor my uterus had given up. We all decide this baby would have to come c/b.

While I know I would not have survived this "years ago" I'm also grieving for what I wanted and didn't get. Now I'm pregnant with my 2nd baby, due 25 March, and needing to decide what I can do, and what's realistic.

Why do I struggle with feeling like a failure when the outcome was the best thing ever???

[its_our_family]

Re: c/b and vbac

Originally posted by quiltinglance
Why do I struggle with feeling like a failure when the outcome was the best thing ever???

i think we all ask ourselves this question and I'm not sure that we can really ahve an answer. It is jsut how our minds work. We can be completely thrilled with an outcome but we can still be disappointed in how it happened. That doesn't mean that we can wallow in regrets (not ssaying youa re at all...just talking... ) The only thing we can do is decide how we really feel about the next time.

Right now I'm at the point where i do not mourn the birth experience of my son at all. I don't regret my induction. I don't regret the decision to c/b. In fact, I think I'm finally ok with it!

I'm going to vbac this baby. The issues are weird because I "know" I can do it but I have a fear of not doing it. I know that no matter what I'll have a baby in my arms. I try not to think of it as failing. I'm not failing at anything... I'm jstu going about it a different way. I will be disappointed if I have another c/b but I know that in the end it will have been for the best and THAT makes my birth...no matter how it goes...a success!

(I think I'm finally working through all of my feelings on this vbac thing )

[quiltinglance]

Thank you for your support. This is my first time on the Mothering Discussion board.......seeking something to quiet my mind. I didn't realize there were so many others out there feeling like I did.

Hopefully I will have a better idea of whats in store for me on the 9th...a meeting with the OB and midwife. A GREAT group of women!

I look forward to your continued support and feel very blessed I have a place to air my concernes. I am aware the outcome is the most important.

[Hikaru]

quiltinglance welcome! and hugs.
If you read this thread and the old Cesarian Support ones which you can dig up if you look, you'll see that all of us on this thread have struggled with very similar feelings. That does not by any means invalidate your own unique feelings, but in my experience it helps a lot to know you're not alone.
How's your pregnancy going? I just had my second child in October by repeat cesarian.

[FroNuff]

Thanks, Hikaru and Patty. It's great to know that I have a place to vent once I am able to. That may be never, that may be later on today. Who knows. But I'm grateful for somewhere I can go to.

[quiltinglance]

Thanks Hikaru. Congrat on your 2nd baby! I feel better already, finding this site. It's been a rough weekend anticipating my meeting with the OB on Friday. I've got my questions lined up and have done some reading.

Finding the old threads have helped more than I thought it would. Prior to locating this discussion board I thought I needed a group thearpy session!

My pregnancy is going well, too fast in many ways. I think we're done at two chidren. I'm already 36.

I've started to see the positive side of "scheduling" a c/b. I get MY Dr. MY Midwife (assisting), my anesthesiologist (sp?), my music, etc. I guess I'm seeking control.

Thanks again for your time. I look forward to following everyone on this site.

Kim
aka/quiltinglance

[Peppermint]

Meg'sMom- I was wondering how things are going with your recovery, and how the birth itself went, I know you've been a little busy to write a birth story. But, I'd like to hear about the birth itself and your recovery, when you have a little time

[Megs Mom]

hoping to get birth story done tonight or tomorrow - recovery going great!

[witchbaby]

Originally posted by OnTheFence
Witchbaby,

Welcome to our little circle. I read your birth experience and I can so relate to how you feel. Coming to terms with not having the birth you desired can be a really depressing thing. Please feel free to talk about it. Watch for signs of PPD. I had very bad PPD and I contribute part of that of the disappointment and sadness over my birth.
I am glad your baby arrived safely into the world. I found it interesting though that your midwife thought the induction method they used was ok. I would love to hear the thoughts about that.
I am thinking of you and your little one. Stick around. Great moms post on this thread who have been there and done that.

Kim

dh and i have discussed the birth of the monkey a lot and we there was a little more to the induction than we thought. our midwife isn't one for inducing lightly (particularly early), so everyone was shocked when she suggested inducing 5 days before our edd. i'd had several instances of preterm labor starting at 33 weeks and ended up not being able to tolerate the brethine or procardia by 36 weeks (caused some nasty chest pains). i continued having rather hard contractions after that and my cervix just wasn't budging. the last few trips to the hospital (we had 10 total!), the baby flatlined every time and had to be roused to accelerate her heartrate, so we're beginning to think janet was a tough worried and wanted to go ahead and move baby out. she wanted to use the "mellowest" form of induction, since she was afraid pit would cause my already strong contractions to get even stronger.
in retrospect, it's looking like the c-section was a semi-emergency, since we'd had so many instances of flatlining and my body was so confused for so long.

[emmaline]

just dropping by to ask for good c-birth vibes/ prayers for a friend who is having a c-birth, her second, tomorrow morning. She has a number of medical problems and is an older mum like me, we went to high school together in the 70s

for those who don't know me - I posted way back at the beginning of the support circle - I have had 3 boys all c-births

thanks to anyone who can spare a few moments for my friend

[KKmama]

I don't know where everyone's at wrt to being pg and giving birth... anyway, I wanted to discuss VBACs with anyone who's currently pg and I started a new thread:

http://205.214.82.233/discussions/sh...hreadid=108841

And I wanted to bump this thread up, too!

[its_our_family]

Is the world is going to end because I had my ds by c/b and I'm ok with it?

No it isn't what I planned or wanted. No, it isn't the "best" way. Yes, I could have done something (not been induced or not had my water broke or demanded the pit be turned off). But I am FINE with my c-birth. I do not feel it was a terrifying horrible experience. My whole problem has been that it isn't what I wanted.

I do NOT believe I am just persuaded by the system to think it is ok. I truly feel that I had a reasonably ok birth experience with my son. I was doped out of my head and recovery was harder but when it comes down to it...I don't care!

I want to vbac but on the other hand I jsut want to repeat. I thought at first I wanted the repeat because baby would come early and I would be pregnant less. But in reality I don't care if they wait till I'm term to do the repeat.

I've done research. I've asked a lot of questions. The funny thing is that I feel more "concerned" with what ppl will think here about just having a repeat than what I think. I feel like I've taken a lot of ppls time asking questions and looking for support when I have started to ask myself "Why do I feel so strongly about vbac." Well, in honesty...I don't feel all that strong about it! Maybe it is because I have the philosophy that says, We don't have to do everything the same as everyone else. If you vbac that is great why should I push a repeat on you. If I vbac why should I push that on you. Why is it any of my business what you do?

I hate to see ppl that are misinfomred and ppl that are duped by their ob and their "excuses". I hate to see women told they have a big baby so the "have to have" a c/b. I've been chatting with one gal that said her ob will NOT attempt to deliver a baby estimated to be over 9 pounds. Now, does that scream "moms should diet and control their weight to insure small babies" or is it me. I thought we moved past that whole mindset years ago.

I don't think that if I choose a repeat this late in the game that I've lost anything. I don't think it makes me a bad parent or "unnatural" at all.

I guess I'm just still working through all of this. I know its getting late to think about it still but I put it off for 8 months! Maybe being finally at peace with my first c/b has brought me further along in the last month.

Why is this so hard?

[Peppermint]

IOF- BIG HUGE for you.

You and I have been on part of this road together, and I know I have had it so much easier (we have the same due date for all others reading). I have known all along I will have a c-birth, and I know I have no choice, that is a whole lot easier (though I am still not feeling good about it, but I'll address that in my own thread later), than wondering if I am doing the right thing, and trying to know whether I am doing things to please others, myself, etc.

I know this has been a struggle for you all along, feeling a push to VBAC that you are not sure if it is coming from inside yourself, or from being part of a natural community such as this.

My belief is that if YOU truly want to VBAC, you can wait for labor to start naturally (water breaking and all) and give it a shot. However, you are really stressing about this, and I am not sure that VBAC means that much to you(and it doesn't have to, it is not for everyone). It is so hard to know if you are just scared that it won't happen, or if you feel pressure to try nature out again. I wish you could know what is really in your heart, you are clearly so stressed and confused about it all. I wish I could give you the magical answer- I really do. Maybe if you and dh take some serious prayer time together- you will both come to an answer on what is right for you.

You are right that if you have a c-birth it has nothing to do with what kind of mother you are, we all have different paths to take, and I won't let anyone tell me that someone who chooses to repeat instead of VBAC is doing themselves or their child a disservice- you will do what is right for you and your baby in the end, you really will

[its_our_family]

Thanks jess

I cannot believe I am struggling this much with all of this. Part of my want for a vbac is ego. I know that. I know I am afraid of "failure". In my mind I just cannot come to a happy medium!

Dh is like "whatever". I think he feels the same that I do. We jsut want this baby here. We both know that then we can "get on with life" right now we feel like we are in a holding pattern. I think deep down dh thinks I'll jsut have a repeat for similar reasons to ds. Which i can't get out of my mind either.

Sheesh...I should have figured this out 8 months ago!

Jess--when is your c/b??

[Peppermint]

My c-birth is scheduled for Friday, and I am trying to be all ok with that, I am very excited to meet my son, and I know I NEED a c-birth to get there, I am just a very nervous person, and have some real anxiety about the surgery itself.

My parents and dh are nervous too, although they don't discuss it with me at all, but I just know we are all really scared. I guess you don't hear enough great c-birth stories, and all the paperwork (Ie- sign here so I can give you a blood transfusion if I need to) etc. makes me think about the scarier posibilities.

The first time I was not very nervous (in comparison to last time and now), the OB made it clear it was the safest thing for the baby (and this is still true), and I was naive, I guess, or maybe just smarter then- I shouldn't worry about what I cannot control. I guess it is that I have 2 kids at home now, and my OWN life seems more valuable. You hear about infection risks, women hemmoraging, etc. But, I am delivering at a major hospital, so all should be ok, right?

Ah, my mind goes and goes, I won't be sleeping much these next few days, even though I am very tired right now.

I need more faith at the moment, maybe I should focus on that and get off of MDC

You know what else IOF- I never changed my sig line to show I am planning a c-birth (can anyone guess why?) but I am going to go do that now- I refused to be ashamed of doing what I must to have this baby come out healthy

[KKmama]

Hey iof, I couldn't tell if you were reacting to my VBAC thread post or not (I've been following what you've been going through, and I'm really sorry it's been so tough)... not assuming you were, but in case you were, I just wanted to let you know that I'm on your side, and I've been here on the C support circle thread complaining with everyone else ...

I identify with a lot of what you said (although I definitely want a VBAC, if only to keep my mil from descending upon me and "taking care" of me while I recover from surgery ). It's a really hard place to be... having had one C and knowing what it's like, not always getting support from our care providers, and then having other people who have no idea what we're going through question our decisions. (At this point, I'm getting questions on both sides... y'know, the people who think you *can't* VBAC, and then the people who think you're endangering your baby's life by attempting a VBAC... nice, isn't it?)

I also remember how *emotional* the end of pg was for me last time... ug, so much to think about. I don't want to have to think *more* about my last birth and implications for this birth *then*, but I'll have to. Hang in there...

Jess, if I knew I was going to meet my baby on Friday, I'd wet my pants with excitement! Despite the surgery and everything, it's so exciting to know you're going to see him so soon!

[Peppermint]

Originally posted by KKmama


Jess, if I knew I was going to meet my baby on Friday, I'd wet my pants with excitement! Despite the surgery and everything, it's so exciting to know you're going to see him so soon!

:LOL Thanks for the laugh, I do wet my pants on occasion, I wish it was just from excitement And I am very excited to meet my new little man

[ladylee]

Jess, I've been thinking of you and am sending lots of positive, protective energy for you and your son-have a beautiful, beautiful birth!