Cesarean support circle V (December 12) - Page 5

[its_our_family]

KKmama--Do not worry! My post had nothing to do with yours. I try not to react to what other ppl write (if it bothered me that much i would jsut pm you ) Thank you for your support!

jess-I'm very excited about your birth coming up! I wish mine was that clsoe...maybe it is and I don't know it!! I've been contracting every 5-8 minutes since 3 this afternoon (earlier too but I had a break in there) and they are def more intense now just not getting any closer together

My friend had her first c/b today It was planned...she tore so bad with her first 2 they said if she tore again she would have to have reconstructive surgery to repair her rectum...she needs it anyway but is putting it off. Anyway, it went great! She feels pretty good. Baby was 7lbs 5oz 19.5 inches long. He is sooo tiny!! He was only 7oz under ds but I thought ds was a big baby. Of course my ds was 2 inches longer which really makes no sense.... Anyway, she is being released on thursday morning!

[KKmama]

I'm up with my middle of the night pg woman snack (after getting ds back to sleep... he's having his first runny nose--at 2 1/2!)...

Iof, I had BH contrax (unfortunately, not the real thing, but still annoying, and occasionally painful) for ~a week to 10 days before I finally had my C... It was really hard for me to focus with all that... is there anything you can do to get some serious distraction and/or rest if you think it's going to be a while before they speed up? (Like renting terrible comedies or having lunch with very, very nice people?--worked for me). I feel for you... All I can say is that I'm glad that the "parenting" phase lasts a lot longer than the "pg and birth" phase, because I like parenting a lot more (and I seem to be better at it ).

[OnTheFence]

I am still here. Just hanging out and been busy with my work. IOF I am thinking of you and Jess we want details as soon as your baby gets here!

Kim

[KKmama]

I came here to whine...

We interviewed a doula last night, and it was pretty bad. Fortunately, she agreed that yes, my C had been necessary (I get so mad when people try to tell me that it wasn't, especially if they don't know what happened)... But she basically told me I should do a homebirth instead of a hospital birth and that I should switch practices if I wanted to be successful. I'm very clear on what I want--I *like* my ob practice, I think we've come to a very good understanding on how things will go, and I'm fine with everything. And I *don't* want a homebirth... and I don't want a doula who's going to 2nd guess my decisions (I want a doula who's going to rub my back ).

I feel like people like this woman set themselves up as "experts" who know all the answers, and then if something doesn't go perfectly, she can just blame me...

I've been thinking about my VBAC and what I'm willing to do to get it. *As long as the baby is okay*, I'll do just about anything. But I'm not willing to do anything that distracts me and gets me worried that I'm risking his/her health...

[its_our_family]

I went to the ob today. I'm 1cm and 50%. BUT baby is no longer in my pelvis. He is free floating all over the place. She said even if they wanted me to come in tonight to have my water broken to get things moving (I wouldn't do it anyway) they wouldn't be able to. The baby is too high for her to even attempt it safely. So, I once again have mal positioning problems. Baby at least stayed head down!

The good news...I only gained .5 of a pound!

So, now the new game plan....If baby has not arrived by January 29th I'm having a repeat c/b that morning. Which I am totally fine with! I gave her my c/b birth plan. I wrote one brand new just for that and she loved it! She was very excited that I want to be out of bed and active as soon as possible and that I have no intention of being uninvolved and letting someone else make all the decisions (I really like this lady).

thats it on my end!

KKmama--I understand your frustration! I had the same "issues" with my mws!

[Peppermint]

Ow Ow Ow- OK, I am having a sharp pain on my side, down low, where I assume my inner incision is on the uterus- I really think it is the baby's position -he seems to have flipped his little self (not head to toe, but from limbs on my left to limbs on my right), and it seems that a limb is pushing there. Has anyone else has this pain in a subsequent pregnancy? I know it could be a whole slew of other things, but before I panic and call the OB, I am trying to convince him to move around a bit and hopefully it will go away.

[OnTheFence]

Originally posted by its_our_family
The baby is too high for her to even attempt it safely. So, I once again have mal positioning problems. Baby at least stayed head down!

So, now the new game plan....If baby has not arrived by January 29th I'm having a repeat c/b that morning. Which I am totally fine with! I gave her my c/b birth plan. I wrote one brand new just for that and she loved it! She was very excited that I want to be out of bed and active as soon as possible and that I have no intention of being uninvolved and letting someone else make all the decisions (I really like this lady).

Just came to take a peek and keep the thread active.
I find it interesting that your baby is doing this at the end of the road. I know a lot of people who think that all babies are meant to be born vaginally but sometimes when I read about you IOF I think, that baby is decided on an alternative exit. I am not sure I would attempt a VBAC in your situation if I did go into labor if the baby wasnt in position. I am glad you are okay and planning with a repeat next Thursday if things dont happen. I hope you do not see yourself as a failure or let people badger you with all the ifs and whats either. If this is what youare comfortable with, and you feel this is the best way to go, then know you are making the right decision and that this pregnantcy and birth were a success!

Kim

[OnTheFence]

Originally posted by KKmama
I came here to whine...

We interviewed a doula last night, and it was pretty bad. Fortunately, she agreed that yes, my C had been necessary (I get so mad when people try to tell me that it wasn't, especially if they don't know what happened)... But she basically told me I should do a homebirth instead of a hospital birth and that I should switch practices if I wanted to be successful. I'm very clear on what I want--I *like* my ob practice, I think we've come to a very good understanding on how things will go, and I'm fine with everything. And I *don't* want a homebirth... and I don't want a doula who's going to 2nd guess my decisions (I want a doula who's going to rub my back ).

I feel like people like this woman set themselves up as "experts" who know all the answers, and then if something doesn't go perfectly, she can just blame me...

So sad but I know people like this that I am actually friends with. Find someone else. If I ever decided to do a VBAC it would be in a hospital and I could very well be another csection so any doula I hired would have to realize that and be supportive either way. Like you I would want a doula to take care of me, rub my feet, back, help with positioning, etc. Not someone who is going to judge me because the VBAC didnt work out or I got an epidural or something.
Goodluck and you are welcome to vent anytime
Kim

[its_our_family]

Originally posted by OnTheFence
Just came to take a peek and keep the thread active.
I find it interesting that your baby is doing this at the end of the road. I know a lot of people who think that all babies are meant to be born vaginally but sometimes when I read about you IOF I think, that baby is decided on an alternative exit. I am not sure I would attempt a VBAC in your situation if I did go into labor if the baby wasnt in position. I am glad you are okay and planning with a repeat next Thursday if things dont happen. I hope you do not see yourself as a failure or let people badger you with all the ifs and whats either. If this is what youare comfortable with, and you feel this is the best way to go, then know you are making the right decision and that this pregnantcy and birth were a success!

Kim

THANK YOU!!! This post made me feel much better! I agreee. I think this kid has decided how wants to come out and vaginally ain't it.

I do not feel like a fialure becuse I know I have done what I can. I see a chiro 3x a week. I've had webster done 2x to try and persuade him to drop. I've done what I can but he has no interest in it!

I'm just ready to get him out!!!

[quiltinglance]

I cannot express enough how much finding this forum has helped with my own issues surrounding c/b. Each of you is so courageous, and seem so clear minded when it comes down to what actually needs to be done. Maybe that is maturity, the number of kids you have, the "venting" that is allowed to happen here or just a process of all of the above.

I know, reflecting back, my c/b was the only way Lance was coming out. He was posterior (lots of back labor) and never fully engaged in my pelvis. I tried for >24 hrs, 8cm and found my uterus had given up. What a graceful way of saying, "mom, I need another exit".

This new baby is due 3/25 and I'm going to try for a vbac but we've also come to the conclusion that if my birth progresses like Lance's, posterior etc. We would forgo the marithon and head to the surgery suite. I feel great about the plan and so thankful this site had helped me process all those feelings I couldn't quite express to those around me.
Kim, Mom to Lance 2yr, Wife to Michal, VBAC/C/B? 3/25

[its_our_family]

quiltinglance-- Funny thing is, I'm not all that clear headed! You will see a lot of posts and threads by me where i am completely confused!

We also came to the same agreement. If my pre-labor and such seemed like that of ds we would look at wht was going on and make a realistic decision. Yes, I want a vbac but I don't think it will happen in my case. i think if I were to go another 2 or 3 weeks I would be carrying this kid in my shoulders! I think he is afraid to come out :LOL

[OnTheFence]

Originally posted by quiltinglance
I cannot express enough how much finding this forum has helped with my own issues surrounding c/b. Each of you is so courageous, and seem so clear minded when it comes down to what actually needs to be done. Maybe that is maturity, the number of kids you have, the "venting" that is allowed to happen here or just a process of all of the above.

I know, reflecting back, my c/b was the only way Lance was coming out. He was posterior (lots of back labor) and never fully engaged in my pelvis. I tried for >24 hrs, 8cm and found my uterus had given up. What a graceful way of saying, "mom, I need another exit".

This new baby is due 3/25 and I'm going to try for a vbac but we've also come to the conclusion that if my birth progresses like Lance's, posterior etc. We would forgo the marithon and head to the surgery suite. I feel great about the plan and so thankful this site had helped me process all those feelings I couldn't quite express to those around me.
Kim, Mom to Lance 2yr, Wife to Michal, VBAC/C/B? 3/25

I am so glad to read posts like this (still looking at that own forum thing, hmmm hmmmm) I also think you are seeing this in a mature light and what is best for you and your baby. I recently read a VBAC story that put the babe and mother's life in jeopardy. She wanted a VBAC at all costs. She got it, and thankfully they are all healthy, but there was a lot of touch and go moments. Maybe some would consider her brave. I think she was stupid.
I do hope you get your VBAC!But if not, know that your birth can be just as wonderful in the surgery suite, it will just be different!

Kim

[Peppermint]

Hi again ladies- well I got the babe to move this morning and pain left right away TG!

Anywho- tomorrow is my big day, and I am feeling pretty good (considering) about the c-birth and that is thanks in a big way to you all who have given positive c-birth stories I am very excited to meet my little man, my dh and kids are equally thrilled about it too. I'll post what I hope will be a great and inspiring to someone else c-birth story when I get back

IOF- I am glad you and dh have made a concrete decision on how long to let this go on, and OTF makes a very good point about your baby's position and how baby will let you know (since you are struggling with the answers yourself), it is good that your baby can tell you what is best, and great that you are willing to listen and do what is best for him

[Henry's_Mamma]

What a wnderful forum! I've been silently struggling with my c/b experience (my 1st ds was born 11/10/03). Here is my story:

I went into labor around 9pm on Sun., 11/9. I had irregular and inconsistent contractions all night. At around 8am (11 hours later), my water broke. We called the dr. and got to the hospital around 10am (13 hours into my labor). I was checked and I was 3cm dilated but ds was at -2 station (not engaged). B/c of the risk of cord prolapse, I was placed almost flat on my back and was told I wouldn't be able to move until ds engaged. Out the window went my freedom of movement during labor plans. My contractions intensified but I was also having horrible back labor all the time, both during and between contractions b/c ds was posterior. At 7cm (around 2pm), ds still wasn't engaged so I gave in to an epi. (regret #1) b/c I was not coping well w/ the pain (I could do very little to help myself since I wasn't allowed to move very much). Of course, now I needed pit. and extra fluids which sent my borderline bp pretty high. I got to 9.5cm (around 4pm) and was feeling the urge to push but couldn't b/c I wasn't yet fully dilated (trying not to push is AWFUL). I finally made it to 10cm an hour or so later (ds still wasn't engaged and was still posterior) and I was allowed to push. In 15 minutes I pushed ds to +2 station where he remained through the next 2+ hours of pushing in every position but standing or sqatting. I couldn't move him further (his forehead was caught behind my public bone -- he was born w/ a nice bruise on his head). Ds started to show some decels, and there was meconium, so the decision was made to do a c/s before he really showed signs of distress. So after 23 hours of labor, ds was born at 8:08pm on 11/10 by c/b. He was a peanut -- 19.5" & 6lbs. 15oz. I was so disappointed that I didn't have a v/b. I've been reluctant to share my feelings with anyone b/c no one seems to understand.

Intellectually, I know I made the best decision. Ds had decided he just didn't want to come out the usual way. I had a healthy ds and we weren't confounded with the complexities of an emerg. c/s. Spiritually, I believe that there was some divine intervention as ds had ABO blood type incompatibility jaundice and was placed under the bili-lights 30 hours after his birth. Had I had a v/b, I would've been released but he would've remained hospitalized. Instead, we were d/m together 4 days later. But I guess emotionally, I feel robbed, cheated, and like a failure. He should've fit. I should've been able to do this. I educated myself, I wrote a birth plan, my dh educated himself, etc. Why did this happen? I have so many friends who got epis at 3cm and went on to have no other interventions (other than pit) and had huge babies. Why was my little peanut unable to come out the "normal" way?

I guess my feelings are normal, as many of you ladies seem to have BTDT as well. Although I won't be having another baby anytime soon, I'm already thinking about a VBAC. I just feel cheated out of the birth experience I wanted -- no drugs, no cutting of any kind, freedom of movement, dh cutting the cord, a complete v/b, etc.

When will this get better?

Thanks for listening. I've really enjoyed reading your stories and thoughts and feelings. It is helpful to read, and I hope it helps me move beyond my grief about my own birth experience.

[KKmama]

Welcome, Amy. Here's a big hug for you... I think something that can be frustrating about labor and birth is that the baby has a lot of control over it... if he/she doesn't want to engage, the mama is pretty much stuck (I've been there).

I think having a safe, non-judgemental place to talk about your experience and your feelings will help a lot. So talk away--the women on this thread have been there, too.

Jess, it's so exciting that you're having your baby tomorrow!!!

On the doula front... One of the doulas who the dr. recommended to me is also a massage therapist. This sounds really intriguing to me, and I'm going to interview her. I think you guys will understand; even if I wind up having another C, a massage therapist would be useful...

[OnTheFence]

Epidurals at the risk of being flamed

Okay, well I feel we can have discussion here safe for the most part. I mean how many mothering mamas are checking this thread out. LOL

First, I want to say that I am not a "go to the hospital get your epi right away kinda girl", nor am I not advocating natural childbirth. I am for natural childbirth, at home even. And for the record I have read, reread and read some more about all the pros and cons of epidurals. So here goes nothing ::getting flame suit on::

Amy, I wish you wouldnt beat yourself up over having gotten an epidural. I mean in your situation many of us would have chosen that route for the break. I am a tough broad mind you. I felt an entire csection from a failed spinal (hopefuly jess will not read this post until she gets back) and lived to tell about it. I mean natural childbirth cant be worse than feeling them cut you open, manipulate your guts, squeeze a youngin out, sew you back up and stuff the guts back in right? I had an epidrual the second time around and dont regret it.

Ten years ago I was that never ever get an epidural kind of gal. I mean I could name risk after risk, complication after complication -- etc. but now I even knowing these things, I cant say never ever to a pregnant lady in the throws of childbirth and pain. IF, and this is a big IF, I was to ever VBAC, I would do my best to go natural, but if I became an emotional wreck due to pain I would probably opt for the epidural for a rest, knowing the risks. I've heard just as many success stories with epidurals as I have heard bad. That moms after 12-18 hour labors just cant go on, need a rest, are emotionally drained so they opt for an epidural -- get a break from the rocking contractions, get some naps, and then have their babies, refreshed, feeling good, prepared to push. I know this was my aunt - who had PROM at 36 weeks and was put on PIT 24 hours later and was on it 9 hours without medication. She got the epidural rested, went from 2 - 10 in a few hours, let the epidural wear off and pushed for four hours before deliverying her baby. She knew the risks, she also knew that she needed a rest.
I've decided in the last few years I dont have to be super woman, I dont have anything to prove to anyone but myself and that other peoples standards does not negate my choices or determine my success and failure.
Sure there are those women who allowed or made choices that ended them up in the surgery room - maybe out of ignorance or medical manipulation, etc. I am just tired of seeing those people beat up over it. And I am even more tired when those of us who DO KNOW get judged for going against the crunchy granola way for US or our BABIES.
Amy take responsibility in whatever role you took, Accept what you couldn't control, and please do not beat yourself up for making a choice that allowed you a break, to recoup some emotional energy, and to make the decisions you had to make. Maybe things could have been differnt, maybe not -- you can only live in the now, work through what happened then, and hope that the next time around you take this experience and make the next one what you want it to be -- whether that be a VBAC or a repeat csection.

[KKmama]

I agree with OTF... and yeah, I know some mamas who had long, painful labors with little progress, finally gave in to the epidural, and then breezed through the rest. We try really hard, we prepare as much as we can, but in the end, I don't believe that childbirth is a process you can "control." There's definitely some letting go after the baby is born...

I'd really like an unmedicated vaginal birth with this one (just as I wanted an unmedicated vaginal birth with the last one ), but I want to be open enough that if an intervention *can help me progess* (or make things safer for my baby), we do it. Eg, if AROM can help me have a VBAC instead of a repeat C, I'll do it.

Amy, it was kind of hard for me after ds' birth, because I had this emergency C, and it seemed like all my friends had had really great births. For a while I *did* wonder if there was anything else I could have done (the answer is no--believe me, I did it all). And then after a while, I realized that it was a really complicated situation that some people wouldn't understand, so I just don't talk about it with those people (and I don't talk about it on MDC except here). And I'm a really great mom, and even though it sounds trite, that matters a lot more to me.

I'm doing a bunch of birth-related planning/writing right now, so I'm kind of fired up...

[its_our_family]

Originally posted by Hilary
I know this probably sounds weird, but would you happen to be pigging out on citrus fruit?

No but I was wondering about the whole acidic cervix thing....

Last night the baby went from head down to transverse then to breech and back to transverse. Isn't it a little late in the game for a "big" (hehehe) 39 weeker to be doing acrobatics???

[its_our_family]

iginally posted by KKmama [/i]

And I'm a really great mom, and even though it sounds trite, that matters a lot more to me.
[/QUOTE]

BINGO!!! Your pregnancy is aorund 9 or 10 months. So, you eat right, take vitamins or herbs or whatever you take. You stay away from drugs and alocohol. You take it easy and exercise. Your labor lasts..what..2 days maybe more (or less). You parent that child for 18 years in your home and then a lifetime after that!

What takes more time? Parenting. So, I agree. if you got an epidural even if you didn't want one... it doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things. Yes, you may be disappointed but you have everything else ahead of you. The past is the past and there is nothing you can do about it.

This is after a ton of soul searching over the last month....

[KKmama]

Yeah, iof, "mothering" lasts a lot longer...

It's not nice to make comparisons, because everyone has different routes to success, but... (here I go) I feel like I've been a better baby and toddler parent than some of my natural birth friends. Breastfed longer (and no traumatic weaning), fed a better diet, cloth-diapered, safer carseat (and safety checked), better discipline methods, spent more time with my child, etc. Surely that counts for a lot, right? More than 1 hr in my son's life?