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40-ish with Little's Tribe - Mar./Apr. '09 - Page 3

post #41 of 152

Ultrasound tomorrow!

I'm excited and a little nervous. I will feel so happy if I really do see a little tadpole with a beating heart.

I'm trying to feel my way through the pre-natal testing conundrum. I've never had anything but the 20 week sonogram. With my first child, that proved to be very alarming--his umbilical cord contained only one artery (as opposed to 2) and abnormalities with a kidney and heart. After a long, awful weekend we had fetal echocardiogram that indicated the heart was healthy and normal. We opted not to do an amnio--I'm pro-choice but didn't want to make one about my own baby--and all turned out well.

I'm now almost 10 years older and have 4 children--all healthy--who are all joys and handfuls. I know it would be terribly difficult to have an unhealthy or physically/mentally challenged child--for me, and for them.

My DH has unmitigated faith in our ability to deal with whatever life throws us, and to grow from it. He's against any testing but always willing to support my choices.

I've got to love him for that.

I don't think I'd ever terminate. I don't want to do the tests, like the quad test, that indicate risk but don't establish genetic anomolies. A false positive would make me insane. The amnio is done so late the choice would be unbearable. I don't know what I will end up doing.

I did think some of you might understand--the risks here are real--and anyway I think I need to write about this a little.

Thank you for being here.
post #42 of 152
For what it's worth, I too have never done anything but the level 2 ultrasound at around 20 weeks--and I started late. My first pregnancy was at age 40; I'm nearly 45 now. I'm with your husband--willing to take what life throws at me and confident that it would be a growing experience.

For me, at my age, I've not been willing to take the small risk of miscarriage associated with the amnio. The other tests just seem kind of pointless, since they're designed to have a large number of false positives. Like you, I'm pro-choice, but knew that I wouldn't choose to terminate.

Sorry...sort of disjointed and not helpful. The best advice I ever got was from my sister, who said that a good way of looking at it was deciding what I'd do with the information.
post #43 of 152
Wow, this thread is so active! Suzie, maybe visiting a good acupuncturist might help with the first trimester tiredness? I did so at the end of my first trimester when I had terrible all-day morning sickness, and had to drag myself out of bed every morning (man do I not enjoy being pregnant;-)) When I got home after the first session, DH had just been frying eggs and bacon, and I was like "hey that smells good, let me have some". It was incredible!
Janice, I read your birth story and it's hard for me to comment on because I've been there myself. Words and language seem to lose their meaning when I try to write down what I feel and it took me over a year to be able to cry. So to you. But what I wanted to say was: my second birth had to be either in hospital or unassisted hbac. I decided the risk of my scar rupturing during labour was not something I would be able to handle, so to hospital I went. I hate the sight of any white coat ten miles off, but I did do it, in the same hospital I had dreaded to even drive past for two years. It went very well, because I really had my mind set on doing it. And you can too, I'm sure, you can. If you need to, you can do it!
Here's my vbac story, if you're up to it.
post #44 of 152
My sister is an artist. http://www.andreazuill.com/JeanBenelli.asp Our dad helped her buid the coop. It's an on going project. The day care kids love feeding the chickens and collecting the eggs.
post #45 of 152
I can so relate. When I got pregnant with Dylan, I spent a couple of weeks in denial, actually praying for a miscarriage. I did think about an abortion (unlike you, I' pro-life. Don't you just love those knee-jerk labels?) but not for very long. I opted out of all the tests, ultrasounds, etc. None of them was going to change my pregnancy, labor, or delivery so I didn't do them. If Dylan had turned out to have "problems" (I'm totally convinced that being gifted is a problem. It comes with its own set of drawbacks), we would have dealt with them just as we had dealt with Erica's problems. Those first few weeks before I told dh and then told everyone else was a scary time.

Hugs
post #46 of 152
i also knew that i would not be aborting Terran and that if there were any defects that were "incompatible with life", he would die in my arms at home instead of in an isolette in the NICU (and i was willing to go to jail for that for this particular baby, but am not willing to make anyone feel bad about making a different choice for their own family) so I did no genetic testing. Although the odds of having problems in your 40s is greater than the odds of having problems in your 20s, it is still very small compared to the odds of having no problems.

Suzie, I choose no ultrasounds for a number of reasons, but I love looking at other people's pictures if they're going to be doing them anyway.

*hint hint hint*

I hope you and your "tadpole" are well and try not to let the "prenatal scare" get to you. Also, as a former UPer, I have to put in my plug for a plain old ordinary glucometer (like insulin dependant diabetics use) instead of glucose pee sticks and GTTs. Your care provider may need you to do a GTT for some reason, but if you're stressing over it waiting for your appointment, just borrow a friend's glucometer and check your blood yourself so you can relax.

Okay, I'll shut up now....
post #47 of 152
Hi women,

The sonogram went very well today. The babybud appeared to be the right size and in a good spot. So that was excellent indeed.

Thanks for hearing me out and sharing about the testing question. I think I'm coming to a decision not to test beyond a 20 week sonogram. I just had this counter-intuitive thought that not to test would be irresponsible. I'm glad I know my mind now, because my first prenatal visit is Friday.

And PassionateWriter, I would love your tea recipe. I missed your post offering it a few days ago, but it sounds like something lovely to try.

I'm off to bed now. G'night.
post #48 of 152
Quote:
Originally Posted by jrabbit View Post
Spider - my cycles are about 25 days, too, but my pregnancies were 37w, 42w5d, and 43w1d !! they weighed 7#1, 8#13 & 7#3 !! I have absolutely noooooooooo idea how dd3 came out so small. and, yes, we're 1000% positive of our dates.

--janis

OMG I can't believe there is someone else out there whose pregnancies got longer and longer. dd1 was born at 35 weeks (she was fine , but it was very upsetting for a first time Mom) dd2 at 38 weeks, and then dd3 41w2d. I had been off work for 6 weeks because both her sisters were early so I just assumed that she would be too. The were 5p10o, 6p10o and 7p7o.

Oh and regarding testing, we did do screening with all three, but not really sure why. I guess because I sort of fell into it with dd1 (I wasn't 35 yet, but my Dr was in a study) and got reassuring numbers (luckily it was the same the other two) because we had no intention of doing amnio regardless since we would not have terminated.

My sister is 35 and expecting her first and they are not doing anything other than the level 2 20 week U/S.
post #49 of 152
Thread Starter 
tropicaldutchtulip :

WOW, three days with no posts...better give this tribe a boost

I've been off for about a week since I'm going to an anniversary party tomorrow and dreading it, not because of the party itself I love my friends who are having the anniversary, it's just that two of the mamas are over 40 and have newborns. So I've been kinda depressed this whole week. I'm so happy for them, but sad for me because of the past two m/c's. It's been a year since the first of two but it still is so strong in my heart that it hurts and I cry so easily I know I need to get over it soon otherwise my dh won't DTD again during "O." He thinks I wouldn't be ready. I keep telling him I'm 44 now there's not more than a few years at most.

I'm sorry for not keeping up...I'll do better because you mamas encourage me so much and it helps me greatly to be able to get online at night when everyone else is fast asleep and write, write, write. I so appreciate everyone here on this tribe and I feel like it's a family of like-minded mamas doing the absolute best we can for our "Littles."
post #50 of 152
post #51 of 152
to you lovebeingamommy. I had a m/c around this time of year, and now that I'm pg again, I worry. I was having m/s until today, and I'm worried that I may lose this one. Anyway, I wanted to offer my support, I remember you from the TTC 40+ thread.
post #52 of 152
: to you brave mamas. The anxiety for fear of pregnancy loss or when ttc is something only other over 40 moms can really relate to, I think. I am seriously too chicken to try again myself but to be honest, in my heart of hearts I'm grieving a little everytime I see a newborn. I'm awed by you girls. Hang in there!!!
post #53 of 152
lovebeingamommy
post #54 of 152
i've got a few moments, so i'll share our 'testing' history. DD1 born at 33 & DD2 born at 37, no genetic testing at all. We didn't want to worry or even consider alternatives. but more importantly, we didn't have a whole lot of faith in the tests, and we didn't want to stress out over false negatives.

With DD3, we had talked alot about 'what if' - and we were not sure what we would do or feel if there was a problem. A friend of ours gave birth to a baby with spina bifida almost 2 years ago. She is convinced that the reason was that she didn't take folic acid - when she told me about it while she was pregnant, i started taking it - not knowing if we would have another baby, but not wanting to take the risk. Anyway, this pregnancy wasn't exactly intentional (not calling it an accident, though! - we just counted the days wrong and took the risk) - but prior to the pregnancy, i'd been on an antidepressant-ambien cocktail for 2 years, and we were nervous. I weaned off the meds quickly when we found out we were pregnant, but nobody 'really' knows how much risk you're taking when you take meds (my psychiatrist wasn't concerned).

Prior to 'being' pregnant, DH & I talked about the 'what if' questions. We watch our friend struggle, and she had an enormous family/friend support network - but we have NOBODY. it would really be unfair to our older children if we had a baby with serious problems. so, we 'thought' we knew what we would do if we found out a problem, but we didn't know where we drew the line (what is 'too' serious?). we decided to do the nuchal fold test with genetic counseling. the first u/s showed excellent results. the ob is very skilled, and he wasn't worried about my age or medicine history. we did the combined blood test, and i was a nervous wreck for the next few weeks, waiting for the second u/s.

we did the first one with just DH & me - because we wanted to be able to have a frank conversation without children present. after the u/s, DH & i realized that the baby was too 'real' to us. we prayed that everything would be fine, but we were afraid of the worst, even though that was illogical.

the second u/s was perfect! the doctor discouraged us from amnio. (i had already decided there would have to be something really scary-serious in the results to make me do amnio) of course, there are other things to worry about, but that was as far as we went.

hope that helps. i'm on my way to a meeting.
--janis
post #55 of 152
Hi again! I had company this week (fun) and my little one doesn't nap as much as she used to, so I don't keep up with my online groups as much! I love this one because I can be normal for wanting another baby at the age of 40! (Before I forget, SuzymomofLaura thanks for the link to your VBAC story. Very encouraging!)

I had a C-section, labored at home (planned homebirth) for something like 33hours before we decided to transport to the hosp. I think it was the fact that I had fibroids, I don't know. I have read that little ones remember being in the womb and some remember being born up to the age of 3ish (?) so I plan on asking Hannah when she's a little older (talking!) if she remembers when she was born. I honestly have no idea what I would go for next time around. I'll make the decision when I'm pregnant, I imagine. This time, I called the midwife and was in her office within a week of the positive pregnancy test. Next time, I think I'll spend more time. (No regrets on calling right away, just next time I'll need more time to think about it.)
post #56 of 152
Quote:
Originally Posted by suziek View Post
Hi women,

The sonogram went very well today. The babybud appeared to be the right size and in a good spot. So that was excellent indeed.

Thanks for hearing me out and sharing about the testing question. I think I'm coming to a decision not to test beyond a 20 week sonogram. I just had this counter-intuitive thought that not to test would be irresponsible. I'm glad I know my mind now, because my first prenatal visit is Friday.

And PassionateWriter, I would love your tea recipe. I missed your post offering it a few days ago, but it sounds like something lovely to try.

I'm off to bed now. G'night.
sorry i havent been able to catch up on this thread. im having some problems finding my sub'd threads here (have a Q in the Q forum on it) so i get lost sometimes.

ill post my tea recipe when i find it (will take me a bit).

i am probably in teh minority but i dont buy those stats on the older age group. i have a whole rant in teh old thread about it. the studies are old, etc. etc. Anyway, we did NO testing. no genetic testing, none of the glucose tolerance testing...nothing...during my pregnancy at 40. i just do not buy into their usefulness.

probably doesnt help that i have a baby that has a genetic disorder that they did NOT detect and i have another that is perfect in every way genetically but they sent me down to Boston b/c of a chance of Down's....etc. etc. Both times they were wrong. So...i got sick of listening to them flaunt their tests to me.

I certainly respect others' decisions for themselves...but that is the decision we made.
post #57 of 152
Ingredients:

raspberry
alfalfa
nettle
oatstraw
Dandelion (very bitter)
Peppermint or spearmint
chamomile is contraindicated in the first trimester, but ok after that (adds flavor and sweetness)

2 to 1 of the first 3 incredients (when i mix it in a large glass container, i put 2 cups of the first 3 ingredients, and 1 cup of teh last ingredients).

Boil a pot of water. I add to large tea balls of the mixed herbs. You can heat it up or drink it cold. Good with honey and lemon. Drink at least 1 liter per day, preferably 2 liters.
post #58 of 152
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pookietooth View Post
to you lovebeingamommy. I had a m/c around this time of year, and now that I'm pg again, I worry. I was having m/s until today, and I'm worried that I may lose this one. Anyway, I wanted to offer my support, I remember you from the TTC 40+ thread.
Let us know how things are going for you Aren't you around 10 weeks though now? Maybe m/s is ending because 2nd tri is approaching...

I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

I really haven't posted much on the 40+ TTC thread lately, it just moves with such lightening speed it's hard for me to keep up with all the mamas' posts.
post #59 of 152
Pookietooth & lovbeingamommy to you both
post #60 of 152


I've been trying to decide if yard work counts as "nesting" or if I'm just looking for ways of avoiding house cleaning before my mom comes on Tuesday. I'll be having a repeat c/s on Wednesday morning--no hospital within 3 hours of here supports vbac, nor are there any homebirth midwives in my town willing (or able, under licensing regs) to take it on. I know, because I talked to a bunch. I try not to dwell on how pissed I am, and sad, about the whole thing. It's just counterproductive at this point.

Anyway, we've also been working this year on getting our house ready to sell--though it won't go on the market until early summer--and as part of that have had a crew of yard guys working this week on taming the mess. We have a big yard and got way behind. But as a result of watching other people do all the heavy stuff, I've been inspired to spruce up my patio containers, touch up paint on chairs (with dd's help! ), plant tomatoes (though it's probably still a little early).... It's satisfying, but also frustrating, in that I get tired and sore pretty quickly.

Meanwhile, did I mention the house is a mess?
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